Impossible to find love

[insecure]

I guess I'm lost now.
I'm 54, yet, I don't really feel physically attracted to most women my age category.
What's more, it seems very few women are attracted to me.
When a younger woman contacts me (like on a dating site), there is always an alterior motive (looking for a sugar daddy, trying to get a permanent residence here, ...).

Now I could settle for FWB for some time, but even that seems impossible to find.
The few women that send me a like on Tinder, Bumble, ... are either totally unattractive to me, or fake (living very close by, until you contact them, and then they suddenly live thousands of kilometres away), or they are looking for a sugar daddy (in my opinion, this is simply a variation on prostitution).

And yes, I tried to open up to older women, but it does not seem that they are attracted to me either.
I went to a speed dating event here locally, meeting 9 women between 46 and 53.
I hesitantly gave 5 of them a like, but even then I hardly felt any physical attraction when I was talking to them.
Afterwards I got an email saying 0 women were interested in me.
So the feeling seems to be mutual.

With the young African girlfriend I had for some time -who also had alterior motives, unfortunately- upon meeting her, I felt really physically attracted to her.
Upon meeting these women I felt very little attraction.
To put it bluntly, when meeting this young African girl, I wanted to kiss her, touch her, make love to her.
When meeting the women I met at that speed dating event I wanted to have an interesting conversation with them, but I wondered if making love to any of them would be good.
I don't know, does that mean that normal love is now impossible for me?
Am I too demanding to wish for a sexual attraction when meeting these women?

 

[user 150037]

This is just my opinion but i don't personally think meeting women online really works cos you're always going to have an idealised version in your mind - which they are unlikely to measure up to when you meet them in person. And, sadly they'll have an idealised version of you as well.

Sorry i know that wasn't your question. I think when it comes to romance there has to be some physical attraction there - but it has to coexist alongside an emotional bond. You deserve that.

 

[Cherubino]

You should try women from my country but not the young ones ... the westerners who married them are very content because they were shaped in a still old fashioned, traditional mindset for women ... also attractive

 

[insecure]

This is just my opinion but i don't personally think meeting women online really works cos you're always going to have an idealised version in your mind - which they are unlikely to measure up to when you meet them in person. And, sadly they'll have an idealised version of you as well.

Sorry i know that wasn't your question. I think when it comes to romance there has to be some physical attraction there - but it has to coexist alongside an emotional bond. You deserve that.

I understand, but I gave the example of the women I met at a speed dating event.
These were women I immediately saw in the flesh, I was not attracted to them, and apparently none of them felt even an urge to have a second conversation with me.

 

[insecure]

You should try women from my country but not the young ones ... the westerners who married them are very content because they were shaped in a still old fashioned, traditional mindset for women ... also attractive

So for you their physical appearance does not matter?
For me it does, most of women my age don't look attractive to me.
I'm not looking for a woman to serve me, women can have their own opinion for me, they can go out to work, etc.

 

[okidoke]

It is very difficult, I agree.

 

[Cherubino]

So for you their physical appearance does not matter?
For me it does, most of women my age don't look attractive to me.
I'm not looking for a woman to serve me, women can have their own opinion for me, they can go out to work, etc.

It does matter so we have different aesthetics criteria ... on the dating site I go to my age range is +/- 10 years ... and honestly I would rather prefer older women because I hope they are less demanding about physical performance in bed but I guess it's just a prejudice

Anyway from your strict criteria it seems you do have something considerable to offer to an attractive young woman as in looks, bed performance, life style, money etc ... e.g. for @Unsigned is perfectly alright with being a sugar daddy for such woman

 

[user 190541]

e.g. for @Unsigned is perfectly alright with being a sugar daddy for such woman

I wonder what happened to him. He said he would spend some time off the site.

 

[Cherubino]

I wonder what happened to him. He said he would spend some time off the site.

me too

 

[insecure]

Anyway from your strict criteria it seems you do have something considerable to offer to an attractive young woman as in looks, bed performance, life style, money etc ... e.g. for @Unsigned is perfectly alright with being a sugar daddy for such woman

That is a strange way of reasoning, as if as a human being you can decide for yourself who you are attracted to.
I also hate the idea that a man somehow has to have a bag of money to "compensate" for being with an attractive woman.
It creates the idea that somehow having sex is a sacrifice for women, for which they have to be compensated for the discomfort.
We all know that women enjoy sex very much, most of them can even have multiple orgasms in succession.

