This is why I'm an a-hole

[Lonesome Crow]

One of my biggest obstical is SELF FORGIVENESS.
Learning the lesson but not carrying the guilt wasnt easy for me. I hurted Renae every much.
Im not down playing my actions or mistakes. I have remose for what I have done.
I can forgive other people for hurting me..but when it comes to forgiving myself it's another
ball of wax...Hence the self destructive, self sabatage, self punishments behaviors.
Even if God had forgiven me..I would still self sabtage. I have a very big ego.
I think Im superman and cant do wrong....

If it's wrong to hurt others...It's definitely wrong to hurt myself...via beating up on myself..ect.
I must get my priority straight....GET RIGHT WITH ME FIRST.
LOVE MYSELF FIRST AND FORMOST...There's only one of me.
If i dont get right with me...then i might get into people pleasing behaviors due to GUILT.

Would you want you're children to suffer for making mistake throughtout thier lives?
They will definitely make lots and lots of mistakes as they learn, grow up and make corrections.
As a parent would you not love your children no matter what...no matter how many mistakes
they make...big or small..
You would continue to love them, forgive them, counsel them to forgive themselve and move on.....

You cant tell them to do as you say and not as you do.
Children are visual learners....

Please forgive yourself...You love your children. They need you.

 

[Lonely in BC]

-I had a husband for ten years
-We divorced last Christmas, we share the kids 50-50
-I was devastated, he lost his passion, it was over, but we tried again recently, then it was over again
-I met a guy in another city
-He asked me 'am I your rebound?'
-I said no
-He was very shy and inexperienced
-He asked me 'did you ever get back with him?'
-I said no (it was a lie, because I did)
-He found out, things blew up, I avoided the situation like the plague
-He was forgiving and sweet, I felt relief that I got away with it
-I had told him I had no secrets (more lies from me)
-Things weren't the same, I withdrew because I'm an a-hole
-He became insecure about our relationship
-I accepted his insecurities and promised I'd be there for him (or so I said)
-He was sweet, took lots of time to pay attention to me
-I wasn't so sweet, lied and said I didn't always have the freedom to talk because of the kids
-I made lots of promises to this sweet guy
-He believed them all, had no reason not to trust me
-I felt overwhelmed with work, ex and kids so I often took it out on him by not calling him back
-He got upset, said I was neglecting the relationship (he was right)
-I am emotionally immature and too stubborn (I know it) so instead of talking to him about it, I ignored the situation until it blew up and he wanted nothing more to do with me
-But because he's sweet, he still called me to ask if I was okay
-I ignored the call and never contacted him again
-I hurt him and I didn't have to
-I don't think I can change, I heard he has another girl already and I missed the boat

That's why I'm an a-hole

the end

Yes, you are low. Hopefully, karma will bite your ass back in some way.

P.S. People like you make the world a worse place, for all of us. So a sarcastic thank you is in order.

How incredible!

I wish I was as perfect as you perfanoff. I would love to be in your position of being able to pass judgement on situations such as this. It must be awesome to have never screwed up a relationship and be able to cast aspersion. Sooooo wish I had your insight to single out the people who make the world a worse place for those who are as ******* wonderful as you appear to be.

I'm sure you see the sarcasm. Yep, it's genuine

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Perfect judgmental people dont do ****. They dont live life. They dont experince life.

If you dont do ****. You cant **** up...of course.
it's just some wierd ideas they have in thier heads as being perfect...but they never put it into practice themselves.
Some recovery literature term these type of people as the perfectionist or delusional.

Dont worry....Mirimum.
If a man havnt been heart broken once a twice in a life time...he wouldnt be able to appreciate love.
If he was leaning on you for his happiness. He's alot more wacked than then you think.

Im not into religion, but I study.....

If you read the bible...you'll know we're a bunch of **** ups or sinners. A sin is a mistake.
God didnt sent Jesus to save the rightous. He sent Jesus to save the sinners.

Or you can read about Budha,...The wisdom or enlightenment. Sufferning.
Mistakes....Its wasnt about removal of mistakes so that we're so pure. Get anal retentive and not live.
It was more about accpeting all of our flaws. We're perfectly imperfect. Self accpetence.

