Why do I always have to do everything? / Anger towards my former colleagues

[IceCastles]

LONG POST

Part 1: Why do I always have to do everything?

To start off, I'm an introverted personality but that doesn't mean that I'm anti-social. I truly suffered during my school years and was subjected to daily abuse and bullying by large groups of people and went through daily life scared, depressed and suicidal.

I'm in a much better place right now and my life is better than it has ever been. The dating world is full of abusers, creeps and liars but after what feels like a million online dates, I met my husband who I am entirely grateful for.

However, I still feel disappointed that I haven't made a proper friend despite actively trying (very hard) for the past 9 years (since school graduation). I have improved myself in many areas but I guess...no one is buying what I'm selling.

I have countless stories, but I cannot detail them all so I will just give a general example of what happens to me:
- I approach someone for friendship casually (Like, talking to someone at a meetup or maybe found them on a Facebook group)
- We get along (Great! They talk about how they'd love to meetup again...we have each others' info)
- I contact them and we set up a time, everything looks great
- They cancel on me...I/We suggest an alternative time and schedule
- Repeat above
- Repeat above (They're SO busy...not realizing that hey, I am busy as well and I still make time)
- I never hear from them again

I've tried changing my approach...tried even changing myself...tried being more welcoming...tried being more relaxed...just like...everything!

There were a few "friends" that I'd call and when the plans went through - we'd laugh and have a great time. But they'd never take the initiative to set something up with me. After constantly doing the initiating, paying (for meals or what...I'm just trying to be kind to them...) - I do not hear from them!

I feel like...either I am not liked enough or people all already have their circle of friends.

There is no room for me.

(Part 2 to continue)

 

[IceCastles]

Part 2: Anger towards my former colleagues

After I graduated high school...that is when I truly started on self-improvement.

Starting work was great - professional setting and obviously my colleagues could not treat me like my classmates did (probably out of fear for losing their job or HR complaint).

My confidence started to build up and I became much more outgoing, talkative, and people would comment on what a happy and funny person I am. I believed that they genuinely liked me and felt like I belonged.

However, I was mistaken and shocked to discover that my team would plan after-work events and did not invite me. When I found out, I thought maybe I was forgotten and expressed interest. Suddenly their "plans weren't really plans anyway".
Then I'd find out they went and all had fun. This happened several times...I'd be invited...and then uninvited!

I know that after-work outings are a personal thing...but it did hurt. I worked there for so many years and to my face - they tell me how much they like me - but their actions speak differently. It felt like my school years again.

I ended up getting anxiety from anything that involved having to sit with people for "fun" events like Christmas dinners, potlucks, "colleague-bonding" things because I'd be excluded.

"Can I sit here?"
"No...I'm saving that seat for someone."
(Repeat above like 3 times and then I end up giving up and standing by myself)

***
SIDE COMMENT

Can I tell you a ******* ridiculous story? I was invited to attend an event by a girl. When she had told her friends (THEY ARE ALL 30+ YEARS OLD), one of them threw a ******* tantrum and threatened to not go if I was going. Tantrum-girl met me like twice and I was friendly and polite. Tantrum-girl said she had nothing personal against me...but it's not the same! It's not the same with "OTHER" people. I am the "OTHER" people! I couldn't believe a grown-*** woman could behave this way and wail, cry and throw a ******* tantrum. By the way, it was a public event so RARELY they'd be all alone anyway.
***

Sooooo I left that company (Thank God) and someone I know ended up joining that company. APPARENTLY...my colleagues are always talking and raving about how wonderful I am and how much they miss me.

**** YOU!!!

I was so ******* pissed to hear that. They are extremely two-faced. They were asking her about my business and how I'm doing in my personal life. Some of them also friended and then unfriended me on Facebook. Why? Probably to dig up dirt on me and gossip?

Working there, I caught some of my colleagues - the popular ones - talking badly about me or saying that I should not join the outing etc. I have honest-to-god not done anything terrible to them. I have been friendly, kind, warm towards these people. It seems as though if I spark an interest in someone - someone else tells them to stay away from me.

I kept in contact with ONE colleague near the end of my contract...I started connecting with her near the end. We texted quite a bit and she ******* stood me up like 8 times (I'm not lying). But I liked her so much and wanted to be her friend that I tolerated it longer than I normally would've. She'd suggest meeting up with my other colleagues because they all miss me...then I'd ask for details...and not hear from her. However, I could see on Facebook that they all went and had fun anyway.

I really ******* hate them all.

At least with my classmates, I knew where I stood. They hated me and that's that.

In the adult world, adults are far more subtle and better liars. I feel like they're just mindfucking me and probably laughing their ***** off. It also pisses me off that they used to vent to me about some of their friends yet not consider treating me well despite that I could be a good friend to them.

TO THIS DAY they are always ******* asking about me through the person that works at my company and I don't think it will stop.

I have a good reputation there through my work ethic...I was a very good worker and a led the team at one point. I've had offers of higher pay to go back but ****, I don't think I ever could even if my pay doubled.

Fake people truly piss me off.
I don't know why this is happening to me and what did I do to deserve it. I do not bully others this way. It is just plain mean.

 

[IceCastles]

I can say with pure confidence that they are a bunch of jackasses and I know I should be grateful to not be friends with such jerks described in my posts. What's bothering me is that it seems to be an overwhelming amount of the people I encounter.
Is there a way to prevent this or do people find joy in ostracizing people? It is truly sick.

I've already lowered my expectations as low as they can get for building friendships, but when I see how some other people have it so easy...it's upsetting.

I'm in school as well...people just make friends in a matter of minutes. My husband's ease and popularity at making friends (and many people I know) makes me feel inadequate in some way.

My husband is "high-in-demand" with other people. He puts me first which is great for me. But when he calls a friend..to say, "Let's meet for coffee in 10 minutes"; many of them drop whatever they're doing to meet him.

Can you imagine if I did that? Or are women just shittier/ cattier people? It is such a huge difference seeing how "his guys" interact. They bring "OTHER people" all the time to meetups and even if they fight, they're laughing the next day.

It just sucks.

 

[Paraiyar]

Sorry to hear that this has been your experience. I will say that I've noticed that some women in social environments seem to go all out to be as vindictive to each other as possible. Being male, I have to say this behaviour flummoxes me.

 

[IceCastles]

I don't understand it either.

 

[handheart]

Well i think you are to dependent of others .Try to have confidence in you and to give the impresion that people need you .Not that you need people .Hope it helps you