Why do I find it so difficult ?

[Triple Bogey]

One time, when I was at best buy, I just wanted to just talk to the store associate. For some reason I just couldn't, deep down I wanted to ask for her number. I obviously couldn't because I have no way of getting around, just in case I some how asked her out on a date by accident. All I could think about was getting her number. That was the only reason I wanted to talk to her. I eventually talked to her but it ended up going to something I wasn't planning on. Few moments later, I realized that I could have asked her about the Samsung laptops and that I was planning on doing photography and video. That would have been easy if I just paid attention. Who knows, I probably would have gotten her number, if not then I, at least, was talking to her.

I had a chance like that yesterday. I didn't have a customer to serve and she was by herself in a section of the shop where nobody was. I thought 'go and ask now' and I felt sick to the stomach. Then the moment passed.

---

I agree probably a lot of people find it difficult. The only success I have had is asking by message either facebook, text or letter. I could do that all day, no problems at all. This woman isn't on facebook though.

I like talking to her though. She doesn't make me embarrassed. I just feel she doesn't know me well enough. We don't call each other by name. (yet)

OK....you just admitted "...the only success I have had is asking by message either Facebook, text or letter"

So write her a note. Go buy a simple little card, and write a simple little note - "Hi...been meaning to ask you for a bit now but never seems like the right time. Would you like to go for coffee one day?" then just hand the envelope over. Done. And you don't need to be Facebook friends to do that.

I think the simple hand-written note is vastly overlooked in the dating department, it is a nice little gesture that is infinitely more personal than a text or email, and it also gives the other person time to reflect on the situation a little before giving an answer...assuming she doesn't open it right away in front of you.

Thanks. I think it is a good idea. Doing it though is something else. I could write my mobile number on the note. I think that could work.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can't do it, it's the utter embarrassment of it that puts me off.

If you asked, and she were to say yes, would you still be embarrassed? Is it embarrassment on getting a no, or is it just the whole thing that embarrasses you?

No I wouldn't be embarrassed if she said 'yes', I would probably try and convince myself that she wouldn't turn up or something like that.

I remember my first date in over 15 years about 3 years ago. All thru the week before I expected something to go wrong, the woman to change her mind or whatever. And it got the day and then a few hours before and I kept thinking it. An hour before the time we were due to meet, I logged on facebook and there was a new postings and it said she was in a relationship with some other man and all these people were 'liking it'. A voice in my head said 'TOLD YOU, TOLD YOU'

That's how I think. Even simple texts or messages I make to people, I never expect them to answer. It's endless doom and gloom and going thru my head. Hard to ignore !

So, you kept thinking it. What did you expect? You expect the worst, you'll get the worst. I'm not saying to put all these butterfly and gumdrop ideas in your mind about things, but negative thinking has a way of dragging us down even before things go south.

You say you would probably end up convincing yourself that she wouldn't show. Why? When you ask someone out, do you really, truly not want to go out with them? Or do you suppose you look for a way to justify those negative feelings? Because if someone doesn't follow through with a planned date, one usually can claim they were right after all. Would you not, for once, want to be wrong? To prove yourself wrong about this?

 

[Triple Bogey]

I can't do it, it's the utter embarrassment of it that puts me off.

If you asked, and she were to say yes, would you still be embarrassed? Is it embarrassment on getting a no, or is it just the whole thing that embarrasses you?

No I wouldn't be embarrassed if she said 'yes', I would probably try and convince myself that she wouldn't turn up or something like that.

I remember my first date in over 15 years about 3 years ago. All thru the week before I expected something to go wrong, the woman to change her mind or whatever. And it got the day and then a few hours before and I kept thinking it. An hour before the time we were due to meet, I logged on facebook and there was a new postings and it said she was in a relationship with some other man and all these people were 'liking it'. A voice in my head said 'TOLD YOU, TOLD YOU'

That's how I think. Even simple texts or messages I make to people, I never expect them to answer. It's endless doom and gloom and going thru my head. Hard to ignore !

So, you kept thinking it. What did you expect? You expect the worst, you'll get the worst. I'm not saying to put all these butterfly and gumdrop ideas in your mind about things, but negative thinking has a way of dragging us down even before things go south.

You say you would probably end up convincing yourself that she wouldn't show. Why? When you ask someone out, do you really, truly not want to go out with them? Or do you suppose you look for a way to justify those negative feelings? Because if someone doesn't follow through with a planned date, one usually can claim they were right after all. Would you not, for once, want to be wrong? To prove yourself wrong about this?

I have a plan in mind. I have been telling her about my photo's but she hasn't seen any yet. I thought I could get a few printed out, costs hardly anything. You get folders with your photo's; thought I could write a little note asking her for coffee, attach it in with the photo's. Hand it to her on Saturday when she comes in.

