To tell him or not to tell him, that is the question...

[Naleena]

I have been in an online "relationship" for a few months and the guy came to see me. I was suprised to find that he smelled like B.O., he had not had his teeth cleaned and they were very, very, amazingly dirty and stained to the point that they had lines across them that were orange (didn't see that on web cam) He also wore the same type of clothes for three days. I asked him why he didnt wear a t-shirt because it was hot and he said his clothes were dirty from traveling to meet me. He was on the road for a few days, but why didn't he stop at a laundry mat before he came? It didn't make sese that he would show up not trying to look his best. Smelling bad is not cool.

I didn't know if I should figure out a kind way to tell him about these things that he could easily correct, because I don't think other girls would like it either. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but if I don't say anything will he blindly go through life like this? Would it help him in the long run? I kinda wonder how it is that he doesn't know these things or could it be he really doesn't care? He's an educated man.

 

[LoneKiller]

Dirty or not. He's still a human being. I can understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings. Many people before you, probably didn't tell him for the same reason. Often times, people can't smell themselves because they're so used to it. It's others that can smell it much better.

Just be honest and friendly.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Honesty is the greatest gift that you can give.

 

[Felix]

In my experience, smelly guys were always smelly and no one told them, (me included) but we sure talked about it behind their backs... It's the kind of thing that's hard to tell, people will either put up with it or just walk away...

But yeah, if you're going for a relationship with him you probably should talk to him about it.

 

[perfanoff]

Definitely tell him. If he's smart he'll appreciate it.

 

[musicstoodstill]

you impress me as a person who is not only sensitive to people's feelings but tactful with how to express your own.

you know what to do and how to do what is best.
if he appreciates your candor, you will appreciate him.
if he doesn't, you won't be able to appreciate him.

 

[ShybutHi]

Is he depressed or perhaps used to be? He probably has low self esteem. Maybe he is just totally oblivious to the fact that he does not have good hygiene, simply does not think about it or just does not care... Could be because he has been/is depressed.

To me that still seems strange that he would not even make an effort for you in the first place though. I am sure that it is really hard to tell someone, especially someone who you like, that they need to get their act together. Ofcourse you do not want to insult them but sometimes people need a push in the right direction. Perhaps just try and be very honest with them about it and before you explain, assure them that you do not mean to insult them. Ofcourse if the reason is something deeper then that may not be enough and you might get a earfull back but bad hygiene is not on. Telling him may very well help him in the long run...

In some ways it is almost insulting to the people you are with if you smell bad because obviously no one wants to be subjected to someone's B.O... It is almost like projecting a problem onto others that do not wish it.

 

[Barbaloot]

Like Shy said, sometimes people are just totally oblivious to it. Some also think (or hope) no one else will notice.
I think you need to tell him though... he'll never get anywhere with a woman smelling like that. The embarrassment/hurt feelings are probably inevitable unless you can find a very calculating and tactful way to go about it, like starting a conversation about nice smelling colognes, showering, referring to someone else who doesn't wear deodorant.. maybe he's just clueless.

Or you could anonymously send him some deodorant and crest whitestrips.

 

[Gutted]

Maybe lead into telling him. Ask if he knows what he sweats a lot or something. Then see how oblivious he is to whatever the problem is and try to ease him into it.