People don't just mysteriously wake up one morning with an overdose of PEA in their brains and then develop a crush on the next person they set eyes on. No, PEA and its sister chemicals are precipitated by emotional and visceral reactions to a specific stimulus. Like what? It can be a whiff of her perfume, the boyish way he says hello, or the adorable way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs. It could even be an innocuous article of clothing you're wearing that drives your Quarry bonkers. What really makes one fall in Love?
"Why Do We Fall in Love with One Person and Not Another?"
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jean-vic
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Chance and the universe's cruel sense of irony.
Puddled Duck
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What makes you think they’ve fell in love?
GustavusMacer
Well-known member
That's a good question...
I think I like a girl (a woman actually, she's almost 40...). But I'm always in conflict with myself, for although she is divorced, and friendly, she lives way distant, and ...I'm not sure we share the same sort of tastes (particularly about music). (Music is very important to me, considering we might live together someday...) She's pretty though.
(I definitely fall in love because she's beautiful...)
I'd like we could be together, I guess. But I'm not willing to go after this... I don't know.
On the other hand, she probably likes someone else, so...
:club:
I think I like a girl (a woman actually, she's almost 40...). But I'm always in conflict with myself, for although she is divorced, and friendly, she lives way distant, and ...I'm not sure we share the same sort of tastes (particularly about music). (Music is very important to me, considering we might live together someday...) She's pretty though.
(I definitely fall in love because she's beautiful...)
I'd like we could be together, I guess. But I'm not willing to go after this... I don't know.
On the other hand, she probably likes someone else, so...
:club:
ardour
Well known loser
Romantic love is a childish dated concept that once served to compel people to get married, raise children and conform to societal expectations. What we call romantic love is just a mixture of physical attraction, infatuation and a need for validation from person we’re infatuated with. Altruistically motivated caring develops later. You could call that love but not romantic love as it's very similar to the concern and sense of obligation towards blood relatives.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Have you ever been in love, ardour?
ardour
Well known loser
I've experienced crushes and it always ended up causing me a lot of pain and frustration.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
A crush is nothing like love, so how can you know what it is? Love has nothing to do with children or marriage or society. Wanting to be in love might have something to do with all of that, but none of those can guarantee love. Love isn't a choice, it's just something that happens It can sometimes even happen with someone you'd never expect, which is why I always tell people to give those that don't quite meet their "standards" a shot. You never know what can happen.
ardour
Well known loser
I know what I see around me, and the way people pair up seems to have nothing to do with love. That's my perspective, you put your usual argumentative spin on it if you like.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ardour said:
Even if the people around you aren't actually in love, that doesn't mean it's childish dated concept or not real. That's all I'm saying.
S
Siku
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My thoughts; Being over-looked or deprived of it creates doubt and the sincerity of such a thing. No different than a person who used to have faith and becoming an atheist after realizing how ****** up the world is. Some, don't "feel" or know what it is until they are finally stuck in it. Until then, they rely on science or their own experiences and science can only describe as much as there's been discovered. That doesn't mean there isn't a lot that still needs discovering. There's far too much mystery about the mind that science isn't nowhere near yet. And what of the soul? Where does that tie in with scientific debates?
Yes, this is all subjective. But the fact of the matter is, "love" is substantial and a human need. That is why most of us are here constantly talking about it whether we like to agree it's a real thing or not. Even if your mind disagrees or devalues it, 'something' in you is bothered by not having it and I personally don't contribute those feelings purely on our currently known biology. I agree that society rides love's back in order to make us feel hole, buy things, long for it more, and manipulate us into the social norm (marriage, kids, brainwashed milestones etc), but they didn't create it. It's always been there. Just look at animals and babies born with a sense of empathy for a perfect example of that.
Don't question, peck at, and dissect the biggest trait that separates and defines us from the rest of the universe. Embrace it as much as it hurts to...
And I agree, there is a huge difference between crushing, infatuation, and love. A lot of people confuse them or don't notice the difference until they finally and fortunate enough to get to that highest tier.
Yes, this is all subjective. But the fact of the matter is, "love" is substantial and a human need. That is why most of us are here constantly talking about it whether we like to agree it's a real thing or not. Even if your mind disagrees or devalues it, 'something' in you is bothered by not having it and I personally don't contribute those feelings purely on our currently known biology. I agree that society rides love's back in order to make us feel hole, buy things, long for it more, and manipulate us into the social norm (marriage, kids, brainwashed milestones etc), but they didn't create it. It's always been there. Just look at animals and babies born with a sense of empathy for a perfect example of that.