 

[ringwood]

I have a plan in mind. I have been telling her about my photo's but she hasn't seen any yet. I thought I could get a few printed out, costs hardly anything. You get folders with your photo's; thought I could write a little note asking her for coffee, attach it in with the photo's. Hand it to her on Saturday when she comes in.

This is perfect. Maybe a note something like, "Some of my pictures I thought you'd like to see - going on another photography excursion next (whatever day) to the park (or ocean shore, or wherever), would you care to join me? We could grab a coffee and go."

Anyway, really great, TripleB - I expect to see an update on the situation next Saturday...

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have a plan in mind. I have been telling her about my photo's but she hasn't seen any yet. I thought I could get a few printed out, costs hardly anything. You get folders with your photo's; thought I could write a little note asking her for coffee, attach it in with the photo's. Hand it to her on Saturday when she comes in.

This is perfect. Maybe a note something like, "Some of my pictures I thought you'd like to see - going on another photography excursion next (whatever day) to the park (or ocean shore, or wherever), would you care to join me? We could grab a coffee and go."

Anyway, really great, TripleB - I expect to see an update on the situation next Saturday...

Thanks. I will let you know what happens !

 

[beautiful loser]

I like your idea, Bogey and as well as what Ringwood...almost typed ringworm...haha...suggested as a note.

When she says "what took you so long to ask?" please don't do the David Brent charity dance...unless you wait till you are home Good luck!

 

[ringwood]

I like your idea, Bogey and as well as what Ringwood...almost typed ringworm...haha...suggested as a note.

Bahaha! 'Ringworm' - not quite as charming as 'Ringwood', I would say. The latter has been my online moniker for years now, but I always find it amusing when someone calls me ringworm by mistake.

 

[beautiful loser]

Haha...believe me, if we were friends, in person, it would be ringworm, 24-7...yeah, I'm kinda childish like that Anyway, nice to meet you ringwood. Well, mustn't hijack Bogey's thread, so later, gator.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I like your idea, Bogey and as well as what Ringwood...almost typed ringworm...haha...suggested as a note.

When she says "what took you so long to ask?" please don't do the David Brent charity dance...unless you wait till you are home Good luck!

Thanks

 

[Tulip23]

Great idea. I hope it works out for you. Good luck

 

[Triple Bogey]

Great idea. I hope it works out for you. Good luck

thanks

 

[Triple Bogey]

having second thoughts about this. Seems not such a good idea. I've got the photo's printed but just seems a lot of things can go wrong. She won't be expecting it for one.

 

[beautiful loser]

I would say 95% or more don't expect someone to ask them out. Come on, Bogey just do it. The idea ringworm...lol...she'll understand...mentioned sounds like a good idea. Dude, you only live once, so just do it. Let that be one less thing you'll regret as you get older. Heed the advice of your signature.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I would say 95% or more don't expect someone to ask them out. Come on, Bogey just do it. The idea ringworm...lol...she'll understand...mentioned sounds like a good idea. Dude, you only live once, so just do it. Let that be one less thing you'll regret as you get older. Heed the advice of your signature.

I don't want to let people down on here so I thought I would mention the second thoughts I am having.

Been at work is putting me off. I am there to work not ask women out.

 

[beautiful loser]

"Been at work is putting me off. I am there to work not ask women out."

Yet, the first two sentences of this topic are....Why do I find it so difficult ?
To ask a woman out on a date ?

Sorry, don't mean to push the topic but you do contradict yourself plus two your threads, on the first page, are about asking women out and how the doubts creep in. Then you ask for advice and we tell you to be positive, give you ideas and then you retreat back into your shell. I don't get it, but I won't bother you anymore. Have a good one, Bogey.

 

[Triple Bogey]

"Been at work is putting me off. I am there to work not ask women out."

Yet, the first two sentences of this topic are....Why do I find it so difficult ?
To ask a woman out on a date ?

Sorry, don't mean to push the topic but you do contradict yourself plus two your threads, on the first page, are about asking women out and how the doubts creep in. Then you ask for advice and we tell you to be positive, give you ideas and then you retreat back into your shell. I don't get it, but I won't bother you anymore. Have a good one, Bogey.

yes I contradict myself, I think all sorts, positive and negative. I didn't want to come on here and say 'I didn't bother' - the ideas are good, it's just tricky at work with people (and the manager) around. I don't want to lose my job for harassing customers.

If I bumped into her outside of work then it wouldn't be a problem.

Thanks for your help though. If I find these things easy then I wouldn't be on here !

 

[ringwood]

"Been at work is putting me off. I am there to work not ask women out."

Yet, the first two sentences of this topic are....Why do I find it so difficult ?
To ask a woman out on a date ?

Sorry, don't mean to push the topic but you do contradict yourself plus two your threads, on the first page, are about asking women out and how the doubts creep in. Then you ask for advice and we tell you to be positive, give you ideas and then you retreat back into your shell. I don't get it, but I won't bother you anymore. Have a good one, Bogey.

yes I contradict myself, I think all sorts, positive and negative. I didn't want to come on here and say 'I didn't bother' - the ideas are good, it's just tricky at work with people (and the manager) around. I don't want to lose my job for harassing customers.

