To know you more is to love you less?

[Sunless Sky]

Just like it says in the title, discuss.

 

[ardour]

familiarity breeds contempt?

 

[mgill]

no comment as i think that statement requires some level of love in the first place-which does not apply to everyone.

 

[Sunless Sky]

To know you more is to have access to all your traits, including all your weaknesses. That's what I mean. To know more of your weaknesses is to be less attracted to you?

 

[TheRealCallie]

If someone can't accept someone else's weaknesses (or you can't accept your own or be open to someone pointing them out), then the relationship was never going to work anyway.
So yeah, it can happen, but if it's actually love or headed in that direction, it wouldn't impact anything to see your weaknesses or know more about a person.

 

[iseestars]

I think love can't be quantified like that. I don't think you can love less or more. You either love someone or you don't. 
And when you love someone, you automatically love everything about that person. 
Also, faults and bad things hang on to people like chains but don't define people. So when you love someone you support them emotionally so they could overcome whatever is bad in their lives.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think love can't be quantified like that. I don't think you can love less or more. You either love someone or you don't. 
And when you love someone, you automatically love everything about that person. 
Also, faults and bad things hang on to people like chains but don't define people. So when you love someone you support them emotionally so they could overcome whatever is bad in their lives.

I have to disagree with you on some things you said.  Loving someone does not and should not make you love everything about a person.  That love makes the relationship work in spite of those things. 
Faults and bad things can define a person, if that person refuses to acknowledge those things or work on fixing them, depending on what they are of course. 
And they don't always want to overcome the bad things.  My ex has no interest in admitting he was an alcoholic.  And sometimes, supporting them, is to just let them be and hit rock bottom.

 

[iseestars]

I think love can't be quantified like that. I don't think you can love less or more. You either love someone or you don't. 
And when you love someone, you automatically love everything about that person. 
Also, faults and bad things hang on to people like chains but don't define people. So when you love someone you support them emotionally so they could overcome whatever is bad in their lives.

I have to disagree with you on some things you said.  Loving someone does not and should not make you love everything about a person.  That love makes the relationship work in spite of those things. 
Faults and bad things can define a person, if that person refuses to acknowledge those things or work on fixing them, depending on what they are of course. 
And they don't always want to overcome the bad things.  My ex has no interest in admitting he was an alcoholic.  And sometimes, supporting them, is to just let them be and hit rock bottom.

Yeah... On a second thought I think I will have to also disagree with myself regarding that aspect... : D I guess I sometimes tend to romancize things...My ex-husband also refused to change his bad ways and looking back now on everything I think those bad things really became a part of him and started defining him. Thank you for correcting me!

 

[Finished]

It impossible to complete mesh with someone else. But, it sure is nice when you're being low key about one of your issues and the other person comes out and says they have the same issue before you do. You can just smile and tell them that you understand.

 

[Hazed]

In a way weaknesses can help me love someone more. There's a certain intimacy that comes along with that. Like mentioned before, i also don't think love is about traits.

 

[ardour]

In a way weaknesses can help me love someone more. There's a certain intimacy that comes along with that. Like mentioned before, i also don't think love is about traits.

"Traits" are prerequisites before any of that can develop.

 

[Hazed]

Yeahh that's a given. I didn't deny that.

 

[Abstamyous]

To know you more is to have access to all your traits, including all your weaknesses. That's what I mean. To know more of your weaknesses is to be less attracted to you?

It certainly has been like this for me in the past, both towards me and towards people I have been with. It's quite easy to just run away from those things, or be in denial of them.

I think that if it comes from a place of honesty and respect, rather than competition, it can be a really beautiful thing to know someone's weaknesses. It's kind of like, "Hey, you are my person. I trust you with this." I think I am more lovable when I approach someone I'm close with, in that way.

 

[HypnoGhost]

As per the title, sounds like my last relationship! 

Personally I have all but given up with relationships. 

Concentrate on your self and be the best version of you and keep evolving and holding that.
That is the difficult aim.

 

[mgill]

As per the title, sounds like my last relationship! 

Personally I have all but given up with relationships. 

Concentrate on your self and be the best version of you and keep evolving and holding that.
That is the difficult aim.

this may be good advice for some but does not apply to others for whom intimate relationships are most of what makes life worth living.  personally i have found existence to be hollow, empty & meaningless without having anyone to share it with and greatly envy those who are fortunate enough to experience romantic partnerships.

 

[HypnoGhost]

this may be good advice for some but does not apply to others for whom intimate relationships are most of what makes life worth living.  personally i have found existence to be hollow, empty & meaningless without having anyone to share it with and greatly envy those who are fortunate enough to experience romantic partnerships.

