There's nothing wrong with using your head to get to someone's heart.
Love is so challenging — finding it, keeping it, and most difficult of all, getting back love from the person you've set your heart on. Love is equal parts luck, chemistry, timing, and science.
Yes, there's science behind love; love isn't just about finding somebody that you find attractive and settling down, it's about compatibility and shared goals and values.
However, there are some psychological tricks that you can use to get someone to fall in love with you. No, we're not telling you to totally change or to do something that isn't comfortable for you, we're just suggesting that you highlight some things that you're probably doing anyway.
So if you want to learn how get a guy to like you and eventually fall in love with you, here are 19 ways to use psychology to your advantage.
1. Make sure you're the kind of woman he's looking for.
We all have a list (even if it's not written down) of the qualities we want in a partner. They may be superficial such as the color of their hair, or they may be set in stone such as a love of animals. Obviously, there are some things on a list of must-haves that are negotiable.
Make sure that you meet the criteria of what your potential mate wants by doing a little research and learning about their interests and background.
2. Find out what's missing in his life and then fill it.
People who are searching for partners generally look for similarities, but what they may not realize is that they also need someone with strengths that they don't have, providing a balance. If your girl or guy is insecure and lacking on self-confidence, show them how confident and self-assured you are. They'll be subconsciously attracted to you because you're an example of how they'd like to be.
3. Be mysterious.
Don't tell the object of your affection every single thing about yourself on the first date. Give them small pieces of information so they'll keep wanting more. Everybody loves a good mystery and if you don't reveal all, it will keep your guy intrigued.
4. Make yourself available... but only up to a point.
The more positive interactions they have with you, the more they're going to want to spend time with you. But people don't want what they can have too easily, so it's good to be unavailable sometimes. Distance yourself without appearing too aloof and uninterested. You want to show them that you're amazing and have a full life.
5. Don't make it seem like you're trying too hard.
If you come off as desperate, you're going to scare your potential partner away, and if you're too persistent you can come off as too needy and obsessive. It's OK to show that you're interested but not that it's all you think about. Play it cool.
6. Have mutual friends.
If you share friends with the person that you're in love with, it will not only give you all kinds of things to talk about but it will subconsciously let him know he can trust you. We're wired to trust those that others can vouch for and this is one of the reasons so many people meet the love of their lives through mutual friends.
7. Mirror his actions.
This seems a little creepy to me but it has been used for years with some success. Mirroring is about connecting with your partner by staying in step with their actions. If they take a sip of their drink, you take a sip of your drink; if they lean in when telling a fascinating story, you lean in, too.
When you copy someone's body movements it will lead them to believe that the two of you are in sync and they won't be able to resist feeling attracted to you.
8. Repeat things without being boring.
If during a conversation you mention something that seems to captivate his interest, make it a regular topic of conversation. This continual conversation will stick in the subconscious part of their mind and will be another way for them to associate you with someone who's intelligent and a great conversationalist.
9. Do things that allow for people to think of you as a positive person.
When people hear your name do they think of you as a fun and happy person, or do they associate you with someone who is extremely negative and unpleasant? We all know that each of us has some negative attributes but that shouldn't be your overall image.
The person you want to fall in love with you is bound to ask around about you. You want people to let them know that you're fun, adventurous, honest, and trustworthy. Do volunteer work or pay for the person behind you in Starbucks.
10. Let them know you love kids, animals, or both.
When we think of what kind of person we'd like to be in a long-term relationship with, we all want someone who is nurturing and loving. By showing them that you care for others, especially pets and children, you'll be seen as a suitable partner.
11. Use priming.
Yale psychologist John Bargh studied priming and found that attraction is linked to temperatures. In one study, participants were told to hold hot and cold beverages while judging a group of people. Those holding warm beverages judged the people as having warm personalities, while those who were holding cold drinks saw the people as having harsh and cold personalities.
Conclusions: skip the shakes and go out for hot chocolate or coffee when you're trying to make a good impression.
12. Be the lady in red.
This trick has been around for a while but continues to get results. Studies have found that men are more attracted to women wearing red than any other color.
