What are your experiences of negative comments/reactions?

[WallflowerGirl83]

People in School used to think I was weird and a few even told me I smelled horrible; it made me feel awful about myself cause I bathed plenty and always took care of myself. They said anything that would make me feel horrible about myself. Even girls picked fights with me out of the blue and I haven't even done anything.

As for my family, I always heard how sensitive and emotional I was. All through growing up nobody took my feelings seriously. Everyone seems to make fun of me cause of that.

 

[ardour]

Yeah I think this has been discussed before, many have shared their experiences. For some reason as human beings we seem to remember and latch on to the negative more than the positive, sometimes even forgetting anything good someone may have said and done. The negative has a way of over shadowing the good. No one likes to be judged negatively so when that happens it is a huge blow to our ego and confidence and the more it happens the more it eats it up, and the more good it takes to repair it.

Nasty experiences seem to feature more prominently in the memory, probably to prepare us for that which is difficult or unpleasant in the future; don't let your guard down, don't get hurt like that again, avoid that situation again if you can etc.

 

[Amethyst]

I wished there were no place for bullies. This thread really makes me angry, not with the postings of the ones that have been bullied but for the ones who were/still are imposed with ones heartless taunting's.

Personally, I have been bullied, many times throughout my life, by my parents, peers and ex husband. However I, until last year, was blessed with a determined kick ass personality. My parents now have, for the last 18 years, look at me for directions (I'm 41) my peers did not stand a chance, even though I was so tiny in height and weight I could put a tank on his/ her ass. Which probably lead to my ex husband.... the only time he could hurt me, were through our children :'(

My children, who are 20 and 17 and have been traumatised through their dad's actions, their peers; for been an A grade students, for been short (my son before his growth spurt) and for my daughter for having a gorgeous figure. My son, now has some serious health problems and my daughter nearly starved herself to death as she thought her curves were fat, at 5'6 she is still now below a healthy weight range at 46kg's, before been bullied she only weighed 53kg's. Her lowest was a crazy 41kg's!

Lets hope the karma train takes all the bullies down a few levels and tech them some life learning lessons.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I was bullied for being different. Looking different, acting different, having different tastes in music, etc. People would shove me into lockers, and call me a queer. Things like that.

I had bipolar disorder, and during the time I was most vulnerable, I was also being attacked. So it's no wonder I developed social anxiety.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I was so shy, so quiet, bookworm, lonely and eyeglasses. But that wasn't enough for them to bully for 10 years. They always came up with something new to bully about. Funny looking nose or hair or how I drink water from the glass! Very silly things to bully about. Or wrong color of the socks... Every single day something new and super silly.

 

[Solivagant]

My whole life is basically a slew of negative comments/experiences. I couldn't possibly list them all.

For some reason as human beings we seem to remember and latch on to the negative more than the positive, sometimes even forgetting anything good someone may have said and done. The negative has a way of over shadowing the good.

"Our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative. Because negative experiences -- like burning your hand on a stove -- can be dangerous, they’re more easily reinforced in your brain than positive experiences."

^ I read that on Lumosity recently.

 

[9006]

"Our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative. Because negative experiences -- like burning your hand on a stove -- can be dangerous, they’re more easily reinforced in your brain than positive experiences."

Makes sense, I've heard something similar. It's kinda like a way to protect ourselves, but ironically ends up working against us anyway.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

"Our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative. Because negative experiences -- like burning your hand on a stove -- can be dangerous, they’re more easily reinforced in your brain than positive experiences."

Makes sense, I've heard something similar. It's kinda like a way to protect ourselves, but ironically ends up working against us anyway.

Some neuroscience research shows that emotional pain is processed in the same way as physical pain, so the burnt hand image is very appropriate.

It's ironic that anxiety's original purpose is to protect, but it gets out of control because emotions are much complicated than simply avoiding getting a burnt hand

 

[9006]

Some neuroscience research shows that emotional pain is processed in the same way as physical pain, so the burnt hand image is very appropriate.

It's ironic that anxiety's original purpose is to protect, but it gets out of control because emotions are much complicated than simply avoiding getting a burnt hand

Well since your brain is the thing that processes the feeling of pain it's easy to understand this, your nerves simply pick up on it. The human brain can be complex when it comes to feelings and emotions, people wish it was far simpler, but if it were we wouldn't be who we are.