I am simply expressing my experience; of which, yes everyone is different. 
Even on this forum in this format we are expressing and sharing our lives.
That being said does that mean it's all pointless?
I have learned not to put too much of my faith and energy into outside resources that can't do anything for me.
You are the only one in control of your life, even though it may not seem so, or simple to say.
In my experience if you love someone, they might not love you back.
Trouble is not everything is so clear cut. We are all different yes, but there are fundamental truths about human behaviour and the way we react to trauma. It is simply the way in which we chose to react moment to moment that matters.
We can chose to create love and develop it or we can chose to not.
It's 50/50.
But like said we are all different. 
It is difficult to use words to express things as most of human communication isn't actually verbal.

 

[mgill]

this may be good advice for some but does not apply to others for whom intimate relationships are most of what makes life worth living.  personally i have found existence to be hollow, empty & meaningless without having anyone to share it with and greatly envy those who are fortunate enough to experience romantic partnerships.

I am simply expressing my experience; of which, yes everyone is different. 
Even on this forum in this format we are expressing and sharing our lives.
That being said does that mean it's all pointless?
I have learned not to put too much of my faith and energy into outside resources that can't do anything for me.
You are the only one in control of your life, even though it may not seem so, or simple to say.
In my experience if you love someone, they might not love you back.
Trouble is not everything is so clear cut. We are all different yes, but there are fundamental truths about human behaviour and the way we react to trauma. It is simply the way in which we chose to react moment to moment that matters.
We can chose to create love and develop it or we can chose to not.
It's 50/50.
But like said we are all different. 
It is difficult to use words to express things as most of human communication isn't actually verbal.

i think one of the very few things which actually give life meaning is our relationships with others.  as Maslow's hierarchy of needs shows, without acceptance & close personal relationships esteem & self acutalization is not possible.  

no one is in control of their lives imo-everything comes down to random chance & the most critical factor is the genetics we are born with.   without a certain baseline of good genetics in a few area's it's virtually impossible to have a decent life without a tremendous amount of luck. i have learned the hard way that no mindset, hard work or effort are ever going to make up for having inferior genetics.

creating love is quite hollow if it's only one sided. anyway, i am not speaking of unrequited love.  there are those who are incredibly fortunate to experience a partnership based on mutual respect, attraction and affection.  this is the love that i so greatly crave yet will never have so am forced to miss out on most of what makes life worth living.

 

[Nicolelt]

It impossible to complete mesh with someone else. But, it sure is nice when you're being low key about one of your issues and the other person comes out and says they have the same issue before you do. You can just smile and tell them that you understand.

Yes! No one is perfect. You find someone as close to it and then deal with the rest. When you find that, it's love.

 

[HypnoGhost]

this may be good advice for some but does not apply to others for whom intimate relationships are most of what makes life worth living.  personally i have found existence to be hollow, empty & meaningless without having anyone to share it with and greatly envy those who are fortunate enough to experience romantic partnerships.

I am simply expressing my experience; of which, yes everyone is different. 
Even on this forum in this format we are expressing and sharing our lives.
That being said does that mean it's all pointless?
I have learned not to put too much of my faith and energy into outside resources that can't do anything for me.
You are the only one in control of your life, even though it may not seem so, or simple to say.
In my experience if you love someone, they might not love you back.
Trouble is not everything is so clear cut. We are all different yes, but there are fundamental truths about human behaviour and the way we react to trauma. It is simply the way in which we chose to react moment to moment that matters.
We can chose to create love and develop it or we can chose to not.
It's 50/50.
But like said we are all different. 
It is difficult to use words to express things as most of human communication isn't actually verbal.

i think one of the very few things which actually give life meaning is our relationships with others.  as Maslow's hierarchy of needs shows, without acceptance & close personal relationships esteem & self acutalization is not possible.  

no one is in control of their lives imo-everything comes down to random chance & the most critical factor is the genetics we are born with.   without a certain baseline of good genetics in a few area's it's virtually impossible to have a decent life without a tremendous amount of luck. i have learned the hard way that no mindset, hard work or effort are ever going to make up for having inferior genetics.

creating love is quite hollow if it's only one sided. anyway, i am not speaking of unrequited love.  there are those who are incredibly fortunate to experience a partnership based on mutual respect, attraction and affection.  this is the love that i so greatly crave yet will never have so am forced to miss out on most of what makes life worth living.

Say no more!

 

[meg05]

I'm sure a lot of people have experienced both sides of this, I know I have. 

Over the years I've worked on not letting my past control me, but my insecurities/demons/traumas still make it hard for me to let people get close to me. In my experience I've never found anyone willing to stick around long enough to understand or willing to help build me back up.