Why is it that

[futurecatlady]

a sweet smile is more valuable than a sharp wit
soulful eyes are more valuable than a kind soul
dimpled cheeks are more valuable than an upbeat spirit

?

There is no getting around it. Looks will always be one of the most important things in life, even if it is in ways that we might not realize. So what if your girlfriend doesn't look like a supermodel? Isn't it her infectious laughter that makes you melt, her cute little button nose, the way her eyes crinkle up? Aren't these things just as superficial and meaningless as a big rack and nice ass? An unconventional standard of beauty is still a standard of beauty.

Maybe I'm just bitter because it is once again painfully obvious that no matter how much I try to be the best that I can, the pretty girl always wins.

I know that short of gouging out everyone's eyes, there is no way to make attractiveness less important, but I just wish sometimes that it wasn't so.

 

[st642]

Of course being physically attractive is always going to be very important to a lot of people. And I would guess many who say they don't care about looks do to a certain extent. So it's easy for people who don't see themselves as being "typically" attractive (in my case, I'm extremely skinny and pale) to think that they don't have a chance.

But looks only go so far. Granted, I don't have much experience with relationships, but I think you need those other things you mentioned (kind soul etc.) to have a meaningful relationship. There certainly should be more than physical attractiveness.

Perhaps you are selling yourself short about your looks. But regardless of that, what really matters is that someone gives you a chance not based simply on how you look, but your personality and things of that nature. It would be great if it could always be that way.

 

[septicemia]

The pretty girl doesnt always win. My sister is that perfect looking girl, and she is so smart, and kind, and funny, and wonderful to be around. I am not just saying that because shes my sister, anyone who she lets get to know her, loves her. Yet, she has NEVER even had so much as a date. I think she had a boyfriend, sort of, in middle school, but that was it. She goes to college and works in customer service, sometimes goes to parties and clubs, places where just about any other stunningly beautiful woman would have a line of men fighting to talk to her first. Yet no men beg her to take her phone number, they dont give her the time of day. It breaks my heart for her.

I on the other hand, am not pretty, but I do have a bit more of a strong personality and am a bit on the skanky side (more so in the past) so it got me some attention. Now that I am not so skanky, no man pays me any attention either. I think it was just my obvious sluttiness that ever got me any attention. Guys like an easy girl.

 

[Luna]

When with a person, of course you would want to be physically attracted to him/ her. The problem is, is that many people are so easily swayed by beauty that it takes over their better judgment. They will put up with all sorts of ******** because the physical attraction is so strong. It is only until they've had enough and are worn out - that they wake up...well, only for a brief moment and then they repeat it over again. For a person like me, no one would even tolerate such treatment.
I really tire of being told "You're nice, funny etc." It has gotten to the point that those words do not mean anything to me anymore. If people insult my personality - I do not care. Insult me for my looks, and that is where it really hurts.
I have been bullied for years and the damage has been done. The only thing that I was bullied, harassed for, was my appearance. I grow up and take better care of myself, and instead of being picked on in the school halls, I am either ignored or rejected in the "adult world".

I see how differently people are towards my co-worker; she is a beautiful French girl. She doesn't even have to approach people - she said so herself. Line ups at her desk for people to talk to her. She dates her girlfriends' boyfriends, and stated to me that it doesn't matter - she has one new friend after another coming to her.
And there I was, trying hard to be friendly, approachable, went out of my way etc. Ignored. I was fairly optimistic at one point - I thought I needed a new attitude.
It didn't help.
We both started our jobs at the same time, but I see how people's eyes light up when they look at her. I also see how when I'm out with my family members (all more attractive than me), the eyes of others pass over mine to theirs.
I just can't keep on trying anymore. I mean, I tried my best and, still, I'm at square one.
If I looked like Miranda-*******-Kerr, I wouldn't have such problems even with the same personality, or even if I were an abusive bitch.
It's as it...people can't help themselves. They don't even know that they do it.
I know how you feel.
It just hurts.
If you're bitter, then I'm just as bitter as well, if not more.

 

[Yukhi]

That's the "WORLD" nowadays. And that's also how we "HUMANS" operate. I really loathe the truth about how important looks are but it's reality. When you have attractive features you have an aura that will draw people towards you particularly those of the opposite sex. We can call them beautiful or hot or even lucky. The rest of us average joes and janes are just gonna have to try harder in most aspects of life xD

 

[JamaisVu]

It's human instinct to feel that if a person is physically attractive they have a whole host of other good qualities. Certain people are just striking, for some reason. It's like looking at a work of art, but a beautiful piece of art can be created by a bad person. So I try to remind myself of that, and judge appearances rationally and focus on the person's true character. That doesn't stop me from appreciating beauty, but once I know a person's mind I consider it much more important than their appearance. I do think alot of people prefer 'cute' or 'soulful' to the traditional supermodel/celebrity types, but you're right that it's still a standard of beauty that many people do not meet.

