My dad.

[CenotaphGirl]

I spent yesterday with my dad for his birthday. I washed his grave and weeded it, placed flowers all around it. After I sat next to his grave, spent time reflecting, even imagined him telling me off, telling me I wasted the lessons he taught me. I couldn't stay as long as I wanted to, just not well enough, but as my mum was also interrupting/disturbing the peace I usually find there I decided to maybe go again alone this weekend if I am discharged

One thing about my dad was he was anything but a “nice man” had a pimple, bad hair day, gained weight? Visit him at your own risk I spent an hour sitting in poor lighting getting my face on as I still think I have to look my best for my dad I sat there wishing I’d hear a “hey Cennie Doll!” Funnily enough I’d even take, “hey have you gained weight?!” anything but the deafening silence, anything but nothing x

Rest In Peace Dad

 

[user 135067]

It's hard to cope with death. We are without them, but I find comfort in hoping they are not without us.

It is probably best to visit a grave alone. Doing what you need to do without others interposing into your needs.

When it's just you and him maybe he can be there.

 

[ringwood]

I really wish A.L.L. had the ‘care/hug’ emoji like Facebook does - that’s what I wanted to do here. Cheers to our dads, Ceno - loved beyond measure and missed something fierce. Take care, girl, we’re always thinking of you around here.

 

[BeyondShy]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Thank you all, I am coping much better now, the lead and build up to my fathers birthday is often more than I can take.

 

[Mauro]

Thank you for sharing. Happy to know you are coping better. Lost, is always hard. I never really knew my father and was not affected by his death at all. I felt guilty for not caring, but realized thats not a good feeling to have. There was a time I wish I had been closer to him or I could speak to him, but time took care of that. Sometimes those we love arent always kind to us.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Thank you for sharing. Happy to know you are coping better. Lost, is always hard. I never really knew my father and was not affected by his death at all. I felt guilty for not caring, but realized thats not a good feeling to have. There was a time I wish I had been closer to him or I could speak to him, but time took care of that. Sometimes those we love arent always kind to us.

Wow, thank you for sharing, not knowing how to feel about someones passing sounds very difficult, I am sorry to anyone who wasn't close with their father, it's funny how the same man can also be different things to different people, I am sure my sister feels like you towards my dad, but he was everything to me, weird how that works.

 

[hundal]

I am very sorry for the loss

 

[user 189843]

My dad died in 2021 to cancer, and it hurt quite a lot even though I wasn't all that close to him at that point. My dad was always a very selfish person, though in the end I'd rather he was still here because now that he's gone I miss him. To this day I still remember my mom telling me, all it was was a simple "your dad's gone" and I broke down. I really hope you've been able to cope better than I have, because yeah over the last few years I've learned too many times just how painful it can be to lose family and I don't wish that feeling on anyone. So take care, and again I hope you've been able to deal with things more easily.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My dad died in 2021 to cancer, and it hurt quite a lot even though I wasn't all that close to him at that point. My dad was always a very selfish person, though in the end I'd rather he was still here because now that he's gone I miss him. To this day I still remember my mom telling me, all it was was a simple "your dad's gone" and I broke down. I really hope you've been able to cope better than I have, because yeah over the last few years I've learned too many times just how painful it can be to lose family and I don't wish that feeling on anyone. So take care, and again I hope you've been able to deal with things more easily.

Awh thank you so much, im so sorry for your loss, honestly this pain is more than I can bare

 

[user 189843]

Awh thank you so much, im so sorry for your loss, honestly this pain is more than I can bare

Believe me I get it. It wasn't as bad with my dad, but when I lost my grandmother back in 2016 it destroyed me and I haven't been the same since. If you're like me, I truly hope you can find a way past the pain because I know it can be devastating. I won't go into details, but I'm proof of the mess it can cause. I'm honestly not very good at talking to people, I'm very socially awkward and anxiety makes it tough to chat even online, though if you ever need an ear (or I guess eyes in this case since I'd be reading text) feel free to message me. Even if all you wanted to do was vent I wouldn't mind, I mean hey I made one of my best friends by being there for them to vent. If not, that's cool, I certainly won't push you into talking if you don't want to.

