A dark place

[Kar]

Last night, I was in a very dark place. Severe untreatable depression runs in my family and I used to think I was spared but realize it is very much a part of me. I fear the future and how lonely I am, how unsupported I am and hopeless things are getting each day.

 

[Bam111]

Last night, I was in a very dark place. Severe untreatable depression runs in my family and I used to think I was spared but realize it is very much a part of me. I fear the future and how lonely I am, how unsupported I am and hopeless things are getting each day.

I am sorry to hear this I imagined things were more different for you seem like a very well read articulate person (this does not exempt you from depression I know) but what I mean is your pictures, words and comments painted you in a different picture to me I am sorry for your pain If ever you wish to chat I am here to listen (it's your choice though) but know you are not alone we are hear if ever you need help.

 

[user 135671]

Do you have treatment resistant depression?. My sister has it and it's bloody awful. She's on some kind of horse tranquiliser now.

 

[Azariah]

A dark place?

Are you in a cave?

 

[ringwood]

I`m sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Feel free to message me anytime - sometimes it helps to know there's people out there willing to listen and lend a virtual shoulder to lean on.

 

[user 189843]

Last night, I was in a very dark place. Severe untreatable depression runs in my family and I used to think I was spared but realize it is very much a part of me. I fear the future and how lonely I am, how unsupported I am and hopeless things are getting each day.

I can relate. The past few days for me have been completely unbearable and it just keeps getting worse, and as with you nothing helps. My family doesn't care, they sit back and watch even though they know I struggle. I hardly have any friends, and I doubt most of those I do have care either. Loneliness destroys me, and with no help whatsoever I only see bad things.

I wish I could give you some advice, but if I had any I'd be out of my own mess or at least in a better place. I hope you can find your path, because it can be a long and dark road.

 

[Kar]

Do you have treatment resistant depression?. My sister has it and it's bloody awful. She's on some kind of horse tranquiliser now.

I've never been on antidepressant but the others in my family all were and went through all treatments with no success. Even shock therapy which was a last resort.

 

[user 164061]

Last night, I was in a very dark place. Severe untreatable depression runs in my family and I used to think I was spared but realize it is very much a part of me. I fear the future and how lonely I am, how unsupported I am and hopeless things are getting each day.

Depression really is awful. I'm the only person in my family with it and they don't know how bad my depression truly is. If you ever need to talk about things i am here

 

[user 148069]

Last night, I was in a very dark place. Severe untreatable depression runs in my family and I used to think I was spared but realize it is very much a part of me. I fear the future and how lonely I am, how unsupported I am and hopeless things are getting each day.

Definitely relatable. I was diagnosed with a major depressive disorder few years back, had relapses. I have sort of come to accept that this may be lifelong situation so I try to learn better coping skills. I am not sure what else I can add except to chime in here with the others and tell you that you aren't alone in this.

 

[user 189843]

I've never been on antidepressant but the others in my family all were and went through all treatments with no success. Even shock therapy which was a last resort.

I've been on a few medications over the years, but they never really did anything positive. I felt the negative effects though. So yeah while they may work for some, it just seems that for some people they do nothing.

 

[constant stranger]

Depression is no stranger to me either. My version isn't severe but rather a persistent, lifelong inability to enjoy much of anything.
A life without pleasure isn't very conducive to pursuing or maintaining close relationships so at my age, I've accepted that I'm basically a social isolate. I can manage cooperation with other people in structured activities, but at the end of the day I go home alone.
Whatever logistical accomplishments I can do, and do pretty well, that absence of meaningful relationships thing severely hits me in the self value department.

 

[user 190648]

I'm sorry for your struggles. And for the struggles of all who shared them here.

My opinion is that depression is absolutely NOT due to some chemical imbalance, depression is the reason for the chemical imbalance, not vice versa. As for the shock "therapy"... I would not even talk it, it makes me feel angry with its existence.

What I wanted to say is that the hard part with the non-physical issues is exactly that they can't allow the "convenience" of a simple medication cure. Yet, we should oppose it when others (professionals or not) try to fit us in some medication scheme, as a "this is how it has to be done" solution. The other way requires struggles and devotion, but is the right way.

I don't want to offend anyone by my opinion, I hope this is clear.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/livi...t-resistant-depression-what-you-need-to-know/
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/new...or-up-to-a-year-for-most-patients-study-shows
https://psychedelic.support/resources/mdma-assisted-therapy-guide/

I offer the above links. Ketamine treatments were all the rage, somewhat recently. I personally wouldn't consider any of these treatments; but, my circumstances are different. You can look into them, and research further, if you like. I'm not saying any of the above is a definitive answer to, persistent despair; but, they are certainly options that have not historically been available to most people, especially under optimal conditions. Most psychiatrists will either put you on SSRI's and then just shock your brain (barbaric in my opinion), if the drugs don't work. F that..

What people often fail to realize, is that, there are, literal, and actual cures, for a lot of conditions. It's just that circumstances, may prevent them from...
-Finding the right doctor who is actually knowledgeable
-Having the finances available to actually pay for an optimal treatment
-Cultural or social stigmas
-Being stuck in a circumstance or situation (which may be all the problem is, yet there is absolutely no way out, or at least no way out by one's own accord)

I read a short story in one of those, 'Chicken Soup for the Soul,' books. In this particular story, this woman, who was married, had been depressed for years. Her and her hubs went out for a trip in the Recreational Vehicle, and at one of the campsites, they met some folks. The wife of the people they met, somehow felt, this box she had (I forget what was in the box, some kind of oriental painting supplies or something) was, 'meant,' for her (the depressed wife). And somehow this act of giving, and the gift itself, just turned something on inside of her. She became passionately obsessed with it's contents, it's history, the art that was involved with it. Basically she found a new passion, and it lit up her life, and she was no longer depressed.

