Triggered by FB...How do some people create such a huge social life?

[Sci-Fi]

General rule of forums, when you make a post replying to the topic of the thread you initially are replying to the OP.

But just drop it.

 

[2firstnaymz]

Hello,

First of all, I just got here, you're the first person whose post I'm responding to, and I already like you, FWIW. Not just your personality, but your well thought out posts.

Secondly, FB is a big fat illusion. Don't let those photos bring you down. I have a couple of posters like that, too; they don't really do the photos but the number of check-ins they record on a bi-weekly basis is staggering ("At Bar X with C, T, W and K!"). And to me, the numbers make people appear much more special than they really are. I'm a member, but I am not caught up in the numbers, nor do I post publicly to any of these people in particular. I have 15 (I think) 'friends' on there: my brother, his wife, an old family friend who is long-distance (he has 2 IDs, lol), two "friends" that dumped me, some lady I met online who I barely correspond with anymore, her brother (a total stranger), another lady I met online who now lives nearby but I'm no longer interested in meeting in person, a few people I met once through my one local, 'real life' friend (who wisely ditched FB herself), and another complete stranger (friend of friend of friend...) who wanted to follow me for some unknown reason. To 'collect' friends, I guess. But I care about 3 of those people, and rarely even talk to *them*. My brother gets a lot of attention on FB. I was feeling a trigger, too: Why don't I have a large circle of friends like he does? I wrote him, saying 'must be nice'. His attitude was 'Are you kidding? These are just people I went to school with. I don't ever actually *see* them!' Made me feel better!

Anyhoo...this part of your post confused me:

And this man on FB, he is one of the few FB people I really enjoy and would really like to know better. But I can see he has such a busy social life, I doubt he has time, or the need for me, even though he likes my posts and we've had discussions.Well, I've asked him if we could meet (as friends of course) he said "ok" but I've been busy...but now I am too ashamed to meet him as my life is not even close to his.

So if I am reading this correctly, you are saying:

- I like this guy and would like to get to know him.
- I doubt he has time to hang out with me.
- He likes me, too.
- I asked if he would like to meet.
- He said 'OK'.
- I have been too busy.
- I am ashamed to meet him because his life is busier than mine.

Sounds to me like he indeed has time for you, and was taking you up on your offer to become part of his 'busy social life'. But then you didn't make time for him so you could do just that? The only 'shame' here is you didn't follow through. :shy:

This time.

Try again.

 

[HappyYogi]

2First.

Thanks for your reply.

You are RIGHT! When I wrote it, I was alert to my error. He was open to me and I have not gone forward because I am a bit embarrassed to be so lacking in the social department with this social giant!

I think in the future I will meet him, I hope so. I would love him as a friend.

I enjoyed everyone's replies to my issue. Many of you were insiteful and funny. Yes, Frito, that includes you! I really enjoyed your insite.

Good day everyone.

K

Hello,

Anyhoo...this part of your post confused me:

And this man on FB, he is one of the few FB people I really enjoy and would really like to know better. But I can see he has such a busy social life, I doubt he has time, or the need for me, even though he likes my posts and we've had discussions.Well, I've asked him if we could meet (as friends of course) he said "ok" but I've been busy...but now I am too ashamed to meet him as my life is not even close to his.

So if I am reading this correctly, you are saying:

- I like this guy and would like to get to know him.
- I doubt he has time to hang out with me.
- He likes me, too.
- I asked if he would like to meet.
- He said 'OK'.
- I have been too busy.
- I am ashamed to meet him because his life is busier than mine.

Sounds to me like he indeed has time for you, and was taking you up on your offer to become part of his 'busy social life'. But then you didn't make time for him so you could do just that? The only 'shame' here is you didn't follow through. :shy:

This time.

Try again.