If nothing else, at least try and talk to those you feel comfortable with because holding this stuff in can be really awful for you. I held my crap in for a long time, and trust me you do not want to do that. It lead to me pushing people away, isolation, and so much else that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It may be a long time before you are able to cope with it, and like me you may never truly get over it, but I wish you the best and hope that you do find a way to cope sooner rather than later.

 

[Unsigned]

Since we're telling father stories I'll tell mine.
My father was an amateur boxer, a US Navy Officer, a mechanical engineer from one of the best engineering schools in the US, a highly successful business owner, and a manager of diverse real estate holdings. Yet...he trained me not one bit to be like him. The only thing he ever wanted to teach me was golf (he was also a scratch golfer). I had no interest in golf. Especially with my father grabbing my hands in front of everyone on the course while trying to show me the proper way to hold and swing a club. His son was a bullied loser, and he chose to simply ignore it. It's a shame because he could really have made a difference. My mother was worse -- she was detrimental -- but I'll save that for a mother thread.

But even though he never trained me to be a man like him...I still miss him.
He was one of a kind.
His favorite things in life were golf, drinking wine with dinner (macaroni every night if he had his way) and yelling at people.
The only two people who ever would yell back at him were my mother...and me.
We would argue like cats and dogs over the stupidest things.
One time, when he was getting way on in years, he tried to tell me that the new Yankee Stadium would cost $800 billion dollars.
And he argued with me like you can't believe when I told him how ridiculous that figure was!
Another thing we'd argue over was picking up the checks in restaurants.
But one time not long before he past, he admitted to me that he respected that and said "ya know...your sister and her husband NEVER fight me for the check"...

Miss you pop!
Hope you're sinking those birdies & eagles in heaven!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Believe me I get it. It wasn't as bad with my dad, but when I lost my grandmother back in 2016 it destroyed me and I haven't been the same since. If you're like me, I truly hope you can find a way past the pain because I know it can be devastating. I won't go into details, but I'm proof of the mess it can cause. I'm honestly not very good at talking to people, I'm very socially awkward and anxiety makes it tough to chat even online, though if you ever need an ear (or I guess eyes in this case since I'd be reading text) feel free to message me. Even if all you wanted to do was vent I wouldn't mind, I mean hey I made one of my best friends by being there for them to vent. If not, that's cool, I certainly won't push you into talking if you don't want to.

If nothing else, at least try and talk to those you feel comfortable with because holding this stuff in can be really awful for you. I held my crap in for a long time, and trust me you do not want to do that. It lead to me pushing people away, isolation, and so much else that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It may be a long time before you are able to cope with it, and like me you may never truly get over it, but I wish you the best and hope that you do find a way to cope sooner rather than later.

So weird I lost my granddad in 2016, I didn't feel much but conflicting feelings, he was monumental to me but he died mentally long before physically, you know? I am so sorry you went through all that on your ownnn sounds so awful. Awh thats very kind to offer an eye! Same to you kind sir!

Since we're telling father stories I'll tell mine.
My father was an amateur boxer, a US Navy Officer, a mechanical engineer from one of the best engineering schools in the US, a highly successful business owner, and a manager of diverse real estate holdings. Yet...he trained me not one bit to be like him. The only thing he ever wanted to teach me was golf (he was also a scratch golfer). I had no interest in golf. Especially with my father grabbing my hands in front of everyone on the course while trying to show me the proper way to hold and swing a club. His son was a bullied loser, and he chose to simply ignore it. It's a shame because he could really have made a difference. My mother was worse -- she was detrimental -- but I'll save that for a mother thread.

But even though he never trained me to be a man like him...I still miss him.
He was one of a kind.
His favorite things in life were golf, drinking wine with dinner (macaroni every night if he had his way) and yelling at people.
The only two people who ever would yell back at him were my mother...and me.
We would argue like cats and dogs over the stupidest things.
One time, when he was getting way on in years, he tried to tell me that the new Yankee Stadium would cost $800 billion dollars.
And he argued with me like you can't believe when I told him how ridiculous that figure was!
Another thing we'd argue over was picking up the checks in restaurants.
But one time not long before he past, he admitted to me that he respected that and said "ya know...your sister and her husband NEVER fight me for the check"...

Miss you pop!
Hope you're sinking those birdies & eagles in heaven!

