The pressure to have sex

[Sunless Sky]

Hey everybody,

I was just wondering about something and I could use other opinions and perspectives, especially western and/or European ones.

I noticed through both the media I consume as well as observations I made and people I have talked to that there is a societal pressure or push for men, and sometimes women as well, to have sex and virginity is looked down upon. This isn't some shocking news or anything, it's just that I come from a different culture and, while that pressure does exist in my culture, it is not the norm.

So, if anyone cares to share their opinion, why does that pressure exist and why is there a strong push from media like music and movies towards that idea? Do you think it is an overall good thing, a bad thing, or are you indifferent? Do you think this is a sign of progress or a sign of the moral degradation of society?

Also, I understand things were different in the old days, at least it wasn't so brazen and out there. So, if there are any older members, how were things back in your time in regards to this topic?

Just something that popped into my mind while I was on break at work.

Thanks for anyone who read the full post.

Take it easy everyone.

 

[Unsigned]

why does that pressure exist

- Because here in the US, HS age guys are seen as "weak" or "nerds" or "wimps" if they do not have a girlfriend and have sex with her. This was true when I was in HS (early 1980s) and I am sure it was true before (at least since the mid 60s) and still is now.

- Why? I suppose because if attractive girls do not want you, you are seen as worthless. And TBH, I always saw myself that way as well.

why is there a strong push from media like music and movies towards that idea?

Simple. Sex sells. It's probably the single greatest advertising trick there is.

Do you think it is an overall good thing, a bad thing, or are you indifferent?

It's a very bad thing. Western Society is becoming more and more vulgar and we are spiraling down the toilet because of it.

Do you think this is a sign of progress or a sign of the moral degradation of society?

The 2nd one

So, if there are any older members, how were things back in your time in regards to this topic?

I am not old enough to remember this, but my older friends have told me it was much more reserved and they feel it was better. I believe them.

Thanks for anyone who read the full post.

Welcome.

Take it easy everyone.

You too!

 

[Sunless Sky]

Thanks for your reply unsigned.

Let's play devil's advocate here. I was talking to a woman (an older woman) and she said it is preferable to have an experienced lover since he will know how to perform well in bed and, from her presepctive, a good sex life is imperative for a relationship/marriage to last or be healthy. So, from that point of view, isn't there an advantage to having had sex multiple times before settling down?

Regarding inexperienced men being viewed as weak or nerds or wimps, I can kinda see that if it's someone who wants to have sex but can't find a partner since they lack social skills, personal grooming, financial stability, among other factors. I don't agree with the idea since sex doesn't define who people are but I can see where it comes from. What about men or women who are virgins by choice though? For example, celibate people, or ones saving themselves until marriage? aren't those people viewed as "weird" or "losers" as well?

One more thing, you said you saw yourself as worthless since not many women desire you. Is that something you've always believed? Or do you think you were conditioned to believe that through the environment you grew up in or a bad experience or something similar? Sorry for the personal question, you don't have to answer of course. I am just curious.

 

[Unsigned]

So, from that point of view, isn't there an advantage to having had sex multiple times before settling down?

There is some advantage.
You learn what to do. Practice always helps.
But IMO there is also a tipping point.
I've been seeing prostitutes since 1985.
Something not so good happens to a guy's brain when he b@ngs so many girls.
And as bad as that is, I think it is much, much worse for promiscuous females. Again, just IMO.

What about men or women who are virgins by choice though? For example, celibate people, or ones saving themselves until marriage? aren't those people viewed as "weird" or "losers" as well?

These types of guys are very rare and, TBH, they are the among the most mentally strongest men in the world. When you think about it, this is just about the biggest "who gives a F**k what other guys think" there is. Think Tim Tebow. And then look at who he ended up with (it was Miss Universe). Nothing but respect for guys like this, but again, they are few and far between.

One more thing, you said you saw yourself as worthless since not many women desire you. Is that something you've always believed?

Yes. I grew up being picked on and excluded. So yeah I've always believed it.

