Why are some people just hated on sight?

[Dymo]

Curious about peoples opinion. What make someone popular and likable? What makes some people invisible, unliked or even hated within one or 2 meetings?
For some reason, no matter how I try, people just don't like me. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. I'm polite, friendly, not pushy. Some people will spend time with me for 1 or 2 times, then disappear or turn nasty or they will hang around a bit longer but the end result is still the same. It has been like this all my life and I am not young anymore. I'm honestly at a loss.

 

[okidoke]

I'm not sure how anyone can answer this about you without meeting with you.

People can be liked or disliked for many reasons, and reasons that could be more about the other person than yourself. Things appeal to people, various things, a myriad things, and the same goes for things that don't appeal. Do know though, that because the world is full of a massive array of different people with different likes and opinions, there must be, purely from a statistical point, people that will like you. You just may be in the wrong environment for who you are. Maybe you'd completely be accepted and loved in a society that is isolated from the main world, who knows. All I know is, nobody is unique and even the "worst" people in the world had followers and people who liked them.

People are usually popular for giving people what they want; which could be attention, money, laughs, contentment, notoriety, etc etc.

 

[Murakami_1]

Because people are judgemental of character. I dont know if its learnt behaviour or if its biological, but everyone forms a judgement about someone else, if we like it or not.

Of course there is training against this, or even just broadening your horizon can help, but it's not done enough.

First impression is detrimental, do you stand up straight enough? Are you properly groomed? Do you smell good? Acne?
All things people tend, keyword tend, to form judgement on.

But it is always good to have some perspective on your own behaviour aswel. If people keep pushing away from you, maybe you are the problem?

 

[sub5male]

For the most part it's all about looks and the fact that so often we judge each other based on looks alone cannot be disputed. Just think back to high school at how many of the very popular guys & girls were total asshats but since they were so attractive they were always on the top of the social food chain. Meanwhile, ugly people may have great personalities and be very talented but without the looks they were never really respected to the level of the highly attractive group. These attitudes carry on from school to adulthood and it has been proven that the more attractive people are, the more success they have with friends, careers, even their own families and of course, romantic relationships.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly im always hated, being me is not as easy as I make it look, im a very misunderstood person and even when I say I am people think im lying because they dont know what its like to be someone like me. They cant understand that vultures will jump at the chance to tear me down. I have been hated my whole life but I wont rant, as its your thread, but im intrigued to see what others put… amazing topic

 

[M_also_lonely]

Curious about peoples opinion. What make someone popular and likable? What makes some people invisible, unliked or even hated within one or 2 meetings?

For me, it used to be my overall appearance, my dark circles under eyes and... maybe something more as well.
I once discovered that girls at my class took a screenshot of my photo and cropped to the eyes and shared on their Facebook group. One of the girls was my 'acquaintance' and she showed me the chat. Basically they had been talking about a few good looking guys and they ended up talking about the ugly ones.

Commenting on my eyes, one of the girls called me a potential rapist. A few agreed and laughed too. They would never be around me and would avoid talking to me.

So for many, its definitely the looks.
Anyways, things have changed and I have moved on.
----

What makes people 'likeable' ?

> A vibrant persona. This persona is a reflection of good mental health and outlook towards life. It makes you feel that the person is not burdened and by their presence you thus feel less burdened as well. Their words and actions are a consequence of this. Such people are often accommodating but not needy. This makes you feel a sense of freedom while being with them.

For some reason, no matter how I try, people just don't like me. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. I'm polite, friendly, not pushy. Some people will spend time with me for 1 or 2 times, then disappear or turn nasty or they will hang around a bit longer but the end result is still the same. It has been like this all my life and I am not young anymore. I'm honestly at a loss.

People are not interested in other people. They're interested in something that makes them feel that 'high'. The release of dopamine. So you should try asking yourself, what is it about you that 'excites' others? That 'draws' people towards you? If there's nothing, you'll have to work on it.
Regarding 'not young', youth is a mindset. There are 25 year old, 'old' people too.
Good luck.

 

[Unsigned]

In school I was either picked on or left alone.
The cool kids, the tough kids and the burnouts would pick on me.
Not sure I would call it hate, it was more like I was some insignificant weakling that could be humiliated for their entertainment until they bored of it.

I had a few "school friends" in the "loser" group at the lunch tables.
And some guys from my neighborhood that I would play baseball/basketball/football with, but that was just for something to do and I didn't hang out with them much after the games were over.

As an young adult I mostly kept to myself and I suppose people steered clear of me due to my persona back then.
Which was pretty much that of a dog that was kicked too many times.

As an older adult most people I work with seem to like me.
But they are other programmers/IT guys which is where many natural introverts seem to gravitate.
And I am sort of an extroverted introvert in my advanced years -- making jokes, mentoring younger staff members, buying drinks, etc..
When I go to the trade floor, I keep it all business. Those folks are different. Not my people.

So I would say as a kid, I was treated in a hateful manner, but I wasn't really hated so much as I was seen as insignificant and an easy target.

As a young adult, I was sort of feared, but only due to the fact that that was what I was trying for, not that I was a naturally scary person.

As an older adult, I am well liked by my peers and people my own age get a kick out hanging out with me, since my life is so different from theirs and I am honest about it.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Sensory Overload.
Almost all of our negativity actually, is caused by Sensory Overload.
The brain cannot process all of the information that we take in at a same time, there's a natural bottleneck for information processing on the intake side of the information we receive through our five senses.
This is also how generalizations and pattern recognitions are formed.
Since there is an excess amount of information to process of sensory information, the brain does so by grouping the information into clusters, and then group those clusters into bigger clusters of themselves (thus, generalization is formed). And when this happens repeatedly enough times over, it forms a pattern for our information processing itself.
Or to make a bit of a joke about the bizarre phenomenon:
Your brain is on the auto-pilot of bulk counting the bulk counts themselves, because your senses are taking in that much information all of the time and so the processing part of it is bottlenecked.
It just happens at an incredibly fast rate. Faster than any car on the planet, faster than the planet spinning itself, and I'd argue that its only contender is probably light-speed itself. But I mean, the speed of light is a pretty tall order, so .

 

[user 188685]

people are people,no one is perfect,everyone has a opinon about people,but the thing is you are you,and you can't let their opinion get to you,because you are the only person that knows who you are,and their opinion of you shouldn't matter because they don't know you,and have no idea who you are as a person.

 

[user 164061]

Sometimes you just don't click with another person and from years of experience I've accepted that. Getting heated or thinking about it really is a waste of time, even if it's a hard thing to shake off. In the past it really bothered me when someone didn't like me, i'd be wracking my brain for hours or days wondering why. Then over time you just realise that you can't be friends with everyone and not everyone will like you, people will have their own taste when it comes to who they'll hang out with or be friends with. I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you, i hope things change for you soon .

 

[mr.meeseeks]

What make someone popular and likable?

1. height
2. face
3. status

 

[9006]

These days there's so many reasons NOT to like someone rather than TO like someone... that's the mentality a lot of people have. And right there it kind of tells you the quality of people you're around, I mean I don't know you at all, and I maybe generalising here but unfortunately it's from experience.

 

[FFurry]

One other reason is biology: On the whole, people tend not to like those similar to them, since this implies competition for the same pool of potential mates. If you're tall, for example, you may be put off by someone new who's similarly tall. This filters beyond biology, too: How do you feel when you meet someone wearing exactly the same clothes as you?

Of course, this is not universal or always true, but it's a rule of thumb.