Batman55 said:
there is no hope said:
It's difficult to maintain friendships between un-equals though, and even though many like to pretend that people are more or less equal, the reality of social hierarchy is unavoidable and colors everything, even in places where we're supposed to be free and worthy. Temporarily suppressing this reality requires severe mental conditioning, but it usually comes back to haunt those who try to fit in.
Un-equal? Hardly. Again ask yourself is this supposed to be a supportive kind of site, or a site where you should spread your brand of pessimism and (unintentionally perhaps) encourage people to give up, like you have apparently?
The reality is people are *generally* equal. If you want to go ahead and talk upper-class vs. lower-class then yes there are differences according to wealth and such. People will be treated differently based on this. But if you are talking about specific social situations like this one, the problem seems that he is shy and awkward. Which in fact does *not* make him "lesser," it makes him different than the others in the group. Nonetheless it does seem like you place high value on "popularity" or act is if extroverts are of "greater" value. Perhaps I'm wrong on that; if not, I feel sorry for you.
One last thing btw, you may find helpful. I find it helpful. The only opinion of yourself that
really, truly matters is your own. If you can learn to like yourself and feel secure, then all that other BS you're seeing both on and offline about people being "less value" just goes away, it doesn't matter anymore. It won't happen overnight, I certainly haven't done it. But try at least.
Value judgements are what they are. For me personally (since I'm sure this is intended as a character attack on me, and some may confuse my position) - I only see people as unworthy of a place in the world when they repeatedly make it clear they stand for perpetual inequality and social hierarchy for its own sake and act in the interest of the same. Such people generally don't care what I think. Even then, when those people no longer have a place in the hierarchy, I'm willing to forgive them so long as they are no longer a threat to me personally, and understand that their continued behavior is to an extent unavoidable.
You'd have to be incredibly ignorant to assume that social inferiority in general can magically disappear if you just believe. Indeed, one of the worst things in my experience is further guilting the socially marginalized into believing their poor social station is entirely their own fault, and that they have to do every possible thing to abide by others' judgements. Unfortunately, those who are marginalized often have no one left but themselves, even though there is no good reason why someone should ever have to feel inferior.
Social class, by the way, has very little to do with wealth. In practice, economics is used to reinforce social hierarchy and present (false) incentives to participate in the hierarchy, but social class is largely determined by behavior and psychology. An illiterate farmer would never be confused for an educated bureaucrat no matter how much money the latter has, and to the educated middle-class functionary, any social rank difference between proles is largely irrelevant except as a means of control.
Anyway...
Believe it or not, I am trying to be supportive, and in a way the people telling OP to ignore what he's thinking are causing more harm than good. If someone feels inferior in this situation, maybe it's because he has reasons to feel that way. It's not right to just dismiss his thoughts on the matter as incorrect thoughts, and that usually has the effect of intensifying social isolation more than anything.
It's one thing to tell someone that social class and others' judgements don't matter, but another thing to understand why and believe it.
I think ultimately, as a newcomer to any group, it's okay to be on the fringes and not understand injokes and whatnot, and in many cases you may never really be "in". That doesn't mean that being around those people has to be a bad thing though. Groups may not greet outsiders with acceptance, but that is different from groups that eviscerate those outside their circle and feed into each others' bad behavior.
Also - it's NEVER going to be fun to be left out of the loop, even in the most benign way possible. I'm sure nothing was meant by what happened, but it's going to be noticeably awkward. I don't know a good solution to this... typically I want to stay on the fringes of any social group, as this allows me a lot more freedom to come and go as I please, and I work better as a more or less independent agent. The few people I have really close connections with are family, and even then most of my family needs to live their own life and my presence would only be disruptive.