13. Make A Good First impression.
Some research has said that 48 percent of men know whether they're into a woman at first sight, while others agree that some sort of persuasion can take place. You can't control certain factors of your first impression depending on what you look like or where you happen to be at the time, but there are different things that you can do to increase your likeability. You shouldn't ever be fake when you do these things since that can come off as very obvious, but there are certain habits to be aware of in the way that you communicate that can be seen as good or bad in any kind of first impression. People tend to respond well to agreeable people, which doesn't mean that you actually have to agree with them, but that you are open, listen well, respond at appropriate times, and aren't overtly negative or a big complainer.
14. Be Unavailable Some Of The Time.
This is a tough one since the beginning of relationships it can be pretty exciting and the urge is strong to spend as much time with this person as possible. It can even feel like you're wasting precious time when you're away from them or worry that someone else might swoop them up in your off hours. It's always possible. But the problem is that people stop valuing the time that they have with someone when they can have it whenever they want. It makes it seem like you're living only for them, and they don't like it. It's much more effective to make a good impression during the time that you are with them, and then know when to be unavailable to make them miss you a bit. They'll be a lot more likely to be after you if they know that they don't have control over your time. This doesn't mean that you should lie about being busy when you're not, but more so that you should keep your life full even when you're falling for one.
15. Look Into His Eyes.
That lovey-dovey eye contact is a real thing. Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found that lovers who are deeply in love will make eye contact 75 percent of the time while they're talking which is a lot more than friends will. People who are not in love only tend to look each other in the eye 30 to 60 percent of the time. People who are in love are also on a slower response time to break their eye contact with their love when someone else starts talking in a group. You don't need to go all creepy and force eye contact where it doesn't feel natural since that is more likely to scare someone off and feel weird. But don't be afraid to keep the eye contact when you are naturally connected in that way. Sometimes we get in the habit of breaking it because we're shy, but don't do that if you want the guy to fall for you. Make eye contact and keep it as long as you can during the conversation.
16. Focus On Him In Public.
Since people in love tend to spend more time looking into each other's eyes even when there are other people around, you can increase those super warm and loving feelings by making eye contact with your boyfriend even when other people are talking. Keeping eye contact a little longer will signal your vested interest even if he doesn't register it on a conscious level. Think about how easy it is to spot a surprising connection between people if you see them do this in a group situation. When people hold eye contact even just a moment longer than is customary for a casual acquaintance it immediately signals that there is an attraction of sorts going on with those people. That's one of the things that's noticeable if you're with someone who runs into an ex. They might introduce them as a friend but sometimes you can tell based on their eye contact that the relationship has been romantic.
17. Let Them Do Nice Things For You.
When you do nice things for someone else, you are proud of yourself for doing that and also really enjoy the whole experience. If someone doesn't offer to do nice stuff for you, you can definitely ask them for a favor here and there, even if it's a super small thing like reaching something for you. This will trigger something in them and they will feel satisfied with helping you out. It may sound weird but when you think about it, it's totally true. You can also do really nice stuff for them too and they will be bound to appreciate that. There needs to be some kind of balance between you two though in terms of give and take in the relationship. That's the only way that both of you will feel like this is a good situation. If you do tons of stuff for your guy and he does nothing for you, then that's not a good situation since you will feel like he's taking advantage of you.
18. Dim The Lights.
You might already be familiar with the fact that people's pupils dilate when they are looking at someone that they are attracted to. And you can't exactly force your pupils to dilate when you look at someone but you can force your pupils to dilate by dimming the lights. This is a super tricky move, but you can do it. When the lighting is low, your pupils will naturally dilate. So when someone looks at you, they are more likely to think that you're interested in them even if it's just the lighting that's doing it. This might be another factor having to do with people making connections in bars and whatnot, besides all of the alcohol of course. You're a lot more likely to think that someone is crushing on you in the dim lighting of a cozy corner than making a flash of eye contact in bright daylight somewhere in public.
19. Be Passionate About Something.
Being passionate about something other than the person that you like is a super attractive thing. People are drawn to passionate people because passion usually mixes with drive and ends up being some sort of accomplishment. We think people are interesting when they are working towards their goals, and we tend to be wary of people who don't have big passions or interests in life. There's something about a lack of motivation that isn't very appealing. Who knows, it might go back to something primal like the people are most likely to survive who are willing to stay engaged and stay active and go after what they need. You don't have to be the most accomplished person in the world, being passionate can be about anything, and you probably already are. You can be passionate about reading by yourself but the key is to let people know that you feel strongly about this interest instead of hiding it because you think it might sound boring.
