Total Turn Off...

[Fragilegirl]

I hope you don’t mind me putting in my two cents. I think you should just be honest with him. Tell him you fell in love with him for all the wonderful things that HE is and now that you’re seeing so much of your brother in him it’s making you a little uncomfortable. Almost as if you’re dating your brother. He may not even realize he’s doing this. He’s probably just picking up mannerisms from being around your brother so much. If you pointed that out to him maybe he’ll become more aware of it and dial it back. If he continues to behave this way even though you’ve asked him not to then that’s a whole different problem. It would just mean he’s not respecting your wishes. But I think if he becomes aware of it and he really loves you he will try harder not to imitate your brother so much.

 

[ewomack]

Truthfully, he used to be perfect to me, he was always everything I wanted, in terms of behaviour/personality (the rest was toxic for various reasons and blah blah)... Ah I like that, I'm far from perfect, but the only thing about me thats worth something is that I'd never wake up one day and just be someone else. I'll always be who he loves. I feel like if I dont say anything... I might do something toxic like just be cold for "no" (unspoken) reason, and I dont wanna do that.

I just wondered if anyone else woke up and their partner was acting like someone else, must just be me lool I did google and come up short, so thats saying something.

A number of years ago I woke up one morning and my (first) wife told me that she didn't want to be married to me anymore. It seemed out of the blue, we had recently returned from an overseas vacation and everything seemed fine. Then that happened. Looking back, I brushed the signs to the side and probably didn't speak up enough when I should have and didn't ask questions when I should have. It turned out she had been seeing someone else and had decided to switch teams. All that time, she told me she loved me, that she wanted to grow old with me, that she hoped I would never leave her, etc. Given that, I brushed some of the signs I should have seen aside, thinking that we were "in love" and would get through it. Well, she changed and decided otherwise. It was a hard learned lesson. Don't ignore things that bother you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Truthfully, thanks for the responses guys, im not 100% sure if im just worrying about nothing lol. i'm not the type to just break up with someone because they annoy me, not even im that bad... and yes, im terrible, I have standards and I think as harsh as I come off I know how easy it is to lose my respect. Just a fact about me, some people love a lot stronger than I can thats for sure. If I detect a hint... a slight issue... I do overly worry about it, I think after hours on google its called relationship ocd. I'll see if my counsellor thinks so.

I hope you don’t mind me putting in my two cents. I think you should just be honest with him. Tell him you fell in love with him for all the wonderful things that HE is and now that you’re seeing so much of your brother in him it’s making you a little uncomfortable. Almost as if you’re dating your brother. He may not even realize he’s doing this. He’s probably just picking up mannerisms from being around your brother so much. If you pointed that out to him maybe he’ll become more aware of it and dial it back. If he continues to behave this way even though you’ve asked him not to then that’s a whole different problem. It would just mean he’s not respecting your wishes. But I think if he becomes aware of it and he really loves you he will try harder not to imitate your brother so much.

Omg I want your opinion only lol (I joke), I like this, this makes me think... ah ha! maybe talking it out can work.I'm not one for too much emotion, but my brother is soo annoying im used to feeling relief from his quirky ways, so to have them following me is just too much. I'm scared of not picking my battles, if I nag about this, will I have to ignore something else to restore balance.. uh idk.

A number of years ago I woke up one morning and my (first) wife told me that she didn't want to be married to me anymore. It seemed out of the blue, we had recently returned from an overseas vacation and everything seemed fine. Then that happened. Looking back, I brushed the signs to the side and probably didn't speak up enough when I should have and didn't ask questions when I should have. It turned out she had been seeing someone else and had decided to switch teams. All that time, she told me she loved me, that she wanted to grow old with me, that she hoped I would never leave her, etc. Given that, I brushed some of the signs I should have seen aside, thinking that we were "in love" and would get through it. Well, she changed and decided otherwise. It was a hard learned lesson. Don't ignore things that bother you.

This is so sad, im sorry, I cant stand liars, and you know truthfully, not a lot of people have been there for me in life, maybe I cant "trust the process" as much as I should, not sure if that makes sense?

 

[ardour]

Next thing he's got he same haircut and clothes as your brother. Then it'll be true family affair, in a creepy, incestuous sort of way.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Next thing he's got he same haircut and clothes as your brother. Then it'll be true family affair, in a creepy, incestuous sort of way.

Please, just no more of this imagery I cant take it gonna be having nausea all day tomorrow. My brother is just... like... he acts very young, because of his mental health condition/ learning difficulties it's only slight and mild most people barely notice if at all. I read for my brother because he struggles, he's very dependent on me privately only close people know because I try my best to keep up his image. My fella knows how much I have to do for him, so imitating him just... it's just too much.

