A Lonely Life

[CAKCy]

i would guess that your dating life was a while ago because things have changed dramatically since the rise of OLD & social media.  what was possible (though perhaps very difficult) in the past no longer even remotely applies.  the modern dating world for men is 100% about facial symmetry and heightbtw, how tall are you?  this is also a huge factor as a taller man can occasionally get away with having a below average face. however, it's game over for a short man with a below average face-especially if he is bald too.

Question: Does OLD mean Online Dating?

My dating life started, probably, before you were born. When internet was not even a thing. An LDR that lasted for 4 years (with a total "real time" of 3 1/2 months and enormous phone bills). My last relationship (again an LDR) ended one week ago due to our mutual agreement that my 60 years of age and her 40 had no future. It still hurts...

Internet made things easier, A LOT, especially for LDRs.

My first gf was about an inch taller than me. She looked like a goddess! (I've recently seen a picture of hers on FB - going through my life as it closes its end - She still looks gorgeous)!

I won't tell you my height because you are going to think "Gotcha!". But I'll give you a tip of advice, if I may: You may have a hard time approaching a woman because of how you look. Work on everything you can work with. Improve yourself. Make yourself a magnet for women who care to look a bit deeper than your appearance. (And that means, usually, women who are not drop dead gorgeous. Because a beautiful woman, MOST OF THE TIMES, thinks that she doesn't need anything else, other than her good looks to find a bf. And, unfortunately, for the male species, this is true. Because, the majority of us, men, are looking for eye-candy. There are women out there who, although not top rated in the looks department, are actually amazingly beautiful on the inside. Find them! Get interested in them! Give them a chance!)

After my wife left me, and my initial shock, I subscribed to a ton of dating sites that provide communication forums. Without any pictures at all. I will honestly tell you that I'm very surprised by the number of profile views I get by women from the age of 30 to my age. The young ones, usually, run away because of my age. The older ones, usually, stay and the exploration game begins.

 

[mgill]

OLD does = online dating

i am actually far older than you may think i and though will not disclose my exact age, i am-well over 40.

your past successes make perfect sense since you do have height going for you. at my miniscule size (only a pathetic 5'6) the vast majority of women will reject a man based solely on his lack of height. this is especially true with OLD where men under 5'10 have an almost zero chance unless they also have a face that is very much above average. i think your height is a huge reason why you had success on OLD without posting pictures too. i tired several OLD sites over the past few years and did not receive any matches, messages or replies to my messages. if there is one avenue that sub par males like myself need to avoid like the plague it's OLD.

thanks for the advice too but i have already done just about everything possible to improve outside of surgery and still have had exactly zero success over the past 8+ years. i have often stated on this board that i don't have particularly high standards and would be more than ecstatic with my looksmatch. as long as a women is physically fit & feminine, i usually find her attractive. the problem is that women like this are only interested in top males whom i cannot even begin to compete with and want nothing to do with lesser males like myself.

 

[CAKCy]

OLD does = online dating

i am actually far older than you may think i and though will not disclose my exact age, i am-well over 40.

your past successes make perfect sense since you do have height going for you. at my miniscule size (only a pathetic 5'6) the vast majority of women will reject a man based solely on his lack of height. this is especially true with OLD where men under 5'10 have an almost zero chance unless they also have a face that is very much above average.  i think your height is a huge reason why you had success on OLD without posting pictures too. i tired several OLD sites over the past few years and did not receive any matches, messages or replies to my messages.  if there is one avenue that sub par males like myself need to avoid like the plague it's OLD.

thanks for the advice too but i have already done just about everything possible to improve outside of surgery and still have had exactly zero success over the past 8+ years.  i have often stated on this board that i don't have particularly high standards and would be more than ecstatic with my looksmatch. as long as a women is physically fit & feminine, i usually find her attractive.  the problem is that women like this are only interested in top males whom i cannot even begin to compete with and want nothing to do with lesser males like myself.

I find the idea that a 60 year old has "success" on OLD because of my average height (5'11) absurd (if not insulting). If you think that all I'm good for is the 5 inches of height difference between us you have no clue what women want!

Give your looks a break, my friend! When I said 'improve' I didn't mean your looks. I meant improve yourself. Your inner world. Your social skills! Read. Be funny. Learn to appreciate the beauty of what's around you. Allow yourself to be romantic, vulnerable, sincere. Paint pictures with your words. Make yourself interesting without worrying (or caring) about your looks. 

Danny Devito (beat that!) met his wife and they fell in love with each other instantly BEFORE he was The Danny Devito (He was 31 at the time). Dustin Hoffman is 5'6, Tom Cruise is 5'7, Al Pacino is 5'7, Humphrey Bogart was 5'8....

