The Diary

[kaviii]

i have a depressing day as usual...come back from school feeling like **** than my family wouldnt give me a break too. Mum and Dad are argueing about something really silly and stupid. I believe both of them are really lonely people...my mum just sits at the poker machine and gambles the loneliness and money away, but she does it reponsibilityly so i dont really mind. my dad just sleeps his loneliness off. Thats what i believe is going on in my family from my observations even though it might not be true. I love my family but I hate this depressing house...i wanna get out... oh recently i found out one of my closest friends wouldnt really care if i died tomorrow...i know this, how? she told me-and what hurts me more? i really love her but she would never ever have any interest in me, every day i have to hear her talk about how perfect her boyfriend that only talks to her once every 2 months ilteraly...and this hurts, ******* sick of this unrequited love. Anyways another depressing day with me thinking in the end who do i live for in this life? what is my purpose if i am just invisible to people-having people not caring if i am gone tomorrow

ah ****- what a life!

anyways end of my rant...i hardly rant...just only on really bad days

 

[emotionless]

i have a depressing day as usual...come back from school feeling like **** than my family wouldnt give me a break too. Mum and Dad are argueing about something really silly and stupid. I believe both of them are really lonely people...my mum just sits at the poker machine and gambles the loneliness and money away, but she does it reponsibilityly so i dont really mind. my dad just sleeps his loneliness off. Thats what i believe is going on in my family from my observations even though it might not be true. I love my family but I hate this depressing house...i wanna get out... oh recently i found out one of my closest friends wouldnt really care if i died tomorrow...i know this, how? she told me-and what hurts me more? i really love her but she would never ever have any interest in me, every day i have to hear her talk about how perfect her boyfriend that only talks to her once every 2 months ilteraly...and this hurts, ******* sick of this unrequited love. Anyways another depressing day with me thinking in the end who do i live for in this life? what is my purpose if i am just invisible to people-having people not caring if i am gone tomorrow

ah ****- what a life!

anyways end of my rant...i hardly rant...just only on really bad days

You aren't invisible. Have you told her you love her? You live for yourself, I guess... Messed-up reply... Try getting some new friends. Talk to your parents. I just started doing something and it really helps... (I pray the rosary nowadays... I'm not a devoted Christian and sometimes I think I'm an Atheist. But now its different.)

 

[BrokenDreams]

Well, today was my math exam. Math is my worst subject, but I tried as hard as I could, and I think I did alright on the exam. Well, hopefully. Normally when I think I do good on something, I usually don't. Well anyways, I came home after my exam, and now I'm feeling lonely.

Tomorrow my friends are supossed to come over for a swim in my pool. Its funny how my friends actually show interest in hanging out with me once they find out I have a pool. I feel kinda used, but oh well. At least I'll get to see my friends. But with my luck, they all won't be allowed to come.

 

[Frizbit]

Good luck emotionless!

My parents don't exactly have that spark between them either Kavii, but it's taught me a thing or two. From the majority of people I've observed, I've come to the conclusion that marriage is two people who need each other. I've got my parents, so in a way I'm complete for now. Something that's worked for me is bringing unprovoked cheer in to the house. It doesn't work right away, and sometimes my cheer is shot down, but over the long run things have turn out better.

Things today, found this website weeee. Had a meeting this morning, hung out with a friend this morning, sitting in my office this afternoon actively procrastinating. Hrmmmmmmmmm, been addicted to watching the 5 second chipmonk video ( http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1764124 ). Probably going to stay in the office tonight late because I can't focus right now... because of that damned chipmunk video. I might miss scrubs noooooooooooo. Going to try to get an hour of World of Warcraft so my character is high enough level to play with friends. Hopefully get some research in before I sleep. I need to be more productive ! >_< Ooo and I just got a chocolate chip cookie. Wee! Anyways back to work, hope life is treating you all well!

 

[Eyael]

Like BrokenDreams, I had a maths exam yesterday, and one of my classmates, my only friend, got late to the exam. I tried to talk to her, and to help her with a solution, but she's changed, she's not the same person; just says to step back and forget about her. She just ignores me now, and hangs out with the ''cool gang''... It hurts to be thrown away like this, we've been everything to each other for 4 years now...

 

[BrokenDreams]

Well, its summer vacation now, and gosh I feel lonely. I remember a couple of days ago I was talking to a bunch of friends on msn and then they guy I liked called me to say he'd be going away for a week or so... I thought that was sweet, and I thought he was still mad at me for being depressed. Well, that day I sort of felt a little less lonely, but right now I'm extremely lonely. I've just been on the computer, trying to amuse myself and not die from boredom. I find myself missing the guy I like. I'm not so sure if he likes me anymore, but I guess maybe he cares a bit if he would phone me to tell me he's going away. Or maybe he just doesn't want me to leave him a million messages asking if he's mad or hates me or something. But other than that he doesn't seem to really care. I'm pretty confused about this.

 

[kaviii]

Well, its summer vacation now, and gosh I feel lonely. I remember a couple of days ago I was talking to a bunch of friends on msn and then they guy I liked called me to say he'd be going away for a week or so... I thought that was sweet, and I thought he was still mad at me for being depressed. Well, that day I sort of felt a little less lonely, but right now I'm extremely lonely. I've just been on the computer, trying to amuse myself and not die from boredom. I find myself missing the guy I like. I'm not so sure if he likes me anymore, but I guess maybe he cares a bit if he would phone me to tell me he's going away. Or maybe he just doesn't want me to leave him a million messages asking if he's mad or hates me or something. But other than that he doesn't seem to really care. I'm pretty confused about this.

Well i guess i can kind of relate to you. Theres this girl i used to talk to her every day and we practically couldn't live without each other. She got frustrated at the way im depress a lot and one day decided to shut me out from her life that was only for a few weeks but i felt lonelier than ever during that time. Only when i start flooding her with a million SMS and Emails did she start talking to me-everything went back to normal until these few days shes been acting distant and angry at me, she doesnt seem to want to talk to me anymore-found another person more interesting to talk to i guess. Ah well, unrequited love is like having cold steel in your heart.

 

[justme]

Though I'd try this diary thing too :|

Lately I've been feeling more and more lonely. My sisters family was visiting my parents house (still live at home) and it was fun but everytime after they leave (or any other ppl i like) the loneliness hits back twice as hard. Today my brother left to the army so it's just me and my parents for the next 6 months and after that my brother fill propably move out anyway. Also I feel sorry for my parents because when we move, they'd me by them selfs here, and since I'm not social, I'm not comfortable visiting other peoples houses (other than my two friends)
Since i'm already 24 it should be time to move out, but I'm "scared" of moving out, because I would be alone all the time then. I'm not very social with my parents, but it still feels nice to know your not alone at home.

I thought I'd ease the loneliness and ask one of my friends to see the new Transformers movie. But the other one doesn't even reply to my text messages and the other one is busy hanging out with his friends and doing laundry.. maybe they really are busy and call me paranoid, but I can't help feel that they are avoiding me for some reason. Also same paranoia is present at work, I constantly wonder do our customers/co-workers like me or am I doing a good job there.

I wish I had a friend that I could physically talk to who would understand me and someone I could relate to.

Why does life suck so bad?