When just seeing someone affects your mood

[Sci-Fi]

There's are person whenever I see her it affects my mood in a negative way, there is just too much bad blood between us. I try to be civil towards her but once she starts to talk I want to walk away. She recently sent me a message on FB, we are not friends but have a friend in common. I've had this other person as a friend for years. The one who sent me a message wanted to know how I knew her. Seriously? Both of them were are one of my birthday parties when we were young, I've known them both for a very long time. Grant you she might now remember that. And really how I know the other person is none of her business seeing as we don't hang out together or post public messages on FB. I think it was an attempt to try and push her way back into my life, the wording of her message pretty much confirmed to me that she's not over me either. But yeah whenever I run into her somewhere it always brings my mood down. I wouldn't be surprised if there is a disorder name for it, there's a name for pretty much any disorder out there, even really weird ones. You should Google weird disorders for fun, it will blow your mind.

Now on the flip side of that I once had a couple of friends who elevated my mood, it's nice to have a friend that no matter how bad of a mood you are in they can make you smile and lift your spirits. I miss them both, one passed away and the other I lost touch with.

 

[Restless soul]

My issue with seeing people are related to previous threads themes. Where it cuts me on a deeper psychological level where it will bring to the surface repressed nnegative thoughts. Not sure what I can do about it since you can't always avoid people and you never know when you will run into them. It can almost bring on a panic attack

 

[EveWasFramed]

My issue with seeing people are related to previous threads themes. Where it cuts me on a deeper psychological level where it will bring to the surface repressed nnegative thoughts. Not sure what I can do about it since you can't always avoid people and you never know when you will run into them. It can almost bring on a panic attack

I believe that people can trigger memories of traumatic events. Those memories can cause stress, anxiety, etc. I also think it's a perfectly normal reaction. I believe that the severity of these reactions depends on the person who is experiencing them.

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

I get the feeling that you want to diagnose yourself with an illness or condition and attribute your loneliness and social/ dating difficulties to that particular illness or condition. It also seems that you do not want to seek professional opinions because there's the chance that they will deny your claim.

You honestly sound like a normal dude but from my perspective, it sounds like you're trying to make yourself out to be ill or have a condition when you don't.

So he might be a hypochondriac? :S

 

[Restless soul]

>

My issue with seeing people are related to previous threads themes. Where it cuts me on a deeper psychological level where it will bring to the surface repressed nnegative thoughts. Not sure what I can do about it since you can't always avoid people and you never know when you will run into them. It can almost bring on a panic attack

I believe that people can trigger memories of traumatic events. Those memories can cause stress, anxiety, etc. I also think it's a perfectly normal reaction. I believe that the severity of these reactions depends on the person who is experiencing them.

Also, I recently reactivate my okcupid account. I was using tinder and the likes with little to no success.  I realzied why I stopped with traditional dating sites is because the chances are much greater at getting a negative reply versus an app where you already matched so you are off to a good start. Although okcupid has some benefits with cold type messages you have to be prepared for a bad rejection and or comment on profile and pics. This scares me since it ha happend in the past where a woman would make a hhurtful comment in a reply to my initial message. So this brings me a lot of anxiety noot knowing

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My issue with seeing people are related to previous threads themes. Where it cuts me on a deeper psychological level where it will bring to the surface repressed nnegative thoughts. Not sure what I can do about it since you can't always avoid people and you never know when you will run into them. It can almost bring on a panic attack

I believe that people can trigger memories of traumatic events. Those memories can cause stress, anxiety, etc. I also think it's a perfectly normal reaction. I believe that the severity of these reactions depends on the person who is experiencing them.

