mustachioed_badass_42
Member
Sorry for the long rant. I'm looking for advice, and want to know if I have done something wrong in this case.
I (15M) am finding this really weird, disappointing and demoralising. When I first had a crush, I was 13. Having dealt with social anxiety and low self-esteem all my life, I was hesitant to confess it to her. I thought it would be better if I just try to make friends with her first. So one day at school during lunch, she was sitting with her friend and I was sitting on a chair close to her. I asked if she would like to be friends and asked for her contact. She and her friend started laughing at me, and began telling everyone about it. I hadn't even said anything indicating romantic interest.
Others began to tell me that if she reported this, I could be punished. Honestly, they made me feel like some predator of sorts. It made me begin to hate myself, and I started to think that I had become like the same people I despised in my childhood. It was only on the Internet that I learnt how common it is to have a crush, in both teenage and in adulthood. I realised that I was, in fact, not a predator. I was just a kid who liked a girl, that was it! One could ask why I came to believe this if I hadn't done anything wrong. Well, if a naive, emotional teenager is told such things by a bunch of people frequently, there is a sort of "mental colonisation" that takes place, where others' opinions become one's own, and all sorts of reasoning fail. Later, I learnt that a lot of other people at my school have a crush too, only thing they hide it, fearing similar responses.
She never talked to me again. This incident further deteriorated my low self-esteem. However, I wept internally for some time, and then moved on. After a significant amount of time, I began liking another girl. However, as I was too afraid to tell her, I didn't! But I needed to tell someone and get those feelings off my chest, so I decided to tell my "friend". I told him not to tell anyone, yet he did, and ultimately even she came to know. She was angry and embarrassed. I thought it was not a big deal, so I decided to talk to her. One day I told her a joke. I think it was some silly childish joke (something like why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was out-standing in its field). She frowned and didn't say anything. She later called me 'idiot' and 'dumb'.
In the next year of school, coincidentally, she was made to sit right next to me. She was obviously hesitant. I heard her murmur under her breath, "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, why me?", over the course of the year, she became friendlier, but she continued to tell bad things about me to others. She thought I didn't come to know, but I did (introverts are more perceptive than extroverts think they are). Again, I wept internally for a few days, and thought it best to move on.
This year, a girl came to talk to me a few times at school. Generally, no one goes out of their way to talk to me, at least not anything good, so I began liking her a bit. Owing to previous incidents, I didn't try to be friends with her or anything, but during April, I began feeling particularly brave for some reason. I tried to get to know her more, but now, she gradually completely stopped interacting with me. She always hung out with a friend group, so I felt awkward speaking to her while in the group, so I tried to converse via text. She responded to my texts always after a long time, but that can be explained by assuming she was just busy. But then came a time when she did not reply at all, like she just saw the text, but did not reply. I took this as a sign that she was not interested in me as a person. Again, wept inside for a few days, and then moved on. She even stopped talking to me at school. However, off late she began talking to me again in class. But I am trying not to get attached. It seems to me that it is a cause of embarrassment for them that "a guy like ME" has a liking for them, probably like loss of honour haha.
Honestly, I can deal with rejection, but what's with the mocking, insulting, or plain ignoring? If it were just one person, I would have assumed they were just an arsehole, but all three of them showed similar responses, which makes me think, am I in the wrong somehow? I am always open to improving myself as a person, but I don't understand what I may have done wrong here. I tried to interact in the most warm and friendly manner possible. I always try to work towards being the best possible version myself. I would not say I am the best version of myself, far from it actually, but I am trying! I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem and related problems. I have always sought an emotional connection, not a "sexual connection", if that is even a thing. Some of the reasons for such responses may be that my face is conventionally unattractive, I am good in academics at school, so probably viewed as kind of a "nerd", am not that athletic, am possibly boring and have a dead sense of humour. But I focus more on the things under my control than the things that are not. I go to the gym, and try to cultivate knowledge within myself.
I also don't hate women/girls. Quite the contrary, in fact. If a girl wants to talk about any problem with me, I tend to be as empathetic and helpful as possible. I know that seemingly mundane things can have drastic effects on a person, so I am never quick to judge. Yet if there is need for improvement in me, I am open to it, only thing I don't understand what the problem is in this situation. If there's anything you guys would like to say/suggest, then I am open to it.