Come on, man!

 

[mgill]

those 5 inches make all the difference in the world to women. i have no doubt that you would have had a far different (and far worse) experience at 5'6 than you do at 5'11. i have posted this here before but it bears re-posting:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...en-why-women-arent-attracted-enough-date-them

please remember that a few exceptions do not refute the rule. i have no doubt if i were a rich & famous celebrity or had the face of Tom Cruise i would not be having any issues with women. i am only down on my looks because of all the women who taught me how unattractive i am through their rejections. for example, i am a voracious reader and am often complimented on my humor but without the looks & height, no amount of social skills or anything else is going to help attract a partner.

 

[CAKCy]

those 5 inches make all the difference in the world to women.  i have no doubt that you would have had a far different (and far worse) experience at 5'6 than you do at 5'11.  i have posted this here before but it bears re-posting:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...en-why-women-arent-attracted-enough-date-them

please remember that a few exceptions do not refute the rule. i have no doubt if i were a rich & famous celebrity or had the face of Tom Cruise i would not be having any issues with women. i am only down on my looks because of all the women who taught me how unattractive i am through their rejections. for example, i am a voracious reader and am often complimented on my humor but without the looks & height, no amount of social skills or anything else is going to help attract a partner.

OK. Let me ask you something... When you approach a woman in person do you get a rejection before you have a chance to open your mouth?
If on a dating site... why do you post pictures or your height in your profile? Give them a chance to get to know you first. Show them who you are before you "disappoint" them with your "terrible" looks.

If you wouldn't mind me PMing you, I'll send you an introduction I read on a dating site that really impressed me. Just to get a taste of how people approach the subject of unattractiveness.

 

[mgill]

i have only asked women i already knew and had always have posted my height & photo on my OLD profile's. from what i understand most women will completely ignore men's profile's without pic's or with no height listed as they are not going to waste time on a man not knowing his looks when they have a plethora of tall, very good looking men's profiles to choose from. hate to keep repeating this but without a certain baseline of looks & height, women are not at all interested in whatever else a man may have to offer so no amount of humor, personality or anything else is going to make up for having such inferior genetics.

thanks for the offer for sharing the intro but as i said, i have given up on both anyway as i found OLD to be a total waste of time & $ and am not sure with is worse-getting shot down in person by someone i know or getting completely ignored on OLD. i have been so conditioned by the constant rejections that i cannot even imagine cold approaching. another consideration is that men at my extremely low level of attractiveness need to be very concerned about #metoo and being accused of harassment by showing women unwanted attention.

perhaps i may have had a chance if i were 5'10 & had the hair i was born with but i do not. for men of my miniscule looks level, finding a partner would be like winning the lottery jackpot and has around the same chance of happening. none of the other things i have going for me have made any difference-being physically ripped, teaching martial arts, making over $100k/year and having zero debt, etc. there is nothing i can offer that they cannot find in a taller, better looking man with hair so there is simply no way for me to compete with the top males that all women are looking for.

 

[CAKCy]

i have only asked women i already knew and had always have posted my height & photo on my OLD profile's.  from what i understand most women will completely ignore men's profile's without pic's or with no height listed as they are not going to waste time on a man not knowing his looks when they have a plethora of tall, very good looking men's profiles to choose from.  hate to keep repeating this but without a certain baseline of looks & height, women are not at all interested in whatever else a man may have to offer so no amount of humor, personality or anything else is going to make up for having such inferior genetics.

thanks for the offer for sharing the intro but as i said, i have given up on both anyway as i found OLD to be a total waste of time & $ and am not sure with is worse-getting shot down in person by someone i know or getting completely ignored on OLD.  i have been so conditioned by the constant rejections that i cannot even imagine cold approaching. another consideration is that men at my extremely low level of attractiveness need to be very concerned about #metoo and being accused of harassment by showing women unwanted attention.

perhaps i may have had a chance if i were 5'10 & had the hair i was born with but i do not.  for men of my miniscule looks level, finding a partner would be like winning the lottery jackpot and has around the same chance of happening. none of the other things i have going for me have made any difference-being physically ripped, teaching martial arts, making over $100k/year and having zero debt, etc.  there is nothing i can offer that they cannot find in a taller, better looking man with hair so there is simply no way for me to compete with the top males that all women are looking for.