If I bumped into her outside of work then it wouldn't be a problem.

Thanks for your help though. If I find these things easy then I wouldn't be on here !

Handing a person a note is not 'harassment' by any stretch of the imagination - the person in question either accepts the note, or doesn't. It doesn't have to be a big deal - you deal with this woman all the time... so the next time she comes in you chat her up as usual, and then just as she's leaving you hand over your envelope with a casual, "Oh, here by the way, thought you'd like to see some of my photos...See you next time! Have a great day!"

Even if another employee or even the manager were standing right next to you, you've done nothing wrong.

I think the real reason for your hesitation and wavering emotions (which everybody gets in a similar situation) is fear. You've had some not-so-good experiences in the past that you still haven't gotten over and through the years, you've let the memory of those taint any confidence for the future. Ask yourself this question: do you want to spent the rest of your life constantly wondering, "What if?"

You will not get anywhere in life by being complacent and giving into your fears and negativity. I have full confidence that you can do this, there are people behind the scenes cheering and hoping for your happiness, remember that... and remember that you are worthy of happiness.

Just do it!

---

The idea ringworm...lol...she'll understand...mentioned sounds like a good idea. Dude, you only live once, so just do it. Let that be one less thing you'll regret as you get older. Heed the advice of your signature.

Haha...Yep, I understand. You are a man of your word...

And, TripleB, listen to his advice too^

 

[SofiasMami]

Don't think about it too much and get yourself worked up into a lather. Try to find other things to keep your mind occupied this week.
I think the plan with the photos sounds nice. I'm a single lady in the same age demographic - I 've been approached a few times by men I don't know and I never thought the guys were creepy or stalker-ish, not once. So don't talk yourself out of it!

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

"Been at work is putting me off. I am there to work not ask women out."

Yet, the first two sentences of this topic are....Why do I find it so difficult ?
To ask a woman out on a date ?

Sorry, don't mean to push the topic but you do contradict yourself plus two your threads, on the first page, are about asking women out and how the doubts creep in. Then you ask for advice and we tell you to be positive, give you ideas and then you retreat back into your shell. I don't get it, but I won't bother you anymore. Have a good one, Bogey.

yes I contradict myself, I think all sorts, positive and negative. I didn't want to come on here and say 'I didn't bother' - the ideas are good, it's just tricky at work with people (and the manager) around. I don't want to lose my job for harassing customers.

If I bumped into her outside of work then it wouldn't be a problem.

Thanks for your help though. If I find these things easy then I wouldn't be on here !

Handing a person a note is not 'harassment' by any stretch of the imagination - the person in question either accepts the note, or doesn't. It doesn't have to be a big deal - you deal with this woman all the time... so the next time she comes in you chat her up as usual, and then just as she's leaving you hand over your envelope with a casual, "Oh, here by the way, thought you'd like to see some of my photos...See you next time! Have a great day!"

Even if another employee or even the manager were standing right next to you, you've done nothing wrong.

I think the real reason for your hesitation and wavering emotions (which everybody gets in a similar situation) is fear. You've had some not-so-good experiences in the past that you still haven't gotten over and through the years, you've let the memory of those taint any confidence for the future. Ask yourself this question: do you want to spent the rest of your life constantly wondering, "What if?"

You will not get anywhere in life by being complacent and giving into your fears and negativity. I have full confidence that you can do this, there are people behind the scenes cheering and hoping for your happiness, remember that... and remember that you are worthy of happiness.

Just do it!

---

The idea ringworm...lol...she'll understand...mentioned sounds like a good idea. Dude, you only live once, so just do it. Let that be one less thing you'll regret as you get older. Heed the advice of your signature.

Haha...Yep, I understand. You are a man of your word...

And, TripleB, listen to his advice too^

---

I did have a sexual harassment thing at work. It was years ago. I did nothing wrong apart from ask a woman out. I had to sit of front of a woman from personnel and defend myself. I have never got over that. I didn't ask a woman out for 13 years and that took a lot of guts.

I have the photo's and note written and I will take it with me on Saturday. I will try my best.

---

Don't think about it too much and get yourself worked up into a lather. Try to find other things to keep your mind occupied this week.
I think the plan with the photos sounds nice. I'm a single lady in the same age demographic - I 've been approached a few times by men I don't know and I never thought the guys were creepy or stalker-ish, not once. So don't talk yourself out of it!

-Teresa

Thanks I will try my best, hopefully I can do it !

 

[jaguarundi]

^^ There is no try, there is only do. (to very badly quote from a galaxy far, far away).

I have bet a fellow ALL-er a virtual bottle of champagne on whether you do this or not. I say one thing, they say another.. .. ..