Well today let me tell you. I went the gym as I was at the reception desk, a really sexy girl was making eye contact through the window. She regularly kept checking me out, as did I with her. Anyway, I went to get changed. On entering the gym I went straight to the treadmill to do my 20minute warm up. I didn't make eye contact on entering the gym cause I didn't want to seem to eager or looking at her too much. Anyway, after the session on the treadmill, I saw her, and only about 3-4mins after she left. I too had to go the same way as her, as I had to nip the toilet. Anyway, she was just getting her stuff from the locker and I tried to make polite conversion as I walked past. I said, "Man, you can tell I haven't been the gym for a while, that treadmill's worn me out" to which she said nothing and looked horrified if I'm honest. I just don't know, I must just give off a bad vibe. Should I have introduced myself first? I mean, she was definitely checking me out and she seem to like what she saw initially. I feel as though I'm jyst cursed when it comes to women. Now it's started to ruin my day and eating at my thoughts lol!
What did I do wrong?
- Thread starter SimonT
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jaguarundi
Well-known member
Probably you did nothing at all wrong. Sometimes you will get chatting, other times not. Letting one failure govern how you feel for the whole day is silly. If you have to try chatting with 30 girls .. Or 50 ... to get a response then think of that attempt as 1 down, 49 to go.
Oh, and it sounded like a good opener to me
Oh, and it sounded like a good opener to me
I know I thought so. She was interested that's why I don't get it. Makes me wonder whether attractive women do it on purpose. She was with a friend see. I can imagine her saying to her friend, "watch how easily I can get a man interested, then destroy their confidence after by totally being cold with him when he tries to talk to me". I know it's silly letting it get to me, but I guess that's what being depressed and lonely does to a person.
jaguarundi
Well-known member
SimonT said:
NO No no. You are mind reading her response. She may not have been thinking about you at all, but had she got enough food for the cat and did she want to go and fight her way around the supermarket. Or why did her friend make that catty remark about her weight. Or any one of a hundred different possible thoughts...
Do not let yourself believe that women are some kind of I don't know .. sirens... who toy with men. Some might... So might some men do the same with women.
All's I know is I walk around lonely and miserable and see couples everywhere all loved up and wonder what I did to deserve such a miserable lonely existence. I wish I didn't fancy women at all sometimes. She was looking at me and not thinking about shopping etc. I just give off a bad vibe.
jaguarundi
Well-known member
[sigh] ^ Wallow. Don't wallow. That is a choice that is entirely up to you, and only you.
I didn't choose this constant pain of loneliness and misery. I didn't choose to have a personality that repulses women and probably makes them want to vomit at the thought of intimacy with obviously such a diagusting vile person. :-(
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
SimonT said:
You shouldn't blame yourself, you should blame her. She ignored your comment so she was rude. Forget about her, not worth worrying about. And why feel bad ? So what ? You got ignored by someone you don't know. Happens to everybody. Every man, every woman all the time. It's isn't just you.
Next time wait until a woman speaks to you. Or wait until you get a smile or a nod.
SimonT said:
work on your personality. Try to be happier, smile more. Be interested in people, be more interesting.
ringwood
Well-known member
^ You're wallowing. Stop it. A poor me attitude is very unattractive. Get out there and try again.
Thanks. But I been single so long it just hurts. I don't handle rejection very well mentally. Think it's probably having too much time on my hands to think. I was fine in the gym. It was only an hour or 2 later that it started to bother me. When I became lonely on my own. Triple Bogey - if I waited for a woman to smile or nod at me I'd be waiting a long time, oh sorry I have been lol! That's why I'm trying to do something about it by trying to change it, by starting to try and get some kind of conversation going. It seems if you're not a confident man and/or haven't got that certain spark or charisma with women then you're stuffed. I know I should just let it go, like water off a ducks back, but I can't help it.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
SimonT said:
well I am like you. Away from work women don't notice me much. We are stuffed but what can we do about it ? Mope around ? Or get on with our lives. I get pissed off with it at times. It isn't fair and I would like to say 'what the fresia is wrong with me ?'- but what is the point ?
Annie Bodie
Active member
Simon, you may be a perfectly nice man, but if you have an air of desperation about you you're going to consistently strike out.
I'm telling you, with most females as long as you present as reasonably intelligent and don't send off creep vibes you've got a shot. Employed, attractive and well spoken and you're equity just shot up.
If you're staring, making odd or bizarre eye contact, smiling unnaturally, have stiff or uncomfortable body postures, all those things are going to set off a female's subconscious "ick radar". It's not that YOU'RE icky. You have to understand that an enormous amount of human communication, more than 55% of our communication in fact, is nonverbal. And that's just the average, with women it's actually an even higher percentage. I've read quite a few of your posts and you sound like someone who is trying to decipher body language, like it's a second language you didn't learn until adulthood.