 

[ardour]

My brother is just... like... he acts very young, because of his mental health condition/ learning difficulties it's only slight and mild most people barely notice if at all. I read for my brother because he struggles, he's very dependent on me privately only close people know because I try my best to keep up his image.

Ahh.. sorry. That's decent of you doing that for your brother.

 

[August Campbell]

Nothing bad has happened, no fights, but something new has happened thats ... Just a bit of a turn off? My brother and my fella are acting like best mates...
This... is a good thing, however, it's annoying me as, my fella is starting to say stupid catchphrases my brother says. It's like personality mimicking ? I have tried to find anything on this on google and I just cant.

Have you experienced this? Do you do that? What would you say if your partner started doing it? My brother is super annoying, I can just about tolerate one of him lool I dont really wanna date my brother... or his clone. He's the type to randomly shout "yeaaahhhh" and now my fella is doing it...uhhh just ... so... embarrassing.. lol I cant..

Maybe I am just worrying about nothing? But why randomly wake up and change? Am I supposed to think nothing about it?

Come on... adviceee me up! Do I just want and obviously deserve perfection and anything less just won't do? (I joke)

Or do I actually have a point here? It's making me really not like him, and I used to like everything about him. I only date a certain type of man I made that clear, right now he's acting like a guy I'd be friends with... should I tell him?

Your exasperation is exactly why I prefer a Platonic companionship which is what I have right now, as you know. Between Romantic and Platonic, the Romantic has too much stress for me, with each partner wanting something from the other, which usually can not be given. Also the Romantic has too strong of an emotional attachment, so if a time comes for a break-up, then it would cause too much pain and agony. Whereas with Platonic, a break-up is just a disappointment but without pain.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ahh.. sorry. That's decent of you doing that for your brother.

Awh thanks, all I know to be fair

Your exasperation is exactly why I prefer a Platonic companionship which is what I have right now, as you know. Between Romantic and Platonic, the Romantic has too much stress for me, with each partner wanting something from the other, which usually can not be given. Also the Romantic has too strong of an emotional attachment, so if a time comes for a break-up, then it would cause too much pain and agony. Whereas with Platonic, a break-up is just a disappointment but without pain.

Lol it's about to get very platonic if he don't bloody stop... but I respect your point of view, it is tough, relationships are hard work and sometimes I feel so under prepared for one, like I feel like a pressure to change my wants and needs to deal with it...

 

[U-122]

No, do not tell him directly. That'll piss him off. Come on, Ceno, you're the woman. You should be controlling everything that he does while he thinks everything is his idea. Didn't they teach you MANipulation in school?

I'm not a woman, but I think maybe you should start doing the annoying stuff too and appear to enjoy it. Take it over the top. Do it more frequently. At first they'll both get excited. But then they'll both see it's not so cool any more and just stop doing it. Then you keep doing it a little longer just to make sure they become annoyed by you doing it so it doesn't happen again.

For the women here, how does Ceno control her SO more without him realizing it? At these trade secretes that are only available to older women?

My neighbor graduated top of her class from the MANipulation University of NJ

 

[Finished]

Finished! This is new me... I'm not doing any more manipulating !

I could if I really want to, but... is it really okay to keep manipulating people? Idk... maybe thats why he wasn't this annoying before, because I had a tighter handle on things.

Well, the woman in the relationship really controls what goes on. When the woman doesn't the man tends to do odd ****, wanders away, and looses interest. They need to be manipulated, just in a nice loving, caring way so they don't realize they are actual working for you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, the woman in the relationship really controls what goes on. When the woman doesn't the man tends to do odd ****, wanders away, and looses interest. They need to be manipulated, just in a nice loving, caring way so they don't realize they are actual working for you.

Thats it... I've had enough of men, im just gonna hire a boyfriend to show up to events with me and be single the rest of the time lmao

 

[Finished]

Thats it... I've had enough of men, im just gonna hire a boyfriend to show up to events with me and be single the rest of the time lmao

Hey! Successful relationships take a ton of work and it's not all obvious and pretty. You'll find yourself doing all kinds of things you never thought you would in order for it to work. Being single is like being free. But, then you start torturing yourself because there's nobody else to torture.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, the woman in the relationship really controls what goes on. When the woman doesn't the man tends to do odd ****, wanders away, and looses interest. They need to be manipulated, just in a nice loving, caring way so they don't realize they are actual working for you.

Im officially confused lol but you know what... it's because im trying to be this person im not... im trying to be understanding to things... that I cant possibly understand, you know?

 

[ewomack]

This is so sad, im sorry, I cant stand liars, and you know truthfully, not a lot of people have been there for me in life, maybe I cant "trust the process" as much as I should, not sure if that makes sense?

Just be careful, don't take anything for granted and if something seems off, it just might be. Ask questions and find out. Don't get caught in an untrusting one-way relationship. It's easy to do.

