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medikill

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okay, i've never done anything like this before... but it seems as if i have no one to talk to. let me start off by telling u all about me. i'm 25. i'm an emt, firefighter, and just recently opened up my own tattoo shop. i have a daughter who is four. i fell in love with a girl a while back. she was smart, pretty, and had goals and ambition. i totally admired her. i would do things like leave notes around the house that said sweet things so she would find them when she got home, i sent her on a scavenger hunt around the city, and to the place where we went on our first date when i proposed. little did i know she was even more insecure than me. the past five months have been hell. she literally breaks up with me on average three times a week... partly, i think, because she's so scared i'm going to leave her. everyone else has walked out on this girl. this has gone on for five months now, and i don't want to be like everyone else and walk out, but this is hurting me and my daughter both. I love this girl more than life itself... i asked her to be my wife... but I don't think my daughter deserves to be dragged through this. i know by me writing all this it makes her out to be a bad person, and she's not. and by all means, i'm not perfect either. she's a great person, but when is enough, enough? any advice?
 
5 months and she still cant get it together. Shes the one pushin you away man aint no need in putting up with it any longer if its having a negative effect on you and youre lil one. I mean what else can you show her to let her know you wont walk out on her like everyone else did?
 
Hey Medikill..
i am in a similar situation with someone that is very close to me. it is by no means the same, but enough parallels can be drawn for me to try and give you advice.

fist of all, this is indeed a very complicated situation, and having a therapist try and work with them has helped my friend tremendously. some things are hard to work through by oneself, and having someone outside of the relationship can provide a very needed objective opinion and buffer.

the fact that she is that scared of losing you means that she understands the importance of your relationship, and if she is willing to try and fight for it - this is a way that can make the effort lighter.

the second part is to talk. the worst things happen when there is no communication between sides.
if you feel like there is something on her mind, sit her down, and get her to talk. wait as long as you need, and just be there.

and the least obvious part in my opinion, and one that took me personally the longest to understand - be open about YOUR NEEDS. if a person is insecure, the scariest things for them (for me at least), is not to be needed/wanted any more, is to have no function in my loved ones' life. tell her that you need stability and support as well, and so does your little girl. be open (and vulnerable sometimes :/) and it should make it easier on both of you.

i hope this helps :/

in the end - i would say that your, and your girl's happiness are the most important parts of the equation.

sometimes all the love and support you can give are not enough. painful as it has to be - sometimes you have to walk out for the sakes of your own sanity, and for the sakes of your loved ones. not every relationship can work, sad as it is.
if you feel that that is the case - walk out and keep your daughter and yourself from suffering.

shade.
 
Hi Medikill and welcome. Thank you for sharing your troubles, I know it can't be easy. Given the situation, I think its time you move on from your current realtionship. You don't want to have to spend all of your time and energy trying to convince this woman that you love her. It's just not fair to you.

Also, you come as a package deal, along with your daughter. It's not fair to her to have to go through the break ups, and the insecurities. Your life isn't just about you anymore, you have a precious little girl to raise. You and your daughter deserve better treatment, then what you have been getting.

I hope you are able to make the right decision for you... please feel free to write and share your thoughts with us.. we are here to listen. ((hugs))
 
i'm not sure if i got this right, but this woman you love is not the woman you have your daughter with?

if that's right then i would perhaps put a little distance between your daughter and and this woman so firstly your daughter doesn't suffer too much by bonding with someone that just isn't sure or ready to commit to the kind of relationship you state you want.

is this girl maybe a little scared/freaked out by the idea of taking on such a commitment? (if i interpreted this right), you and your daughter are a package and she has to think very carefully about becoming involved with the 'both' of you..

maybe just relax the situation a little and not press for a commitment straight away.. just be there for her and talk openly.. like others have said here.. in time the situation will become clearer..
 


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