What is wrong with me?

[inarut]

Hi sorry but I want to just be anonymous to start off with so I can get this all off my chest, bear with me as its complex and complicated and I'm hoping someone can relate to me so I know I'm not a weirdo.

I am male, in my mid 20's and generally in a happy mood unless something really pisses me off! but that is on the outside on the inside I'm full of turmoil. I fear so many things.. social situation make me freak out! I feel like I don't have anything to talk about cause nothing happens in my life! I use humor to deflect any real personal issues, I can't relate to guys my age because I never had a dad growing up to teach me all this and my mum never let me ride skateboards, and bikes and do boys stuff.

I used to be quite popular and very social when I was a kid.. I would always have my weekends booked up with stuff to do, but then I hit high school and I lost a bunch of friends because they were already friends with other people from other schools from weekend sports etc.. So I basically got shunned and hung around a few people who also didn't socialize in the playground. I was hanging out with nerds basically but I was far from it.

Home life got worse as the minute I got home I was plunked in front of a TV and wasn't allowed to go anywhere because of an overprotective mother and I basically withdrew from everything. I ended up hating going to school, never did well at it and had so many days off and never did assignments. Being young I didn't care but it totally stuffed up the rest of my life. I didn't get my HSC and I sat on the dole for years feeling worthless.

I managed to get a part time job which I love and I am great with the customers cause they basically have one point of conversation and its easy but I never go to any work social events as I don't know what I will talk about and I don't want to look like a loser sitting in the corner. It feels like I put an act on at work like I become a different person and generally people like me but deep down I know they don't even think about me otherwise other than the person that sells them stuff.

I have always had body issues, I'm too lazy to work out and even when I think that's it I'm going to change my life and start to go to the gym, I get freaked out about it like I assume what the people will be like there and how much of an idiot I will look like trying to use gym equipment.. and I couldn't possibly get a personal trainer because they would ask me all about my personal life which I have none! I've also had medical issues which relate to these body issues.

I've been interested in girls but they never like me back, I kinda gave up in a way and I would be amazed if anyone was into me as I have nothing to offer, I am oblivious if someone is flirting with me and I went on a kind of date with a girl a bit older than me and she even invited me back to her place but I instead freaked out and said I had a headache and wanted to go home.

this woman has a kid and I am no way a father figure I am too immature and I see this as a huge complication as to why I wouldn't be with her apart from I'm not even sure she is into me or I don't even have a life and think she can do better.

I believe basically I haven't even became a man, I don't drink, don't drive have a proper job, a girlfriend or have any investments to secure my future. still live at home but pay my way (I think most older kids now live at home to save money well that's what my excuse is) but I am fairly independent but have no idea about real adult issues cause I was never taught about money etc..

I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I think of courses to do but they are very expensive and I am so indecisive, I also freak out and assume about the people who will be there and how to make friends with these people and lie about having a life.

Reverting back to growing up in front of the TV I think in a way it has warped my idea of reality.. I seek out famous or good looking people to be friends with even though I am no model and I also tend to gravitate to older guys, I guess it must be a role model type of thing and trying to find some male figure to teach me about life.

I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever I have all these dreams and aspirations in the middle of the night and say yes I am finally going to do this tomorrow or this week no excuses. then the next day comes and the harsh day of light totally changes my mood! I then become too scared to do it and put it off. Its really strange.

I also have thoughts of impending doom all the time and so if I'm not at work I'll stay at home in my room cause nothing can get me there or there's a less chance of anything ever happening. I do go out on occasion and the few friends I have I can only tolerate them in small doses. It's like the more I get closer to someone the more I want to retreat away and not deal with all that crap! I also lose friends from people getting sick of me (im not clingy) but I don't think I do anything wrong other than make them laugh or talk about stuff they/we are into.

I am not good with emotions, I feel like I am a robot sometimes.. It might be because my family isn't close we don't ever hug each other or share anything for that matter since I was a kid and my nan died. So I have intimacy issues and I don't know if I can ever find someone who will deal with the amount of baggage attached to me.

But as I said I feel perfectly "normal" as in sane like I don't need medication or I don't need to go see a shrink as I don't want anyone else telling me what's wrong with me, like who are they? I have a very pessimistic outlook on life cause nothing ever goes right for me.

I think I see the world differently to other people, I'm very analytical and try to read people, I only ever bother with people I think I've already worked out what they are like in my head. I think how on earth can their be billions of people on the planet and I have so few friends? Where are all the good people? and if you lose the group of friends you made growing up how do you start a new group without invading someones else's group? who all have connections?

I have no maternal or marital instincts either, I just feel like a shell with a whole bunch of fear inside me, fear of looking stupid, like a loser, being rejected, never knowing who I am and most of all death.. death freaks me out the most, I am not religious but I do believe in some sort of god but do we just not exist anymore after death and be nothing or do we go to heaven and live forever? and in my case do I just go to purgatory because I don't know who I am and never loved or felt love?

