Kate said:
ladyforsaken said:
Hey Kate, what's making you be in tears right now? Is it from thoughts of your marriage?
You can't keep going on like this, there has to be something done.
I think it's everything.. I thought I was a bit better today, but I'm not. I can't let anyone see me like this. I feel so alone and Im scared of the future. Im really not a strong person. I keep feeling Im having panic attacks, I wish i could just hide away
I spent weeks upon weeks crying every single day... on the bus, at work (and this was a brand new job!), at lunch, in the grocery store, and of course at home. I have no idea how I got through it. I really don't. It was aweful, crying in front of my boss on the second day of work... and i'm a dude!!! we aren't supposed to cry. I was so depressed, and everything felt so aweful, just as you say, I just wanted to disappear, and sit in my room, away from the world...but when I got the chance to do that, it was no better. I didnt' always eat because I didnt' want to go out to buy food, I ignored everything, everybody.. eating, sleeping, showering... I know how you feel. Try not to beat yourself up for crying, or letting people see you cry. There is nothing wrong with crying. Being scared of the future, well, it must be very difficult for you. Have you been seeing a therapist? I'm sure that there is one that could come to your house if you dont' want to leave it, or maybe even one you can "see" over the phone or via online chat/video/skype.... I am not a fan, at all, of cliches....but, its true, you have to go one day at a time... one hour at a time even... you really do need to get yourself to a therapist though. In this condition, its is very difficult to think clearly, and we kind of lose touch with reality a little bit.. a therapist will really help keep you on track and help you through it. Human contact is a beautiful, healing force.. you need some kind, thoughtful human contact... somebody who can help you. Also, keep writing in here, about how you feel, if it helps you ..... you ever written poetry? writing helped me alot through the dark times of my life....
