top 5 mistakes lonely people make

[evanescencefan91]

so when i was looking up avoidance personality disorder on wiki

a link came up to some articles here one i thought i would so to you guys

It is easy to make friends when you are not making a lot of mistakes. You have to learn that having a friendship is like having a savings account. You have to put in more than you take, otherwise, you will end up with no savings at all. And if you put in a lot of effort into your friendships, and don't take much out of them, you will soon discover that your effort is more than worth it.

The best way to learn how to take as little as possible, and give the most possible in a friendship, is to learn which mistakes you will have to avoid.

Let's dive in!


First mistake: Never call!
The fastest way to lose contact with your friends is to never call to make plans. I know that you expect people to love you and call you every day, but it is probably not going to happen unless you make your friends addicted to you. And even though it is easy to do that, 99% of the people don't know about the secret. So call your friends, because you have to show them that you are willing to put effort into the friendship.


Second mistake: Act too cool!
You know those movies, where the cool dude is hanging around the bar alone not talking to anyone, just acting cool? Yeah, that doesn’t happen in real life. In real life, you have to be fun! Not cool, FUN! There are times when you want to be cool; but 99% of the time you are going to give the most value to your friendships by making your friends have a lot of fun.Everyone loves to be around fun people; become fun and your friendships will grow.







Third mistake: Being negative!
It is hard to make friends if every time you say anything, it is a negative thought. Do you enjoy being around negative people? I don't think so. So why would you act negative? I don't know. So just don't.

Imagine being negative as sucking the life out of your friendship, you are doing the complete opposite as what you should be doing.





Fourth mistake: Being insecure!
I am not asking you to become a machine, but I am asking you to stop being insecure. Don't be afraid of looking people in the eyes. Don't talk softly.

Be loud, and if possible, louder than everyone else! Have the most fun, tell the funniest jokes, be self-deprecating sometimes! In life, you have to show that you don't give a **** about what anyone thinks of you! And if you do that, you will see your friendships grow tremendously.





Fifth mistake: Being afraid of life!
Don't be afraid of every sound you hear! Don't be afraid of talking to people! Don't be afraid of going into the nature! Don't be afraid of having new experiences!

Look, to become a good friend you must be open to new experiences! You have to love life with your full heart, so that you can let people want to be near you!

Would you want to live life not leaving your house?

Would you want to hang out with someone that is afraid of going to new places?

Would you want to have a friend that never meets anyone outside his comfort zone?

I don't think so. So don't be THAT guy! girl!

http://www.thefriendshipblueprint.com/index.php?/The-Friendship-Blueprint-How-To-Make-Friends/

here's the link in case you want to look at some of the stuff

well i hope that can help you guys
(and me)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Errr...yeah right off the bat.

I hate calling poeple or picking up the 2 ton phone
I'm too lazy to keep friends....

 

[Ghost]

First mistake: Never call!- I guess I don't call because I don't know what to do with people. I constantly IM people, but when it comes to doing things with them, I'm clueless.

Second mistake: Act too cool!- This goes along with the first one. I do not know how to be fun. I think I've gotten people to have fun with me sometimes, but it is really hard. I seriously don't know how to organize people to do "fun" things. I guess I just am not much fun and don't have much either.

Third mistake: Being negative!- I try not to, but I usually fail.

Fourth mistake: Being insecure!- Major fail. I'm extremely insecure, but I don't show it.

Fifth mistake: Being afraid of life!- How the heck am I supposed to solve this and all the others anyway? As great as these things are, its not so easy to just "be" them.

 

[Jesse]

Making fun of yourself is a great way to make friends. When I was in high school everybody made fun of me all the time and I had no friends, but then I started making fun of myself so they didn't have to! Boy, then I was so popular!

 

[StarStrider]

The trouble is with that list is that the things it contains aren't 'mistakes', some are inborn characteristics (too cool) and others are often there as a reaction to negative life experiences (insecurity).

Or a combination of both.

Undoing the damage that these problems can cause and learning how to successfully manage them can frequently entail a lifelong slog.

If following a simple, bubble gum, 'top tips' section was all that was required to solve these issues, I doubt this site would have much of a reason to exist.

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya i'm also one with the phone kinda i worry i call too much and then people will just be like eww go away!

 

[Van Hooligan X]

1 of them HAS to listening to disney's 'happily ever after is real' bullshit

 

[StarStrider]

You....you....ignored me, how could you??!!

But then again I was being a little bit poe-faced heh (me yesterday> ).