But I swear to you, for the vast majority of women the most attractive thing on the planet is a confident guy. A man who looks comfortable in his skin and environment, who has an easy manner. You don't have to feel it, you do have to radiate it. Think Bradd Pitt or George Clooney. Yeah, they're good looking men but they have some other quality that's tough to put your finger on and it's that quality, even more than their attractiveness, that makes them sexy. It's confidence, almost an air of "If you're interested in me great, if not your loss". There's biology behind the psychology of a woman being attracted to a confident man -- he has the potential of being a good father/provider/mate. To a woman confidence (subconsciously, mind you, none of this is something women think about objectively) means he can handle whatever comes his way, broken plumbing, flat tire, stranger with a knife in the alley, putting out a kitchen fire, paying the bills on time, putting meat on the table, fending off attackers. Equality aside, from an evolutionary standpoint we've only just gotten out of the cave.
As for not handling rejection, you need to come to some resolution on that because rejections is a
I'm telling you, with most females as long as you present as reasonably intelligent and don't send off creep vibes you've got a shot. Employed, attractive and well spoken and you're equity just shot up.
If you're staring, making odd or bizarre eye contact, smiling unnaturally, have stiff or uncomfortable body postures, all those things are going to set off a female's subconscious "ick radar". It's not that YOU'RE icky. You have to understand that an enormous amount of human communication, more than 55% of our communication in fact, is nonverbal. And that's just the average, with women it's actually an even higher percentage. I've read quite a few of your posts and you sound like someone who is trying to decipher body language, like it's a second language you didn't learn until adulthood.
But I swear to you, for the vast majority of women the most attractive thing on the planet is a confident guy. A man who looks comfortable in his skin and environment, who has an easy manner. You don't have to feel it, you do have to radiate it. Think Bradd Pitt or George Clooney. Yeah, they're good looking men but they have some other quality that's tough to put your finger on and it's that quality, even more than their attractiveness, that makes them sexy. It's confidence, almost an air of "If you're interested in me great, if not your loss". There's biology behind the psychology of a woman being attracted to a confident man -- he has the potential of being a good father/provider/mate. To a woman confidence (subconsciously, mind you, none of this is something women think about objectively) means he can handle whatever comes his way, broken plumbing, flat tire, stranger with a knife in the alley, putting out a kitchen fire, paying the bills on time, putting meat on the table, fending off attackers. Equality aside, from an evolutionary standpoint we've only just gotten out of the cave.
As for not handling rejection, you need to come to some resolution on that because rejections is a
W
WallflowerGirl83
Guest
I'm not sure what you did wrong, but it's happen to me and I myself am a woman. I've tried to make conversations with people and in the end they didn't seem interested in what I had to say and walked away from me. In the beginning I was very upset, but than after awhile I got over it. There's a lot of woman are there and I'm sure one of them will find you interesting. Sometimes love is very hard to find. Try to be patient. =)
Just read a thread on here about a guy offering 2 girls his umbrella in the pouring rain and they said no. A comment further down, made me realise that probably the thing about my situation in the gym, was the way she reacted, or didn't react in my case. 'Cause she looked at me like a weirdo s' pose.
Thankyou wallflower.
Thankyou wallflower.
SofiasMami
Well-known member
I don't think you did anything wrong. You tried to make a connection and she didn't respond. This happens to everyone at one point or another.
Why beat yourself up and think she was revolted by you? Maybe she just got a call that her sister died, who knows what she was thinking? Don't let it get you down.
-Teresa
Why beat yourself up and think she was revolted by you? Maybe she just got a call that her sister died, who knows what she was thinking? Don't let it get you down.
-Teresa
Triple Bogey said:
To some extent, possible. But it is not simple for everyone. I cannot smile voluntarily, for example, without looking strange. If you get a smile from me, it's usually involuntary. Some people cannot act.
Sounds like you did you right things trying to make small conversation to initiate some interaction, after all staring wont do anything but creep her out the more you do it. Maybe she's shy and didn't know how to respond, you could try asking her something. At least then you'd get a feeling about how she feels when she answers.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Batman55 said:
well look strange then. When you think about it. Who is going to want to be around a miserable person who never laughs or looks happy ?
Some good answers. Think I been single, and to some extent, a loner for so long I'm used to it, but it gets to me. I smile quite a lot, depends on my mood at the time and I am very whitty at times, but only when you get to know me and I feel comfortable with you, but how happy you are generally doesn't make the slightest difference when you're a bloke does it. It all comes down to if you got that ability to break the ice with women easily. I just don't have a lot of confidence or success in life, in lots of areas including women so I guess that's why my confidence is generally low.
Triple Bogey - you're right, there isn't much you can do about, apart from join a boyband lol! Harry Styles said something along the lines if, "there's nothing like being famous to make you better looking".
Triple Bogey - you're right, there isn't much you can do about, apart from join a boyband lol! Harry Styles said something along the lines if, "there's nothing like being famous to make you better looking".