 

[Yukhi]

It's human instinct to feel that if a person is physically attractive they have a whole host of other good qualities.

I'm gonna disagree with this statement a bit well, at least for me. I think it's basically just attraction. I just simply think that person is attractive and that's it. I don't wonder if they have any other good qualities. But traits that I admire would make me like them more though. Someone who is very attracted to a certain person may also come up with excuses if that certain person commits any errors. For example he would say " It was probably just a misunderstanding. She probably didn't mean to do that" Attraction can be blind.

I do think alot of people prefer 'cute' or 'soulful' to the traditional supermodel/celebrity types,

Yep I do It's also more rampant in Asian culture than in Western. It's probably because Western people prefer more "mature" types. I've already heard silly cases like a bunch of students calling a guy a pedophile just because he's dating a baby-faced girl who's more or less the same age.

 

[eris]

I do think that you must be physically attracted to your partner in order for it to work; wouldn't sex be gross ? but the current standards have been extremely warped. I have talked to several different guys who are 25+ years old and never had a girlfriend..not because they couldn't find someone...it's that they were totally saturated with pornography their whole life and an average girl isn't good enough. Im sure this happens with women, too. We dream of a night in shinig armor and ignore the sweet guy at work. Even 30 years ago it wasn't this bad. And the pornography was more realistic, with natural ****s and un-airbrushed freckles on a 140 pound girl. I honestly hate fake ****s. They all look the same ! Anyway, sometimes people should lower their standards a little bit.

 

[ShybutHi]

I do think that you must be physically attracted to your partner in order for it to work; wouldn't sex be gross ? but the current standards have been extremely warped. I have talked to several different guys who are 25+ years old and never had a girlfriend..not because they couldn't find someone...it's that they were totally saturated with pornography their whole life and an average girl isn't good enough. Im sure this happens with women, too. We dream of a night in shinig armor and ignore the sweet guy at work. Even 30 years ago it wasn't this bad. And the pornography was more realistic, with natural ****s and un-airbrushed freckles on a 140 pound girl. I honestly hate fake ****s. They all look the same ! Anyway, sometimes people should lower their standards a little bit.

Preach the word Eris. Then if girls lower their standards by enough, i may have a chance!

 

[tehdreamer]

The standard of beauty gets more and more unrealistic with each passing year. I don't think there was such as thing as a "size 0" when I was growing up, unless for those who were anorexic. When you see the leading man or lady in those old black and white films, they are often very average looking people by today's standards. Now everyone's all perfectly airbrushed with perfect teeth and hair and size 0 skinny jeans.

And people really do associate good personality traits with looks. I've had people I met online insist that I just had to be pretty because I was so nice. So people assume that pretty people must be nice as well and they'll break their necks trying to run to that person because they think they will get the complete package; Beauty and great personality. But there's no guarantee.

Like when you're shopping for fruit; You see a nice looking apple with no scars or bruises. You assume it's a good one. You may cut it open to find it's rotten on the inside or that it's perfect and delicious. People just rather take a chance and pick the apple that looks best on the outside. Unfortunately, that leaves us slightly bruised apples to sit and eventually rot.

There's no much you can do about it but hope to find someone who isn't so shallow and doesn't think pretty = nice. And sometimes it works to lower you own standard of beauty, take the initiative, and approach someone you may not consider the most attractive person in the world. You might be surprised.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^I think it's the opposite for me, in a way. I sort of tend to automatically assume that the prettier a person is, the shittier a person is. Sometimes it gets to the point where I think ill of people just because they're beautiful... not because I'm envious or frustrated or something silly like that... but because in my personal experience, the clear majority of pretty people I've met have been real ******s, so I expect the worst from them.

*shrug*

I do my best to avoid that attitude, but... oh well.

P.S. When I say "pretty," here, I mean by society's standards. I personally am not at all attracted to tan-blasted, bleach-blonde beauty queens. Same with most of the people that society and the media tell us are supposed to be smokin' bombshells... types like Megan Fox; ughhh. -_-

 

[Nina]

I have to say I hold a similar thought on this to bjd's. I have NEVER been called gorgeous or beautiful by anyone other than my hubs. I have always been called, "cute" to the point where I have vowed to slug the next persoan who patted me on the head or chucked me under the chin and said those words to me.
I have noticed, that the more beautiful some people are, the less, depth and basic personable qualities they have. Maybe it's because they've been praised for their beauty so much that they just didn't develope the phsychology of one who can't rely, just on their appearance.
I have seen this in men as well as women. I myself have always found, comfortable looks to be more attractive than drop dead gorgeous.
I think Johnny Depp in the movie "Secrete Window" with his glasses, messy hair and pensive expressions was far more appealing than a Brad Pitt, type.
If the genie, in the bottle, popped out and asked me if I'd like to be 5'10" with a figure better than the average 12 year old boys, complete with curves, would I go for it...You bet!!!