OK my friend. You win! I cannot change your beliefs if you don't want to. My experience (both from OLD AND real life) - and I'm not referring to myself only - is... you are wrong! I've seen people with hideous looks approaching and winning a girl because they had game, if you know what I mean. You, on the other hand, are stuck with the image you have of yourself in your head and apparently, nothing's going to change that. Learn to love yourself. If you don't do that don't expect anybody else to love you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

OK my friend. You win! I cannot change your beliefs if you don't want to. My experience (both from OLD AND real life) - and I'm not referring to myself only - is... you are wrong! I've seen people with hideous looks approaching and winning a girl because they had game, if you know what I mean. You, on the other hand, are stuck with the image you have of yourself in your head and apparently, nothing's going to change that. Learn to love yourself. If you don't do that don't expect anybody else to love you.

Yeah, people have been trying to tell him that for years.  He doesn't want to hear it.   Also, he shared his picture here a while ago and he's not "below average"  by any means.

 

[CAKCy]

Yeah, people have been trying to tell him that for years.  He doesn't want to hear it.   Also, he shared his picture here a while ago and he's not "below average"  by any means.

I rest my case!
I think the above and especially the fact that it comes from a woman, and not just ANY woman, THE Princess Pink Love, believe it or not, proves my point!
*Bow*
Thank you!

 

[mgill]

i have only asked women i already knew and had always have posted my height & photo on my OLD profile's.  from what i understand most women will completely ignore men's profile's without pic's or with no height listed as they are not going to waste time on a man not knowing his looks when they have a plethora of tall, very good looking men's profiles to choose from.  hate to keep repeating this but without a certain baseline of looks & height, women are not at all interested in whatever else a man may have to offer so no amount of humor, personality or anything else is going to make up for having such inferior genetics.

thanks for the offer for sharing the intro but as i said, i have given up on both anyway as i found OLD to be a total waste of time & $ and am not sure with is worse-getting shot down in person by someone i know or getting completely ignored on OLD.  i have been so conditioned by the constant rejections that i cannot even imagine cold approaching. another consideration is that men at my extremely low level of attractiveness need to be very concerned about #metoo and being accused of harassment by showing women unwanted attention.

perhaps i may have had a chance if i were 5'10 & had the hair i was born with but i do not.  for men of my miniscule looks level, finding a partner would be like winning the lottery jackpot and has around the same chance of happening. none of the other things i have going for me have made any difference-being physically ripped, teaching martial arts, making over $100k/year and having zero debt, etc.  there is nothing i can offer that they cannot find in a taller, better looking man with hair so there is simply no way for me to compete with the top males that all women are looking for.

OK my friend. You win! I cannot change your beliefs if you don't want to. My experience (both from OLD AND real life) - and I'm not referring to myself only - is... you are wrong! I've seen people with hideous looks approaching and winning a girl because they had game, if you know what I mean. You, on the other hand, are stuck with the image you have of yourself in your head and apparently, nothing's going to change that. Learn to love yourself. If you don't do that don't expect anybody else to love you.

no-i most definitelyhave lost. the only thing which will change my beliefs is having success. the image of myself in my head was created by long time failure & rejection.  i would have to be delusional to have high self esteem by not being able to get a single date in almost a decade. it's not only me either as many other male posters here have expressed similar sentiments based on our past experiences of attemps at dating.

 

[CAKCy]

no-i most definitelyhave lost. the only thing which will change my beliefs is having success. the image of myself in my head was created by long time failure & rejection.  i would have to be delusional to have high self esteem by not being able to get a single date in almost a decade. it's not only me either as many other male posters here have expressed similar sentiments based on our past experiences of attemps at dating.

Can you please, PLEASE, read TheRealCallie's message higher? Give me one good reason that she would lie. Just one!

 

[mgill]

OK my friend. You win! I cannot change your beliefs if you don't want to. My experience (both from OLD AND real life) - and I'm not referring to myself only - is... you are wrong! I've seen people with hideous looks approaching and winning a girl because they had game, if you know what I mean. You, on the other hand, are stuck with the image you have of yourself in your head and apparently, nothing's going to change that. Learn to love yourself. If you don't do that don't expect anybody else to love you.

Yeah, people have been trying to tell him that for years.  He doesn't want to hear it.   Also, he shared his picture here a while ago and he's not "below average"  by any means.

5'6=below average height
bald=below average hair
even if my face could be considered average at best, combined with the first two attributes makes for a below average male. regardless, all of the women i have been interested in have considered me below average and they are the one's who's opinion truly matters.

it's not that i don't want to hear what people suggest but instead my vast experience in attempting to date firmly contradicts what has been suggested.  i think it would be very interesting to do a poll here to see exactly how many men here have had simliar experiences as mine.