Don't lose heart Simon. After all, you've got to remember that some women lack social skills or haven't practiced them enough. I'm certainly not good looking. (Not in the Harry Styles league... but my hair is FAR superior 
) Though I've had the shyness and sometimes find it hard to want to talk to women I find attractive. But from the experiences I've had... there's always far more going on than you'd think. One example is that I started talking to a couple of ladies with my friend, they invited me to sit down and I asked if I could call my friend over. The one I spoke to responded to everything I said with one word answers, couldn't seem to grasp anything subtle I said and generally made zero effort with the conversation. I mean, why invite me to sit down if you then intend to give the subtle hint that you've got no interest in talking? I could torture myself over what actually happened, all manner of different things could have been on her mind (as I shall demonstrate in my next example) or I could just say we weren't going to get on. We weren't a good fit and that's that. Next lady please! XD
This one happened about a year ago. My one remaining friend in the area and I were out for a drink. I wasn't in a particularly great mood and had come out to just relax, enjoy my drink and talk absolute rubbish with my friend about nothing. My friend went off to the gents, so I continued with my drink and waited for him. While he was gone, a young lady broke off from her group and came over to ask to take one of the spare chairs from the table. I said fine, thinking nothing of it. But it quickly became apparent that she was just using that as an excuse to start a conversation with me. I just made polite replies about what I was doing there, told the truth. It didn't hit me until she'd sat down that she wanted to have a conversation with me (we'll never know if she wanted anything more) because I then proceeded to use the same tactic that I know works so well to kill a conversation. I gave one word answers, shrugged my shoulders at things and generally seemed disinterested. The reason I did this... I just wasn't feeling like getting to know someone new. I didn't feel like it. And that's all it was that left the poor lady to eventually figure out she wasn't going to get anywhere with me and eventually go away. And I think this illustrates one of the major sort of... unfair and stupid things about emotions. It wasn't her fault she got rejected. When I think back on it now, I know I probably would have given the conversation a chance if my emotions hadn't been screaming in my head "go away woman! I'm not in the mood." lol Perhaps your experience at the gym is just that? She liked the look of you, enjoyed the aesthetic pleasure and intended to take just that and then go home. It's nothing to do with you... the timing probably just wasn't right and she was slightly horrified by "oh god, he saw me checking him out. how mortifying, I don't want to be doing this right now. eep!" or similar.
I'm not saying I'm right about this... I think we all get it wrong plenty of times and sometimes there's not even a real reason for things not working out, it's just the wrong time. If you can learn to change your perspective on these things to something like that... you'll start to feel more positive naturally Hope that helps!
) Though I've had the shyness and sometimes find it hard to want to talk to women I find attractive. But from the experiences I've had... there's always far more going on than you'd think. One example is that I started talking to a couple of ladies with my friend, they invited me to sit down and I asked if I could call my friend over. The one I spoke to responded to everything I said with one word answers, couldn't seem to grasp anything subtle I said and generally made zero effort with the conversation. I mean, why invite me to sit down if you then intend to give the subtle hint that you've got no interest in talking? I could torture myself over what actually happened, all manner of different things could have been on her mind (as I shall demonstrate in my next example) or I could just say we weren't going to get on. We weren't a good fit and that's that. Next lady please! XDThis one happened about a year ago. My one remaining friend in the area and I were out for a drink. I wasn't in a particularly great mood and had come out to just relax, enjoy my drink and talk absolute rubbish with my friend about nothing. My friend went off to the gents, so I continued with my drink and waited for him. While he was gone, a young lady broke off from her group and came over to ask to take one of the spare chairs from the table. I said fine, thinking nothing of it. But it quickly became apparent that she was just using that as an excuse to start a conversation with me. I just made polite replies about what I was doing there, told the truth. It didn't hit me until she'd sat down that she wanted to have a conversation with me (we'll never know if she wanted anything more) because I then proceeded to use the same tactic that I know works so well to kill a conversation. I gave one word answers, shrugged my shoulders at things and generally seemed disinterested. The reason I did this... I just wasn't feeling like getting to know someone new. I didn't feel like it. And that's all it was that left the poor lady to eventually figure out she wasn't going to get anywhere with me and eventually go away. And I think this illustrates one of the major sort of... unfair and stupid things about emotions. It wasn't her fault she got rejected. When I think back on it now, I know I probably would have given the conversation a chance if my emotions hadn't been screaming in my head "go away woman! I'm not in the mood." lol Perhaps your experience at the gym is just that? She liked the look of you, enjoyed the aesthetic pleasure and intended to take just that and then go home. It's nothing to do with you... the timing probably just wasn't right and she was slightly horrified by "oh god, he saw me checking him out. how mortifying, I don't want to be doing this right now. eep!" or similar.
I'm not saying I'm right about this... I think we all get it wrong plenty of times and sometimes there's not even a real reason for things not working out, it's just the wrong time. If you can learn to change your perspective on these things to something like that... you'll start to feel more positive naturally
Hope that helps!
