What do you think if the usual "fun" isn't so much fun for me

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Am I a buzzkill if I can't make fun of people or can't ridicule them? When people have "fun" by laughing at someone, I don't. Let's just say that I can't, mostly because I feel like I could have been in the same situation as the guy/girl who is being laughed at (low self-esteem maybe?).

Also, I don't like showing off and doing things like planning something just for the sake of it (again, doing so to show how "adventurous" you can be) when you know that it is never gonna happen.

When someone around me does that, either I go really quiet and become disinterested in the conversation or I end up defending the person who is being mocked or laughed at, ending up at the spot myself.

Am I weird or the only one of the kind? More importantly, am I wrong?

 

[Masque]

I think the first part makes you a bigger person, as fun at someone else's expense is a pretty nasty thing. It shows a lot of awareness that you don't join in specifically because you understand what it's like to be in that position. I think many people would turn around and kick someone like them when they're down if the right people offered them social acceptance for it.

Sometimes friends poke fun at each other in a good-natured way, though.

 

[Locke]

Masque put it pretty well. I think not laughing at people shows maturity and understanding.

As for people making plans that they probably won't go through with, I guess that depends. I don't care much for show-offs either, and if they're making mock plans just to prove how cool they are, that's pretty lame.

But sometimes people have dreams, things they want to do someday. There's nothing wrong with talking about it, even if its unrealistic.

 

[Edward W]

Perhaps this is the answer to the thread 'When does a boy become a man?', assuming you are a guy, no details on your profile.

But not making fun of others is not a bad thing. Sometime we make a joke without realising it does hurt the other person.

 

[Naleena]

bump

 

[Gutted]

You aren't wrong to me. I am like that. Depending on who it is, if they target me I will clap them up!

 

[Case]

You are actually my kind of person, SomeoneSomewhere. I don't enjoy watching people get teased or ridiculed even if there's some silent agreement that it's socially acceptable. It always makes me uncomfortable, so I wouldn't imagine ever willfully doing anything to make someone feel fooled or mocked.

Light teasing is okay, but it has to be obviously jokey, and I'd really have to know the person to know if it'd be acceptable.

Also, I cannot stand practical jokes of any kind. Every single time I have seen a practical joke video, I feel like I've been disrespected myself because I empathize with the person being victimized.

Maybe I feel too much? I dunno. I just wish more people respected the people around them instead of trying to dominate them.

 

[Sci-Fi]

It all depends on what this "making fun of someone" is. Whether it's good natured ribbing between friends or being cruel to someone who doesn't fit their expectations. If it's the latter I wouldn't call you a buzzkill, I'd call you a decent human being.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Am I a buzzkill if I can't make fun of people or can't ridicule them? When people have "fun" by laughing at someone, I don't. Let's just say that I can't, mostly because I feel like I could have been in the same situation as the guy/girl who is being laughed at (low self-esteem maybe?).

Also, I don't like showing off and doing things like planning something just for the sake of it (again, doing so to show how "adventurous" you can be) when you know that it is never gonna happen.

When someone around me does that, either I go really quiet and become disinterested in the conversation or I end up defending the person who is being mocked or laughed at, ending up at the spot myself.

Am I weird or the only one of the kind? More importantly, am I wrong?

Old post is old, but still, when I randomly came across this I couldn't help but think that this is straight out of my own mind.  I feel the same way.  For one, I don't have the quick thinking necessary to be effective at finding a person's weakness and pointing it out, especially in a way that hints that I'm better.  I have absolutely no instinct for this.  And I have no interest in it either.  I've been mocked and laughed at too, and I hated it, so maybe that's part of why I don't want to do it to others. Also, I just have no drive to mock people, unless I really don't like the person. I'd rather have someone talk about something they like or are curious about, tell me their real interests and thoughts, than something or someone they want to make fun of, to express contempt and assert their own sense of superiority. I've always thought those were ugly feelings. I really don't like egotistical, hierarchical people, it's always bothered me, even since kindergarten. I just don't like being around that kind of person.