So, it's my belief, that, we get, 'stuck,' in life sometimes. And part of what keeps us stuck, unfortunately, is just circumstance. And then, I believe, sometimes we can end up stuck, for so long, or so acutely, that we forget, or are unaware of what is keeping us stuck; and it becomes this puzzling situation, of which, no answer can be found. Sort of like a person who says, 'I have this habit of continually bumping into things.' And they explain this to everyone they know on the internet, but, none of the advice/solutions work. But one day, some one comes over to their house, and realizes, they never turn on the lights. Then some one turns the light on, without thinking much about it, and the person suffering from bumping into things, realizes, OH YEAH!! THE LIGHTS!! I can see better now, so I can avoid bumping into **** all the time!

Weird stuff like that. It's absolutely unbelievably astounding, in my estimation, the amount of queer, unusual, and unnecessary suffering that goes on in this world, due to circumstance.

We just can't know what we don't know, until we learn about it, or realize it. And sometimes, answers are right in front of our faces, but, we can't see them, due to fear, ignorance, old patterns of thinking, closed mindedness, circumstance, lack of money, etc...

It's really weird... I sometimes wonder if so very many of us in this world, haven't some how been convinced at an early age, that to suffer, is a dutiful thing to do, simply because our parents suffered in their ignorance, and their parents before them did as well, and therefore we must suffer the same ignorance, not because we don't know better, but simply because, we have to, because they had to, and they feel we should as well. It's a bit more complicated than that, but, simply put, it seems to be that way sometimes.

As if millions of people were living out their lives in grocery stores, and starving, simply because those who had gone before them, didn't have such abundance of food, and are taught, or have it forced upon them, that it's their duty to starve, despite food being plentiful and right in front of them...

 

[user 190648]

https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/livi...t-resistant-depression-what-you-need-to-know/
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/new...or-up-to-a-year-for-most-patients-study-shows
https://psychedelic.support/resources/mdma-assisted-therapy-guide/

I offer the above links. Ketamine treatments were all the rage, somewhat recently. I personally wouldn't consider any of these treatments; but, my circumstances are different. You can look into them, and research further, if you like. I'm not saying any of the above is a definitive answer to, persistent despair; but, they are certainly options that have not historically been available to most people, especially under optimal conditions. Most psychiatrists will either put you on SSRI's and then just shock your brain (barbaric in my opinion), if the drugs don't work. F that..

What people often fail to realize, is that, there are, literal, and actual cures, for a lot of conditions. It's just that circumstances, may prevent them from...
-Finding the right doctor who is actually knowledgeable
-Having the finances available to actually pay for an optimal treatment
-Cultural or social stigmas
-Being stuck in a circumstance or situation (which may be all the problem is, yet there is absolutely no way out, or at least no way out by one's own accord)

I read a short story in one of those, 'Chicken Soup for the Soul,' books. In this particular story, this woman, who was married, had been depressed for years. Her and her hubs went out for a trip in the Recreational Vehicle, and at one of the campsites, they met some folks. The wife of the people they met, somehow felt, this box she had (I forget what was in the box, some kind of oriental painting supplies or something) was, 'meant,' for her (the depressed wife). And somehow this act of giving, and the gift itself, just turned something on inside of her. She became passionately obsessed with it's contents, it's history, the art that was involved with it. Basically she found a new passion, and it lit up her life, and she was no longer depressed.

So, it's my belief, that, we get, 'stuck,' in life sometimes. And part of what keeps us stuck, unfortunately, is just circumstance. And then, I believe, sometimes we can end up stuck, for so long, or so acutely, that we forget, or are unaware of what is keeping us stuck; and it becomes this puzzling situation, of which, no answer can be found. Sort of like a person who says, 'I have this habit of continually bumping into things.' And they explain this to everyone they know on the internet, but, none of the advice/solutions work. But one day, some one comes over to their house, and realizes, they never turn on the lights. Then some one turns the light on, without thinking much about it, and the person suffering from bumping into things, realizes, OH YEAH!! THE LIGHTS!! I can see better now, so I can avoid bumping into honeysuckle all the time!

Weird stuff like that. It's absolutely unbelievably astounding, in my estimation, the amount of queer, unusual, and unnecessary suffering that goes on in this world, due to circumstance.

We just can't know what we don't know, until we learn about it, or realize it. And sometimes, answers are right in front of our faces, but, we can't see them, due to fear, ignorance, old patterns of thinking, closed mindedness, circumstance, lack of money, etc...

It's really weird... I sometimes wonder if so very many of us in this world, haven't some how been convinced at an early age, that to suffer, is a dutiful thing to do, simply because our parents suffered in their ignorance, and their parents before them did as well, and therefore we must suffer the same ignorance, not because we don't know better, but simply because, we have to, because they had to, and they feel we should as well. It's a bit more complicated than that, but, simply put, it seems to be that way sometimes.

As if millions of people were living out their lives in grocery stores, and starving, simply because those who had gone before them, didn't have such abundance of food, and are taught, or have it forced upon them, that it's their duty to starve, despite food being plentiful and right in front of them...

I agree with so many of the things that you say, but I wish to add, in relation to the person who struggles in the dark house: sometimes the problem is that one really really really is not in the ability to reach the lamp button. Sometimes this really happens. And if the situation repeats, one has less and less courage/motivation to even seek for the button.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I agree with so many of the things that you say, but I wish to add, in relation to the person who struggles in the dark house: sometimes the problem is that one really really really is not in the ability to reach the lamp button. Sometimes this really happens. And if the situation repeats, one has less and less courage/motivation to even seek for the button.

Yeah...