Xmas night out on Friday

[Triple Bogey]

It's the first time I've gone in 5 years and I can't say I am looking forward to it. I just don't like going out, socializing, pubs or crowds.
Five years ago was the worst night of my life and I don't really want to feel that low ever again.

What usually happens is this -

On the day I feel down and nervous. I worry about silly things like what time do I get there ? And when do I get ready ? I worry about actually walking in the place. I hate people looking at me.

Doesn't matter where I sit or stand I always end up on the outside. I did wonder about this when I younger. Why did it happen ? And it's because turn away from me. They turn their backs and talk to someone else. So all I see is backs and backs of heads. Sitting down, the person on my right will turn their body away and the person on my left does the same. The person opposite usually pratts about with their phone.

A woman who nags me into going and says she will talk to me and sit next to me doesn't talk to me all night.

My bright attempts at conversation get either ignored or laughed at.

People want me to have a drink even though I don't.

Somebody starts taking digs at me trying to show me up.

Even my best friends only usually say 'hello' when I walk in and that's it.

After an hour or so I want to leave and I spend time wondering how I can do without anybody noticing.

So that's why I don't like nights outs. A few over the years have been good but the majority are awful. I like the people at work as well but in a large number of people, people treat me differently.

Anybody got any ideas how I can enjoy this night out ?

 

[Danielle]

Try thinking more positively. You could go tonight and none of this will happen. Head in with a smile. Seek out your friends and stand with them awhile, even if you feel odd or feel like they don't want you there...just know that's not true. It's cool if you don't drink. Have a soda or some water. Join in on conversation, even if you feel you're not invited in. Noone will think it's weird, they will only see you mingling.

I know these things can suck sometimes, but I'm willing to bet it won't be as bad as you think. I hope you can relax, smile and enjoy yourself.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Try thinking more positively. You could go tonight and none of this will happen. Head in with a smile. Seek out your friends and stand with them awhile, even if you feel odd or feel like they don't want you there...just know that's not true. It's cool if you don't drink. Have a soda or some water. Join in on conversation, even if you feel you're not invited in. Noone will think it's weird, they will only see you mingling.

I know these things can suck sometimes, but I'm willing to bet it won't be as bad as you think. I hope you can relax, smile and enjoy yourself.

well I hope so too.

I remember 5 years ago, I bought this new coat, I looked really smart. I was looking forward to it. While walking there some random person shouted 'bald knobhead' at me for no reason. I remember all the good feelings I had just went like that. I stopped and felt like going home. But I didn't.

It doesn't take much for my confidence to go.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you don't like being noticed, why not get there early, so you don't have to walk in there later when everyone is already there?

I agree with what Dani said, but I just want to add one little thing. Don't LET yourself be left out, butt in, join a conversation, laugh and be merry and all that ****.

And above all else, stop thinking about it so much. I know I know, easier said than done, but if you catch yourself thinking about it, put a positive "what if" spin on it and see where it takes you.

 

[SofiasMami]

Where is the party? Is it at a pub?

I never drink at work events. If you don't drink alcohol, at least order a non-alcoholic drink and maybe some food so you have something to do with your hands.
When someone says hello, don't let that be the beginning and end of the conversation. If other people are drinking, they'll probably be looser and friendlier so maybe come armed with a few topics that you can use to start conversations with - the weather and sports are always good topics - alcohol is a social lubricant, as they say.
When someone turns their back on me (it's happened) or suddenly turns into a brain dead woodpecker pecking away at their phone (also happened), I get up and walk away to someone friendlier.
Don't show up early. There's nothing worse than being one of the first to show up and extending the agony. It's much easier to show up and slip in when most people have arrived.
Is there a coworker that you can actually go to the party with? Maybe someone who lives nearby and you can walk into the venue with.
Also, ask other people ahead of time what time they plan on showing up. "Hey what time are you going to the party on Friday?"
Make it short and sweet and plan on leaving early. There's nothing wrong with leaving when you're done.

I've been invited to 5-6 parties this Christmas but I'm only going to one for my work because I hate Christmas parties with a passion. So I have a lot of experience with the above advice as I use it every time I go to a party. I'll be following my own advice when I go to my work party this Tuesday.

Good luck!

-Teresa

 

[lonelypanda]

I think going to pubs while sober is already setting yourself up for a bad time. I'm a social person and find socializing extremely easy, but even when I'm sober in a pub with drunk people I find it boring and hard to talk to the people there. I end up doodling on napkins by myself. Dealing with drunk people is like dealing with children, they're all over the place. On the flip side I can relate to the drunk person not wanting to socialize with someone sober. There's an energy that you pick up on when someone else is drunk, I always feel like I'm annoying someone when they're sober. I would never turn my back on someone though, that's rude, or take out my phone. That's one of my biggest pet peeves, my bf and his friends are soooo obnoxious. We all go hang out and every last one of them is on their phone 90% of the time and I'm the only one who doesn't take it out.

Anywho i say find people who are mellowed out to talk to and arrive a little later then the set time so more pople are already there. Oh and don't forget a pen so you can doodle on napkins when all else fails. Lol

 

[Triple Bogey]

Where is the party? Is it at a pub?

