The Dark side of life...

[NoMoreHope]

[/font] Hey, my real name is Rob. I am 16 years old. I live in the UK. My hobbies are playing basketball, Working out, and playing video games.I promised to my self i will be 100% honest to this entry. I am bisexual, though i like guys more. My life is nothing but constant conflict with others or with myself. I am very troubled and weird child. I am very socially awkward, i always make boring conversations. Even with my parents or other relatives, i get real nervous. Just talking to human beings in general, i am scared for my life. I am very emotional. I think about things too much. I feel like i am trap in this deep hole, where i cant climb up. No matter how i try to be nice to people. They wont just look through the hole and give a helping hand. I was never understood by my parents or siblings. Atleast they understood that i was a really weird and f*cked up child. I was always getting in fights with my 3 siblings. Its always 3vs1. And i always loose. I never had a real connection with a human being before. Its always ends in either a boring way or awkward way. I was always portrayed as the quiet kid in school. I never really talked much because i was too afraid of what they are going to think of me. Because i know my personality sucks. I was always afraid of confrontations to my peers. Plus i always get deeply infatuated with a lot of boys at my school. Which just makes me miserable, nothing makes you more lonely.. than being left out by everyone especially the ones you really like. I never understood what it really means to have a real genuine happy moment. Most of my life, i am alone doing the things i do. Just getting by in this world. Sometimes i just forget about everything and just spend time with myself. I am really empty inside. I have never experience true love or an affection with a partner. A lot of my life is sitting infront of a computer. Its my addiction, because it lets me be who i am. Not being afraid what people might think of me. I can do anything here anonymously. I guess life for some people are just like this. And i am ready to accept the fact, that my life wouldnt get better. Because i am too soft. Thats just the way it goes, people who are dedicated and are good people get by. People like me get f*cked over. Im just really sad, that my life is like this way.. It makes me so depressed that i fall asleep.. I cry and cry and cry until i run out of tears.. and cry again.. why is life son unfairrrrrrr!!?!? whyyyy?!!? why cant i just have atleast 1 friend that will always be my side no matter what.. just 1 i just need 1!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dessa]

I really hope you find some comfort in this site. I would highly advise against spending all your time in front of a computer screen. That's what I do now mostly but whenever I can I try to get out of the house. I'm really sorry about your situation.

 

[Laguna]

I'm pretty sure you will find more than just one friend. I know it's hard, but things will get brighter at a point, so don't act like everything was getting worse. There's hope for you, buddy.

Nice to meet you.

 

[Elgin]

I don't think life is suppose to be fair. You have to make your own fairness, you have to learn to make yourself happy and you have to be the one to understand you. Then you can explain yourself to other people. You have to try and stop looking at everything like a loss in your past and just start living the minute your in. Be happy with what your doing no matter what it is and if your not happy try to change what your doing. A lot of people get all hung up on what other people aren't doing for them but it all boils down to we have to learn to do stuff for ourselves. I hope you find what your looking for.

 

[Syber Tiger]

i feel ya bro feel ya

i'll be your friend enytime
and dont feel bad your not the only one here i sit in front of the pc tiping i got nothign els to do
i am scard of what ppl thinkg of me thats why i dont do sport etc.

and when it come to girls i am so fucken shy it will never work cant even talk tho them i got to scarap all my guys on a bunch 1st

i am tho only child i have a nefu and nieice so it can count

and yes life is unfair

pease!

 

[aditya]

first of all stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out...
be confident whatever the f*ck..
dont try to be quiet in class or anonymous...
post your own pic here...
whatever you are whoever you are atleast you are yourself..much better than those who are fake..
be a little more optimistic..
before trying to be physically fit be mentally fit...
just once do something you are scared of...like beat a bully and you'll be better...
you'll surley rock!!!

 

[floffyschneeman]

I'm sorry for your situation I have a gay bother, when he was going through his process of acceptance, we found it hard to understand him. I feel sad knowing what he has been through all those times feeling alone. So sorry you feel alone, but I do hope you would make not just one but a lot of good friends here. I can be your friend, if you want. I am boring though, and uninteresting but I am here if you need anyone to talk to *hugs*

 

[A new life]

Rob,
My suggestion is to get some counceling if you can.
Sometimes we need to get feedback from someone
who can be objective, and who will call us on our bullshit.

Good luck to you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Self acceptence....once u can do this..ur internal conflict will deminish.

Stop worrying about what others think about you...theyre just humans and dont have all of the answers to life..theyre scared shitless just like you and cant figure out most of the stuff anyways.

Lighten up dont take everything so seriously all the time...
Heck play phrank on ur sibling wiht ur seauality..hit up on their friends hahaaaaa

You are a child of god. U have the right to be here. No more nor no less than the moons N stars To live and be happy.

Be a ur own guiding light..dont beat up ur spirit. Let your spirit shiine through.
If people dont like you r acceot you..oh fucken well...thats their god **** problems.

 

[NoMoreHope]

bump

 

[I'm Fine]

Hello Rob.

As you've already sussed, it's easier talking to people online than in real life - you can be who you are with far less fear of consequence. I would suggest (and it is only a suggestion) that you keep practicing talking - the more practice you get the better you'll get at it (or at least the more comfortable you'll become). It's like anything - anything you do on a regular basis becomes mundane, even boring. Talking here, or in PM, may help you - especially when you see that not everyone rejects you.

As to life being unfair? I'm afraid it is and always will be exactly that.

 

[NoMoreHope]

.........

 

[SophiaGrace]

You just have to find a place offline where people accept your sexual orientation, a community, club, etc. It might help perhaps. =)