Also, I recently reactivate my okcupid account. I was using tinder and the likes with little to know success.  I realzied why I stopped with traditional dating sites is because the chances are much greater at getting a negative reply versus an app where you already matched so you are off to a good start. Although okcupid has some benefits with cold type messages you have to be prepared for a bad rejection and or comment on profile and pics. This scares me since it ha happend in the past where a woman would make a hhurtful comment in a reply to my initial message. So this brings me a lot of anxiety noot knowing

Here are some replies that I fear. Worst case scnerio. You tell me how to handle it or if its a reason to run from the site.

1. You look like so and so ( fear of it being someone ugly )
2. Sorry not my type
3. Change your face. Yes i got that once. Big wtf??
4. No thanks ( all I said was hi, why the no thanks? Didn't offer you anything .

Those are the big 4. What do you think??

 

[Skyless]

Here are some replies that I fear. Worst case scnerio. You tell me how to handle it or if its a reason to run from the site.

1. You look like so and so ( fear of it being someone ugly )
2. Sorry not my type
3. Change your face. Yes i got that once. Big wtf??
4. No thanks ( all I said was hi, why the no thanks? Didn't offer you anything .

Those are the big 4. What do you think??

Before you focus on dating site rejection strategies, I think you have to ask yourself some tough questions about if trying to date right now with this level of hypersensitivity would actually help you. Try to put yourself in the woman's shoes and imagine the relationship she would be in with you, having to walk on eggshells every moment so you don't crumple into a heap on the floor in the fetal position or react with anger after any real or perceived insignificant slight. How would you feel watching her have to do that? Would it help you address the things you want to? Would it truly make you feel less lonely? Would you feel less or more insecure after a tense relationship like that inevitably falls apart? 

If you can truly and honestly say you are ready to yourself, then great, there is no substitute for experience and no one would really know better than you But maybe step back and examine these issues that you yourself are admitting are a problem and at least try to seriously address them head on before inviting another person to share in them. Wether through some formal help, or expanding your social circle, or forcing yourself into likely rejections or some other desensitization strategy, I think it's worth pausing and considering at least, before you put all your efforts and hopes into dating sites which have a host of their own structural/social problems.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I get the feeling that you want to diagnose yourself with an illness or condition and attribute your loneliness and social/ dating difficulties to that particular illness or condition. It also seems that you do not want to seek professional opinions because there's the chance that they will deny your claim.

You honestly sound like a normal dude but from my perspective, it sounds like you're trying to make yourself out to be ill or have a condition when you don't.

So he might be a hypochondriac? :S

Yeah, I'm thinking this might be his disorder.

 

[Restless soul]

Here are some replies that I fear. Worst case scnerio. You tell me how to handle it or if its a reason to run from the site.

1. You look like so and so ( fear of it being someone ugly )
2. Sorry not my type
3. Change your face. Yes i got that once. Big wtf??
4. No thanks ( all I said was hi, why the no thanks? Didn't offer you anything .

Those are the big 4. What do you think??

Before you focus on dating site rejection strategies, I think you have to ask yourself some tough questions about if trying to date right now with this level of hypersensitivity would actually help you. Try to put yourself in the woman's shoes and imagine the relationship she would be in with you, having to walk on eggshells every moment so you don't crumple into a heap on the floor in the fetal position or react with anger after any real or perceived insignificant slight. How would you feel watching her have to do that? Would it help you address the things you want to? Would it truly make you feel less lonely? Would you feel less or more insecure after a tense relationship like that inevitably falls apart? 

If you can truly and honestly say you are ready to yourself, then great, there is no substitute for experience and no one would really know better than you But maybe step back and examine these issues that you yourself are admitting are a problem and at least try to seriously address them head on before inviting another person to share in them. Wether through some formal help, or expanding your social circle, or forcing yourself into likely rejections or some other desensitization strategy, I think it's worth pausing and considering at least, before you put all your efforts and hopes into dating sites which have a host of their own structural/social problems.

I hear you skyless. Callie here's you. And you make a lot of points. But when it comes to dating women I am willing to force myself into it and control it in a relationship it won't be easy but at 38 I cannot deny myself that

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I get the feeling that you want to diagnose yourself with an illness or condition and attribute your loneliness and social/ dating difficulties to that particular illness or condition. It also seems that you do not want to seek professional opinions because there's the chance that they will deny your claim.