Sorry for the personal question, you don't have to answer of course. I am just curious.

No problem. I am nothing if not transparent!

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Hey everybody,

I was just wondering about something and I could use other opinions and perspectives, especially western and/or European ones.

I noticed through both the media I consume as well as observations I made and people I have talked to that there is a societal pressure or push for men, and sometimes women as well, to have sex and virginity is looked down upon. This isn't some shocking news or anything, it's just that I come from a different culture and, while that pressure does exist in my culture, it is not the norm.

So, if anyone cares to share their opinion, why does that pressure exist and why is there a strong push from media like music and movies towards that idea? Do you think it is an overall good thing, a bad thing, or are you indifferent? Do you think this is a sign of progress or a sign of the moral degradation of society?

Also, I understand things were different in the old days, at least it wasn't so brazen and out there. So, if there are any older members, how were things back in your time in regards to this topic?

Just something that popped into my mind while I was on break at work.

Thanks for anyone who read the full post.

Take it easy everyone.

I'm 39 years old and when I was younger, that pressure was there. You were looked at as peculiar if you were still a virgin after a certain age. If anything, it may have decreased, considering the articles about Gen Z and less sexual activity. I think virginity is just a construct anyway; it's not like you really change after having sex. At least I didn't. Haha. I waited a bit and was glad I did. I had that time to figure out what I enjoyed/didn't enjoy and the type of person I was attracted to. So yeah... if you're ready, you're ready. There's really no issue in taking your time.

As for the media and music... eh. I seriously wonder if it's just wish fulfillment from people. I wouldn't take it too seriously.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Most cultures USED to not push sex, at least for women. Peer pressure is just that, peer pressure. You can either stick to your morals or you can follow the pack and do exactly what they tell you and let it cheapen the experience. I personally do not have sex as much as I possibly can. I think there should be a connection before you seriously consider going there. Obviously, that's MY personal belief and I don't fault anyone for thinking differently than I do.

I don't really understand the whole "omg, you have to have experience" crap. First, most people over the age of 16 know how it works and have watched porn or read about it, whether online or in books, so not having experience is, quite frankly, bullshit. I'm sure there are people out there who have no idea what it's like or how to do, never read about it or watched it. For those people, I'm sorry, but so what? I think it would be utterly refreshing to be with someone with no experience whatsoever. A lot of guys have this cockiness about sex that is annoying. You aren't a God, you don't know everything, you won't be able to please every girl because every girl is different. I'm sure the same is true with women.

I think the world is entirely too crazed about sex. It's a private matter that should stay private. It's no one else's business.

A few weeks ago, I decided to give some new horror movies a try (I love horror movies). Now I'm not talking theater movies, I'm talking lower budget films that streaming services make. 7 out of the 10 movies I picked, I ended up shutting off because they put a porn scene in them. I'm sorry, but are you people so **** unoriginal that you have to add porn to reel in viewers? It's disgusting. I want HORROR, not porn....

 

[Sunless Sky]

I'm 39 years old and when I was younger, that pressure was there. You were looked at as peculiar if you were still a virgin after a certain age. If anything, it may have decreased, considering the articles about Gen Z and less sexual activity. I think virginity is just a construct anyway; it's not like you really change after having sex. At least I didn't. Haha.

As for the media and music... eh. I seriously wonder if it's just wish fulfillment from people. I wouldn't take it too seriously.

Thank you for your input.

What do you mean by virginity is a construct? Isn't everything in society a construct of some kind? Does that lessen its significance somehow? Or are you saying that staying a virgin is overrated?

Also, Gen Z has LESS sexual activity? I thought it was the opposite.

 

[Unsigned]

Also, Gen Z has LESS sexual activity? I thought it was the opposite.

I the Gen Z males have much less.
The females have more.
80-20 rule and all...