The fact that someone else is perfectly fine with being a sugar daddy does not do it for me.
I know that some men are happy to pay for love to a prostitute or as a sugar daddy, but that does not feel like love to me, just paid sex.
Whether you pay them in gifts or in money, it feels the same to me, you pay for an illusion.

 

[Cherubino]

That is a strange way of reasoning, as if as a human being you can decide for yourself who you are attracted to.
I also hate the idea that a man somehow has to have a bag of money to "compensate" for being with an attractive woman.
It creates the idea that somehow having sex is a sacrifice for women, for which they have to be compensated for the discomfort.
We all know that women enjoy sex very much, most of them can even have multiple orgasms in succession.

The fact that someone else is perfectly fine with being a sugar daddy does not do it for me.
I know that some men are happy to pay for love to a prostitute or as a sugar daddy, but that does not feel like love to me, just paid sex.
Whether you pay them in gifts or in money, it feels the same to me, you pay for an illusion.

well if your idea of beauty in women is confined to a certain age then it is an eccentric taste and in reverse you need to find a woman with a counterpart eccentric taste as well ... one who finds beauty in older men only

 

[insecure]

well if your idea of beauty in women is confined to a certain age then it is an eccentric taste and in reverse you need to find a woman with a counterpart eccentric taste as well ... one who finds beauty in older men only

I think your idea that it would not be limited to a certain age, is what is excentric.
Can you imagine being 20 and being attracted to a 90 year old?
Do you think women don't have any preferences as to age?

I think most people are attracted to a certain age range, and it is ideal if that attraction gradually shifts as you get older, but it is not something you can control yourself.
Besides, I think even in my case it has shifted, it's just that most 50+ year old women are not attractive to me.
For me, those women are more mature, so you can have a better conversation with them, but the physical attraction is a lot less.
To put it bluntly, if I'm on a date with an attractive 25 year old, I will get horny, I will want to kiss her, touch her, etc.
I know this would still be the case with a 35 year old, and maybe until 48 or so, although from 45 onwards lots of women are not that attractive to me anymore.
If I'm on a date with a 50+ year old, I will probably have a nice chat if she is intellectually at a certain level, but I probably won't feel any sexual arousal.
I don't know if this will still evolve, maybe in 10 years time the women I find unattractive now will seem like beauties, I have no idea, who knows.

I don't know about your age or gender, Cherubino (is it male, 52 years old?), but do you think you could date someone for whom the feeling tends to be friendship, or "interesting to chat with"?
If there 's no sexual tension, then what's the difference between a relationship and a friend?

 

[Cherubino]

yes I'm male, 52 and I think the majority of men in their 50+ are able to find women in our generation or even (reasonably) older as beautiful and attractive (so implying sexual tension) ... that's what I meant by your preference for strictly young women as being rare (eccentric)

 

[Cherubino]

of course young women are beautiful and attractive as well but why would they prefer someone older to someone from their generation ... unless they have something superior to offer (like material things) or at least to be at a close level to younger male competitors as in physical attributes ... so maybe there is a young woman who can get attracted by older men only (therefore a rare specimen)

 

[insecure]

yes I'm male, 52 and I think the majority of men in their 50+ are able to find women in our generation or even (reasonably) older as beautiful and attractive (so implying sexual tension) ... that's what I meant by your preference for strictly young women as being rare (eccentric)

I don't know, it's easy to think that one's own personal experience is how the majority feels, and it seems that investigations confirm my point of view:
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...average, women were found,age of 40 for women.)

Investigation: On average, women were found to have a decline in attractiveness by 10.4 points per decade and a decline in femininity by 7.59 points per decade. The most precipitous drop was found over the age of 40 for women.

