mustachioed_badass_42
Active member
Sorry for the long rant. I'm looking for advice, and want to know if I have done something wrong in this case.
I (15M) am finding this really weird, disappointing and demoralising. When I first had a crush, I was 13. Having dealt with social anxiety and low self-esteem all my life, I was hesitant to confess it to her. I thought it would be better if I just try to make friends with her first. So one day at school during lunch, she was sitting with her friend and I was sitting on a chair close to her. I asked if she would like to be friends and asked for her contact. She and her friend started laughing at me, and began telling everyone about it. I hadn't even said anything indicating romantic interest.
Others began to tell me that if she reported this, I could be punished. Honestly, they made me feel like some predator of sorts. It made me begin to hate myself, and I started to think that I had become like the same people I despised in my childhood. It was only on the Internet that I learnt how common it is to have a crush, in both teenage and in adulthood. I realised that I was, in fact, not a predator. I was just a kid who liked a girl, that was it! One could ask why I came to believe this if I hadn't done anything wrong. Well, if a naive, emotional teenager is told such things by a bunch of people frequently, there is a sort of "mental colonisation" that takes place, where others' opinions become one's own, and all sorts of reasoning fail. Later, I learnt that a lot of other people at my school have a crush too, only thing they hide it, fearing similar responses.
She never talked to me again. This incident further deteriorated my low self-esteem. However, I wept internally for some time, and then moved on. After a significant amount of time, I began liking another girl. However, as I was too afraid to tell her, I didn't! But I needed to tell someone and get those feelings off my chest, so I decided to tell my "friend". I told him not to tell anyone, yet he did, and ultimately even she came to know. She was angry and embarrassed. I thought it was not a big deal, so I decided to talk to her. One day I told her a joke. I think it was some silly childish joke (something like why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was out-standing in its field). She frowned and didn't say anything. She later called me '*****' and 'dumb'.
In the next year of school, coincidentally, she was made to sit right next to me. She was obviously hesitant. I heard her murmur under her breath, "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, why me?", over the course of the year, she became friendlier, but she continued to tell bad things about me to others. She thought I didn't come to know, but I did (introverts are more perceptive than extroverts think they are). Again, I wept internally for a few days, and thought it best to move on.
This year, a girl came to talk to me a few times at school. Generally, no one goes out of their way to talk to me, at least not anything good, so I began liking her a bit. Owing to previous incidents, I didn't try to be friends with her or anything, but during April, I began feeling particularly brave for some reason. I tried to get to know her more, but now, she gradually completely stopped interacting with me. She always hung out with a friend group, so I felt awkward speaking to her while in the group, so I tried to converse via text. She responded to my texts always after a long time, but that can be explained by assuming she was just busy. But then came a time when she did not reply at all, like she just saw the text, but did not reply. I took this as a sign that she was not interested in me as a person. Again, wept inside for a few days, and then moved on. She even stopped talking to me at school. However, off late she began talking to me again in class. But I am trying not to get attached. It seems to me that it is a cause of embarrassment for them that "a guy like ME" has a liking for them, probably like loss of honour haha.
Honestly, I can deal with rejection, but what's with the mocking, insulting, or plain ignoring? If it were just one person, I would have assumed they were just an arsehole, but all three of them showed similar responses, which makes me think, am I in the wrong somehow? I am always open to improving myself as a person, but I don't understand what I may have done wrong here. I tried to interact in the most warm and friendly manner possible. I always try to work towards being the best possible version myself. I would not say I am the best version of myself, far from it actually, but I am trying! I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem and related problems. I have always sought an emotional connection, not a "sexual connection", if that is even a thing. Some of the reasons for such responses may be that my face is conventionally unattractive, I am good in academics at school, so probably viewed as kind of a "nerd", am not that athletic, am possibly boring and have a dead sense of humour. But I focus more on the things under my control than the things that are not. I go to the gym, and try to cultivate knowledge within myself.
I also don't hate women/girls. Quite the contrary, in fact. If a girl wants to talk about any problem with me, I tend to be as empathetic and helpful as possible. I know that seemingly mundane things can have drastic effects on a person, so I am never quick to judge. Yet if there is need for improvement in me, I am open to it, only thing I don't understand what the problem is in this situation. If there's anything you guys would like to say/suggest, then I am open to it.
