Why does my boyfriend get mad when I'm upset over something he did?

[Justalostgirl]

Why does my boyfriend get mad at me when I'm upset about something he did? It happens anytime I try to express my feelings he'll eventually get mad and sometimes he gets really mad he'll start calling me names and insulting me and saying horrible things and say he doesn't care about my feelings that I'm always upset ect.

Let me add that I recently found out after a big fight we had he was apparently chatting with another girl. And i should also add his mother knew about it but didn't think it was her business to tell.. anyways so I've been extremely upset that he did that because I never thought he would do something like that I mean it's basically cheating.. I don't know what the conversation was I just know that he didn't talk to her long and when things between us were okay he just decided to ignore her and pretend like It never happened.. well we got into another big fight and he told me he talked to another girl and I was shocked we'll when we made up he told me he felt bad and was just miserable with us fighting all the time and he really didn't know why he did it he's tried to apologize by being extra sweet and buying me things but that just doesn't fix what he did. When you fight or have problems in your relationship your supposed to go to your partner or god or talk to a therapist not text another person and give them your time and attention.. anyways things have been hard for me to be able to forgive him and he thought everything was fine between us because we had a long talk but it doesn't just go away.. I was upset about it today and he just flipped and started insulting me calling me names just saying anything he could to hurt me... How can he be mad at me for being upset over something He Did?..

 

[Claudia1794]

If he says he doesn’t care about your feelings I would think he is probably telling the truth. If he is mad because you confront him about something he did he is mad because he knows he did something inconsiderate or selfish or insensitive or whatever he did. Or you find fault in everything and he gets tired of always be confronted. Or ur could be any number of reasons. Maybe try a different tactic in addressing whatever it is. It’s could possibly be a communication problem. If you can’t communicate effectively then the problem will never be resolved. Maybe you two just aren’t compatible. I’m a one and done person but that doesn’t work for everyone. Then again, I probably have no idea what I’m talking about. My longest relationship was 7 years and I’ve been single for over 10 years because relationships require patience and understanding and good communication.

 

[Finished]

Yeah, it's kind of like pointing out his mistakes. It sounds like he is a little immature. A more mature person would admit they made a mistake and appoligize. The goal is to learn from ones mistake so they don't keep being made.

 

[Unsigned]

Why did a girl I took care of for 3 years lie to me, treat me like a walking ATM machine & ghost me?
Why is the sky blue?
Why is the grass green?
Who knows?
Some people suck...that is all I can guess...

 

[Rohini]

I echo what the great Finished has said..

he nailed it..

I'm sorry girl

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly, I think this is a normal reaction, no one likes admitting mistakes, i’ve had people cry to me asking me for forgiveness… I always thought… why are you the one crying? Its damaged ego.

People often use attention as away to soothe their ego. If my fella upset me, i’d put a sexy profile pic up and some man, will crawl out from somewhere to make me feel better about myself. Is it fair? No it sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sometimes, your worth is only recognised after you walk away, but I wish you the best in your relationship

 

[Forgottendanfan]

He sounds like a complete and utter knobhead. It never ceases to amaze me how many people are willing to be treated like crap in the name of "love" or simply the fear of being alone.

 

[Ima Lone]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here but I think that your boyfriend would know better why he does what he does than any of us who are not your boyfriend do. I'd guess he'd be the one with your final answer. But I could be wrong. I was once before.

 

[yohannbiimu]

My thoughts go toward, how much upset you were about him going behind your back, messaging another girl (or for whatever reason he upsets you), and whether you could have approached him about it in "a better way"? Guys don't handle emotional outbursts well at all, but rather deal with more calm, tactful approaches better.

If you express how upset you are by behaving in a tense, somewhat irrational fashion, then he's likely going to become tense and irrational himself and strike back at you. However, if you appeal to his sense of reason, in a calmer voice, still expressing that you are upset but in full control of your emotions, I'd wager he'd handle the situation much better.

On the other hand, if you believe you've tried to handle this situation in the best way that you know how, and he isn't responding to your appeals, then it's a good bet that he's got big-time problems for anyone who wants to get close to him. That said, it's virtually impossible for anyone here to give you a truly objective judgment about what you should do about this.

Nobody here can rightly judge the situation, except for you, people who know you, and those who are acquainted with the sort of person your boyfriend is. Take a moment and think about how these fights occur, and determine whether you can possibly deal with these situations better, and, if you feel it's necessary, talk to family and close acquaintances who are familiar with what's going on, and see what they have to say about it. Try to determine if there is a consensus of opinion about what's going on.

 

[AceFace]

Why does my boyfriend get mad at me when I'm upset about something he did? It happens anytime I try to express my feelings he'll eventually get mad and sometimes he gets really mad he'll start calling me names and insulting me and saying horrible things and say he doesn't care about my feelings that I'm always upset ect.