Wow your dad sounds very decorated, manly and passionate about his beliefs, thanks so much for sharing, my dad was also an engineer, his drawings were out of this world. When no one was looking he would draw the designs for my pageant dresses lol

 

[user 189843]

So weird I lost my granddad in 2016, I didn't feel much but conflicting feelings, he was monumental to me but he died mentally long before physically, you know? I am so sorry you went through all that on your ownnn sounds so awful. Awh thats very kind to offer an eye! Same to you kind sir!

With my grandmother, things were made even worse when I found out the truth. She was meant to be taking heart medications, they were supposed to keep her alive, but instead of actually taking them she was simply hiding them. She had given up, she didn't want to go on, so she didn't take what could have kept her going a little longer. I think it's because she was lonely since it had been several years since my grandfather had died, and she just wanted to be with him.

My grandfather sounds like he was a lot like yours though. Whenever we'd visit I could tell he just wasn't all there. His memory was long gone, except for the few things he'd constantly repeat. There'd be times he would just be walking around their house looking confused, as if he was lost. It was sad to see. It's weird to see you felt that way, because it was a lot like that for me as well. Of course I was sad, but like you it was more conflicting than anything because I wasn't sure whether to be happy his suffering was over or sad he was gone.

Thank you for the offer as well, and in the past I would have happily accepted, though now I just don't like to burden people with my problems. Besides, I've seen a couple of your posts while browsing around and from what I've seen you have enough to deal with as it is. So the only way I would message you was if I thought I could make a friend, and unfortunately I'm to a point where I feel no one has any interest in talking to me or getting to know me so I avoid meeting people or talking unless it's a reply like this.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I am going back to visit my dad today, and I have been having horrible thoughts about him lately, thoughts that make mejust want to argue them out with him but I cant. Despite this, still not feeling negative.Feeling more, angry?

I want to say why did you opt for DNR!?!?!? Why! How selfish! How cruel to me!!! Was you not thinking straight? Too much pressure? Did you need me and I wasn't there. How can I bring you back... it just always ends with that... I'd do anything to bring my dad back guys. I wouldn't even question it if he was allowed to come back, I would just carry on, as if nothing happened. I find myself trying to bargain with god, I find myself having to resist bargaining with drugs just to see him, for 5 mins. I just want to feel protected again, to feel understood again. I just dont know... a girl needs her dad.


Also to all you weirdos, yes that pic is me sitting at my fathers grave on my knees, after I washed it like I always do. I take a picture for my brother and mother sometimes as they are unable to go sometimes due to being too grief stricken. It makes me feel better going there though. I feel awful if the grave is not immaculate, sparkling, and full of flowers.

 

[Unsigned]

Also to all you weirdos...

I resemble that remark...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I resemble that remark...

I'm sure ya don't sweets

 

[user 189843]

@CenotaphGirl In about 3 weeks it will be 2 years since losing my dad. I've felt completely horrible lately, probably the worst I've ever felt, and I know it's because my mind remembers even though I've been trying to forget. Just like you, I wish I could bring him back so he could properly live out his life. I really hope you can make it through the day alright, I can't imagine the feelings that could come out going to your dad's grave. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you the best.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

@CenotaphGirl In about 3 weeks it will be 2 years since losing my dad. I've felt completely horrible lately, probably the worst I've ever felt, and I know it's because my mind remembers even though I've been trying to forget. Just like you, I wish I could bring him back so he could properly live out his life. I really hope you can make it through the day alright, I can't imagine the feelings that could come out going to your dad's grave. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you the best.

I lost my dad in April too, so awful, I am so sorry Ace, I hope you find some strength in knowing you are not alone in this, it is making me feel so awful lately.

 

[okidoke]

I'm sorry for your loss Ceno. Death can be difficult to navigate. I lost my dad in 2014, a few days after his 70th birthday, a few days after xmas while my brother and I, with our families ,were visiting him and mum. My dad was not a good father and upset us all quite often. Even up to the day before he died he caused us upset. He was such a pain in the ass that I said under my breath as I walked away from some outrageous remark he made, "Why don't you just die already?" He died the next morning. My brother and I did CPR for an hour before the paramedics turned up and pronounced him dead. He had been suffering from cancer for the past 9 months or so. Didn't I feel like a heal at the time. I've forgiven myself since.