 

[perfanoff]

-I had a husband for ten years
-We divorced last Christmas, we share the kids 50-50
-I was devastated, he lost his passion, it was over, but we tried again recently, then it was over again
-I met a guy in another city
-He asked me 'am I your rebound?'
-I said no
-He was very shy and inexperienced
-He asked me 'did you ever get back with him?'
-I said no (it was a lie, because I did)
-He found out, things blew up, I avoided the situation like the plague
-He was forgiving and sweet, I felt relief that I got away with it
-I had told him I had no secrets (more lies from me)
-Things weren't the same, I withdrew because I'm an a-hole
-He became insecure about our relationship
-I accepted his insecurities and promised I'd be there for him (or so I said)
-He was sweet, took lots of time to pay attention to me
-I wasn't so sweet, lied and said I didn't always have the freedom to talk because of the kids
-I made lots of promises to this sweet guy
-He believed them all, had no reason not to trust me
-I felt overwhelmed with work, ex and kids so I often took it out on him by not calling him back
-He got upset, said I was neglecting the relationship (he was right)
-I am emotionally immature and too stubborn (I know it) so instead of talking to him about it, I ignored the situation until it blew up and he wanted nothing more to do with me
-But because he's sweet, he still called me to ask if I was okay
-I ignored the call and never contacted him again
-I hurt him and I didn't have to
-I don't think I can change, I heard he has another girl already and I missed the boat

That's why I'm an a-hole

the end

Yes, you are low. Hopefully, karma will bite your ass back in some way.

P.S. People like you make the world a worse place, for all of us. So a sarcastic thank you is in order.

How incredible!

I wish I was as perfect as you perfanoff. I would love to be in your position of being able to pass judgement on situations such as this. It must be awesome to have never screwed up a relationship and be able to cast aspersion. Sooooo wish I had your insight to single out the people who make the world a worse place for those who are as ******* wonderful as you appear to be.

I'm sure you see the sarcasm. Yep, it's genuine

Sister, I'm nothing like perfect but I have treated women I date with respect and integrity. You can start from there. Hurting somebody who has a romantic interest in you happens, but you don't have to be a bitch about it and add salt to the wound.

But oh hey, it's fine that she treated him like crap, he should take it like a man, right?

I am sooooo sorry that I don't like people who are inconsiderate of others' feelings. Especially in relationships.

 

[Autumntranspire]

It's never too late to try a new approach. Just always remember that if you are willing to change.. you will change.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Don't beat yourself up. Things happen and they're painful to go through. There's a brand new day tomorrow waiting to be explored. Just do what you need to do for yourself right now. Don't push yourself though, it'll only stress you out in the end. I'm here for you though.

 

[Mirium]

Thank you
Self forgiveness i make me ok
How do i make him ok
He is the one i must ammend
He read the declaration
Todl me to **** off
Said he never knew about the ex-husbend for sur
Until i said it here
Discovered more of my lies
I need to be judged
I hide it all from the sons
I will be like octomom
Keep having kids to fill the empty
Now husband wants back
I dont wnat him
Maybe bipolar is me
Need to see a psych

 

[IgnoredOne]

Seeing a therapist and understanding oneself better are almost always a good ideas.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Thank you
Self forgiveness i make me ok
How do i make him ok
He is the one i must ammend
He read the declaration
Todl me to **** off
Said he never knew about the ex-husbend for sur
Until i said it here
Discovered more of my lies
I need to be judged
I hide it all from the sons
I will be like octomom
Keep having kids to fill the empty
Now husband wants back
I dont wnat him
Maybe bipolar is me
Need to see a psych

You cant fix him....
Just like your husband cant fix you.

If he was dependent on you or leaning on you for his happiness.
He's alot sicker than you think....

You can talk to any marriage or relationship counselor...
The mistake he also made was getting you to make promises.
Setting you up to fail. Setting himself up to get disappointed.
Consiously or subconsiously.
Expectations or demands. Love earning....
"If you dont do this or do that...you dont love me"
HaTE to burst your bubble on your knight in shinning armor.
He's not all that perfect either.....

You're mentally and emotionally vaunerable at the moment.
Please forgive yourself. Give yourself time to heal.
Let go of the guilt. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself
with love and kindness through all of this.

A couple of things I learned through recovery.

1, Im not allowed to beat up on myself no matter what.
2, Im not allowed to play god, judge and jury. Im very self critical
on myself more than anyone else.

Some of my flaws and defects of charector....

 

[Veilside05]

to love is to forgive. if he cant do that, how good is he himself?

 

[Mirium]

If he was dependent on you or leaning on you for his happiness.
He's alot sicker than you think....

HaTE to burst your bubble on your knight in shinning armor.
He's not all that perfect either.....

Thank you
You don't know him tho
So i must say no, he is not sick
Only hurt and used
By me
Never did i say
He was the knight
He's a human man
Whose heart i broke
So easily
Without thought
You see yourself in me
I think

to love is to forgive. if he cant do that, how good is he himself?

