Keep asking people to hang out but keep making excutes

Hey, so I'm having a problem getting people to hang out with me. Every time I ask someone if they can hang out they usually hanging out with someone else or had something had something come up. One time I asked my friend if we could hang out sometime. She said that she will let me know on facebook to hang out at starbucks but didn't message me. Has anyone done this to anyone of you guys? If so, put down your stories. And I'm pretty open person btw.

Hi there! this is your new post, welcome can I ask how old are you? because the level of casualness in meetings, and also the level of respect, changes hugely from high school to college/young people and later in life. So, in high school I wouldn't worry about this girl, later on I'd be offended.

Yeah had it happen to me, really hurts when someone you really want to hang out with does that. Gets to the point where you gotta say to yourself, F them they are missing out.

I acted with Sci-Fi. They are missing out. If it happens often then it's time to make new friends. Because real friends don't do that. And since they do do they, they aren't worth your time or concern.

It happened alot to me too. Mostly with this one guy I know. The worst part is that if I try to book something with him, say 1 week in advance, he'll always hint something might come up, almost like he's keeping that potential for something to come up and cancel the meeting. And most of the time, "something comes up" and we end up having to cancel. I personally think he keeps using the excuse of something coming up so it seems like it was out of his control, but after having this happen so much, I just don't bother meeting with him anymore.

Unfortunately I know the feeling all too well. I've either had a friend say that they'll see me several times and they cancel at the last minute with what seems like excuses for the most part or with a different individual, on the day of meeting up they failed to notify me that they wouldn't be able to make it; Furthermore they didn't bother to reschedule it.

The first person mentioned has been my friend for over 10 years too and they tend to disappear from my life for months at a time, however I may then hear from them (rarely). I've basically given up on them now. I still occasionally talk to the other individual though.

Unfortunately times change and so do people. Nothing lasts forever.

How old, if you don’t mind?

From an older perspective, people who continually cancel at the last minute have no respect for your time. They would rather waste it than be honest.
Obviously it’s to do with avoidance and friends don’t actively seek to avoid one another. Along with the disrespect this is a clear indication that they aren't a friend.

Peaches said:

Hi there! this is your new post, welcome can I ask how old are you? because the level of casualness in meetings, and also the level of respect, changes hugely from high school to college/young people and later in life. So, in high school I wouldn't worry about this girl, later on I'd be offended.

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I'm 18 and graduated high school, she still has another semester(super senior). I asked her about dating possibly last month and she says that she doesn't like me like that but want to convince her otherwise.(She got out of a relationship not too long ago as well). And she also smokes which is something I'm not into but tried. And what I meant by open, I meant that I have no problem talking to people.

Yeah sounds very familiar, eventually I just stopped caring.
But that's me, you should not give up or become cynical.
Youre young and there's plenty of time to for it all to happen.
Believe in yourself and always keep tying.

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African_weasel said:

Peaches said:

Hi there! this is your new post, welcome can I ask how old are you? because the level of casualness in meetings, and also the level of respect, changes hugely from high school to college/young people and later in life. So, in high school I wouldn't worry about this girl, later on I'd be offended.

Click to expand...

I'm 18 and graduated high school, she still has another semester(super senior). I asked her about dating possibly last month and she says that she doesn't like me like that but want to convince her otherwise.(She got out of a relationship not too long ago as well). And she also smokes which is something I'm not into but tried. And what I meant by open, I meant that I have no problem talking to people.

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You sound like a good person with a lot to offer.
If they make excuses it's going to br thier loss.

OddlyUnique said:

I acted with Sci-Fi. They are missing out. If it happens often then it's time to make new friends. Because real friends don't do that. And since they do do they, they aren't worth your time or concern.

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This happens with more than one person. often the cases are legit but I agree with you both.

These days people need a reason to hang out, if they don't want to hang out for your company then they're probably not worth hanging out with anyway.

unverified said:

Yeah sounds very familiar, eventually I just stopped caring.
But that's me, you should not give up or become cynical.
Youre young and there's plenty of time to for it all to happen.
Believe in yourself and always keep tying.

---

African_weasel said:

Peaches said:

Hi there! this is your new post, welcome can I ask how old are you? because the level of casualness in meetings, and also the level of respect, changes hugely from high school to college/young people and later in life. So, in high school I wouldn't worry about this girl, later on I'd be offended.

Click to expand...

I'm 18 and graduated high school, she still has another semester(super senior). I asked her about dating possibly last month and she says that she doesn't like me like that but want to convince her otherwise.(She got out of a relationship not too long ago as well). And she also smokes which is something I'm not into but tried. And what I meant by open, I meant that I have no problem talking to people.

