34 alone, no family and no friends

[Cantante]

Start your own.

 

[Hawx79]

Start your own.

I'd like to but no female wants to help me with that!

 

[Cantante]

Try harder, man. There is. But, from my experience, if you want it, you have to take a girl that you don`t want, otherwise they dumb you for numerous of reasons.

Start your own.

I'd like to but no female wants to help me with that!

 

[SophiaGrace]

I would be your friend, Hawx.

Thanks, but if you met me I doubt you would.

Well not if you wouldn't respect my boundaries, no.

 

[HappyYogi]

The only place people feel they belong now are in exclusive cliques of friends from school or college, or groups with some shared political outlook. Like for example if you were a vegan lesbian who was interested destabilising the capitalist/patriarchal system you might join a group of like-minded individuals and make friends that way.

I had to laugh at the above comment Ardour. I am a vegan but I don't share the other common interests you listed. And while I can go to vegan events there can still be a lot separating us. Not by me necessarily but by them as they are an opinionated group. We vegans are a diverse group and because we are so sensitive it's hard to connect sometimes!

---

I think part of it is that you or others may be expecting too much from other people. It took me a long time to realize that most people don't want to know others deeply. They simply don't. Once I accepted that I found it easier to lighten up and just enjoy people in the moment. People don't want deep heavy problems. They just want to interact in a fun way.

I learned a while back the best connection to have with others is that of a shared experience of fun. Relationships should be enjoyable, pleasurable and fun above else. When you connect on that level they are more likely to want to come back and be a friend.

Connecting on deep issues a lone is not as strong. And many don't have the energy for that, they are too busy dealing with their own issues. But fun and enjoyment...that brings people together the strongest.

---

Yes this is true. I am a vegan and many vegans are lonely. I heard from someone who would appear to know that many are isolated from family. I love the vegan lifestyle and I enjoy "vegan events" but it doesn't solve the loneliness. It helps to have a group but doesn't take care of it all.

---

What do you mean people are "rude and unfriendly" to you? In what what are they rude? At this point you need to take a LONG look in the mirror. How do you look? Do you look well kept? Are you sending off some 'off putting" vibe? Strangers always will seem strange until you get to know them.

Look, you have to decide that your life is what you make it. Staying home and drinking is only going to make you feel worse. Do you have any interests in anything? Do you like to cook, exercise, or do other activities? There are any number of civic clubs you could join. But, when you join you have to at first PRETEND to be excited about whatever it is you are joining. Fake it. Then just try to allow yourself to really get into it and you will find that you enjoy doing some of those activities.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Staying home and doing what you are doing now isn't working. Why not keep trying to move ahead? Yes, it is difficult. We all feel rejection. But, if you get out and ALLOW yourself to just relax, don't pressure people, enjoy the company while you have it whatever activity. And, realize MOST of the people you meet are just people you will interact with for a brief period, and that's ok. But, if you stick with it you might start feeling better.

Wowwwww. Wow. That's an unbelievable response to someone in need. Wow. Seriously?????!? SERIOUSLY?????!? Stunning. Why R there so many horrible people on this site???!? I thought this would be the one place free of this kinda ****, but really??!? I'm speechless. What an incredibly dangerous thing to say.

Some snippets of good advice put in an absolutely terrible way. Yes she was banned but it's indicative of how society views feeling lonely ; it's all your fault, you need to be more proactive, don't expect anything blah blah. A bit of compassion is likely to have helped this person take those first steps. And this person went on to post even more despondent things...

Agreed. People need to be more gentle to those who are hurting. It's not just here. I see it on other boards as well.

---

I agree that people are often quick to apply the needy judgement, usually those whose own emotional needs are being met and who have no real idea of what it is like to be lonely longterm. When did 'needy' become a term used by a lot of society to put people down instead of being simply a statement of fact? I admit that I am needy-loneliness is the need for more closeness, for greater connection.

I agree, Tina. There is no sin in being "needy". Society makes it to be something to be avoided and anyone who is needy is to be shunned. So sad, really. I think what it is is that people who are needy remind others of their neediness and it makes them very uncomfortable because they aren't comfortable with it themselves.

---

 

[Hawx79]

Try harder, man. There is. But, from my experience, if you want it, you have to take a girl that you don`t want, otherwise they dumb you for numerous of reasons.

