The Confession Booth

Lost Drifter · Mar 4, 2012

Take a seat and share your sins, secrets and desires

I occasionally buy bunches of flowers for myself but feel happy if people think I’ve got someone else to give them to.
I wake up extra early on Sunday mornings to watch cartoons, play video games and eat ice-cream. I’m 31.
People who are happy and content in life intimidate the crap out of me.
I want to eat one of those massive gut-buster breakfasts that are free if you finish in a specific time but I’m too scared of throwing up.
When parties are arranged at work I book the day off to cover up my embarrassment of not being invited.
I have an elderly aunt who suffers from dementia. Everyone considers her a problem but I think she’s awesome because whenever I visit she tells me that I’m special.
I sometimes fantasise about beating people up or setting buildings on fire even though I would never do it for real.
Whenever I’m on a plane I look around at the other passengers and imagine which ones I’d be friends with if we crash-landed on a deserted island.

What are some of yours?

Factotum · Mar 4, 2012

1) i am forever fearful of successful people.
2) i hate meeting old friends because they might be more successful than me.
3) i liked an older woman at work. when she got a boyfriend i pretended that i was happy for her. but i was dying inside.
4) i get so bored at parties that i end up thinking about sex.
5) i have a problem talking with women and deliberately avoid talking to them because i am shy.

Frito Bandito · Mar 4, 2012

I think every day about the ties I've severed and remeasure in my mind whether or not I was right or justified in doing so.

I am, quite possibly, the most politically incorrect person you could ever meet. Not only am I unapologetic for this, I am proud of it.

I keep score. Yes, I notice things. I am not an oaf. I am big, but not an oaf. Or ogre. Depending on the person, this gets me in trouble.

People routinely say they don't care what others think of them. I am the rare lucky soul who means it.

I have unshakeable faith and I have my reasons for it. Powerful reasons. Way more powerful than any Internet troll.

I secretly enjoy American Idol.

When I'm on a plane, I pick out the terrorists and formulate counterplots.

There are people that it would bring me peace to see them suffer. If you'd walked in my shoes, you would understand.

I could be the first person in my family (direct lineage) to get a University degree if I decide to go that far, and I'm a Whiteboy and it's 2012.

LoneKiller · Mar 4, 2012

1. I use a "Gameshark" on my "PS2".
2. I use moisturizing cream on my dry hands. (Get your minds out of the gutter)
3. I love bubble baths.
4. If I'm moved by a movie, I cry.
5. I hate those who hunt for sport.
6. I feel guilty after a fight.
7. I listen to Bette Midler.
8. I find mature women hot.
9. I secretly laugh when I see a chess player hang their queen.
10. I love when a pet dog bites an owner who abuses it.

Okiedokes · Mar 4, 2012

- I take videos of myself talking about different topics or just how my day was and I keep them on file.
- I can hiss and meow like a cat pretty well..
- I cut my own hair and have learned how to by watching Youtube tutorials.
- I still watch cartoons and like to pretend that I'm still a young age when the time is right. (I'm 25)
- I want to raise chickens someday. Maybe that's not a real weird idea.. but it'd be a neat experience. I have enjoyed helping out with this when I could.
- I like to hunt for critters outside...like frogs and certain snakes. Then let them go of course.

whispers · Mar 4, 2012

-I like to make up scenarios about people i see on the streets when i am driving
-I invent funny songs and sing in a weird voice to make the kids laugh, and me..
-I once put a knife at my ex's throat while he was sleeping...and i woke him up
-I speak to my spirit guide regularly
-I am most confortable in the woods alone, wether it is day or night
-I always wanted to be a vampire
-I often pretend to be sick to avoid parties or gatherings
-I dont trust anyone, not even myself

sullirose · Mar 4, 2012

-I hate being a mother because of what's expected of me
-I love being a mom when no one is looking
-I masturbate to dog and lesbian porn
-I want to be a mermaid
-I want to be rescued

blackdot · Mar 4, 2012

- Going to work is my social life.
- People at work try to avoid talking to me.

In a lonely place · Mar 4, 2012

Nice idea this thread.
Ok here's some of mine:-

*I had my first sexual experience when I was 25.

*I had my first proper kiss at 47.

*I've never had a fight.

*I used to fantasize about running amok at work, smashing the place up and attacking the manageress.

*I hate being so small.

Frito Bandito · Mar 4, 2012

sullirose said:
-I masturbate to dog and lesbian porn

How could I 'not' respond to this?

Is this like dogs doing dogs or dogs doing lesbians?

I think the first one is technically legal. LOL

Factotum · Mar 5, 2012

I used to fantasize about running amok at work, smashing the place up and attacking the manageress.

i think everyone fantasizes about that some time or the other. i once caught a guy by the neck at work. everything came to a standstill and everyone stopped working for exactly 5 seconds.

blackdot said:
- Going to work is my social life.
- People at work try to avoid talking to me.

yes, that happened to me a lot too. but then, i was the one who started to avoid talking to them.