I never drink at work events. If you don't drink alcohol, at least order a non-alcoholic drink and maybe some food so you have something to do with your hands.
When someone says hello, don't let that be the beginning and end of the conversation. If other people are drinking, they'll probably be looser and friendlier so maybe come armed with a few topics that you can use to start conversations with - the weather and sports are always good topics - alcohol is a social lubricant, as they say.
When someone turns their back on me (it's happened) or suddenly turns into a brain dead woodpecker pecking away at their phone (also happened), I get up and walk away to someone friendlier.
Don't show up early. There's nothing worse than being one of the first to show up and extending the agony. It's much easier to show up and slip in when most people have arrived.
Is there a coworker that you can actually go to the party with? Maybe someone who lives nearby and you can walk into the venue with.
Also, ask other people ahead of time what time they plan on showing up. "Hey what time are you going to the party on Friday?"
Make it short and sweet and plan on leaving early. There's nothing wrong with leaving when you're done.

I've been invited to 5-6 parties this Christmas but I'm only going to one for my work because I hate Christmas parties with a passion. So I have a lot of experience with the above advice as I use it every time I go to a party. I'll be following my own advice when I go to my work party this Tuesday.

Good luck!

-Teresa

it's in a pub. We are having a sit down meal and then there is some music.

I am 40 minutes walking distance so I will go by myself. I know everybody else will meet before hand in little groups. I know what time to arrive around 7.30. You mention conversation topics but my experience of these events is people don't want to talk about anything. They drink, they dance, they mess about. Anything talked about will be people who aren't there.

A know the manager is going and he seems a decent type so I will probably talk to him. We have lots in common.

---

I think going to pubs while sober is already setting yourself up for a bad time. I'm a social person and find socializing extremely easy, but even when I'm sober in a pub with drunk people I find it boring and hard to talk to the people there. I end up doodling on napkins by myself. Dealing with drunk people is like dealing with children, they're all over the place. On the flip side I can relate to the drunk person not wanting to socialize with someone sober. There's an energy that you pick up on when someone else is drunk, I always feel like I'm annoying someone when they're sober. I would never turn my back on someone though, that's rude, or take out my phone. That's one of my biggest pet peeves, my bf and his friends are soooo obnoxious. We all go hang out and every last one of them is on their phone 90% of the time and I'm the only one who doesn't take it out.

Anywho i say find people who are mellowed out to talk to and arrive a little later then the set time so more pople are already there. Oh and don't forget a pen so you can doodle on napkins when all else fails. Lol

Around 20 people are going and at least a couple of non drinkers so at least I won't be on my own.

 

[Tiina63]

I hope that you are able to sit by or near to the manager at the dinner so that you will have him to talk to. If not, you could sit as near the door as you can so that you could slip away early.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I hope that you are able to sit by or near to the manager at the dinner so that you will have him to talk to. If not, you could sit as near the door as you can so that you could slip away early.

thanks

 

[ardour]

Yeah ours is tomorrow. I've been roped into helping with the decorations, so I'll be going.

Like you I find people tend to ignore me in group situations, so I usually just make a beeline for people I know really well.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Yeah ours is tomorrow. I've been roped into helping with the decorations, so I'll be going.

Like you I find people tend to ignore me in group situations, so I usually just make a beeline for people I know really well.

The woman who has organized it, a supervisor, spoke to me like I was a pile of **** today. I thought 'stick your night out up your arse, *****' - for half an hour I wasn't going. But I think a few people will be really disappointed. People keep asking me 'are you looking forward to it ?' and I reply 'no, not really'

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm pulling for you and I hope you have a good time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'm pulling for you and I hope you have a good time.

Thanks.

I will let everybody know how it went.

 

[Triple Bogey]

a few hours away from it.
Lots of fuss from the women at work today.
The vibe is good.

 

[ardour]

I got to catch up with a friend, but was otherwise it was flat. You have to make it look like you're not clinging to the same people, but not hovering around where you're not wanted either. And you really get to see the pecking order in these group situations: who's popular, who's valued; who isn't.

 

[beautiful loser]

Good luck, Bogey!

 

[Despicable Me]

What usually happens is this -

Doesn't matter where I sit or stand I always end up on the outside.

Hmm, sounds like my entire life.

Anybody got any ideas how I can enjoy this night out ?

If you're not willing to drink, then I'd suggest talking to some people who might also look like they are "on the outside". If you're anything like me those people are usually the more interesting ones with more things in common. They are not usually people who are only interested in talking about superficial things like everyone else.

To be honest, I just don't go to things anymore unless my wife drags me along. And she is one of those people, like you mentioned of your friend, who I might sit with but never actually talks to me. No one sees me. I'm invisible the whole time. So I just sit there bored out of my mind and staring at walls and listening to people's ridiculously stupid conversations. That's why drinking helps. Things sound funnier when you're drunk.

But I agree with the others that from the sounds of it maybe you need to just relax a bit and think more positively. Don't toss out all your options without trying. Don't worry so much and just have fun. If something sounds fun then just do it.

 

[9006]

If you don't want to go then you don't HAVE to, but if you do then just don't overthink about what people think of you. Use it as an opportunity to ask your colleagues about themselves; most people will talk about themselves if you ask.

 

[Arachne]

Hope it goes well for you.. Bright Blessings.. ^.^

 

[BeyondShy]

Got to be going on about now for him so I hope everything is fine.