Love is so challenging — finding it, keeping it, and most difficult of all, getting back love from the person you've set your heart on. Love is equal parts luck, chemistry, timing, and science.
Yes, there's science behind love; love isn't just about finding somebody that you find attractive and settling down, it's about compatibility and shared goals and values.
However, there are some psychological tricks that you can use to get someone to fall in love with you. No, we're not telling you to totally change or to do something that isn't comfortable for you, we're just suggesting that you highlight some things that you're probably doing anyway.
So if you want to learn how get a guy to like you and eventually fall in love with you, here are 19 ways to use psychology to your advantage.
1. Make sure you're the kind of woman he's looking for.
We all have a list (even if it's not written down) of the qualities we want in a partner. They may be superficial such as the color of their hair, or they may be set in stone such as a love of animals. Obviously, there are some things on a list of must-haves that are negotiable.
Make sure that you meet the criteria of what your potential mate wants by doing a little research and learning about their interests and background.
2. Find out what's missing in his life and then fill it.
People who are searching for partners generally look for similarities, but what they may not realize is that they also need someone with strengths that they don't have, providing a balance. If your girl or guy is insecure and lacking on self-confidence, show them how confident and self-assured you are. They'll be subconsciously attracted to you because you're an example of how they'd like to be.
3. Be mysterious.
Don't tell the object of your affection every single thing about yourself on the first date. Give them small pieces of information so they'll keep wanting more. Everybody loves a good mystery and if you don't reveal all, it will keep your guy intrigued.
4. Make yourself available... but only up to a point.
The more positive interactions they have with you, the more they're going to want to spend time with you. But people don't want what they can have too easily, so it's good to be unavailable sometimes. Distance yourself without appearing too aloof and uninterested. You want to show them that you're amazing and have a full life.
5. Don't make it seem like you're trying too hard.
If you come off as desperate, you're going to scare your potential partner away, and if you're too persistent you can come off as too needy and obsessive. It's OK to show that you're interested but not that it's all you think about. Play it cool.
6. Have mutual friends.
If you share friends with the person that you're in love with, it will not only give you all kinds of things to talk about but it will subconsciously let him know he can trust you. We're wired to trust those that others can vouch for and this is one of the reasons so many people meet the love of their lives through mutual friends.
7. Mirror his actions.
This seems a little creepy to me but it has been used for years with some success. Mirroring is about connecting with your partner by staying in step with their actions. If they take a sip of their drink, you take a sip of your drink; if they lean in when telling a fascinating story, you lean in, too.
When you copy someone's body movements it will lead them to believe that the two of you are in sync and they won't be able to resist feeling attracted to you.
8. Repeat things without being boring.
If during a conversation you mention something that seems to captivate his interest, make it a regular topic of conversation. This continual conversation will stick in the subconscious part of their mind and will be another way for them to associate you with someone who's intelligent and a great conversationalist.
9. Do things that allow for people to think of you as a positive person.
When people hear your name do they think of you as a fun and happy person, or do they associate you with someone who is extremely negative and unpleasant? We all know that each of us has some negative attributes but that shouldn't be your overall image.
The person you want to fall in love with you is bound to ask around about you. You want people to let them know that you're fun, adventurous, honest, and trustworthy. Do volunteer work or pay for the person behind you in Starbucks.
10. Let them know you love kids, animals, or both.
When we think of what kind of person we'd like to be in a long-term relationship with, we all want someone who is nurturing and loving. By showing them that you care for others, especially pets and children, you'll be seen as a suitable partner.
11. Use priming.
Yale psychologist John Bargh studied priming and found that attraction is linked to temperatures. In one study, participants were told to hold hot and cold beverages while judging a group of people. Those holding warm beverages judged the people as having warm personalities, while those who were holding cold drinks saw the people as having harsh and cold personalities.
Conclusions: skip the shakes and go out for hot chocolate or coffee when you're trying to make a good impression.
12. Be the lady in red.
This trick has been around for a while but continues to get results. Studies have found that men are more attracted to women wearing red than any other color.