You honestly sound like a normal dude but from my perspective, it sounds like you're trying to make yourself out to be ill or have a condition when you don't.

So he might be a hypochondriac? :S

Yeah, I'm thinking this might be his disorder.

Depression is a disorder. Low self esteem. Its considerd aa mental disorder. And they di contribute to lonliness that is why they are topics on this site. Right?? What I post about is in depth pick apart why I feel that way and get that way

 

[Restless soul]

I had to post again about this, because I avoided a place and routine because I saw someone not that I don't like the personx but a person that sorta affects my mood puts me in a down sad depressing mood. Reminds me about how sad depressing my life is as can be and stay. 

Is avoiding a person and a place a major weakness according to you posters here? A serious psychological handicap 
Lets say?

 

[Restless soul]

I hope callie can chime in fast...

 

[user 115627]

Is avoiding a person and a place a major weakness according to you posters here? A serious psychological handicap 
Lets say?

One place? I wouldn't go so far as to call it serious handicap, but would be worried once you have to start writing a list. More often than not that can be the consequence of avoiding one thing - things just expand from that point onwards. And it already conflicts with your routine. I wouldn't say every "aversion" of that kind is even treatable. But in general you should have an interest in fixing this issue and the common solution is voluntary exposure to the thing that makes you anxious or fills you with dread.

 

[Restless soul]

Is avoiding a person and a place a major weakness according to you posters here? A serious psychological handicap 
Lets say?

One place? I wouldn't go so far as to call it serious handicap, but would be worried once you have to start writing a list. More often than not that can be the consequence of avoiding one thing - things just expand from that point onwards. And it already conflicts with your routine. I wouldn't say every "aversion" of that kind is even treatable. But in general you should have an interest in fixing this issue and the common solution is voluntary exposure to the thing that makes you anxious or fills you with dread.

Right there isn't one root cause. I have avoided other places because of people. You can make an argument how serious this can be if this was a job. Would I just quit? I am not working now anyway, is it because of all these issues?
Could very well be. But all these avoidances are bbecause of a great unhappiness a sadness. A long history of lonliness that just compounded every issue I had and have. This, makes you more prone. Associating people with events and even just lonley uhappy periods in your life which is still very on going.

Does that make any sense??

---

I hate to say it. But i read list on ocd and magical thinking
And one of the things is someone not wearing the same clothes they wore to a funeral because it reminds them of that sad day. Similar to me. My threads. 
 
"Wearing same clothes thread, and this one.. there is a relationship. Is it ocd? I hope not

 

[TheRealCallie]

Pretty damn sure it's still not OCD......

 

[Northern Lights]

Restless Soul,
I didn't mean to make you feel like I was picking you apart. I'm not denying that you have depression and low self-esteem. I have suffered both for over 10 years and I know how debilitating it can be.

My concern is that by searching and self-diagnosing additional disorders/ illnesses/ conditions whenever you experience negative reactions or situations with people is that 1) it's incorrect and 2) your belief in having the disorder (when you don't have it) leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of the symptoms and 3) you're not getting the professional and medical help that you need.

 

[Northern Lights]

Speaking now, as a "normal" person without any disorders:

1) There are a number of people and places that I avoid because seeing them gives me a bad feeling. I ran into an old work bully, and I didn't sleep for a few nights because seeing her triggered negative memories.

2) I prefer not to be reminded of negative past moments (i.e. The "I'm With You" song by Avril Lavigne was playing during a rainy day while my aunt drove me and my brother to the hospital to visit our dying dad. I feel sad if I hear it or I turn it off. I might even feel an urge to cry.)

You will find that many "normal" people have similar reactions and you aren't alone. Everyone reacts differently to different degrees. A better question to ask yourself is "What can I do to address this so I can cope better?" as opposed to "What disorder do I have now?"

