Why are relationships so hard to find?

[cool_breeze]

Why are relationships so hard to find? I've put similar ideas up on here. I'm tall, people say I'm good looking, interesting, blah blah blah. Most women like me. Yet still romantic relationships and sex seem hard to find. I don't really understand this. Does anyone have any ideas? I'll just keep this short. But if you have a lot of positives like I seem to, how come I still rarely find a good romantic relationship?

 

[Yeah!]

Maybe you actually suck and people are just being nice so you don't feel bad? I dunno.

At any rate, stop looking. Like a lot of things in life, they just pop up. Might be later rather than sooner, but if you actively seek out a romantic relationship, with what at first, second and third glance to be sex on the mind it's less likely to happen. It's cliché because it's true, these things really do happen when you're not looking for it. It's not the Universe at work, it's desperation.

Look at this way, once you DO get a lady-friend, you can come back here and ask why relationships are so hard.

 

[Luna]

I asked myself the same thing for the longest time.
I figured..."Wow...what is so wrong with me that no one likes me?"
Honestly, I had one bad date after another and had to face rejection from the ones that I was interested in. I reached a point where I was just looking to meet new people as friends - no expectations for a relationship etc.
Then one day it just kind of happened that I met someone I clicked with and now we're dating. I still can't believe it. @_@
You can't control how others feel about you or how you feel about others. I realized that it isn't because there was something "wrong" with me but rather everyone else that I had met up til now was simply incompatible with me and/ or looking for things that I did not want (FWB etc).
I think that is the case with you as well...you just haven't met anyone where you feel that connection and they feel the same as well.
Just make sure to keep your opportunities open (volunteering, online sites etc) so that there is a chance for that to happen.
Too many people wait in their bedrooms expecting their ideal partner will show up on their doorstep.
You don't need to be hunting a partner down is what I'm trying to say...but rather, open up to opportunities as opposed to shooting them down should they come.

 

[hijodeganas]

Why are relationships so hard to find? I've put similar ideas up on here. I'm tall, people say I'm good looking, interesting, blah blah blah. Most women like me. Yet still romantic relationships and sex seem hard to find. I don't really understand this. Does anyone have any ideas? I'll just keep this short. But if you have a lot of positives like I seem to, how come I still rarely find a good romantic relationship?

I think you probably are clinging to some common misconceptions about relationships. It's not like a test at high school where if you get the "A" you "pass." A relationship is a dynamic thing; there is a lot going on under the surface that isn't obvious at first. If you haven't worked on yourself as a person - your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, mastery over your emotional and psychological states, etc. - you're generally not going to get good results, unless you decide to rely on luck (which is what a lot of people will recommend).

 

[Lonesome Crow]

All the above makes sense to me...
Such as throwimg whatever the ****
books or ideas of whatever the
**** a relationship should like...
and just go with the flow.

Its one of the biggest mistake my
EXWF did. We had a great relationship..but after we got married she had a idea
of what a husband should be.
She tried to chnaged me into
theidea she had...instead of just of staying in the moment and
enjoying ourself of what we already have...lots of love..lots of romance..lots of fun. Lots of sex.
We were relatiing and happy..

After we got married it was...lots
of arguments. Lots conflicts..hardly
no fucken sex and I couldnt relate
to her anymoe.. She became unhappy
I became unhappy..

 

[Ak5]

Why are relationships so hard to find? I've put similar ideas up on here. I'm tall, people say I'm good looking, interesting, blah blah blah. Most women like me. Yet still romantic relationships and sex seem hard to find. I don't really understand this. Does anyone have any ideas? I'll just keep this short. But if you have a lot of positives like I seem to, how come I still rarely find a good romantic relationship?

Stop worrying too much? If people tell you your good-looking, by all means, thats a green light! Seems to me this is a self-esteem problem. Try to just "let go" and go with the flow. It should work.

Good luck.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Another thing you might want to pounder....Just my experince
and somthings works in my life.
U can take it or leave it..
Im no relaionship experts...
But I ALWAY HAVE women in my life.

what Im saying is Im in having and getting mode. Its my mentally.
I get women all the time..
Its habitual

You might be in SEEKING and FINDING Mode.So youre alway
looking and seeking but never getting...I hope that make sense.

Of course I work on myself...work out.
have good self worth esteem.Love myself...etc..etc
The many attributes...
Im not perfect..but Im smart enough to know all these things increase my chances or produce results.

My current GF..at the moment.
Im just going with flow.
Just being grateful that I have this
moment to live and share with her.
I alway have a beautiuful woman in my life of course.