 

[Sunless Sky]

Most cultures USED to not push sex, at least for women. Peer pressure is just that, peer pressure. You can either stick to your morals or you can follow the pack and do exactly what they tell you and let it cheapen the experience. I personally do not have sex as much as I possibly can. I think there should be a connection before you seriously consider going there. Obviously, that's MY personal belief and I don't fault anyone for thinking differently than I do.

I don't really understand the whole "omg, you have to have experience" crap. First, most people over the age of 16 know how it works and have watched porn or read about it, whether online or in books, so not having experience is, quite frankly, bullshit. I'm sure there are people out there who have no idea what it's like or how to do, never read about it or watched it. For those people, I'm sorry, but so what? I think it would be utterly refreshing to be with someone with no experience whatsoever. A lot of guys have this cockiness about sex that is annoying. You aren't a God, you don't know everything, you won't be able to please every girl because every girl is different. I'm sure the same is true with women.

I think the world is entirely too crazed about sex. It's a private matter that should stay private. It's no one else's business.

A few weeks ago, I decided to give some new horror movies a try (I love horror movies). Now I'm not talking theater movies, I'm talking lower budget films that streaming services make. 7 out of the 10 movies I picked, I ended up shutting off because they put a porn scene in them. I'm sorry, but are you people so **** unoriginal that you have to add porn to reel in viewers? It's disgusting. I want HORROR, not porn....

Hey Callie. Appreciate your response. Nice to have a woman's perspective.

I have the same thought regarding sex scenes in movies and TV shows. In the old days, two people would get in bed and hug or kiss or something and the camera would pan away and fade out. The audience understands that they had sex because that is the implication. Nowadays they go graphic for no reason. Just to entice since, like unsigned said, sex sells. I get it if the sex scene somehow served the story in some way but in most cases, it doesn't.

For example, I don't watch game of thrones but I saw this clip on YouTube where it was story story story and then there was a scene where a guy was standing there with a big honking nanner. I think he was about to make love to his sister or something but I didn't stay to find out.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Thank you for your input.

What do you mean by virginity is a construct? Isn't everything in society a construct of some kind? Does that lessen its significance somehow? Or are you saying that staying a virgin is overrated?

Also, Gen Z has LESS sexual activity? I thought it was the opposite.

Here you go.

I didn't mean to say not having sex is overrated. Not sure how you got there. If anything, I was saying it's fine if one wanted to stay a virgin.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Here you go.

I didn't mean to say not having sex is overrated. Not sure how you got there. If anything, I was saying it's fine if one wanted to stay a virgin.

Ah, I gotcha. My bad.

That's crazy about Gen Z man. I weep for the next generation but I am pretty sure every generation says that about the next.

 

[4No1]

I think it's a bit overestimated.
To bother people with thinking about how eperienced they are in a bed instead of smth more useful. To sell the things probably.

If believe internet/mass medis, then in my culture women should be experienced, but the same time they shouldn't have a lot of the partners(or better the one), so somehow they have to be unexperienced experienced. I've seen the classes for women... they sell such the crazy things sometimes.

Also, I understand things were different in the old days, at least it wasn't so brazen and out there. So, if there are any older members, how were things back in your time in regards to this topic?

We didn't have internet that time... but yes, being a virgin after 20 could be taken as looser/weirdo, like something wrong was with someone who "still" didn't do it(unless you said that you were not going to do it till your marriage/whatever, then you would be just strange).
There still was a lot of sex in the movies just not that "open".
And I always wondered, how it was supposed to work... let's say there are the secret agents who are going somewhere for a secret mission, do they always take the contraceptives with them in case they meet someone somewhere in the jungles/abandoned basement/whatever and can't help having sex there under the bullets or while tracking the bad guys.
I feel like the modern youth cares less about it, though I don't really know. Probably when it's too much of something you don't want it anymore.

it is preferable to have an experienced lover since he will know how to perform well in bed

I'd prefer a lover from a word "love"...