Click to expand...

You sound like a good person with a lot to offer.
If they make excuses it's going to br thier loss.

Click to expand...

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Thanks, lots of times I would say it's my lack of social skills when it's not. I just do that because I need something to say to avoid saying I don't know, so some people have a hard time with giving me advice. And I listen to too, which is something a lot of guys have trouble with.

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9006 said:

These days people need a reason to hang out, if they don't want to hang out for your company then they're probably not worth hanging out with anyway.

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Well, wanting to know the person better sounds like a good reason.

Um, I'm not sure about some of the other people, but for the girl, she might feel awkward with just the two of you together, since you want to pursue her and she's not ready to date again. Try hanging out as a group or talk to her on the phone some more before easing into another meeting. Also, as a senior, she might simply be very busy.

edamame721 said:

Um, I'm not sure about some of the other people, but for the girl, she might feel awkward with just the two of you together, since you want to pursue her and she's not ready to date again. Try hanging out as a group or talk to her on the phone some more before easing into another meeting. Also, as a senior, she might simply be very busy.

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Keep in mind we started of as friends but making an attempt to advance our relationship and she has said to me that sees me as nothing more than a friend but don't want to give up on her yet and she has also been disappointed by someone as well. So I should just stick with her and show myself to her at any chance I have and bring it back up every now and then but not too frequently?

When I was younger if someone cancelled plans like that I would tell them that they owed me a drink next time we went out (or a coffee depending on the friend) for flaking on me. I'd be friendly about it, but I would make sure they bought me the drink the next time.

theraab said:

When I was younger if someone cancelled plans like that I would tell them that they owed me a drink next time we went out (or a coffee depending on the friend) for flaking on me. I'd be friendly about it, but I would make sure they bought me the drink the next time.

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Yeah because, unless you were meeting in a group, they really did waste your time and probably money for transport. Persistent flakiness is a sign this person a) doesn't like you, b) isn't worth knowing.

rdor said:

How old, if you don’t mind?

From an older perspective, people who continually cancel at the last minute have no respect for your time. They would rather waste it than be honest.
Obviously it’s to do with avoidance and friends don’t actively seek to avoid one another. Along with the disrespect this is a clear indication that they aren't a friend.

Click to expand...

I'm 21 years old. We used to be close in quite close in Primary School, however during Secondary School I felt like we weren't as close as we used to be anymore. I'm fed up of her 'excuses', but it doesn't mean that I don't think about her sometimes. I just need to move on and forget about her because I'm clearly wasting my time.

A girl I used to know a couple years ago did exactly this to me. Said she was free to hang out, then made some excuse to cancel at the last second. Man, that was annoying and just so insulting. As if I am a thing of no worth, as if I am a non-person. Then whenever I called her out on it, she chewed me out. So many times I wish she'd just told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore, or even to **** off. I would have much preferred that to her excuses, because at least I'd have known where I stood with her instead of this ambiguity, and I could have just gone away. To add insult to injury, I put up with that for six years before I decided to just delete her from my life.

That loss was easy to take because it wasn't really much of a loss. The whole thing was kind of an unresolved high school crush, something that was mostly based on looks from when I was still a teenager. I just liked her looks, and tried to fit myself around her personality. We didn't have that much in common, and I realized later that her looks really weren't as good as it gets. But I really wish I didn't let it drag out for six years....that was from age 20 to 26 that I spent feeling like crap about her, thinking there was something wrong with me that I was a runt, riding the hope rollercoaster up every time she talked to me or said she'd hang out, then down every time she made up an excuse or ignored me completely. This is why I've given up dating - because I just can't keep feeling like that for the rest of my youth and my life.

That has happened off and on throughout the years. The most recent that just made me feel so unwanted occurred a few months ago. I invited about 15 people from the office to join me for lunch at a new restaurant in town. Most of them agreed that it sounded good, saying they had no other plans, and some even said they would invite some other loved one to join us. On lunch day I waited and waited. One couple made it.

Nobody called to beg off or anything else. The next time we were working nobody said a thing until I brought it up. I invited so many figuring only a certain percentage would actually make it, but I didn't figure only two people. I am grateful for those two and I spend more time around them. As for the rest, I am sociable because it is the right thing to do, but that is it.

No doubt I will try something else in the future because I am a glutton for punishment.

I'd never have the courage to ask anyone to 'hang out', or even if I did there would be nobody I could ask. But I'm sure that if I did, I'd get frequent embarrassing knockbacks.