Let me add that I recently found out after a big fight we had he was apparently chatting with another girl. And i should also add his mother knew about it but didn't think it was her business to tell.. anyways so I've been extremely upset that he did that because I never thought he would do something like that I mean it's basically cheating.. I don't know what the conversation was I just know that he didn't talk to her long and when things between us were okay he just decided to ignore her and pretend like It never happened.. well we got into another big fight and he told me he talked to another girl and I was shocked we'll when we made up he told me he felt bad and was just miserable with us fighting all the time and he really didn't know why he did it he's tried to apologize by being extra sweet and buying me things but that just doesn't fix what he did. When you fight or have problems in your relationship your supposed to go to your partner or god or talk to a therapist not text another person and give them your time and attention.. anyways things have been hard for me to be able to forgive him and he thought everything was fine between us because we had a long talk but it doesn't just go away.. I was upset about it today and he just flipped and started insulting me calling me names just saying anything he could to hurt me... How can he be mad at me for being upset over something He Did?..

I feel for you, I know this is going to sound harsh its not ment to be, he gets angry with you to shut your conversation down, that old chestnut, then he won't have to justify his actions, easier said than done, just get rid of him! Does a leopard change it's spots, he will always chat to other women, your life will be a misery, bite the bullet now before you waste ten years of your life and find out later

 

[charlotte craig]

Just get rid of him is what I would say too. A lot of people stay in relationships with people who do not love them or respect them or make them happy, unless there is a good reason end it. I see no good out of staying with him. If you are not happy with someone and how they are you are with the wrong person and better being single.

 

[AceFace]

Change him for her I can relate to that

 

[charlotte craig]

Change him for her I can relate to that

Hi Ace. I know from the bits youve said about your life, I thought you would. I was unhappily married years ago. I moved heaven and earth to make sure the divorce came through asap. But I understand your situation is different. What gets me is when people cannot see that there might be ulterior motives or benefits to someone in a relationship. i.e. a sponger can be with a hard working smart person for their money. Great for the sponger. Nothing in it for the one with money. Yet they cannot see that and think the one who works very hard with money is being too picky. Total nuts.

I used to know an old lady who had never worked, had no education, no skills, no abilties, just watched tv all day. She had no money. A tiny ordinary home. Very ordinary life.
There was me with an education,a member of MENSA, a lot of skills, working extremely long hours seven days a week. i retired and after meeting lots of losers and users I met my husband. Who shares my values and has tried as hard as me.
We were talking and she said to me I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN GET A MAN WHO WORKS WHEN I CANT. If she looks at herself and how she is she will have the answer! Why would anyone who has worked very hard and made a lot of money be some sort of charity case because someone who has never worked a day in her life is one? Interesting too, she did not want a man for love or sex, but to give her lifts to the hospital and give her money and mow the lawn. That is all she was offering, not even intelligent conversation.

Ace. You are hard working and smart in many ways. People dont get it. They think if you seeking friends and this other person is seeking friends, you now have a new friend. They dont see that you want someone on the same wavelength and type as you, not just anyone.Some would even be that quick to settle for a boyfriend or husband or wife.

I know a guy who is a member of MENSA, very hard working, an architect, earns a lot. He had the problem where people did not understand why he was picky about friends and a wife. Like me he met a lot of empty headed people or people who were drawn to him because he could give them a job, one they would be totally useless at, they were just after the money, or free advice, or somewhere to live free etc. He met empty headed and lazy women and saw nothing in them and preferred to be single. EVENTUALLY he met a woman much like him, MENSA, hard working, architect, puts equally into the cash pot etc, no way would he settle for someone who would rely on him for money, bore him to death, etc. She felt the same. They wanted an equal, someone as capable and driven as them, not someone who relied on them as if they were his or her mother or father and mentor and helper where the other person is more like a baby or a chore or hard work. Both of them had lots of chances to date and marry before.

 

[charlotte craig]

Just get rid of him is what I would say too. A lot of people stay in relationships with people who do not love them or respect them or make them happy, unless there is a good reason end it. I see no good out of staying with him. If you are not happy with someone and how they are you are with the wrong person and better being single.

It does not matter why. The point is he does and it makes you unhappy so get rid of him.He wont change.

 

[TheSkaFish]

M E N S A

 

[user 164061]

M E N S A

Saying of the day

 

[Iwticohal]

Why does my boyfriend get mad at me when I'm upset about something he did? It happens anytime I try to express my feelings he'll eventually get mad and sometimes he gets really mad he'll start calling me names and insulting me and saying horrible things and say he doesn't care about my feelings that I'm always upset ect.

Let me add that I recently found out after a big fight we had he was apparently chatting with another girl. And i should also add his mother knew about it but didn't think it was her business to tell.. anyways so I've been extremely upset that he did that because I never thought he would do something like that I mean it's basically cheating.. I don't know what the conversation was I just know that he didn't talk to her long and when things between us were okay he just decided to ignore her and pretend like It never happened.. well we got into another big fight and he told me he talked to another girl and I was shocked we'll when we made up he told me he felt bad and was just miserable with us fighting all the time and he really didn't know why he did it he's tried to apologize by being extra sweet and buying me things but that just doesn't fix what he did. When you fight or have problems in your relationship your supposed to go to your partner or god or talk to a therapist not text another person and give them your time and attention.. anyways things have been hard for me to be able to forgive him and he thought everything was fine between us because we had a long talk but it doesn't just go away.. I was upset about it today and he just flipped and started insulting me calling me names just saying anything he could to hurt me... How can he be mad at me for being upset over something He Did?..

i guess he thinks that he can do what he wants and even control you so in my opinion get rid of him. he needs help.