Below are 7 more tips
13. Make A Good First impression.
Some research has said that 48 percent of men know whether they're into a woman at first sight, while others agree that some sort of persuasion can take place. You can't control certain factors of your first impression depending on what you look like or where you happen to be at the time, but there are different things that you can do to increase your likeability. You shouldn't ever be fake when you do these things since that can come off as very obvious, but there are certain habits to be aware of in the way that you communicate that can be seen as good or bad in any kind of first impression. People tend to respond well to agreeable people, which doesn't mean that you actually have to agree with them, but that you are open, listen well, respond at appropriate times, and aren't overtly negative or a big complainer.
14. Be Unavailable Some Of The Time.
This is a tough one since the beginning of relationships it can be pretty exciting and the urge is strong to spend as much time with this person as possible. It can even feel like you're wasting precious time when you're away from them or worry that someone else might swoop them up in your off hours. It's always possible. But the problem is that people stop valuing the time that they have with someone when they can have it whenever they want. It makes it seem like you're living only for them, and they don't like it. It's much more effective to make a good impression during the time that you are with them, and then know when to be unavailable to make them miss you a bit. They'll be a lot more likely to be after you if they know that they don't have control over your time. This doesn't mean that you should lie about being busy when you're not, but more so that you should keep your life full even when you're falling for one.
15. Look Into His Eyes.
That lovey-dovey eye contact is a real thing. Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found that lovers who are deeply in love will make eye contact 75 percent of the time while they're talking which is a lot more than friends will. People who are not in love only tend to look each other in the eye 30 to 60 percent of the time. People who are in love are also on a slower response time to break their eye contact with their love when someone else starts talking in a group. You don't need to go all creepy and force eye contact where it doesn't feel natural since that is more likely to scare someone off and feel weird. But don't be afraid to keep the eye contact when you are naturally connected in that way. Sometimes we get in the habit of breaking it because we're shy, but don't do that if you want the guy to fall for you. Make eye contact and keep it as long as you can during the conversation.
16. Focus On Him In Public.
Since people in love tend to spend more time looking into each other's eyes even when there are other people around, you can increase those super warm and loving feelings by making eye contact with your boyfriend even when other people are talking. Keeping eye contact a little longer will signal your vested interest even if he doesn't register it on a conscious level. Think about how easy it is to spot a surprising connection between people if you see them do this in a group situation. When people hold eye contact even just a moment longer than is customary for a casual acquaintance it immediately signals that there is an attraction of sorts going on with those people. That's one of the things that's noticeable if you're with someone who runs into an ex. They might introduce them as a friend but sometimes you can tell based on their eye contact that the relationship has been romantic.
17. Let Them Do Nice Things For You.
When you do nice things for someone else, you are proud of yourself for doing that and also really enjoy the whole experience. If someone doesn't offer to do nice stuff for you, you can definitely ask them for a favor here and there, even if it's a super small thing like reaching something for you. This will trigger something in them and they will feel satisfied with helping you out. It may sound weird but when you think about it, it's totally true. You can also do really nice stuff for them too and they will be bound to appreciate that. There needs to be some kind of balance between you two though in terms of give and take in the relationship. That's the only way that both of you will feel like this is a good situation. If you do tons of stuff for your guy and he does nothing for you, then that's not a good situation since you will feel like he's taking advantage of you.
18. Dim The Lights.
You might already be familiar with the fact that people's pupils dilate when they are looking at someone that they are attracted to. And you can't exactly force your pupils to dilate when you look at someone but you can force your pupils to dilate by dimming the lights. This is a super tricky move, but you can do it. When the lighting is low, your pupils will naturally dilate. So when someone looks at you, they are more likely to think that you're interested in them even if it's just the lighting that's doing it. This might be another factor having to do with people making connections in bars and whatnot, besides all of the alcohol of course. You're a lot more likely to think that someone is crushing on you in the dim lighting of a cozy corner than making a flash of eye contact in bright daylight somewhere in public.
19. Be Passionate About Something.
Being passionate about something other than the person that you like is a super attractive thing. People are drawn to passionate people because passion usually mixes with drive and ends up being some sort of accomplishment. We think people are interesting when they are working towards their goals, and we tend to be wary of people who don't have big passions or interests in life. There's something about a lack of motivation that isn't very appealing. Who knows, it might go back to something primal like the people are most likely to survive who are willing to stay engaged and stay active and go after what they need. You don't have to be the most accomplished person in the world, being passionate can be about anything, and you probably already are. You can be passionate about reading by yourself but the key is to let people know that you feel strongly about this interest instead of hiding it because you think it might sound boring.