 

[TheRealCallie]

^^ either that or you are in denial and you have OCD too

 

[ditakelly]

I would say the opposite is true, that your emotions are giving you a warning signal that the person or situation has the potential to cause you harm. Its good to listen to your emotions and make appropriate actions to avoid the person in question. Facebook is awful for causing these scenarios, my advice would be to not use it and concentration on people who make you feel positive. I read a great quote the other day: "Before you self diagnose with depression, just have a look around you and check your not surrounded by ********" I think this statement is true of many 'disorders'... and that's coming from someone who have been clinically diagnosed with one! LOL

 

[Restless soul]

I would say the opposite is true, that your emotions are giving you a warning signal that the person or situation has the potential to cause you harm. Its good to listen to your emotions and make appropriate actions to avoid the person in question. Facebook is awful for causing these scenarios, my advice would be to not use it and concentration on people who make you feel positive. I read a great quote the other day: "Before you self diagnose with depression, just have a look around you and check your not surrounded by ********" I think this statement is true of many 'disorders'... and that's coming from someone who have been clinically diagnosed with one! LOL

No that is true to some extent.  The people that you are avoiding  may not be ******** or bad people. Just toxic and unhealthy people.  Some here might say like they have said, just smile and go about your day. But for whatever reason I have too many triggers where I would not even smile or interact. Maybe that is extreme. Like a phobia. Who knows

 

[TheRealCallie]

I would say the opposite is true, that your emotions are giving you a warning signal that the person or situation has the potential to cause you harm. Its good to listen to your emotions and make appropriate actions to avoid the person in question. Facebook is awful for causing these scenarios, my advice would be to not use it and concentration on people who make you feel positive. I read a great quote the other day: "Before you self diagnose with depression, just have a look around you and check your not surrounded by ********" I think this statement is true of many 'disorders'... and that's coming from someone who have been clinically diagnosed with one! LOL

No that is true to some extent.  The people that you are avoiding  may not be ******** or bad people. Just toxic and unhealthy people.  Some here might say like they have said, just smile and go about your day. But for whatever reason I have too many triggers where I would not even smile or interact. Maybe that is extreme. Like a phobia. Who knows

Or you just refuse to let **** go because then you don't have any excuses....

 

[user 115627]

Right there isn't one root cause. I have avoided other places because of people. You can make an argument how serious this can be if this was a job. Would I just quit? I am not working now anyway, is it because of all these issues?
Could very well be. But all these avoidances are bbecause of a great unhappiness a sadness. A long history of lonliness that just compounded every issue I had and have. This, makes you more prone. Associating people with events and even just lonley uhappy periods in your life which is still very on going.

Does that make any sense??

---

I hate to say it. But i read list on ocd and magical thinking
And one of the things is someone not wearing the same clothes they wore to a funeral because it reminds them of that sad day. Similar to me. My threads. 
 
"Wearing same clothes thread, and this one.. there is a relationship. Is it ocd? I hope not

---

The question is whether you avoid specific people and places that are just too troublesome because of personal history...or as you described, staying away because seeing people in general (especially the happy type) make you sad and depressed because of your own circumstances. Unemployment or lack of any productive activity is a well-known negative contributor to your mental health. A job would force you to be among other people and perhaps make some connections, even if just with co-workers and no customers - or it would isolate you further if you end up with in a bad crew, that's always possibility. I couldn't tell you if you are even more unhappy because you don't have a job or ifr you don't have a job because you are already that unhappy.

I don't think that kind of common mental association (your funeral example) confirms any diagnosis. It's different if you actually act it out, but virtually everyone makes these kinds of associations in their minds. By that low standard, you could diagnose the entire population which can't be helpful. Not even mentioning that they also clear themselves of possible "superstitions" by voluntary exposure before they manifest compulsory behavior patterns.