marina's diamond
Member
Hi there 
,
Oh god I'm remembering how attached to MATD I was at 16....
Um, I remember making this account when I was in a really dark place back in 2022. I thought it would be a crutch to my perceived never-ending loneliness and isolation. Things have changed since then, I can't necessarily say for the worse, but its not like things are much better either. Either way, I'm grateful for the work I've put in over the last few years to get into the spot I'm in. I locked in for my last year of high school, got into the honors program into a decently priced university (super thankful for my parents) and lost like 50 pounds going to the gym for a year. Since then, things have changed, my smaller body opened more opportunities for me to explore my sexuality but in turn just turned in to me using sex as a way to fill that void of emptiness that I've carried for as long as I can remember. On top of that, kind of got into substances, and by that I mean spending all of my money on whatever I could get my hands on, sh****s, a**d, w**d, M**A (at one point, I went skiing with my now best friend's boyfriend), on top of this, toxic gay beauty standards really influenced me to, like, not eat, so combined with the substances you can only imagine how awful I was feeling every day. I know that things changed when the first thing my mom mentioned to me when I came home to visit for fall break was how much thinner I looked and how concerning it was. Over the summer after that freshman year of college, my parents found out I'm gay and I gained some weight back, but I've been working to lose it since the start of the new school year, now I'm near 60 pounds down, lol. I've even got me a new job and got myself into therapy, and I'm too excited for this Conan Gray concert I'm going to on the 26th! Anywayssss, I'm yapping to say that you, yes, you, are possible, try doing things differently, take new opportunities, take that leap of faith even when you have nothing else to rely on, and you might just surprise yourself. With that being said, life ain't all perfect on the other side either, but I'm glad now that I have the maturity to see that life isn't as morbid as I thought it was.
,Oh god I'm remembering how attached to MATD I was at 16....
Um, I remember making this account when I was in a really dark place back in 2022. I thought it would be a crutch to my perceived never-ending loneliness and isolation. Things have changed since then, I can't necessarily say for the worse, but its not like things are much better either. Either way, I'm grateful for the work I've put in over the last few years to get into the spot I'm in. I locked in for my last year of high school, got into the honors program into a decently priced university (super thankful for my parents) and lost like 50 pounds going to the gym for a year. Since then, things have changed, my smaller body opened more opportunities for me to explore my sexuality but in turn just turned in to me using sex as a way to fill that void of emptiness that I've carried for as long as I can remember. On top of that, kind of got into substances, and by that I mean spending all of my money on whatever I could get my hands on, sh****s, a**d, w**d, M**A (at one point, I went skiing with my now best friend's boyfriend), on top of this, toxic gay beauty standards really influenced me to, like, not eat, so combined with the substances you can only imagine how awful I was feeling every day. I know that things changed when the first thing my mom mentioned to me when I came home to visit for fall break was how much thinner I looked and how concerning it was. Over the summer after that freshman year of college, my parents found out I'm gay and I gained some weight back, but I've been working to lose it since the start of the new school year, now I'm near 60 pounds down, lol. I've even got me a new job and got myself into therapy, and I'm too excited for this Conan Gray concert I'm going to on the 26th! Anywayssss, I'm yapping to say that you, yes, you, are possible, try doing things differently, take new opportunities, take that leap of faith even when you have nothing else to rely on, and you might just surprise yourself. With that being said, life ain't all perfect on the other side either, but I'm glad now that I have the maturity to see that life isn't as morbid as I thought it was.