Thank you
He is good
The best
Not perfect
So near
You don't know him tho
He may forgive
But not take me back
So he is good to him

This was the good experiment to see opinion
Thank you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

No, I dont know him. I do know people. And I met all kinds from all walks of life.
Prist, ministors, counselor, bosses, my parents, my mentors, doctors, lawyers, judges...
They all ****** up. The most successful onces ***** up more then your average joe.

As many mistakes ive made in my life. My sponsor did many things that truned my
hair white. He shared his personal life story with me...

He is the most loving, kind, gental, compassionate, understanding, humble, successful
person Ive ever met.

He loves me and cares for me very much. Everyonce in a while he'll tell me this becuase I'm hard headed.
Plus he knew he couldnt fix me either.....
"Sometimes you gatta **** in your own ******** for a while...for whatever how long it takes"

Im with my fiance at the moment. Renae had broken my heart many times and than some.
Even within the past month of us reconciling. Renae made some poor decisions.
I do know the more I expect out of her..the more she pushes herself away from me and hurt herself.
It hasnt been a learning process for me...it's been applying what Ive learned.
The more i just let her be.....learn her own lessons. The more healhty decisions she makes.
I cant fix her...She fixes herself. I love her very much.

 

[Mirium]

Good dialogue
Opinions vary so wildly
Thank you
Could love be worth it
Have to consider this more
A-hole that i am
Mirium is a typo hurricane blowing thru
You think she's a she
For real I'm a guy
Real as my ****
I do have a husband, he hates me today just like my now exboyfriend
Ended up adopting hubbie's kids with him, at least i have them
Not many people accept so i hide my sexual pref
Do still think i'm an a-hole though
So it is.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

relationships are relationships. Love is love.
It has nothing to do with sexual oriantations.

Im not bi-sexaul or gay. Ive been involved in polyamorous relationships.
Threesomes or whatever. I tired it. Experinced it. It wasnt for me.

My prefernece is monogamous relationship.
Renae is a handful. Just one of her is alot on my plate.

I do have family members and friend that are bi-sexual or gay.
Im alot more openminded, understanding and accepting than most people think.

 

[Mirium]

Yes tolerance is good
Only monogomy for me as well
Unable to imagine dating more than one guy
Cant help missing ex-hubby and ex-boyguy
Am heartachy
No tell signs since the kids are here
Tho, cant commit
So stupid, am too closed with my heart
Ended so uselessly, hurting the guy like that
Expect i cant change, maybe punishing myself
Maybe...gay guys hard to find in my town
Endlessly complaining, never changing

 

[CallMeCol]

You're not an a-hole, you just haven't got everything figured out yet.

Welcome to the club.

Col.

 

[Isla]

maybe you are, its for you and god to judge. but hurting a guy like that is not very nice. i was just hurt and i dont think it was fair for mine to do that. the heart is a precious thing, at least you should apologize. if your not ready to date again because you think you will do the same thing then dont hurt anybody else. too many tears. people are not toys.

 

[Trent]

-I had a husband for ten years
-We divorced last Christmas, we share the kids 50-50
-I was devastated, he lost his passion, it was over, but we tried again recently, then it was over again
-I met a guy in another city
-He asked me 'am I your rebound?'
-I said no
-He was very shy and inexperienced
-He asked me 'did you ever get back with him?'
-I said no (it was a lie, because I did)
-He found out, things blew up, I avoided the situation like the plague
-He was forgiving and sweet, I felt relief that I got away with it
-I had told him I had no secrets (more lies from me)
-Things weren't the same, I withdrew because I'm an a-hole
-He became insecure about our relationship
-I accepted his insecurities and promised I'd be there for him (or so I said)
-He was sweet, took lots of time to pay attention to me
-I wasn't so sweet, lied and said I didn't always have the freedom to talk because of the kids
-I made lots of promises to this sweet guy
-He believed them all, had no reason not to trust me
-I felt overwhelmed with work, ex and kids so I often took it out on him by not calling him back
-He got upset, said I was neglecting the relationship (he was right)
-I am emotionally immature and too stubborn (I know it) so instead of talking to him about it, I ignored the situation until it blew up and he wanted nothing more to do with me
-But because he's sweet, he still called me to ask if I was okay
-I ignored the call and never contacted him again
-I hurt him and I didn't have to
-I don't think I can change, I heard he has another girl already and I missed the boat

That's why I'm an a-hole

the end

congratulations, you aren't good girlfriend material

*claps hands*

 

[SophiaGrace]

Wait are you a gay guy or a girl? o_o I'm confused.

 

[Trent]

the first two sentences of the first post say:

- i had a husband for ten years

and

- we share the kids 50/50

i am going out on a limb here and confidently guessing this individual is a female