Start your own.

I'd like to but no female wants to help me with that!

Great, so I'm suppose to get a girl that I don't like and feel nothing for! Makes sense.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Try harder, man. There is. But, from my experience, if you want it, you have to take a girl that you don`t want, otherwise they dumb you for numerous of reasons.

Start your own.

I'd like to but no female wants to help me with that!

Great, so I'm suppose to get a girl that I don't like and feel nothing for! Makes sense.

No, just no. There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return. Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

 

[ardour]

No, just no. There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return. Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

Easily said...

 

[Unwanted94]

If I make it to 34, which I'm hoping I don't, and I really doubt I will, I see myself in this same situation: no family, no friends.
I don't desire to have children, but I'd still want to be part of a family and have friends. I don't have any friends now, and I'm drifting away from my so called family. I feel your pain man, I do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, just no. There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return. Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

Easily said...

I know. Most of what I say is easily said, but not easily done. But, I feel, if it's worth having, it's most likely not going to be easy. That's where the take your time come in. Don't just fall headfirst into your emotions, because chances are, if it happens fast, it's likely not love. Yes, there are, in my opinion, exceptions, but they are rare.

 

[ardour]

No, just no. There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return. Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

Easily said...

I know. Most of what I say is easily said, but not easily done. But, I feel, if it's worth having, it's most likely not going to be easy. That's where the take your time come in. Don't just fall headfirst into your emotions, because chances are, if it happens fast, it's likely not love. Yes, there are, in my opinion, exceptions, but they are rare.

Oh I agree. It's just that it will be difficult for someone who's inexperienced and in their 30's to take it slow (kind of obvious point). Exacerbated by the fact the a lot of social interactions don't allow people to gradually get acquainted, which encourages a "take your opportunities or he/she might get away" mentality.

Dating people from work is a no no, as is romantic interest towards friends. That doesn't leave a lot of options if you prefer to get to know someone slowly.

 

[Frodothelost]

Cmon in the age of 30s ..
if your situation like this and impossible to make things work then change your living place for a bit find some new area talk to strangers.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, just no. There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return. Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

Easily said...

I know. Most of what I say is easily said, but not easily done. But, I feel, if it's worth having, it's most likely not going to be easy. That's where the take your time come in. Don't just fall headfirst into your emotions, because chances are, if it happens fast, it's likely not love. Yes, there are, in my opinion, exceptions, but they are rare.

Oh I agree. It's just that it will be difficult for someone who's inexperienced and in their 30's to take it slow (kind of obvious point). Exacerbated by the fact the a lot of social interactions don't allow people to gradually get acquainted, which encourages a "take your opportunities or he/she might get away" mentality.

Dating people from work is a no no, as is romantic interest towards friends. That doesn't leave a lot of options if you prefer to get to know someone slowly.

But, on the other side of it, if you take it fast, you will only cause him/her to shy away from you.

I was more referring to taking it slow with your emotions than anything else, though. Date people, move at a reasonable pace without frightening the person away, but keep your emotions in check. Just because a person dates you doesn't mean that she will want to marry you and want you to take care of them. Sometimes, they just want to have some fun and see where things go or even just get laid or get a free meal/date. (Not directed specifically to you, ardour)
So, don't "fall in love" with a person after the first date or even the second. Hell, within the first couple months That's not love, it's either infatuation, lust or obsession. (Again, there are exceptions, but they are rare, IMO)

 

[mari1969]

Im here if someone want to chat or email, my family are my pets.

 

[Hawx79]

I have no one left, broke away from my last family members even my own mother. I feel more connection with a fly by day girl I see everyday then with her. Now how am I suppose to smile in life?

 

[Frodothelost]

*hugs*

 

[blablameaningless]

As an 34 year old male living alone with no friends or family and the people I meet everyday are rude and unfriendly to me.
I have no one to love or love me back, no family to hug me and no friends to hang out with, what's to become of me?
I envy people who have families waiting for them when they get home. I feel so different than everyone else as if i'm on an alien planet! Will i turn insane?
Are there people known who have been all alone and unloved who turn out to grow old and still sane and healthy? Please don't try to lift me up with pretty lies, i want cold truth"
It tastes like piss to me but want to drink alcohol every day so i don't feel fear anymore.