I see everyone else around me growing up, finding partners, having kids, buying houses and having great jobs and look at facebook pics of people going out and having fun all the time and I have none of that and don't think I ever will!

sorry for this huge rant, just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone can relate to any of this?

 

[Badjedidude]

Basically....it sounds like you've given up. Where's your inner fire, man? The only thing stopping you from being successful or socially capable is yourself. You don't sound like a bad person or anything.....just a bit inexperienced, that's all. There's not problem with that!!

Alright, so I'm gonna respond to some of these out of order, so bear with me:

how do you start a new group without invading someones else's group? who all have connections?

Who cares if you invade someone's group? There's nothing wrong with joining an already existing group of friends! It can be a little daunting since they already know each other and have personal inside jokes and whatnot...but if you're really looking for friends, you'll find a way to make it work.

then the next day comes and the harsh day of light totally changes my mood! I then become too scared to do it and put it off. Its really strange.

It's not strange...it's LIFE. If you shrink from every challenge that crosses your path, then you're never going to grow or learn anything at all. We become better by overcoming obstacles in life...that is how character and experience is built. It's completely fine to FEAR these things....but to let that fear stop you isn't good.

Ball up and do it anyway. Don't let your FEELINGS stop you. When that fear comes and you FEEL like remaining in your comfort zone, FIGHT THAT WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT!! Abandon your comfort zone and seek the exhileration of being uncomfortable! That may sound crazy, but if you'd try it, you'd see how exciting being dangerous/uncomfortable truly can be....and like I said, that's the only way for us to progress as human beings.

I believe basically I haven't even became a man, I don't drink, don't drive have a proper job, a girlfriend or have any investments to secure my future.

These are all material things, and therefore have nothing to do with being a man. Being a man is about your inner character; your inner drive to do what you love to do....to accomplish whatever you set your mind to, no matter the obstacles...and to be morally upright, helpful, trustworthy....the works. That's what being a man is about....so don't worry about a job or girlfriend or any of that. That stuff is just icing on the man-cake.

I went on a kind of date with a girl a bit older than me and she even invited me back to her place but I instead freaked out and said I had a headache and wanted to go home.

Again...it's about overcoming your fears. Even the bravest, most class "A" guy has fears...the difference is that he will do things DESPITE the fears, and he won't let that stop him. That's the mindset that you need to adopt if you're ever going to feel good about yourself. I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you to do that...but just think about it, alright?

Just think about what it would take for you to be that guy...the sort of guy who dares to act despite his fears. That's what a real man is, IMHO. One of my favorite quotes is, "Who Dares, Wins." What this means is that you should always dare to accomplish things...because even if you try and fail, you're still better off than if you had never tried at all. This is because we learn things from failure...so why would you fear failure?

Every failure you make teaches you something and puts you on a better path to where you want to be! So really, it's just a matter of actually getting out and doing stuff.

I have always had body issues, I'm too lazy to work out and even when I think that's it I'm going to change my life and start to go to the gym, I get freaked out about it like I assume what the people will be like there and how much of an idiot I will look like trying to use gym equipment.. and I couldn't possibly get a personal trainer because they would ask me all about my personal life which I have none! I've also had medical issues which relate to these body issues.

Lol well it's not like a personal trainer is going to ask you if you're a virgin or something! The only personal questions they ask you about is your daily routine and what sort of things you eat...and that's only so that they can understand your health situation and develop a plan for you. It's not like they're judging you.

It's the same with people in the gym. I think what you should do is put up a poster in the nearest gym asking for an experienced dude to help you out with learning how to use the gym. Most guys who work out are actually really open and friendly, especially when it comes to helping you with the equipment. I think that doing this could possible give you a positive mentor-person in your life, to help you workout and to maybe talk to you and help you develop some conversational skills while making your body better.

About the health issues: NO EXCUSES!! I don't know what health issues you're referring to, but I get the feeling that this is really just an excuse to justify your fears of using a gym. Don't be afraid of it!! At any rate, you don't have to use a gym to workout...you could run or lift some weights at home or something!

Well, I don't want to make this post longer than yours, inarut... haha so I'm going to end it here. I think your biggest problem is your own mind, really. There's nothing stopping you but your own low opinion of yourself.

Who cares if you haven't "had a life" before now? GO OUT AND CREATE A NEW LIFE, RIGHT NOW!! I think you have what it takes....it's just a matter of raising your self-confidence level and maybe refreshing some of your social skills...and here's the good news:

You can do both of those right here, on this site!! Welcome to the site, and I hope you post a bit more and talk with us some. Have a great day/evening, alright?

----Steve

 

[h i]

i like you.

i can relate... but i dont use humor... and i dont watch television. i say offensive things, and stare at stuff online. but yeah, school sucked, broken home. im kewl with guys though, long as they recognize. umm... and i dont like chicks with kids. im 50-50 on marriage, and swinging, and stuff, and im not afraid of death.

you should work on summarizing.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's nothing wrong with you. You just don't know what you want.
Most adults don't what the hell they want either, so don't even sweat that.
Everyone is afriad of changes. You pretty much answered you own questions.