The planning stuff, it's one thing if they are actually going to do it, or are actually interested in it.  But at the same time, what if you're just a chill person, who doesn't feel the need to be "extreme" and "exotic" all the time? Like, sure, you COULD travel, or try some kind of extreme sport or activity, but you'll do it when you can or when you feel like it, not all the time so you can present some kind of highlight reel to the world, some kind of resume to show that you're "cool enough". The way things are these days, it's like if you don't know how / don't feel a need to mock others, and aren't living your life like it's some kind of performance or competition, you get written off as "boring", "awkward", or having "no sense of humor".  I don't know what I want to be in life, but I know I don't want to be someone's dancing clown, and I don't see life as just a competition.  But all that does for me is make people overlook me as not flashy or masculine enough. It's like it's not enough to just be you anymore, to just be a person. Now, it's all about showing that you're better than others, and if you can't, it must be because you're not better than anyone, so no one cares about you.

Sometimes I almost wish I could be a jerk, could make fun of others, could come up with the right ideas to be flashy enough, do exotic enough things, make all the right wild gestures and expressions, because that's the kind of guy who gets to have his way in life, and attracts partners easily.  I don't want to go through my whole life being thought of as an awkward, boring nerd. But this macho bravado just isn't in me.  Like I said, I have no instinct for this, and even if I learned how to do it, it wouldn't be because I want to, or because I feel a need to. It would be because this is what people like, and I want someone to like me, so I guess I have to do it.

Anyway.  I doubt OP will ever read this, but for whoever does read this and feels the same way, at least you know someone understands.

 

[Just Games]

Interesting thread to bring back.I am a bit guilty of this with my family.We generally have a laugh though and with my youngest who is a loner like I was through my teens I like to do it because I truly think is good to encourage him to rib me back to sort of strengthen his character.He talks to no one accept family. I do still have long sensible conversation with him as well because I want to prepare him for the outside world when he hits uni and will come up against all sorts of personalities,pi££ takers as well.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Interesting thread to bring back.I am a bit guilty of this with my family.We generally have a laugh though and with my youngest who is a loner like I was through my teens I like to do it because I truly think is good to encourage him to rib me back to sort of strengthen his character.He talks to no one accept family. I do still have long sensible conversation with him as well because I want to prepare him for the outside world when he hits uni and will come up against all sorts of personalities,pi££ takers as well.

Hi JG (it would be odd for me to call you "Just", or "Games", so I hope your initials work):

I think this is a pretty good strategy actually - encouraging ribbing to strengthen your son's character, and especially balancing it out/explaining what you're doing and why, with sensible conversation like you said, to prepare him for all the personalities he'll meet in the outside world - a lot of which seem to enjoy this teasing, "piss takers" as you called them.  It's almost like teaching someone how to fight, so they don't just get beaten up every day, and get knocked into an even lower place mentally/emotionally because of it. And the explaining part is good, because then he knows you aren't just criticizing him, and there's a deeper purpose behind what you say, for his own good.

I partially wish someone told me this earlier, and they may have.  But I didn't understand, so I reacted defensively, like I was being told there was something wrong with me.   I do think it is important to teach people, especially shy people, that there are a lot of colder, meaner personalities you'll meet when you leave home and you have to feel like you can stand up to them, cause it's a lot better than feeling like you're getting trampled.

Getting off-topic, but it makes me think that I wish I got more nuanced, balanced instructions and ideas on how to be growing up, instead of "be good, don't be bad". I think it does people a disservice to tell them to be nice all the time. It's healthier to say try to be nice when/if you can, but sometimes you have to be prepared to be mean, cause even if you're nice, not everyone else is, and you need to push back sometimes so people don't think you're an easy target, you need to learn how to resist the dominance games people play. Sometimes you have to tease, sometimes you have to throw a punch, and the temporary consequences for doing so are less than the longer-lasting humiliation of getting walked all over and being made to feel powerless. It might not be the way we want things to be, but it's the way it is.