I (15M) am finding this really weird, disappointing and demoralising. When I first had a crush, I was 13. Having dealt with social anxiety and low self-esteem all my life, I was hesitant to confess it to her. I thought it would be better if I just try to make friends with her first. So one day at school during lunch, she was sitting with her friend and I was sitting on a chair close to her. I asked if she would like to be friends and asked for her contact. She and her friend started laughing at me, and began telling everyone about it. I hadn't even said anything indicating romantic interest.
Others began to tell me that if she reported this, I could be punished. Honestly, they made me feel like some predator of sorts. It made me begin to hate myself, and I started to think that I had become like the same people I despised in my childhood. It was only on the Internet that I learnt how common it is to have a crush, in both teenage and in adulthood. I realised that I was, in fact, not a predator. I was just a kid who liked a girl, that was it! One could ask why I came to believe this if I hadn't done anything wrong. Well, if a naive, emotional teenager is told such things by a bunch of people frequently, there is a sort of "mental colonisation" that takes place, where others' opinions become one's own, and all sorts of reasoning fail. Later, I learnt that a lot of other people at my school have a crush too, only thing they hide it, fearing similar responses.
She never talked to me again. This incident further deteriorated my low self-esteem. However, I wept internally for some time, and then moved on. After a significant amount of time, I began liking another girl. However, as I was too afraid to tell her, I didn't! But I needed to tell someone and get those feelings off my chest, so I decided to tell my "friend". I told him not to tell anyone, yet he did, and ultimately even she came to know. She was angry and embarrassed. I thought it was not a big deal, so I decided to talk to her. One day I told her a joke. I think it was some silly childish joke (something like why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was out-standing in its field). She frowned and didn't say anything. She later called me 'idiot' and 'dumb'.
In the next year of school, coincidentally, she was made to sit right next to me. She was obviously hesitant. I heard her murmur under her breath, "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, why me?", over the course of the year, she became friendlier, but she continued to tell bad things about me to others. She thought I didn't come to know, but I did (introverts are more perceptive than extroverts think they are). Again, I wept internally for a few days, and thought it best to move on.
This year, a girl came to talk to me a few times at school. Generally, no one goes out of their way to talk to me, at least not anything good, so I began liking her a bit. Owing to previous incidents, I didn't try to be friends with her or anything, but during April, I began feeling particularly brave for some reason. I tried to get to know her more, but now, she gradually completely stopped interacting with me. She always hung out with a friend group, so I felt awkward speaking to her while in the group, so I tried to converse via text. She responded to my texts always after a long time, but that can be explained by assuming she was just busy. But then came a time when she did not reply at all, like she just saw the text, but did not reply. I took this as a sign that she was not interested in me as a person. Again, wept inside for a few days, and then moved on. She even stopped talking to me at school. However, off late she began talking to me again in class. But I am trying not to get attached. It seems to me that it is a cause of embarrassment for them that "a guy like ME" has a liking for them, probably like loss of honour haha.
Honestly, I can deal with rejection, but what's with the mocking, insulting, or plain ignoring? If it were just one person, I would have assumed they were just an arsehole, but all three of them showed similar responses, which makes me think, am I in the wrong somehow? I am always open to improving myself as a person, but I don't understand what I may have done wrong here. I tried to interact in the most warm and friendly manner possible. I always try to work towards being the best possible version myself. I would not say I am the best version of myself, far from it actually, but I am trying! I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem and related problems. I have always sought an emotional connection, not a "sexual connection", if that is even a thing. Some of the reasons for such responses may be that my face is conventionally unattractive, I am good in academics at school, so probably viewed as kind of a "nerd", am not that athletic, am possibly boring and have a dead sense of humour. But I focus more on the things under my control than the things that are not. I go to the gym, and try to cultivate knowledge within myself.
I also don't hate women/girls. Quite the contrary, in fact. If a girl wants to talk about any problem with me, I tend to be as empathetic and helpful as possible. I know that seemingly mundane things can have drastic effects on a person, so I am never quick to judge. Yet if there is need for improvement in me, I am open to it, only thing I don't understand what the problem is in this situation. If there's anything you guys would like to say/suggest, then I am open to it.
