A consuming pain.

[dreamer8]

I'm kind of late as far as...the romantic life goes. I had my first experiences at age 22 (I am now 23) I've been involved in a few internet relationships which were all very psychologically distressing and abusive.
I didn't date in high school,I was the 'fat chick',and the 'fat kid' in elementary/junior high.
I'm now in my almost mid 20s and I still haven't really ever had a boyfriend who's truely cared,or wanted me for much else than a casual encounter. I have no idea what's going on,but being alone has made me feel as though I'm slowly being consumed by this helpless,gnawing heartbreak.
My despair has lowered me to the depths of terrible ideations and depression. I'm not co-dependant,nor have I ever been. I just want the bitterness and thought that everyone else is much happier with someone to stop.
I'd like someone to find the goodness I know I possess.

 

[packyourbags]

I'm kind of late as far as...the romantic life goes. I had my first experiences at age 22 (I am now 23) I've been involved in a few internet relationships which were all very psychologically distressing and abusive.
I didn't date in high school,I was the 'fat chick',and the 'fat kid' in elementary/junior high.
I'm now in my almost mid 20s and I still haven't really ever had a boyfriend who's truely cared,or wanted me for much else than a casual encounter. I have no idea what's going on,but being alone has made me feel as though I'm slowly being consumed by this helpless,gnawing heartbreak.
My despair has lowered me to the depths of terrible ideations and depression. I'm not co-dependant,nor have I ever been. I just want the bitterness and thought that everyone else is much happier with someone to stop.
I'd like someone to find the goodness I know I possess.

hey dreamer...
dear, i know the feeling well
but i can only say - you are not alone, and i know that many others share your pain in this (hug)

i hope you will find the one special person that will see the beautiful in you, you sound like a kind and caring person, and one deserving of happiness.

(hug)

shade.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Good god...you're only 23. I'm almost twice your age.

Maybe you have depression. it's a visous cycle that feeds on itself.

Have you tried seeking help from prefessionals, support groups, conseling or getting a check up?

I know you came on here seeking some type of salutions or are reaching out.
However also seek salutions in real life.

The salutions I found for me was to love myself first and formost. That's just one of many other things I
had to work on. Ultimately I know I have to love myself first. Find happiness within myself first.
Chelle loves and care for me very, very much...This I know. However she's not going have a relationship
with me if I'm not mentally and emotionally stable. She's very clear about this.
Becuase OUR love is not all about me....

After all the ******** that I've lived through.. it's never too late. I'm not giving up me.