 

[user 139760]

Hey people back at it again with my boring nice normal relationship,
Nothing bad has happened, no fights, but something new has happened thats ... Just a bit of a turn off? My brother and my fella are acting like best mates...
This... is a good thing, however, it's annoying me as, my fella is starting to say stupid catchphrases my brother says. It's like personality mimicking ? I have tried to find anything on this on google and I just cant.

Have you experienced this? Do you do that? What would you say if your partner started doing it? My brother is super annoying, I can just about tolerate one of him lool I dont really wanna date my brother... or his clone. He's the type to randomly shout "yeaaahhhh" and now my fella is doing it...uhhh just ... so... embarrassing.. lol I cant..

Maybe I am just worrying about nothing? But why randomly wake up and change? Am I supposed to think nothing about it?

Come on... adviceee me up! Do I just want and obviously deserve perfection and anything less just won't do? (I joke)

Or do I actually have a point here? It's making me really not like him, and I used to like everything about him. I only date a certain type of man I made that clear, right now he's acting like a guy I'd be friends with... should I tell him?

I actually terminated my last relationship because of this. I don't know how generalized it is but many of the women I have encountered start loosing their own personnalities and taking on that od their boyfriends...such as my sister who always DETESTED wrestling and Star Trek, to end up knowing and talking about it more than I did, instead of her own interests, which included plays, music and theatre.
My previous girlfriend started behaving more like...me. I'm not infatuated enough with myself to enjoy dating...myself. Of course, she did not understand this, so I insted lied to her by telling her there was another woman, because she didnt accept the break up. That made me hated for life, but I'll live with it.

I think you have a point, but in my observations, people are oblivious to it. You could try, but I dont itll come off as anything else than you complaining. It's not like people can be controlled and they ARE influenced by those around them...

 

[user 148069]

It's like personality mimicking ? I have tried to find anything on this on google and I just cant.

well, there's the "single white female syndrome". Based on the movie with the same name. The character in the movie started taking on her friend's mannerisms, copying the way she dresses, her haircut...eventually becoming a clone of her buddy. It's like an identity theft. Personality mimicking is a thing, mostly harmless and unintentional. Can be malicious too but it's hard to prove I guess? But yeah, I guess I can see why you feel uncomfortable.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

well, there's the "single white female syndrome". Based on the movie with the same name. The character in the movie started taking on her friend's mannerisms, copying the way she dresses, her haircut...eventually becoming a clone of her buddy. It's like an identity theft. Personality mimicking is a thing, mostly harmless and unintentional. Can be malicious too but it's hard to prove I guess? But yeah, I guess I can see why you feel uncomfortable.

You know what Orangecat I watched that film and I drew no connection until now!!! Wow, this opened my bloody eyes

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I actually terminated my last relationship because of this. I don't know how generalized it is but many of the women I have encountered start loosing their own personnalities and taking on that od their boyfriends...such as my sister who always DETESTED wrestling and Star Trek, to end up knowing and talking about it more than I did, instead of her own interests, which included plays, music and theatre.
My previous girlfriend started behaving more like...me. I'm not infatuated enough with myself to enjoy dating...myself. Of course, she did not understand this, so I insted lied to her by telling her there was another woman, because she didnt accept the break up. That made me hated for life, but I'll live with it.

I think you have a point, but in my observations, people are oblivious to it. You could try, but I dont itll come off as anything else than you complaining. It's not like people can be controlled and they ARE influenced by those around them...

I think this is true, my music tastes change with the more I like a guy lol Thats true, but my overall interests are mine, im flexible with music, But I feel like guys and girls do it, but women are more known for pretending to be someone they're not and changing up on the guy mid relationship, you know?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just be careful, don't take anything for granted and if something seems off, it just might be. Ask questions and find out. Don't get caught in an untrusting one-way relationship. It's easy to do.

You know, my fella tried to show me something by ignoring my brother a bit, and I felt so triggered, im so protective with my brother, so maybe I subconsciously push them to be friends and my fella is just trying to relate to him? Maybe im overthinking as usual... but something is off... I am often conflicting and not sure what I want lol maybe im the one making no sense right now or sending mixed messages.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You know, my fella tried to show me something by ignoring my brother a bit, and I felt so triggered, im so protective with my brother, so maybe I subconsciously push them to be friends and my fella is just trying to relate to him? Maybe im overthinking as usual... but something is off... I am often conflicting and not sure what I want lol maybe im the one making no sense right now or sending mixed messages.

From what I read of this thread, I feel like this could be it. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be a friend to your brother. Trying to relate, like you said. It might not be anything bad at all, just a nice gesture.

I admit that my knee-jerk reaction was to judge your boyfriend harshly in that other thread. But I could be wrong. I may not have gotten the whole picture.

I don't know. Just a guess.