What made you laugh today?

[Claudia1794]

The expression on the cashier's face when I told her my imaginery friend was giving her the bird. The the widening eyes when I started an argument with him.

Ive done something similar to that in a jewelry store. I was asking and answering questions to my invisible companion. The employee thought I was joshing him so he started asking my companion questions about which piece he liked better. I just looked at him and asked who he was talking to. It was fun.

 

[Melli12]

This

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Me: I need a new bed. Springs are starting to poke through, it's old, and I've put it off too long so I'm going to get one with my income tax return.

My sister: You should look at BJ's online, they have some.

Me: I'm single, I look at BJ's online all the time.

My sister:

(for context for my Euro people, BJ's is a wholesale department corporation in America)

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Me: I need a new bed. Springs are starting to poke through, it's old, and I've put it off too long so I'm going to get one with my income tax return.

My sister: You should look at BJ's online, they have some.

Me: I'm single, I look at BJ's online all the time.

My sister:

(for context for my Euro people, BJ's is a wholesale department corporation in America)

Niiiiice

 

[Adamridge79]

Still waiting. 24 minutes, I'll put it all on black

 

[Claudia1794]

When I told my sister I would just drive my own car so I could leave the dinner when I was ready she said “if you must drive your car at least get it cleaned”. I’m so not going to clean it but I’m going to hotbox it then roll the windows down as I drive right up in front so everyone can see and smell me arrive.

 

[Claudia1794]

My new puppy is mostly black so in certain parts of the back yard I can't see her like at all. My solution was this little LED light that hangs from her collar. ROYGBIV option I go for V. It was absolutely hilarious watching that little violet light zoom around the back of the property. At one point she was going in circles either to catch the light or perhaps she found a fairy ring.

 

[Melli12]

This one

 

[Claudia1794]

I was worried until I saw the cut wasn't that bad. My son was helping me get strips of bark. I use a linoleum curved cutter because it has always worked for me. He was using a machete/hatchet despite my saying he should get the other cutter of mine. Anyway, one minute he's singing next I hear "oh ****" I look up and that little joker was gone when I finally catch up to him in the house there was a trail of blood drops. Hahaha...I swear I was worried until I saw his finger. He was carrying on saying he was light headed and going to throw up and I was doing mg best not to laugh. He honestly thought his finger was hanging off. He said, " call emergency services" it was hilarious. I finally got him calmed down and was allowed to put liquid band aid on it.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

This businessman on his way to work gets a call from his wife:

Wife: What're you doing?
Him: Preparing for the apocalypse.
Wife: What?

 

[Claudia1794]

My puppy running at full speed to get outside to potty only to realize that her leap from the wooden floor to the frozen concrete was a mistake. She immediately turned around ran up the steps and just stood looking hahaha! Who needs humans when you have 4 legged friends.

 

[Claudia1794]

My son "who did what"
Me "why do you ask that"
My son "you have your **** kickers on"
Me "just going to work in the barn"
My son "do I have to come?"
Me ".........."
My son "can I eat first?"
Me "of course my gorgeous boy....a banana while walking to the barn"
My son "when I asked who did what you should've said I was today's target"
He is so dramatic. I don't remember teenage boys being like this.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Tyler Durden: I need like 2,000 Valentine's from Kingsmen: The Secret Service.
Narrator: Why 2,000?
Tyler Durden: All these damn satellites.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Origin of The Grand Canyon:

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I've laughed in complete and utter bafflement at the stupidity and naivete of certain people.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

OMG I can't.
Motherfuckers, adjust your ******* bridges!

Yeah I know, it's a pain in the ass, but it stops that ********.

Okay admittedly it's why I've still got my 6 string in C# Standard, but that's besides the point. I don't even have an amp anymore these days, so I'll deal with it when I get an amp again.

 

[Adamridge79]

Irony. Just that

 

[Adamridge79]

Well, this place. How is it not absurdly funny?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

The way my beard has grown out so inconsistently. It needs a good trim and straighten out.

 

[user 164061]

My own reflection in the mirror