 

[Peaches]

I was hysterical, overdramatic, too easily attached and too sensitive, basically crazy (this is what happens when you are the only child among 8 repressed adults who hate emotions)

 

[edamame721]

I've been told I was selfish and would never change my life for the better. These words continue to haunt me (mostly due to who said them) but when that happens, I try to remember the people who said I was kind, thoughtful, and awesome. =)

 

[juen]

I used to be bullied when I was younger, being called ugly, fatso, weirdo (my asperger traits, most likely), and a lot of other things. Back then, I either got pissed of and said rude things back, or ignored them. Because it was only males who bullied me, I still feel uncomfortable with men. I've met several nice ones, but I keep wondering if they are actually making fun of me when they say nice things to me, and I worry that they will suddenly start treating me like sh*t, since my best male friend in high school suddenly changed attitude (and he used to be so kind). It gets easier to deal with the older I get, and I don't distrust men as much as I used to, but the scars will always be there.

 

[thegreyman]

Like you, I've had a lot of lifetime experience of unpleasant comments. At school there was a lot of verbal bullying (some of it pertaining to my sexuality), but the majority of it didn't faze me much, it was more just an annoyance, and I ignored it.

Posting on message boards as an adult (the only instances in my life where I've made an effort to socialise with others), I have gotten a lot of remarks about how boring and humourless I am, which can be very hurtful, because I see this as the reason that I have had very few friends in my life. So it comes as just another crushing rejection. My screenname alludes to this fact - I have the personality that tends to just blend into the wallpaper.

I've also had to endure insults regarding my appearance, whilst walking down the street, minding my own business. This can also be quite hurtful.

 

[Paramoar]

I've read every single post on this thread and can relate to all of your plights in one way or another. Honestly, my heart goes out to everyone here and I'm sorry I backed out of here so quickly. Thank you for all of your posts! I admit I was quite sceptical of joining this forum since I've tried a lot of boards and been somewhat sidelined or neglected.

I agree that it's how we react to negativity that defines us. Unfortunately I live in a family where I am considered to be the 'black sheep' and am treated as such, so a happy place is very impossible to find. Hence why I've been finding solace on the internet since I was eleven... now eighteen.

We all need to start our own country or something.

 

[Retrospective81]

Geek, nerd, ewww, oddball, weirdo, I don't do all that everyone else does so I think I'm better than them (that annoyed me the most). Individuality was and stills seems to be a big crime these days especially in my own experience. Not saying it's like that for everyone.

Its still happening now but I'm closing my ears to all this. I want to avoid that part of my life now.Hope you guys can be able to rise above this. What other people think or say, especially negative things is just meaningless mindless bull dust.

These people have and maybe will always have a 'deluded sense of morality and superiority'.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

"Our brains are naturally wired to focus on the negative. Because negative experiences -- like burning your hand on a stove -- can be dangerous, they’re more easily reinforced in your brain than positive experiences."

Makes sense, I've heard something similar. It's kinda like a way to protect ourselves, but ironically ends up working against us anyway.

Some neuroscience research shows that emotional pain is processed in the same way as physical pain, so the burnt hand image is very appropriate.

It's ironic that anxiety's original purpose is to protect, but it gets out of control because emotions are much complicated than simply avoiding getting a burnt hand

I've heard the same. I just don't understand bullying?

 

[user 92987]

Upon reading this thread, I have thought of instances where I wish I had stood up for others.

Four years ago was my first year in university. There is a large hill on the north side of the campus that has a giant letter P on the side of the hill. Students will take it upon themselves to decorate this structure to celebrate various events. I recall seeing it decorated to celebrate LGBT Pride Month.

On my way back to my dorm, I heard two boys telling each other how "disgusting" it was and other comments that don't warrant repetition. Now, I think about how I could have spoken my mind and perhaps discourage their hateful behavior. It may be foolish to think I could have done so, but it bothered me how open they were to displaying their intolerance. I have been thinking that I will speak against that kind of behavior when I encounter it again.

 

[Gutted]

Yeah I think this has been discussed before, many have shared their experiences. For some reason as human beings we seem to remember and latch on to the negative more than the positive, sometimes even forgetting anything good someone may have said and done. The negative has a way of over shadowing the good. No one likes to be judged negatively so when that happens it is a huge blow to our ego and confidence and the more it happens the more it eats it up, and the more good it takes to repair it.

A life coach once told me "On average, it takes 10 compliments towards a person to balance just a single negative comment" I think she was onto something. Naturally, we all seem to seek approval of one-another. We want to be accepted. Personally I don't get it as 'acceptance' in this day and age isn't based on what it should be - How nice of a person you are in society. Instead you are more 'approved' by peers if you have power, fame, money, respect ect. Things that can easily be earned through bad methods. I don't mind people giving me negative feedback. But only if it's constructive. If I'm called something out of pure spite, I disregard it.

 

[Broken_Doll]

In school I got called "fat", in college I got called "ugly" amongst other things and I was bullied a lot fairly badly.

I'm diagnosed with ED/NOS and Body Dysmorphic Disorder.