Avoided reading anything but the first post, after seeing Callie's last post here which made me think "This guy must be a complete *********."
Nah, though I didn't read any of his other posts in here, but from the original post it doesn't seem that way. But here's what I will say.
Are you really getting nothing back, my dude? You've got her attention. You're getting her friendship. You get her time. You get to hear about her day. You're invested in the life of another. That's all friendship boils down to.
Always take care of yourself first and foremost, and never change who you are for another. But that doesn't mean you can't help someone through issues you have experience with if you're willing to.
Were you helping her with her issues because you saw she had similar issues, or were you helping her with her issues because you wanted to be with her? That's an important question to ask yourself and no one else. Because it influences greatly what you're going to say to her when trying to help her with those issues.
Were you trying to help her, or were you trying to steer her towards you? Because the latter is a bit of a "bad" thing to do, but I can see how it's easy to do it without even knowing you are doing it. As long as you're not her therapist, it's not really a big deal as long as you're not going to blow up on her if it doesn't go the way you want. If you do that, you'd be a complete ******. Don't be that guy. I've been that guy, yeah? It doesn't feel good.
Be her friend, talk about your issues together, focus on yourself though and taking care of your own life. Don't forget about her though, don't leave her unless she stops talking to you then yeah, I'd leave it because it feels worse to be the one hanging on. It may, over time, work out.
She also may start dating someone else, while telling you she's not ready. Definitely don't blow up on her at that point. Just leave her be and 100% focus on your own life. It's her life, and her choices. It might feel like you've been slighted if that happens, but that's just someone not knowing how to express their emotions, a lot of women seem to have this process of problem solving that hurts you because of their intentions to avoid hurting you. As fake as that may seem, **** happens. If someone comes along that just sparks her life up then so be it. Wish her the best and keep on truckin'.
Hope it works out, and if it doesn't, then buddy I hope it works out somewhere else.
And if you're someone who can't deal with "just being friends" IF that comes up, as it so often does, then don't at all feel bad about not wanting to. That's your decision, same as hers, to move on completely. Don't hang on, though, if you have no intentions to.
Don't let yourself get demonized for being someone who can't deal with that situation, either. A lot of people will say it's a ****** thing to do. To be friends with someone but have romantic intention for them and not wanting to be friends with them if they don't want to be with you. I don't see it that way. You've got no obligation to be put in or stay in that situation, as long as you're not creeping around after the fact you know? That's one of those "Okay, bye." Then you go find something that is going to work for you scenarios. Might hurt the girls feelings, but she'll live man.
Edits: After reading the whole thing, between Enpatsu and Ardour. Neither are wrong.
Ardour is someone I agree with, but wish I didn't. Because much of what he says is true, real, and painful to accept.
Enpatsu is someone I agree with because much of what he says is true, real, and extremely hard to find, but you hope for it.
Walk a middle line. Knowing that a lot of women will just use you, but some won't. Protect yourself, Respect yourself. But also respect others and know when to walk away. That's the best you can do.