Don't question, peck at, and dissect the biggest trait that separates and defines us from the rest of the universe. Embrace it as much as it hurts to...
And I agree, there is a huge difference between crushing, infatuation, and love. A lot of people confuse them or don't notice the difference until they finally and fortunate enough to get to that highest tier.
ardour
Well known loser
Romantic love as a concept seems to mainly benefit the attractive. Those who can get what they want are free to frame their emotions as coming from a place of purity. The number of times I heard female acquaintances talk about love when in reality the guy was tall and attractive and fitted a criteria they obviously held in mind well before they met (and men can be even more blatant and hypocritical).
The rest of us who can’t just rely on someone showing up need to be more pragmatic about this. Talking about love gets us nowhere. Even if it were possible to genuinely care about someone without knowing them long, and I don’t think it is, developing those kind of feelings over the wrong person will be an absolute nightmare.
The rest of us who can’t just rely on someone showing up need to be more pragmatic about this. Talking about love gets us nowhere. Even if it were possible to genuinely care about someone without knowing them long, and I don’t think it is, developing those kind of feelings over the wrong person will be an absolute nightmare.
ardour
Well known loser
Siku said:
People only get to this place with someone they're initially attracted to, that person being the gender they're attracted to, obviously. How much a higher tier is it really given that it's dependent on base level biological drives.
user 139760
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Love...
Ugggh. Boom.
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing. Urgh! ;-)
I've always wondered if love isn't just a built up psychological aftereffect of the mating urge. You rarely see 80+ couples walking hand in hand. And maybe those could actually have a chemical imbalance in their brains.
Seems the more than 50% divorce rate speaks more towards that hypothesis.
Though I MIGHT have a chemical brain imbalance as well. Who knows.
Ugggh. Boom.
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing. Urgh! ;-)
I've always wondered if love isn't just a built up psychological aftereffect of the mating urge. You rarely see 80+ couples walking hand in hand. And maybe those could actually have a chemical imbalance in their brains.
Seems the more than 50% divorce rate speaks more towards that hypothesis.
Though I MIGHT have a chemical brain imbalance as well. Who knows.
J
Just Games
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Lol you see them all the time round my way walking round my village hand in hand.I know why they do it cause 1.They are so pleased they are fit and able to be able to do it 2.They know how important it is to stay fit later in life for operations etc.3.I'm sorry mate but they love each otherRichard_39 said:
user 139760
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Well, you don't see them at all in a big city like mine is. In fact, all you see is miserable people. In my own personal observations of the immediate family members and friends around me, marriage and long-lasting relationships seem more akin to an exercise in masochism rather than the norm. Which of course, leaves one to wonder if they are the exception rather than the norm. Though I have no doubt there's also a correlation in the geographical location on relationships, it's not something I've ever read as being factored in so far. I don't know, though. It's just something I wonder at. Besides the attachement parents feel towards children, I wonder at wether love is natural or simply a chemical fabrication. Even that last is suspect at times, considering how many news pieces I see of parents hurting or murdering their children. Which hurts my humanity, honestly.
I'm sure by the time I'm old and brittle, I'll have a working hypothesis ;-)
I'm sure by the time I'm old and brittle, I'll have a working hypothesis ;-)
J
Just Games
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Richard_39 said:
Well i do live in a middle class area .So it could be wealth and stability that equals holding hands later in life when married ,less stress etc.I've seen a couple about seventy i reckon walking through surrey today holding hands but she was giving him a serious bollicking under her breath by the looks of it who knows.But i really hope i get there just a nice quiet retirement with the Mrs please thats all i want
S
Siku
Guest
Everyone loves differently. I feel like we're ironically comparing Hollywood romance to love and entirely missing the point.
Sacrificing, being selfless, compromising are a few small examples of true love and it's potential. Not hand holding or general affection. It's cute but it's much more deeper than that and shouldn't be the biggest indicator.
People also change over time and become more indifferent so why can't love have that same rule? Why does it have to be purely psychological or biological in order to disprove it? We're letting our pessimism and insincerity about people in-general encourage our thoughts.
Sacrificing, being selfless, compromising are a few small examples of true love and it's potential. Not hand holding or general affection. It's cute but it's much more deeper than that and shouldn't be the biggest indicator.
People also change over time and become more indifferent so why can't love have that same rule? Why does it have to be purely psychological or biological in order to disprove it? We're letting our pessimism and insincerity about people in-general encourage our thoughts.