 

[VanillaCreme]

After we got married it was...lots
of arguments. Lots conflicts..hardly
no fucken sex and I couldnt relate
to her anymoe.. She became unhappy
I became unhappy..

That's kind of sad that most of your relationships seem to revolve around sex. There's a deeper meaning to being in a relationship than that.

 

[happyman]

Perhaps the OP should try internet dating or go to a bar and get really drunk and take someone home

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I wrote.SEX. And a bouch of other
stuff too..such as LOVE, FUN...etc..wtc
Biut u zoom in on sex like and obsession.

My relationships dose not evolve
around sex. Sex is a part of an intimate
relationship. While some of partners
are more experined than others...visa versa.. I dont get into relationship
women with sexual hang up.
Most if not all women wanna jump
my bones visa versa .
We enjoy making love and having sex.
it feels good...releave tensions for
everyone.. Its NOT SAD.
Sex is not a chore for women I get involve with....they love and injoy sex

You seem to have sexual hang up.
So dont worry...I not attracted to you.

---

I have many goog memories of my
exwf...no. It wasnt all bad.

I remember her asking me out...
It was about going with the flow
as I was going to get.
We went dance ..not at a bar
but a dance hall. I remember
her leaning back into me
as I held her genlty as we re playing
vedio ganes at an arcade...

Even recently...Renae and I went
to an arcade. Just like we used
while we were young.. I had a fun
and great time luaghing and enjoying oursleve ...just going with
the flow. never too old for fun.
Not typical date night out.

I love renae very much. While we had a very active sex life. We also had many other activities we did as a couple...too wild for some..too childish for others.

You can thorw away what a perfect
relationship should like between
Renae and I.. Perfect we were not..
But we Lived and Loved more than most people will ever do.

---

Every women Ive been with are
Beautiufl and Super SEXY...
They dress SEXY.
They all act sexy They all love sex
Nothing for me to be sad about.
They all have big **** and a nice
ass too... Im definity not sad about
that...
Nope...no shamp or guilt.. Not going
to run with stupid ass non sence like
that.

 

[cool_breeze]

Thanks. I've tried internet dating. I'm not really looking for slutty bar hookups as someone said. Though I haven't really done that so I don't know I guess. I don't know it just seems weird. People generally like me. I have a fair amount of friends too. So I don't really understand why I don't get a relationship. I've been on dozens of dates. I've kissed or made out with probably over 100 girls.

But actual love and sex seems hard to find. I think I'm just not that compatible with most women for some reason. I get along with most people. I have a lot of interests and can talk about most stuff. Women compliment me, say I'm good looking, interesting, funny. This sucks though. I have a lot to offer, I'm smart, good looking, good fashion sense. This is driving me crazy though. I could probably even 'get laid' more if I changed some of my ideas. I just want to be in love with a real nice girl (and have a lot of sex with her). Why is this so hard.....

---

I'm tired of that "make yourself happy first" advice too. I've heard that for years. I think you can only make yourself so happy without the love and support of someone else.

I'm also very, very sexual but I'm no manslut. I can't believe what people do these days. I know men and women who have been with 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 people. I think that's ridiculous. I don't really see why anyone would be with over 7-10 people in a lifetime. That gives plenty of room for a few relationships, some experiments, and then maybe having a marriage or something. You can do whatever you want but I usually find I'm more attracted to a girl who's been with maybe a few people, not doub le digits. Sexual, but not a whore. Isn't there any love and romance anymore? Seems like things have changed a lot to just "getting laid." I would rather just have tons of sex with 1 girl that I'm really emotionally close with.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think concentrating on sex will get anyone a long-lasting, loving relationship. The emphasis put on sex doesn't mean much when it comes to finding real love.

 

[Yeah!]

I think you can only make yourself so happy without the love and support of someone else.

Nope! I'm in the same position, I'm pretty OK! I got laptop, I got my penguin and I got my music gear, it's all good, brah! The problem is you're LOOKING for it, like it's the be all and end all. It's really not, not to mention it can be ridiculously hard to maintain. You seem quite desperate, which is losing you points. If you say you have all of these things, then what else is there? You're smart, good looking and have fashion sense. What else you have going for you? Maybe you're a dick, I dunno.

I don't think concentrating on sex will get anyone a long-lasting, loving relationship. The emphasis put on sex doesn't mean much when it comes to finding real love.

Also this. You seem to be putting WAY too much emphasis on sex. Get a hooker.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Thanks. I've tried internet dating. I'm not really looking for slutty bar hookups as someone said. Though I haven't really done that so I don't know I guess. I don't know it just seems weird. People generally like me. I have a fair amount of friends too. So I don't really understand why I don't get a relationship. I've been on dozens of dates. I've kissed or made out with probably over 100 girls.