What you call "superior" things feels like prostitution to me, a woman staying with you just for the money.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think love is about the balance of dynamics. I love my much older fella because he has a generous (masiveeeee wallet) nature and he is protective and dominant, he loves me because I’m submissive in nature and well because i’m hot. It doesn’t feel great being told a man loves you because you are hot its as shallow as liking a man for his money, theres so much more to people than their wallet or perky tatas. However, no matter what he says it wont sound great because, it’s all fading. People talk as if personality is not fading or ever changing… it is. People change. Looks change…I think its best to focus on balancing dynamics for the here and now and building a foundation of love that can withstand change. good luck on your search

 

[insecure]

I could never love a woman who loves me for my wallet, I think it's just a sort of prostitution, though it's not called that way.
And no, it's not as shallow to want someone for their looks, because these are a part of that person, your wallet can get stolen from one moment to another.
So no, I don't like gold diggers.
Women say they can stand their ground, they earn their own income, so why should we men still have to pay for love?
What does love even mean if you pay for it?
Besides, saying that everything fades is true, so go for the ugly one with the Alzheimer and the aggressive personality to start with, just because the attractive one with the good character eventually would end up that way?
And it doesn't seem that you went that way either...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I could never love a woman who loves me for my wallet, I think it's just a sort of prostitution, though it's not called that way.

Well I think the issue is in life all things cross over, if she doesn't love you for your wallet, then she loves you if you’re homeless or not? There is a line or maybe a level of wallet love that everyone has some are at level 1 others are at level 10 but regardless everyones standing in the same boat along with caring about looks and other things.

Men in general always lead with things, a date, flowers, a gift, a thousand camels lol stands to reason if a woman is to be with one of the small percentage of men who cant give her anything… then… thats all she can attract. Aka her value is low so shes old or unhealthy looking or not the ideal woman in one way or another.

Also I think you have to find the best balance of dynamic to build a stronger love with, so someone who compliments you… but energy exchanges, if you want a feminine woman stands to reason you’d be a masculine man and so on.

 

[insecure]

Well I think the issue is in life all things cross over, if she doesn't love you for your wallet, then she loves you if you’re homeless or not? There is a line or maybe a level of wallet love that everyone has some are at level 1 others are at level 10 but regardless everyones standing in the same boat along with caring about looks and other things.

Well, it's hard to fall in love with someone who's in the gutter, that is true, but between that and looking for the one with the biggest wallet there is a big distinction.
Those are gold diggers, and chances are that the moment they think they have an opportunity for a man with a bigger wallet they are gone again.
That has nothing to do with love.
Just imagine that tomorrow I won the Euro lottery, and suddenly I have tons of women interested in me.
Fact is, I would feel very uncomfortable, because I would never be sure whether any of these women would be interested in me for me, or just for my wallet.

Men in general always lead with things, a date, flowers, a gift, a thousand camels lol stands to reason if a woman is to be with one of the small percentage of men who cant give her anything… then… thats all she can attract. Aka her value is low so shes old or unhealthy looking or not the ideal woman in one way or another.

There was a certain logic in that when women stayed at home, and had no jobs.
Then the man had to be the provider, because it was the way society was organised.
Nowadays, with women earning the same or sometimes more than men, it is totally illogical that love should be compensated with a bag of money, but it seems women want to have it both ways.
They say they're emancipated, can stand their own ground, yet when it comes to a man, suddenly he has to come with a bag of money.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, it's hard to fall in love with someone who's in the gutter, that is true, but between that and looking for the one with the biggest wallet there is a big distinction.
Those are gold diggers, and chances are that the moment they think they have an opportunity for a man with a bigger wallet they are gone again.
That has nothing to do with love.
Just imagine that tomorrow I won the Euro lottery, and suddenly I have tons of women interested in me.
Fact is, I would feel very uncomfortable, because I would never be sure whether any of these women would be interested in me for me, or just for my wallet.


There was a certain logic in that when women stayed at home, and had no jobs.
Then the man had to be the provider, because it was the way society was organised.
Nowadays, with women earning the same or sometimes more than men, it is totally illogical that love should be compensated with a bag of money, but it seems women want to have it both ways.
They say they're emancipated, can stand their own ground, yet when it comes to a man, suddenly he has to come with a bag of money.

I understand your argument for working class people and I totally agree, I have no idea why a working class woman wouldnt be 50/50 with a working class man… makes little sense to me as I believe in starting as you mean to go on.

I would never go 50/50 as I would never expect to go 50/50 so theres a massive difference in that. But even in working class men are expected to provide, because how much a man provides has a tie to a womans value. Like no joke, I meet men who say they would never pay on a date unless it’s “insert celebrity name here”… maybe its just a fantasy but despite that being the case, they value that woman enough to pay.