38 male virgin - Pros and Cons of paying for sex

[TheSkaFish]

I have always had money, always have been in shape (not a bodybuilder, but a decent physique) worked with Wall St firms for nearly 40 years, and I still
have somewhat of an inferiority complex. I also sometimes have a superiority complex. I think everyone kind of does. We're all messed up.
But I have never thought that seeing escorts makes me inferior, or even reaffirms it.

Anyways, I gave my pros and cons on the first page.
And my recommendations to the OP.
Just figured I would pipe up to address the above points.
Have a good week everyone.

I know.
And I just wanted to say, that a lot of these things that I say are "rules", really only apply to me, about myself.
I'm not saying that everyone has to think or feel like I do about certain things.

Seeing an escort, and lots of other things, would make me feel bad, but that's just me, about myself.
The things that bother me intensely, don't bother others at all.

I'm not trying to insult or convert you or anyone else to feeling like I do.
If it doesn't make you feel that way, that's one thing.
I'm just saying how that situation would make me feel about myself.

(OK, I guess I tried to convince the Lonely virgin guy, and OP.
They're either against it or on the fence.
But I wouldn't try to convince someone who has already said that they are OK with it.)

The only thing I find objectionable to both myself AND for others, is when some people push the escort "solution" on others, when they're clearly distressed about not having a relationship - as if to tell the person, paying for it is all they're good for.
That they're not good enough for a relationship. Not good enough for a normal quality of life.
The people who say this, do so with an air of smug superiority, in a bullying way.
But you and anyone still active here hasn't done this.

As for curing my inferiority complex, I really think if I had those things, it would be gone.
I would prove that I have at least normal biological quality, and be able to dispel the feelings of inferiority.
And, I'd feel more sure I have something to show for myself.
If I had those things, I'd feel like no one could say anything to me, and I'd be in a better place for sure.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I know.
And I just wanted to say, that a lot of these things that I say are "rules", really only apply to me, about myself.
I'm not saying that everyone has to think or feel like I do about certain things.

Seeing an escort, and lots of other things, would make me feel bad, but that's just me, about myself.
The things that bother me intensely, don't bother others at all.

I'm not trying to insult or convert you or anyone else to feeling like I do.
If it doesn't make you feel that way, that's one thing.
I'm just saying how that situation would make me feel about myself.

The only thing I find objectionable to both myself AND for others, is when some people push the escort "solution" on others, when they're clearly distressed about not having a relationship - as if to tell the person, paying for it is all they're good for.
The people who say this, do so with an air of smug superiority, in a bullying way.
But you and anyone still active here hasn't done this.

As for curing my inferiority complex, I really think if I had those things, it would be gone.
I would prove that I have at least normal biological quality, and be able to dispel the feelings of inferiority.
And, I'd feel more sure I have something to show for myself.
If I had those things, I'd feel like no one could say anything to me, and I'd be in a better place for sure.

I'm sure you have traits that you like about yourself.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm sure you have traits that you like about yourself.

A few, I guess.
But they aren't as powerful, as NOT having the things I lack.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

A few, I guess.
But they aren't as powerful, as NOT having the things I lack.

Everyone has to begin somewhere. Nobody's perfect. Even I don't have everything together, but over time, I've built myself up to where I'm at now, and still going. But, I also don't seek external validation. I'm self-validated and happy in life!

 

[abbynormal]

having sex with a condom is hardly compensated for by fleshy surrounding bits.

 

[ardour]

having sex with a condom is hardly compensated for by fleshy surrounding bits.

 

[kinzeUK]

the film The Sessions (2012) depicts an extreme but compelling situation in favor of the moral and social value of this kind of service.

Good film that. John Hawkes and Helen Hunt are excellent and it' was based on a real life author

 

[TheSkaFish]

Actually made me laugh out loud. I needed that today. Thanks man

 

[Ace Face]

I would never pay for sex I have too much respect for myself

 

[okidoke]

I would never pay for sex I have too much respect for myself

But you're fine with flirting publicly online, with a girlfriend reading all your posts?

 

[Ace Face]

But you're fine with flirting publicly online, with a girlfriend reading all your posts?

That is my girlfriend

 

[okidoke]

That is my girlfriend

HellsLittleAngel is your girlfriend? Really? If that's so, why did you get all snooty about the inference before?

 

[Ace Face]

HellsLittleAngel is your girlfriend? Really? If that's so, why did you get all snooty about the inference before?

What do you mean really? Go back and read between lines, Why you disappointed

 

[okidoke]

What do you mean really? Go back and read between lines, Why you disappointed

I really don't care one way or the other if you're a pair on not, but I'm not a fan of bullsh*t.

 

[Ace Face]

I really don't care one way or the other if you're a pair on not, but I'm not a fan of bullsh*t.

Me neither but iv read some of your posts

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I would never pay for sex I have too much respect for myself

Same

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I'll be 38 in a couple of months. I'm still a virgin. I have kissed, I have hugged, I have held hands, I even got the point of being on top of a woman but never penetrated (she asked me to stop).

Now about my life. I've been sexually abused by my uncle and other two guys, at different times, between the ages of 11 and 15. Horrible childhood.
Alcoholic father. Mother couldn't divorce because nowhere to go so we had to put up with father's shoutings and beatings for years, day in day out. Poverty. Cold rooms. No shower - heating water on the stove to wash ourselves. Clothes from the second hand shops. Severe dental issues.

Relationships with women: a few, but short-lived. Weeks to few months. A lot of things happened, but no sex.

I've had mainly jobs in retail. I've worked in a supermarket for 10 years, of which 4 years a fresh produce department manager. Weekends/days off mainly filled with porn, gambling and ordering take aways. For years and years. Very little socializing.

15 years of gambling. I'm done with it since the January 1st 2024.

20 years of porn addiction, but still fighting it. I've learned that running, fresh air and any type of physical sports help a lot.

10+ years of therapy with 3 different therapists. Mediocre all of them I'd say. The last one introduced me to a book club, which is golden. Great opportunity for me to get out of the house.

I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs.

The good things:
- I've run a half-marathon in 2hrs
- I've got a degree in English & German
- I've lost nearly 25 pounds in 2 years, with water fasting and running
- joined a book club (I love reading)

All in all, I would say I feel pretty normal most of the time. But the loneliness is killing me some days/nights... I guess it feels that way for an increasing number of people, even married ones. What is wrong with this day and age? There is so much abundance and opportunities, yet I was reading the other day that there are young people feeling so lonely that they hug the clothes in their wardrobe.


So the main thing that still pains me is how am I still a virgin?! For a long, long time I thought if I should pay some escort or wait some more. But life is so short, only this year I've been to two two funerals - one of my uncles (63) and mother of my brother's fiancee (54, cancer). So why not pay for it, get it done with. But then I'm thinking, what if I open another can of worms - some disease, another bad habit/addiction etc

I've tried dating sites, I try to put myself out there - dress nice, smell nice - but still no succes. Perhaps I'm not making enough money...

So what do you guys think? Should I pay for it or wait for true love ?
Or any other advice you have, would be greatly appreciated.

I hate that this was written on my birthday

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I hate that this was written on my birthday

My birthday was March 4, so is that when your birthday was too?

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

My birthday was March 4, so is that when your birthday was too?

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

View attachment 10027

Oh, sorry, misunderstood.