There is no easy fix for this, the people that say : be happy, well presented, friendly etc maybe come fromm a position of support?
Those that mope (Like I tend to do) maybe do not?

The short is there is no fix for no family. if they are gone they can not be brought back, if they are broken sometimes it is not fixable! 
Friends can be gained but they will always put their family before you. 

Sorry to say it but the lonely do not live as long, they are more likely to suffer some mental health issues and they are often socially misunderstood. 

Sucks but the best fix is to relearn how to make some friends and try hard to deal with a type of incurable chronic depression. 

I have good days and bad. Sometimes helps just knowing there is someone else with no-one out there too.

 

[blablameaningless]

No, just no.  There IS someone out there that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return.  Just take your time and don't confuse lust and infatuation for love.

Easily said...

I know.  Most of what I say is easily said, but not easily done.  But, I feel, if it's worth having, it's most likely not going to be easy.  That's where the take your time come in.  Don't just fall headfirst into your emotions, because chances are, if it happens fast, it's likely not love.  Yes, there are, in my opinion, exceptions, but they are rare.

Oh I agree. It's just that it will be difficult for someone who's inexperienced and in their 30's to take it slow (kind of obvious point).  Exacerbated by the fact the a lot of social interactions don't allow people to gradually get acquainted, which encourages a "take your opportunities or he/she might get away" mentality.

Dating people from work is a no no, as is romantic interest towards friends.  That doesn't leave a lot of options if you prefer to get to know someone slowly.

But, on the other side of it, if you take it fast, you will only cause him/her to shy away from you.

I was more referring to taking it slow with your emotions than anything else, though.  Date people, move at a reasonable pace without frightening the person away, but keep your emotions in check.  Just because a person dates you doesn't mean that she will want to marry you and want you to take care of them.  Sometimes, they just want to have some fun and see where things go or even just get laid or get a free meal/date.  (Not directed specifically to you, ardour)  
So, don't "fall in love" with a person after the first date or even the second. Hell, within the first couple months  That's not love, it's either infatuation, lust or obsession.   (Again, there are exceptions, but they are rare, IMO)

I dis agree. Loneliness can not be sorted out b dating anyone. 

It will not end well with one side of ths no addressing the issue as to why they are lonely. 
Family can not be replaced. . . . .

Some people just dont get it. 

Everything in life is geared to fit the "family picture". Sometimes people dont have one. What then?

dating anyone or having your pwn kids is nt really anything to do with this issue. 

Dumb.

 

[male45]

As an 34 year old male living alone with no friends or family and the people I meet everyday are rude and unfriendly to me.
I have no one to love or love me back, no family to hug me and no friends to hang out with, what's to become of me?
I envy people who have families waiting for them when they get home. I feel so different than everyone else as if i'm on an alien planet! Will i turn insane?
Are there people known who have been all alone and unloved who turn out to grow old and still sane and healthy? Please don't try to lift me up with pretty lies, i want cold truth"
It tastes like piss to me but want to drink alcohol every day so i don't feel fear anymorei

u r right it does happen....just dont bother about other and do what u feel is good for u. Dont ask for others attraction and ignore them in decent way....gradually u ll feel change....all the bes

 

[IncolaVacui]

You sound like me a few years ago, and I'm 30 and mostly alone.
I used to drink alcohol like a fish drinks water. I was actually trying to drink myself to death at some point.
The trick is to give yourself a brainstorm of things to do to try to keep your mind occupied. Games, movies, books, ebooks, audio books, television shows, netflix series, music, puzzles, documentaries, crafting, a list of chores, trying to narrow your finances down to a science, and so on. Then from there, you take these subjects and create lists out of that list. Video games: Well, what kind of video games? Books...What kind of books? Documentaries, what kind of documentaries? With a brainstorm like this, you'll probably surprise yourself at how much you really know.
If you're really at your wits end, shoot me a PM, and we'll talk on a Skype call, man to man to sort things out or distract you.
Solitude is nice, I'm introverted so I enjoy it...but, it's got it's limits as well, there's a point where it can become extremely unhealthy and to some degree, even dangerous. Around our age, it does become increasingly harder to find actual, real friendships, especially with how things have gone in society.