I'm not sure exactly what your difficulty is, to be honest. I'm going to go on a random vibe here, but I think you seem to be more interested in yourself than others?

Have you ever had feelings for anyone? You appear to have a number of rules and standards, which is fine, but ultimately, chemistry is supposed to be something 'natural'. I'm drawn to women with little or no sexual experience myself, but its not a thought of 'oh god, its good that she's not a whore' as much as 'Ahhh, I could be her first! "

Its just, well, not very positive the way that you express about people, you know?

 

[freedom]

i agree with Yeah!

you know how the scissors are always there when you don't need them, but then we you do need them, you find that they've somehow magically disappeared?

it's the same deal with this. just stop looking for it, and it will find you. sometimes, out of desperation, it's easy to overlook what's already in front of us, what's been with us all along.

just stop looking for these things, and they'll come to you. always works for me.

 

[cool_breeze]

I don't know if I'm "desperate." Maybe I am. I just feel I have a lot to offer. This doesn't really seem fair.

This is just an anonymous internet forum, but thanks for the ideas. Some are way off base, just guesses. I think the best ideas are just going with the flow or something.

Just getting frustrated. I can be a great boyfriend, great lover, great friend. I just hardly ever find a special person for that.

I have to go to bed now, but this post makes sense I think.


Too much emphasis on sex? Well everyone has a sex drive. I can be a very, very good sexual partner also. But, need to find someone special. That's all for now I guess. Need to sleep.

 

[Yeah!]

There is infinitely more to a relationship than sex.

 

[Domyi]

There are two the hardest thing in the world...
To find a job you love, enjoy and you can live with that financially
and..
to find a person who you love and want to stay for whole life

I think it is so ...when you try to find love a lot...it is just isnt there..
you might let it come to you ...but it needs a lot of patient and waiting but it is worth it I guess

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its true what everyone is saying about
SEEKING or LOOKING for it....

I wasnt looking for my current GF.
She just walked into my life.

I wasnt expecting Renae to come to
me. Even the day I met her and everytime we get together.

I wasnt looking for my exwf...As a matter of fact. The day that she asked me out. I told myself no more women
after clubing/bar hoping/partying..
Bascially I was looking. But she had
been right in front of me everyday.
I saw her everyday at her work but
thought she was way out of my league.
It blew my mind that she asked me out
It happened that quickly after I stopped
SEEKING..

Im just using my exwf as an example..
The events, condition, circumstance and mind set I was in when she came into
my life.

I wish to be with only one woman...
Renae....its a freaken delimma for me.
Thats what I want . She was my fiance
from HS.. Yes that dream of being in love with ur HS sweetheart. Getting married and being togehter FOREVER.

---

I have very strong emotional ties
or bonding with Renae Soulmate..etc.etc...
So much so, its like a co dependent kind of thing..

The pattern is the same with her..
She alway came into my life when
Im not LOOKING..

---

Incidently I was watching the SCI chanel the other day.

They were experiment with sub atomic particals and trying to understand it.. The samething
happens at a sub atomic level...
When the scientist put camera
to Watch or Look at the particals..
they disappear..lol
They dont fully understand it...but
thats what happens.lol

Theres sometype of universal law
at work....even when it comes to
love and romance.lol

---

Being a great thinker as u are..ur probaly like me ...I wanna figure all this **** out.lol

I dont have all the answers..but there are many things ive learn from other people. A Jewish prist and a ministor
out of all the palces that I got dating and relationships advice from.lmao

GRADTITUDE is the opposite of ENVY.

Envy is a state of LACK. Therefore it keeps us on the treadmill of WANTING and SEEKING....
" thou shall not want"

GRADTITUDE is a state of HAVING.
The more grateful I amThe more I have.

I know...it sound retarded or its
that same old saying..love yourself first and all of that ...
However when I do apply an attitude
of gradtitute..Things happens in my life that I cant fully explain.
Sometype of energy or vibrations I send out or draw to me.
.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

As u heard a milllion times before....

Happiness is an inside job...
Changes comes from the inside out.
Think positive..stay positive.
Live in the moment (go with the flow)
and all that good stuff.


....

Then theres that.....I want what I want out of life . I wont be happy
until I get it. I can deny it. Lie about
it. Joke about it Pretend it dosnt bother me...but until I HAVE what I want..I wont be at peace or happy..
Maybe..this is what gives my life
meanings and purpose. Goals setting.
Planing... Making decisions and taking actions towards my hopes and dreams.