Untrustworthy feelings

[MissBehave]

Wish I was more sure about myself. 
That I was able to trust my feelings.
Some days I feel betrayed by them. 

Every single time I feel very upset I question myself. 
Do I have reason to feel upset?
Is me being upset even relevant to what released it?
I get overwhelmed with feelings and since I bottle up a lot, I’m always unsure about why. 
There has been many occasions where I realize I’m venting my other backed up **** rather than actually responding to something real. 

It’s a weird place to be. 
Emotions raging through my body with no way to find out why or if it’s even true.

 

[Yeti1980]

Hi MB,

Could you elaborate a little bit on what triggers your emotions? Do you feel emotional regardless or do certain things happen that upset you? Could you maybe give an example?

Being upset for any reason is never a nice place to be.

 

[MissBehave]

Generally I’m very detached from my feelings. 
They get bottled up and explode in some way or form. Usually with me acting bitchy and bratty.
Not a very favorable quality to have but yeah, it’s there. I’ve been trying to change that about me for a long time. Sadly, I’m guessing it’s tied very well to my other issues. 

But. 
Let’s see.
It usually is triggered by something. It doesn’t just come out of the blue. 
What I don’t know though is if I’m simply taking things the wrong way (unintentionally or intentionally?) to release pressure. 
Like someone saying something rude to me, that I normally have an extreme amount of patience with but now suddenly I’m getting hurt and mad because of it. 
It can also be a thingy that, according to the one that said it, is something that I’ve misunderstood. But I’m sitting there feeling all this **** and.. yeah.
I get sad, cry, I get mad.. and I instantly get very insecure about it. Start to question if I’m right or not. I feel guilty for feeling what I’m feeling too. 

I recognize that these thought are coming from my bad childhood. 
Just wish I could somehow be sure about what I’m feeling is right.
That it’s real.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I get what you are saying, I think a lot of people here could relate. It's hard to put your feelings aside or what is going on in your mind and find what is real. I try to focus on the facts, the real things around me and what actually happened and then come to a more rational conclusion. That usually only works if I can settle myself down and clear my head of everything else.

 

[Yeti1980]

Well first thing to say is that everyone gets upset and angry from time to time, it's not wrong to have emotions and they can sometimes be appropriate. That said, it can be very hard to differentiate between someone joking around or meaning offence, and it can lead to all sorts of confusion. Perhaps the best thing to do is to assume the best of other people and work from there? I know people can be a let down, and it sounds as though you've had your fair share of those, but if we assume negativity of others it actually makes things worse.

Can I ask what you feel your position in life is? By that I mean how you try to live and how you try to be with yourself and other people. Life can be a choppy sea at times and it's a good idea to be as stable a ship as possible to weather it all. It's about finding the values within yourself and having a personal inner fortress, with a drawbridge that remains open 99% of the time. Hope that makes sense.

 

[MissBehave]

Yeah, I get you. I usually have so much patience with this so it bothers me so much when I lose sight of it. 
I get stuck in the moment and the feeling of pressure needing to get out is hard for me to control.
It’s like my feelings go a little rampant. 
I’m lucky to have someone that gives me space to be what I need to be in order to feel better.
Just wish I could control it more. Not fun when I realize that what I did was bad. Makes me feel guilty. Also sucks to feel like what I’m feeling may not be real.

My position in life. Hmm. 
A pretty ****** one I think. Ofc, a lot of things could be worse and even the place I am now is an improvement to where I was when I was younger. 
Very hard to keep myself stable when all I’ve ever been in is a storm. 
I’m hoping to move to a new chapter in my life though. Make it or die trying kind of deal. 
Maybe it will be better when I get there. I hope so.
Feels nice talking about it and have someone listen. 

Thanks Sci-fi and Yeti

 

[MissBehave]

I think I’m black or white. All of myself or none of myself. 
That means that I’m either abandoning my own feelings in order to protect others or that I’m going completely selfish and getting engulfed with feeling me.

 

[Sci-Fi]

That last part could be taken the wrong way...jk

Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first and your own feelings. It's not selfish to do so.

 

[MissBehave]

That last part could be taken the wrong way...jk

Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first and your own feelings.  It's not selfish to do so.

Hmm. 
What could be taken the wrong way?  
I'm not following

A part of me realizes and believes it's not selfish to take care of your own feelings first. I recognize it and would tell others to do the same. 
I just don't know how to tackle this issue. I've been talking to therapists about it before and it helped me at least see my behavior. Just so lost about what to do about it. They couldn't help me so it feels like I'm stuck. I guess it's progress to allow myself to show others that I get mad or hurt by them. I didn't at all before but that's kind of a better way to be regarding socialization and that makes me kind of glad I have a hard time really liking someone to the point it matters if they don't like it.

 

[MissBehave]

That joke flew right over me. 
It was my favorit kind of joke too.

 

[Diagnosed]

One of my brother is paramedic... When he was saving the life of a lady, he paid less attention to His self, His wellbeing... Nowadays he hurt His spine, lost His job, and regrets all what he did while saving other.

It's too late to get His back cured!

 

[TheRealCallie]

The problem with personal feelings is that you have a right to feel them whether they are right or wrong.
Maybe instead of trying to justify your feelings, try to reason out how to get passed those feelings. Instead of asking "Do I have a right to be upset," ask yourself what you can do to move away from being upset to calm yourself down.

Another problem with emotions is that when they are negative, you generally end up questioning everything, spinning and twisting it so that other aspects of your life also fall into negative emotions. You'll eventually start seeing negativity and feeling upset more and more often. Try to spin yourself away from those.