 

[TheRealCallie]

game of thrones

Yeah see, with GoT, I didn't mind the scenes because I expected them to be there. It's an HBO show, they are well known for having those scenes in their shows/movies. But horror movies aren't. There's a place for them and it's not in horror. HBO, sure. Cinemax, sure (yes, I know HBO and Cinemax are one now). Porn, sure. Regular movies/shows, no. They have no place there, it should be like you mentioned where they show a little and then pan away.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I think it's a bit overestimated.
To bother people with thinking about how eperienced they are in a bed instead of smth more useful. To sell the things probably.

If believe internet/mass medis, then in my culture women should be experienced, but the same time they shouldn't have a lot of the partners(or better the one), so somehow they have to be unexperienced experienced. I've seen the classes for women... they sell such the crazy things sometimes.



We didn't have internet that time... but yes, quite being a virgin after 20 could be taken as looser/weirdo, like something wrong was with someone who "still" didn't do it(unless you said that you were not going to do it till your marriage/whatever, then you would be just strange).
There still was a lot of sex in the movies just not that "open".
And I always wondered, how it was supposed to work... let's say there are the secret agents who are going somewhere for a secret mission, do they always take the contraceptives with them in case they meet someone somewhere in the jungles/abandoned basement/whatever and can't help having sex there under the bullets or while tracking the bad guys.
I feel like the modern youth cares less about it, though I don't really know. Probably when it's too much of something you don't want it anymore.


I'd prefer a lover from a word "love"...

Nice to have you 4No1. (Does your name mean anything? I can't figure it out)

So you think the proliferation of Internet usage contributed to the obsession with sex? Are you referring to how easy it is nowadays to access porn and sexual websites like onlyfans?

I don't think secret agents care about stds. They are men of danger and everyday could be their last.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Yeah see, with GoT, I didn't mind the scenes because I expected them to be there. It's an HBO show, they are well known for having those scenes in their shows/movies. But horror movies aren't. There's a place for them and it's not in horror. HBO, sure. Cinemax, sure (yes, I know HBO and Cinemax are one now). Porn, sure. Regular movies/shows, no. They have no place there, it should be like you mentioned where they show a little and then pan away.

You know, they can combine horror and porn together. The would result would be pretty disturbing thus fulfilling the horror aspect. I am pretty sure that genre exists already. Like body horror type stuff.

 

[Unsigned]

But horror movies aren't.

In that case...never watch Humanoids from the Deep...

 

[TheRealCallie]

You know, they can combine horror and porn together. The would result would be pretty disturbing thus fulfilling the horror aspect. I am pretty sure that genre exists already. Like body horror type stuff.

I have seen some pretty disturbing things online, so yeah, it exists. But no, they have porn in every genre, but the regular stuff shouldn't have it.

In that case...never watch Humanoids from the Deep...

Oh, I know about that movie. I've seen clips of it, but I've never watched it. Never was a fan of "from the deep" movies. They are all ridiculously done.

 

[okidoke]

I have never been pressured into having sex, unfortunately lol. Feel free to pressure me

 

[4No1]

Nice to have you 4No1. (Does your name mean anything? I can't figure it out)

So you think the proliferation of Internet usage contributed to the obsession with sex? Are you referring to how easy it is nowadays to access porn and sexual websites like onlyfans?

I don't think secret agents care about stds. They are men of danger and everyday could be their last.

No, I think internet just made it more obviously and things/ideas spread more fast there.
That time we could only guess, not like we discussed it a lot face to face (technically there was internet, but it was different that time).

They tried to add sex everywhere and it worked, so they started to add it more and more and more, and even if it doesn't work anymore, they will still go on, because can't think of nothing else and because it worked once. Maybe because before it had been a kind of a forbidden topic.

Probably porn makes it less desirable irl, at least for some people.

I think, secret agents should care about the missions. Not like anybody's asked me though.

my name means only "for no one", after a song

 

[Sunless Sky]

I have never been pressured into having sex, unfortunately lol. Feel free to pressure me

I say, I say, that's what I like to hear boy. Spread dem cheeks. (If it's not obvious, that's foghorn leghorn)