 

[570rm47]

Did you have any luck with this guy?
I use facebook a bit but find that its real shallow and a very clicky social forum, i notice that although most of my good friends(the few that i have) have a facebook page most of them dont really use it i had a real superficial pic of me riding a horse in a river looking real leanest and meanest, and those were the type of people that would send friend requests superficial. I get a little blue myself at what people are up to on facebook but it hink mine is more to with that i could never actually imagine myself belonging in a lot of those situations?

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I really have enjoyed reading this thread, wanted to add my 2-cents.

FB is pretty shallow, and now with all the advertisement and games where you 'pay 5$ to play more today', it's really such a cash cow.

The 'catching up on what friends are doing' part of it seems to be less and less of why FB exists, and more and more about money, status, and showing off how big and shiny your life is to the people who you have sometimes never even met in person!

I'd love to see some of these friend-count show-off's bopped!
:club:

 

[Frito Bandito]

I now use Facebook exclusively for the Angry Birds app.

It's amazing.

 

[HappyYogi]

570...thanks for asking!

No, I haven't met up with him yet only out of time issues. I WILL. He lives in another city...and right now I have big time responsibilities to take care of but once I do...I will.

I did ask him a question and he reiterated "still would like to meet you" so he is open. We really have things in common and would love him as a friend. I want more friends.

To all...I agree FB is can be so superficial. I mostly like it for the positive inspiring stuff I get. I also get posts on interests I have which is fun. I have a minimal amount of friends...and I only enjoy conversing with a handful! What does that say? He is one of them that I truly enjoy.

Thanks All!

Did you have any luck with this guy?
I use facebook a bit but find that its real shallow and a very clicky social forum, i notice that although most of my good friends(the few that i have) have a facebook page most of them dont really use it i had a real superficial pic of me riding a horse in a river looking real leanest and meanest, and those were the type of people that would send friend requests superficial. I get a little blue myself at what people are up to on facebook but it hink mine is more to with that i could never actually imagine myself belonging in a lot of those situations?

 

[juggiekins]

Social networks like Facebook aren't meant to be a competition on who has the most friends or the most exciting (or loud). Just note what people post what they're willing to share and there are of course going to be people who tend to actually to be more active in life. There are also people who post things for the attention and to make themselves feel better, but I wouldn't fret about this too much.

I don't have a huge network of friends (actually I hardly even use Facebook too), but this is just my own comfort zone. I am glad you are happy with the friends you currently stay in contact with.

 

[Intranetusa]

FB isn't a representation of people's lives. People generally only post good/interesting stuff on facebook.

 

[Frito Bandito]

I think I am going to open a fake facebook profile and try to become "the most popular" person on facebook.

I would post fictional pictures of my exploits!

These exploits would be fantastical and exciting!!!

Fake pics of myself as some sort of male supermodel, lol.

This should be fun, will report back after some time has passed.

I just need a great name for my persona.

 

[Ak5]

Aphrodisiac Profile Page!

Good idea Frito! Lol

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well the short answer to this thread is that these people only really do that. That is their hobby, keeping track of this massive social network that they have. They have to keep track of a lot of details so they appear to be everyone's friend. It is not an easy task. However, it has become such a routine part of their life that they do not have to think about it as much.

Then there is the explanation that there are more of an acquaintance than a friend. You know, they leave a much larger impression on people. So those people want to hang out with them. However, they are not close or anything like that. However, again that is really only accomplished by having a lifestyle around it. You have to be the most important person in the room and all that kind of stuff. It is nothing that you really want to do. It is just a really big struggle.

So do not let it get you down. Most of these people would be jealous of your hobbies and the time you have to yourself.

 

[Lost for now]

I know a couple of people like that rather well. The truth is they're socializing almost every waking minute of their life and hardly find time for themselves. The bigger lie here is that they have real friends, while most of the people in their 1000+ friend list won't even count as acquaintances. Meet them at some random party, add on FB and forget about it. Really, it's pitiable.

Wouldn't you rather have a smaller but closer group of friends who know you well and are understanding than have a giant-ass herd that you only know on facebook?