I'm not saying deny those feelings. You shouldn't and you really can't. I'm saying feel them and then redirect. You'll have a much easier time analyzing them when you are still stuck in the negative emotion.

 

[MissBehave]

The problem with personal feelings is that you have a right to feel them whether they are right or wrong.  
Maybe instead of trying to justify your feelings, try to reason out how to get passed those feelings.  Instead of asking "Do I have a right to be upset," ask yourself what you can do to move away from being upset to calm yourself down.  

Another problem with emotions is that when they are negative, you generally end up questioning everything, spinning and twisting it so that other aspects of your life also fall into negative emotions.  You'll eventually start seeing negativity and feeling upset more and more often.  Try to spin yourself away from those.  

I'm not saying deny those feelings.  You shouldn't and you really can't.  I'm saying feel them and then redirect.  You'll have a much easier time analyzing them when you are still stuck in the negative emotion.

I agree. Feelings are allowed and we all do it if it’s justified or not. Just hard when I grew up without a balance. Only time I was allowed to feel was when I couldn’t take it any more and exploded in a mess of tears and pain. Even then it was wrong and I had to suffer the consequences of it. 
I’ve tried to do what you say. Feeling my feeling in the moment and trying to make sense of it, I do that most of the times I end up like that. The current that is my emotions are too strong for me to control. Sometimes it has helped though and that’s why I keep trying. It really feels like a river that’s taking me somewhere, no control whatsoever and a bumpy ride for sure. 
I think something that would help me further is being able to feel myself better in general. 
I think I’m able to keep myself positive most of the time, sadly since I don’t feel as much.
It allows me to live better. Guess that’s why I do it.

Thanks for your response. It’s appreciated

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm a firm believer in not focusing on how you grew up. Today is a new day, tomorrow is even newer, so you have every day to start over. To change yourself. To be better. I don't believe it matters how you grew up. I think it matters more how you want to be and the steps you take to get to that place. Each new day is a chance to be better than you were the day before. Make a plan, follow it, change yourself and how you think. It's not easy and it's not quick, but you have to come up with some kind of plan to set it in motion. Maybe you already have and you are working at it, I don't know, but if you have and it's not working the way you want it, don't be afraid to switch it up.

I used to feel the same way you do, that the emotions were too strong and I had no control over them. In hindsight, I can say that they weren't too strong, it was more like I was fighting them and making them more than they were. I also saw, from hindsight, that my emotions and the strength of them were more based on my current situation. If I was miserable or angry, I let the emotions take over because it was easier than trying to fight them. I know that kind of sounds like a contraditcion, though. I don't know you and I could be wrong, but I'd say you are either fighting your emotions or you are using them to hide from something or even to hide from others, not let them get close.

If you aren't feeling as much when you keep yourself positive, it's not real. I'm sure you know that, but what I suggested before wasn't about faking anything or putting on a front, but genuinely finding something more positive that you have. It's November, find what you have to be thankful for and remember those things when you feel the negativity. Write a gratitude list and reference it. Write one thing each day this month. Or you could just grow a beard since it's November. Your choice

 

[MissBehave]

Haha
It’s not that I don’t feel happiness or see positive stuff in this world and other people, I do. I think I feel that very easy. It’s more the me part. I have a strong sensitivity to other people (not all but chosen ones) and stuff in general. I’m normal with seeing others, being with others, experiencing this world but it’s like the myself part gets pushed back, not focused on. My focus is always with others or at other things. 
Focusing on me and myself is something I am trying to do. Finally.
There are stuff I want to achieve in this life and I’m working on taking the next step on the road to do that. Moving out on my own will be that step.

I’ve worked on myself since I was in my early teens so it’s been a long and hard journey to achieve anything. The whole childhood thingy. Hmm. I think that a positive mind and a good work etchings when it comes to your problems can solve a lot. It has for me. It’s at least made me way better than I was. Some things stay broken though. I have hopes to fix that too and if I’m able to do that is something time will tell I guess. 
“There’s still fire in the darkness and rooms of light”
I love that phrase.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So could you be resentful about not focusing on yourself and that is why the emotions feel too much for you?  You can only cater to others over yourself so long before resentment manifests itself.  I used to cater to everyone over myself, so I understand that.  Now the only two people who are put above myself is my kids and I make sure to pull back and get help when I feel myself beginning to....well, come undone, I suppose.  

Some things definitely take a hell of a longer than others.  I still have trouble showing weakness (crying, injuries, etc).

 

[MissBehave]

So could you be resentful about not focusing on yourself and that is why the emotions feel too much for you?  You can only cater to others over yourself so long before resentment manifests itself.  I used to cater to everyone over myself, so I understand that.  Now the only two people who are put above myself is my kids and I make sure to pull back and get help when I feel myself beginning to....well, come undone, I suppose.  

Some things definitely take a hell of a longer than others.  I still have trouble showing weakness (crying, injuries, etc).

That’s actually a good point. I’m not sure. It’s like I’m feeling entitled, overly sad and feely, stuck in this emotion that won’t let go, angry and more cold too. Sometimes I’m able to calm myself and stop it, other times I’m not able to. The feeling of entitlement may perhaps indicate something like that. I don’t know.

Weakness was hard for me to show too Or, it was a big problem doing that when I was younger. I even had problems saying I’m sorry to people. I’ve become much better regarding that. I still can be a cold bitch sometimes but to those I choose to let in, then I’m very warm and end up being called sappy. Lol.

 

[Diagnosed]

What type of disatisfaction do you think molest you more?


May be you need to read a test called MMPI-2...

It helped me to know more.