 

[tehdreamer]

Nina, when you're done with that genie, send him my way!

But a standard for beauty is still a standard, even if it's non conventional. I think, on some level, you have to feel some kind of attraction to someone else in order to even consider them for a relationship. If someone grosses you out by their appearance, it won't work out, even if you do love their personality because you'll always be focused on how gross they look to you.

I'm sure we'd all have dates and relationships if we picked the ugliest, grossest, smelliest person we could find and asked them out. Ugly gross people need love too

 

[sadface]

are you saying you've never judged someone based on looks? i bet you ever single person here has.

it's just innate to humans. no its not the smartest thing in the world, but everyone does it, and it will continue to be the case forever.

 

[Nina]

Tehdreamer--
Genie coming your way as soon as I'm tall and have some curves
I do agree though that there needs to be a level of physical attraction, but tastes can change once you get to know a person. I was failing 11th grade Algebra II and was in danger of losing my, "wheels" and so I asked the class, wiz-kid to tutor me. He was considered, by the entire school to be the classic "geek." thin, pale, thick glasses, the whole stereotypical persona. I had a cute boyfriend who drove me crazy because he was one of the "jocks" and had the brains of a stunned slug. After about 3 sessions with my geek-guy I noticed what a great voice he had and what beautiful eyes. He was very awkward socially but when he talked math that boy was a "ROCK STAR". I ended up dumping the jock and taking my, geeky-guy to the Jr. prom. One of the best choices I ever made. I had a great time and he looked yummy in his tux....
On the other hand, I met my hubs while taking a martial arts class and he left me weak in the knees. He was teaching it and I couldn't take my eye's off of him. He was all Asian, sinew and sweat with raven black hair in a pony tail down his back. I was lost. Though he owns a huge chunk of my soul, I can honestly say, he doesn't have half the heart and endearing warmth of my "geek-guy" from the 11th grade prom...

 

[SophiaGrace]

Guys only want beauty. That's why I was never asked out to any of my high school dances. Not any of the 4 homecoming dances, nor the 2 proms. And also why guys become insulted if I don't disclose on my dating page that I have a disability (heck I thought it was obvious).

Its also why people have asked me several times if I photoshopped my pics because they can't possibly imagine I'd actually be so visually displeasing.

Wow. Rant.

^_^ carry on.


*shrug*

---

Yeah, maybe I'm being too hard. We all judge people based on looks to at least some degree.

 

[Yukhi]

And people really do associate good personality traits with looks. I've had people I met online insist that I just had to be pretty because I was so nice. So people assume that pretty people must be nice as well and they'll break their necks trying to run to that person because they think they will get the complete package; Beauty and great personality. But there's no guarantee.

To each and everyone their own I guess. Based on my experiences even if I meet someone online I don't consider them or insist that they're pretty/good-looking no matter how nice they are unless they have a picture xD

Guys only want beauty. That's why I was never asked out to any of my high school dances. Not any of the 4 homecoming dances, nor the 2 proms. And also why guys become insulted if I don't disclose on my dating page that I have a disability (heck I thought it was obvious).

Its also why people have asked me several times if I photoshopped my pics because they can't possibly imagine I'd actually be so visually displeasing.

Wow. Rant.

^_^ carry on.


*shrug*

---

Yeah, maybe I'm being too hard. We all judge people based on looks to at least some degree.

---

Majority of guys are like that nowadays and it's a shame really. I know alot of average girls who have hearts of gold but guys don't really bother with them except maybe as friends.

 

[Nyu001]

^^^I think it's the opposite for me, in a way. I sort of tend to automatically assume that the prettier a person is, the shittier a person is. Sometimes it gets to the point where I think ill of people just because they're beautiful... not because I'm envious or frustrated or something silly like that... but because in my personal experience, the clear majority of pretty people I've met have been real ******s, so I expect the worst from them.

The same happen to me, lol.

I wonder, if there is 0% of psychical attraction. Does this mean a person would be able to fall in love with any person of both sex? You are looking inside the person, ignoring the psychical attraction totally.

 

[sadface]

Let me just state for the record that women are just as critical of superficial things as men are.

 

[iBreathe]

Oh c'mon you guys... seriously. *rolling eyes*
You can't honestly tell me, that there aren't people you've looked at and been like... erm... ugh! >.<
I totally have to agree with that small statement by Eris... something about you have to be attracted to the person you're in love with or something like that. Isn't it sort of like that age-old saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'?

You find the right one, and in their eyes... you're beautiful/handsome/whatever. Everyone sort of has different views/opinions on what's beautiful/sexy/hawt or not and the differences are what make all of us unique, yes?

Just because you might not feel you 'look' the part, it's mostly about attitude and confidence. If you aren't happy with yourself and you're obvious about it, don't expect other ppl to be happy with you either. Jmho there.