 

[hellopanda]

Ahahaha...oh dear, mistakes one through four, check!

Though I have to say, I'm just a rather cool person by nature, and some people are just like that, like StarStrider said. And phone calling-wise I don't like disturbing people.

Mistake five though is something I've forced myself to overcome because I realized just how much it hinders getting out there. I remind myself: what's the worse that could happen? Then go for it. It has sorta worked for me? XD

 

[SophiaGrace]

Wow that list is good advice . haha...I never know what to say in emails to people @_@

>_> I'm a bad emailer :'(

 

[Sodium]

check check check check check..

I need to work on all this.. I'm gonna call/email people I havent spoken to in ages but not on facebook cuz then I think "nah theyre always around I can just facebook them whenever.."

 

[Get Down!]

First mistake: Never call!- I guess I don't call because I don't know what to do with people. I constantly IM people, but when it comes to doing things with them, I'm clueless.

Second mistake: Act too cool!- This goes along with the first one. I do not know how to be fun. I think I've gotten people to have fun with me sometimes, but it is really hard. I seriously don't know how to organize people to do "fun" things. I guess I just am not much fun and don't have much either.

Third mistake: Being negative!- I try not to, but I usually fail.

Fourth mistake: Being insecure!- Major fail. I'm extremely insecure, but I don't show it.

Fifth mistake: Being afraid of life!- How the heck am I supposed to solve this and all the others anyway? As great as these things are, its not so easy to just "be" them.

the same applies to me aswell..

1. mistake: i don't want to call because then i'm expected to entertain people and i feel like it is my responsibility to keep them in a good mood. I am a terrible/perfect host.
Last year for example i had few people sleep over my place and my family really put an effort to it. We dragged old beds from all over the house and my mom even baked things. Huh.. the next morning they left when i was still asleep leaving me a ******* thank you note.

2.mistake: ehh i'm a movie sucker. I still think that more mysterious you act, more people could be attracted to you. And yes i am mostly wrong.

4.mistake: it's linked to the 2nd one: i hate loud people. Why the fresia would i need to drag attention to me with being all 'girly and dancing and screaming" I don't want to change into that.

3.mistake: ahh negativity is part of my life philosophy. i tried.. but it's just so disappointing.

5.mistake: whatever Ghost said. I can't be spontaneous.


I'm aware that those things are just excuses but seriously i don't really want to change them. Instead it would be nice to find someone that shares the same opinion.

 

[michco1982]

those tips are so obvious...i ticked them all. i figured that it is because i dont want to admit im lonely or that appear needy. i dont want people to know i need them because that shows that im not needed by others. weird but true......

 

[Depressedology]

well written nice topic!.. and all I wanna say is:
****! I ACED ALL 5 OF THEM; it's like you're describing me 100% =>

 

[darkwall]

That is a really stupid list.

First mistake: if you have friends, you're ... not lonely. Right? Right.

Second mistake: I don't know any lonely people who are cool.

Third mistake: Being negative and being lonely is pretty much a chicken and egg thing.

Fourth mistake: being insecure is not a mistake, nor is it a choice as this idiot is saying. Likewise the "have the most fun, tell the funniest jokes" crap.

Fifth mistake: this just made me want to punch whoever wrote the article. Why am I lonely? Oh, right, because I'm *afraid of life*. That makes total sense - like, whenever I see life, I just run and hide.


I think that in general lonely people aren't the ones who make mistakes, it's society that makes them. There are vast and complex reasons for people being alone, but they are all highly individual and cannot be quantified in any list. All of the self-help bullshit can be reduced to one mantra - "be positive!" which can be like running up to some guy on fire and telling him to blow himself out.

 

[Naleena]

Thank you, Evenescense, for taking your time to share this article with everyone. As with all articles, you glean what you can from it. What speaks to one person may not speak to another. From the comments, it appears some people were able to get some information from it that they could use.

 

[Hope]

I always call/ email, the more I make an effort the lazier the other side gets... either people want real contact with you or they don't and only fall back on you on a whim when no one else is at hand;

Being cool doesn't mean one isn't fun(ny)... cool AND funny wins!;

Negativ, positiv... it's about being genuine, ever met someone who talks and acts as if everything is always wonderful? -annoying!;

Better being a bit insecure about yourself than being someone who's only in love with themselves and only evolves around themselves!
[and I hate loud people!];

Everywhere I look, people hang out with their friends WITHIN their comfort zone.

Good initial intentions for posting the list... first thought was "yeah, get out there and wow them all"... but at the end of the day I have to agree with little buddha...