 

[CAKCy]

5'6=below average height
bald=below average hair
even if my face could be considered average at best, combined with the first two attributes makes for a below average male. regardless, all of the women i have been interested in have considered me below average and they are the one's who's opinion truly matters.

it's not that i don't want to hear what people suggest but instead my vast experience in attempting to date firmly contradicts what has been suggested.  i think it would be very interesting to do a poll here to see exactly how many men here have had simliar experiences as mine.

I'll put it this way and try to understand: If I were a woman and someone approached me with your attitude and thoughts about yourself, at the back of your mind, I would run so fast that you couldn't catch me with an X-15!

The same applies to anyone on this site thinking they are worthless because they don't look good (or they THINK they don't look good)...

Period.

---

all of the women i have been interested in have considered me below average and they are the one's who's opinion truly matters.

And another thing (God, you make me mad!!!): Have they actually told you that they don't like you because you are short and bald? OR YOU THINK they rejected you because of that? 

THAT makes all the difference!

 

[TheRealCallie]

5'6=below average height
bald=below average hair
even if my face could be considered average at best, combined with the first two attributes makes for a below average male. regardless, all of the women i have been interested in have considered me below average and they are the one's who's opinion truly matters.

it's not that i don't want to hear what people suggest but instead my vast experience in attempting to date firmly contradicts what has been suggested.  i think it would be very interesting to do a poll here to see exactly how many men here have had simliar experiences as mine.

I'll put it this way and try to understand: If I were a woman and someone approached me with your attitude and thoughts about yourself, at the back of your mind, I would run so fast that you couldn't catch me with an X-15!

The same applies to anyone on this site thinking they are worthless because they don't look good (or they THINK they don't look good)...

Period.

---

all of the women i have been interested in have considered me below average and they are the one's who's opinion truly matters.

And another thing (God, you make me mad!!!): Have they actually told you that they don't like you because you are short and bald? OR YOU THINK they rejected you because of that? 

THAT makes all the difference!

---

Here's what I don't get...you have guys who say that have little to no experience and can't get a date. (even the ones that were married for 20 years).  You have the same guys who are negative as hell and vilify women.  Yet they know also seem to know exactly who is and is not their type.  

Which brings me to the whole "type" ********.  Just because you have a "type" doesn't mean that is who you are supposed to be with.  You want a date, ask girls out.  Not simply those who fit into everything you put on your "dream girl" list, but everyone.  You don't know who you are going to mesh with.  No one does and it's stupid and naive to think that "dream girl" is the only girl for you.

 

[CAKCy]

Which brings me to the whole "type" ********.  Just because you have a "type" doesn't mean that is who you are supposed to be with.  You want a date, ask girls out.  Not simply those who fit into everything you put on your "dream girl" list, but everyone.  You don't know who you are going to mesh with.  No one does and it's stupid and naive to think that "dream girl" is the only girl for you.

Marry me! 

The "type" is not ******** completely. I have my "type" of women when it comes to appearance. I also have a "type" of women when it comes to everything BUT appearance. The second "type" is the one that counts the most. If I'm lucky enough and she is also within my first "type" parameters, even better.

I would approach things a little bit different than what you suggest though. (Shyness or even insecurity regarding my looks played its role here too). I would try to be part of the group. Listen and pay attention to what every girl/woman said. Observe their reactions to other people's comments. Understand who/what they are made of. And then I would make myself present in the group, paying attention to the one who made my heart ache. If I felt that I had her ear, THEN (and only then) I would ask her out. (Better safe than rejected, right?).

To be absolutely honest: Even after such a cautious approach I was rejected so many times I lost count. But... there have  been good times too.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, I more meant that if you don't ask, the answer will always be no. I didn't necessarily mean just go up to a complete stranger and ask her to marry you or eat a salad. lol

But yes, attitude plays a lot in whether or not a girl (or a guy for that matter) will be receptive to you.

 

[CAKCy]

Well, I more meant that if you don't ask, the answer will always be no.  I didn't necessarily mean just go up to a complete stranger and ask her to marry you or eat a salad.  lol

But yes, attitude plays a lot in whether or not a girl (or a guy for that matter) will be receptive to you.

Does that mean that you are still considering marrying me?????  :club:

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, I more meant that if you don't ask, the answer will always be no.  I didn't necessarily mean just go up to a complete stranger and ask her to marry you or eat a salad.  lol

But yes, attitude plays a lot in whether or not a girl (or a guy for that matter) will be receptive to you.

Does that mean that you are still considering marrying me?????  :club:

Sorry, what's that?  You just caved my head in

 

[CAKCy]

Sorry, what's that?  You just caved my head in

You have it all wrong my Princess. That's YOU beating me.... to behave!!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sorry, what's that?  You just caved my head in

You have it all wrong my Princess. That's YOU beating me.... to behave!!!

lol, that is likely much more accurate.