T
tournesol
Guest
Hi guys, I am a bit confused now and I thought a piece of advice will be helpful.
The story is such a cliché but I have to speak up.
I have a very good friend of mine who said he has been inloved with me for a few years. I have never liked him that way. When he told me he had feelings for me, I rejected him because I liked and still like him just as a friend. Yes, we have a lot of things in common, we talk and support each other, but that is what is needed for a great friendship. There are other things in order friendship to evolve in love. I have never thought that he could love me that long because we were 18 back then. If that is love of course because I think it is just some sort of a maniacal attachment. After the first conversation about our relations we agreed on keeping our friendship. And then the years passed, he found a girlfriend etc. and I thought everything was fine.
Then all of a sudden he came to me and told me several times he still loved me hoping that things might have changed. They have not. I still see just a friend in him. I told him that every time he brought that topic up. I told him “no” but in his eyes I could see how he did not realize what I have said. I do not know if I have done something that deceived him because I am always trying to be a good and caring friend because I really care about him. But probably he is desperate and with every act of kindness he deceives himself. I tried to put an end to this relationship at least until the moment when he finds true love with someone else. No results. He refuse to accept it. He is suicidal and I am scared to do something extreme like total ignorance. I want this toxic relation to be over. I mean, I do not want him to suffer because I am not able to love him. At the same time I feel guilty because he feels sad and depressed because of me (I am not the only reason but still I am one of the reasons for his depression). I also suffer from depression but he never showed interest to understand the causes for my depression.
I cannot force myself to love him. Love does not work that way. I do not want him to have high expectations. He is so convinced that he could do anything for me but I will not let him. Well, call me a b*tch but I do not want him to do anything for me. Just because someone says he will do anything for you, does not mean that you should love them back. True love does not put such conditions. And I hate when my friends are asking me “why don’t you try; why don’t you like him”. How am I supposed to answer to these questions. I cannot control who to love and who not. I mean, you either like a person, or not. I cannot play with his feelings. Yes, I have my own problems such as letting someone really close to me, to share personal information but he never tried to understand why. Besides, every time we talk about him and how I make him feel. Never how I feel. Or if I say something he twists my words and again back to his problems. I am the strong person who listens and offers a shoulder to cry on. The person who does not have problems and is always there to help. But I do not mind that. I like if I can help in some way. Yes, I admit I may avoid intimate details of my life because they are personal and I want to share them with a person who I love and with whom I want to have deep emotional connection, not to be an open book to everyone. Plus, I am used to be around people who only prefer to talk about themselves and I find it pointless to talk about myself. And yes, I realize that sharing and trust are the key components for a deep relationship, but I think how open to the other are you depends on the energy of the other person. Or maybe because I have never thought of us in terms of boyfriend-girlfriend relation I prefer to be restrained. Besides, I do not want to complain. Argh, I am a total mess.
And now I do not know what is the best thing to do. Should I stop talking to him, should I keep the status quo..? I really appreciate our friendship, I respect him but I do not want to look like I am using him or something. I am and I have always been honest with him about my feelings. I do not know how to explain clearly to him that nothing will happen, how to make him understands me. Because in the end if he does not realize it by himself, if he does not try to overcome his feelings, he will doom himself. The more I try to be good, the worse. Maybe I do not know a thing about love and relationships, maybe I am an awful, emotionless person, I do not know. But no matter how selfish it sounds, I do not want to blame myself, I am tired of doing so.
Thank you for reading. :]]