Lost Drifter · Mar 5, 2012

If I had access to the big red button I’d push it in a heartbeat.
I have Bee Gees’ Staying Alive, The Village People’s YMCA and The Weather Girls’ It’s Raining Men on my iPod and still consider myself a heterosexual man.
I’ve faked orgasms to get out of having sex.
I’m secretly hoping to get transferred to a department with a notoriously arrogant manager at work just so I can be there to dismiss his ideas.
I pretend to love travelling more than I do just to cover up my insecurities of not having a home.
I look at baby food in supermarkets and wonder if I had kids what flavours they would like.
I’ve booked time off work just to play a new video game or do the housework.
When I’m in a bus or taxi and drive pass someone who looks lonely I give them a big thumbs and smile so they know someone is thinking about them.
I also have man crushes on Liam Neeson, Kurt Russell and Jeremy Irons and yes, I’m still a heterosexual.

Fitz · Mar 5, 2012

-I fantasize that a major revolution would come about, mass riots, chaos.
-I see myself as a hero waiting for an opportunity to be awakened.
-I really enjoy observing people, on buses, on streets, in pubs. It's endlessly fascinating to me.
-

sullirose · Mar 5, 2012

Frito Bandito said:
sullirose said:

-I masturbate to dog and lesbian porn

Click to expand...

How could I 'not' respond to this?

Is this like dogs doing dogs or dogs doing lesbians?

I think the first one is technically legal. LOL

lol...

I like the dogs doing lady humans

I actually, really, don't like humans doing animals...but for some reason I don't mind animals doing humans. Meh.

Also, this is separate type porn.

1. Dogs doing humans.

2. Lesbians; strap ons or tentacles...

Frito Bandito · Mar 5, 2012

sullirose said:
Frito Bandito said:

sullirose said:

-I masturbate to dog and lesbian porn

Click to expand...

How could I 'not' respond to this?

Is this like dogs doing dogs or dogs doing lesbians?

I think the first one is technically legal. LOL

Click to expand...

lol...

I like the dogs doing lady humans

I actually, really, don't like humans doing animals...but for some reason I don't mind animals doing humans. Meh.

Also, this is separate type porn.

1. Dogs doing humans.

2. Lesbians; strap ons or tentacles...

So, you're a girl, but your favorite three things to see inside a girl are:

- Dogs
- Plastic Dicks
- Tentacles

Sucks for guys with actual equipment!

Best Wishes!

Seanou · Mar 5, 2012

I feel guilt everytime I leave the house without permission. . . I'm 22!!!

Pezza · Mar 6, 2012

-I lost my virginity at 13
-I've slept with 3 married women
-I used to carry a knife
-I once accepted money to hurt someone
-I've committed Grand Theft Auto more than once
-I once activated a school fire alarm so I could have the chance to steal someones drug money
-I've broken a mans nose
-I like to break into farms and release animals which are cramped into cages to small for them
-I like dancing with death
-After I read sulliroses post I watched a dog boning a woman. It didn't do anything for me.

570rm47 · Mar 6, 2012

I have been on a rampage at work including throwing a microwave through a sliding door and they still asked me back i thought it was pretty obvious i didnt like it there

i hate rapists

i have been to prison for 3 years

I got in a fight with someone and they died a few weeks later, i knew i was going to jail so straight after i got in the fight i hunted the other two down and when they wouldnt come outside i blew up their gas bottles and got in a fight as they ran out.

I gave myself up to the police.

Im not sorry for that and the general consensus even from police is that i didnt need to be

I have horible fantasies about hurting some people if i think they are bad

I thought i was unbreakable but i would never do anything like that again because im TERRIFIED of being kept in a box with mostly scum to hangout with.

I can understand horses better than people

i dont really understand people but if need be i can manipulate them

Sometimes i wish all the thoughts in my head were voices so i could make them shut up an because then someone could tell me if im crazy or not

im nearly 28 but i still watch cartoons

im nearly 28 but i still have adolescent like fascination with my car stereo its so loud that when i turn it up i feel like the world has dissolved and left me alone for a little while

when i was younger i used to sleep with anyone then i would sleep with her friends and their friends too if i could, i played mind games with them to get what i wanted, i feel so guilty about it now that i never sleep with someone till i have known them a month most of them lose interest or become my friend before i get laid. People that have known me for a long time still think i get heaps of sex even though i get next to none now i let them keep believing its true.

I feel like i can never lose control ever again cos i have a horrible peace of me locked inside thats dangerous its not fair for other people to deal with

no matter what i achieve it never feels like i did my best

but despite that i feel i have gained a balance and peace but i rarely feel happiness

Jilted John · Mar 6, 2012

Lost Drifter said:
If I had access to the big red button I’d push it in a heartbeat.

I have Bee Gees’ Staying Alive, The Village People’s YMCA and The Weather Girls’ It’s Raining Men on my iPod and still consider myself a heterosexual man.

I’ve faked orgasms to get out of having sex.

I’m secretly hoping to get transferred to a department with a notoriously arrogant manager at work just so I can be there to dismiss his ideas.

I pretend to love travelling more than I do just to cover up my insecurities of not having a home.

I look at baby food in supermarkets and wonder if I had kids what flavours they would like.

I’ve booked time off work just to play a new video game or do the housework.

When I’m in a bus or taxi and drive pass someone who looks lonely I give them a big thumbs and smile so they know someone is thinking about them.

I also have man crushes on Liam Neeson, Kurt Russell and Jeremy Irons and yes, I’m still a heterosexual.

Haha! I thought I was strange Drifter!

LoneKiller · Mar 6, 2012

Robin Williams would have a field day with this thread.

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