Oh, and it's okay to feel bad sometimes. Happens to everyone. We humans as a species desire to be popular and there's nothing wrong with wanting more friends. Just don't beat yourself up over this.

 

[HappyYogi]

It's true. I don't want their life or the life of this one woman who drinks every weekend. But I do want a grander version of MY life and that is somewhat missing. That's what I want.

 

[sorat116]

Hi. Embarrassed to admit this but yesterday FB triggered some sad/upsetting emotions in me.

I had an OK weekend, not great but decent. I go onto FB and read two people's posts. One, from a single middle aged guy, gushing about his great family, great friends and listed all the fun he has had in the last two weeks (trips, Disneyland, dinners, fun fun fun).

Another is just an acquaintance but this woman has an extremely busy social life. Constantly posting pics of herself drinking with others, partying, etc and then telling us all the fun friends who will be visiting in the summer and her Oscar party! I don't drink so I don't have an interest in that kind of socializing but I would really love to have more opportunities to have fun.

I have a social life but it is weak and I work hard to keep myself involved and somewhat involved and social but for the life of me, I cannot understand how some people can create such huge social lives!

I just don't have that gene, that capability. Heck, I don't have the energy! Also it being winter, I don't like to go out that much during the winter...I prefer to be at home at night.

I hate to say this...it made me feel sad for myself. I know that is not healthy and I prefer to be in gratitude but for a while, I couldn't help it. It made me feel lonely.

I guess I am envious of the love, companionship and easy fun these people have. The family get togethers of the one man especially hurt as I am on the outside of my family. I would love to be part of something larger, to MATTER, to be VALUED, to share, give, have fun with, etc.

I can't help but feel bad when I see others have what I so deeply crave so easily. What is wrong with me that I don't have it? No matter how hard I tried, I could not be valued. I could not be included. I could not be loved after so much effort.

Makes my heart sink.

And this man on FB, he is one of the few FB people I really enjoy and would really like to know better. But I can see he has such a busy social life, I doubt he has time, or the need for me, even though he likes my posts and we've had discussions.Well, I've asked him if we could meet (as friends of course) he said "ok" but I've been busy...but now I am too ashamed to meet him as my life is not even close to his.

I don't know how they do it. While I am friendly to most I meet, and love to converse and share...I can't seem to create that loving, fun, social life like they do.

Sigh.

Don't be so hard on yourself.. just a year ago I was in your position looking at others' facebooks wandering how did they develop such lively social lives? Facebook can easily be depressing, maybe you should delete your account? Half of the things posted on there are just lies to make themselves look like they are having the time of their lives.. a lot of times, they really feel just like you, lonely.

My facebook used to be plain and boring.. until I got in college and made lots of new friends and my high school friends are always saying they are jealous of me and that I look like I am having an amazing time.. and don't get me wrong, I am. But I still feel really lonely a lot of times even though my pictures would show that I have a million friends.. I feel like I have none sometimes.

Facebook is a big lie and it can often be deceiving. Don't worry about facebook just try and reach out to people more and try and enjoy yourself with everything you do in life.. they have problems too, trust me.

Hope I helped!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I have serveral friends in high mother fucken places.
Even my own duaghter lives that sort of life style.

A couple of my old HS freinds and ex band members are Rock Stars.
They post pictures of them on tour, on stage, their CDs, vedio...ect..ect.

Another one of my friend is a movie star and movies producer now.
He post picture of him traveling the world doing films and the countless
movies he had been in and all the good ****.
Money to burn and all that good ****.

Another one of my friend is stupid rich.
He's into baja racing. He has a racing team.
Posting pics and vedio from helicoptors of his trophy race truck and **** like that.

My duaghter dose the samething...Pictures of her luxgerious life style
that she live in hollywood and NYC....

They have over thousands friends and fans on their FB account.

Sometimes I get tons of pics coming across my news feed of these people
doing ans living whatever the hell rich famouse people do...