I (15M) am finding this really weird, disappointing and demoralising. When I first had a crush, I was 13. Having dealt with social anxiety and low self-esteem all my life, I was hesitant to confess it to her. I thought it would be better if I just try to make friends with her first. So one day at school during lunch, she was sitting with her friend and I was sitting on a chair close to her. I asked if she would like to be friends and asked for her contact. She and her friend started laughing at me, and began telling everyone about it. I hadn't even said anything indicating romantic interest.
Others began to tell me that if she reported this, I could be punished. Honestly, they made me feel like some predator of sorts. It made me begin to hate myself, and I started to think that I had become like the same people I despised in my childhood. It was only on the Internet that I learnt how common it is to have a crush, in both teenage and in adulthood. I realised that I was, in fact, not a predator. I was just a kid who liked a girl, that was it! One could ask why I came to believe this if I hadn't done anything wrong. Well, if a naive, emotional teenager is told such things by a bunch of people frequently, there is a sort of "mental colonisation" that takes place, where others' opinions become one's own, and all sorts of reasoning fail. Later, I learnt that a lot of other people at my school have a crush too, only thing they hide it, fearing similar responses.
She never talked to me again. This incident further deteriorated my low self-esteem. However, I wept internally for some time, and then moved on. After a significant amount of time, I began liking another girl. However, as I was too afraid to tell her, I didn't! But I needed to tell someone and get those feelings off my chest, so I decided to tell my "friend". I told him not to tell anyone, yet he did, and ultimately even she came to know. She was angry and embarrassed. I thought it was not a big deal, so I decided to talk to her. One day I told her a joke. I think it was some silly childish joke (something like why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was out-standing in its field). She frowned and didn't say anything. She later called me '*****' and 'dumb'.
In the next year of school, coincidentally, she was made to sit right next to me. She was obviously hesitant. I heard her murmur under her breath, "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, why me?", over the course of the year, she became friendlier, but she continued to tell bad things about me to others. She thought I didn't come to know, but I did (introverts are more perceptive than extroverts think they are). Again, I wept internally for a few days, and thought it best to move on.
This year, a girl came to talk to me a few times at school. Generally, no one goes out of their way to talk to me, at least not anything good, so I began liking her a bit. Owing to previous incidents, I didn't try to be friends with her or anything, but during April, I began feeling particularly brave for some reason. I tried to get to know her more, but now, she gradually completely stopped interacting with me. She always hung out with a friend group, so I felt awkward speaking to her while in the group, so I tried to converse via text. She responded to my texts always after a long time, but that can be explained by assuming she was just busy. But then came a time when she did not reply at all, like she just saw the text, but did not reply. I took this as a sign that she was not interested in me as a person. Again, wept inside for a few days, and then moved on. She even stopped talking to me at school. However, off late she began talking to me again in class. But I am trying not to get attached. It seems to me that it is a cause of embarrassment for them that "a guy like ME" has a liking for them, probably like loss of honour haha.
Honestly, I can deal with rejection, but what's with the mocking, insulting, or plain ignoring? If it were just one person, I would have assumed they were just an arsehole, but all three of them showed similar responses, which makes me think, am I in the wrong somehow? I am always open to improving myself as a person, but I don't understand what I may have done wrong here. I tried to interact in the most warm and friendly manner possible. I always try to work towards being the best possible version myself. I would not say I am the best version of myself, far from it actually, but I am trying! I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem and related problems. I have always sought an emotional connection, not a "sexual connection", if that is even a thing. Some of the reasons for such responses may be that my face is conventionally unattractive, I am good in academics at school, so probably viewed as kind of a "nerd", am not that athletic, am possibly boring and have a dead sense of humour. But I focus more on the things under my control than the things that are not. I go to the gym, and try to cultivate knowledge within myself.
I also don't hate women/girls. Quite the contrary, in fact. If a girl wants to talk about any problem with me, I tend to be as empathetic and helpful as possible. I know that seemingly mundane things can have drastic effects on a person, so I am never quick to judge. Yet if there is need for improvement in me, I am open to it, only thing I don't understand what the problem is in this situation. If there's anything you guys would like to say/suggest, then I am open to it.