My duaghter can write. "......" on her her mind.
**** loads of people would response to her writting nothing.lmao

 

[integrand]

I feel exactly the same way. I don't have a very high friend count, but I do have some friends from my university who are total party animals on my list. I see all their pictures of them holding beer cans (which I think is totally immature, especially since they are underage), laughing, being all over their friends, etc. It kind of depresses me that I can't have a life like that, but when I hear about how low their GPA is, my opinion often changes. But regardless, a lot of us dream of having lives like that, but maybe some of us just aren't programmed to be as social as they are.

I have a few friends, and I do make an effort to keep in touch, but sometimes I'd honestly rather, as you said, be at home at night and not do anything at all. I'm just so much more comfortable that way. You aren't alone, there are others just like you, including myself. Keep your head up Life has things to offer us as well!!

 

[Bob Arctor]

It's true that some people seem to just magnetically attract friends and adventures to their lives. I can't say for sure why this is, if they are just blessed with a particular skill or if they push themselves harder to make it happen. I've read a lot of self help books preaching the philosophy that what you focus on in your mind becomes your reality.

For example, if you focus on thoughts of what you would do if you had as many friends and outings as you wanted, or how you would feel in that situation, then you will attract desirable people and situations. However, if you instead focus on how unhappy you are because you don't have what you want, then you'll continue to attract undesirable scenarios. Now I've always taken this viewpoint with a grain of salt because I don't think life is that simple. There are overriding factors such as a person's location, their schedule or possibly a medical condition. Nevertheless, I believe there is something to it.

Aside from that, what may or may not come easily to a person could very well be simple dumb luck. I mean some people just seem to be born to do certain things. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and some people might just have to try harder at some things than others. I know you said you've been making efforts to be involved and I commend that, but maybe it's time to try something different. Change it up a little if what you've been doing isn't working for you.

As far as facebook goes, I deleted my account last year. Personally I think it's nothing more than a huge data mining front for marketers. How do you think sites like this make money? It's from constantly spewing ads (many of them "customized" to take money from a particular individual). People had large social groups and managed to stay in touch long before this fad swept the world, and things will continue as they did before long after facebook has gone the way of myspace. At least, that's what I hope will happen. I really hate ads and telemarketing. Ever wonder why they're so eager for you to "verify" your account with a phone number? Hmm, they couldn't possibly be selling that information to telemarketers...could they?

 

[Ak5]

People are selfish, end of story. If you guys had all that, wouldn't you post about it?

 

[AskingtheEarth]

One of the reasons that I hate Facebook is that the whole thing is so fake to me. It breeds a culture and a society of phoneys, people who have 500 people in their 'friends' list but in reality they've probably only ever met about a dozen of them. For many people it's just a competition, see who can collect the most 'friends', and to hell with whether you even know the person from adam or whether it's just some randomer that you've added to boost your total a little. I quickly found this out myself during my exceptionally limited time experimenting with FB.

I found a similar story on Twitter. People would be describing other people as being 'really good friends', but what often they meant was they'd 'followed' each other about two weeks previously, exchanged maybe half a dozen tweets with one another and actually had no idea what the other person's real name even was let alone had ever met them in person. Does that constitute a 'really good friend'?

People have a tendency to exaggerate, because they have this in-built need to make their lives sound better than everyone else's. In my old job, one of my mates said that he was a good friend of my boss, and yet when I mentioned him to my boss he couldn't even remember him! In reality, he'd probably met him once or twice in passing and to him that meant he knew him really well. It's all relative, and it's all a case of interpretation.

As for having a 'full' social life, the kind of busy busy that the original poster described is a concept that I would find absolutely horrifying, to be honest. I very much love to keep my 'social' circle as small as possible, and the things that I do find the most fulfilling in life I have no desire whatsoever to shout about online to the rest of the world. To me, that's like showing people your holiday photos - to you they may represent great memories, but it's also worth remembering that most of the time other people just won't give a ****!