A persistent observation

[nerdygirl]

You know, I think you just need some practice, and then you won't feel so weird.

So tell me, do you trim, shave, or wax your pubic hair, or just leave it natural? And why? Oh, and before you answer that, go grab a salad. That will give us a great segue to discuss how you feel about tossing salad.

But seriously, you saying that people seem to want to protect you reminds me of when I told my last boyfriend that I didn't want to corrupt him. Personally, I'm very attracted to the sweet innocent type, and feel guilty about my attraction. I also feel lousy when I'm interested in a guy who has had a more... for lack of a better word, "wholesome" life than I have. I feel like my baggage is contagious. Even though my past is surely behind me, I still feel as though somebody like ME has no business getting involved with a guy who has had a relatively calm and pleasant life. Like I'm some sort of weird contaminant.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, I think you just need some practice, and then you won't feel so weird.

So tell me, do you trim, shave, or wax your pubic hair, or just leave it natural? And why? Oh, and before you answer that, go grab a salad. That will give us a great segue to discuss how you feel about tossing salad.

I love you. <3

 

[TrailerTrish]

So tell me, do you trim, shave, or wax your pubic hair, or just leave it natural? And why? Oh, and before you answer that, go grab a salad. That will give us a great segue to discuss how you feel about tossing salad.

Salad is a transport mechanism for bleu cheese.

 

[xrchz]

TheSolitaryMan, you said your older friends seemed to have more potential for real conversations. I think you could be right about the maturity. I just realized I wrote a post on almost the same question (http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-when-do-people-start-wanting-real-relationships). I sympathize with your original post. I wanted to ask you, are any of those older friends of yours close friends? Also, do you mix with people from a wide variety of groups and cultures, and have any of them stood out? Or is it just your current classmates? People have a tendency to adopt the culture and attitudes of those around them, so sometimes it's worthwhile taking a big step to see if there are more reasonable people elsewhere (I guess looking on the internet counts, but also doing activities you wouldn't usually do and see who else turns up to them...)

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

To my mind fulfillment is best found in the enduring relationship of a man and a woman in the bonds of intelligent wedlock, having established a home and a family based on solid morals and values... but then I'm just a batty old broad who isn't very hip.

I think I have the mind of a batty old geezer who isn't very hip then, because I kind of agree XD

Sigh. All I want is a nice kiss I think. That'd do me for the next 5-10 years, I think I could just be happy and content with that and that only.

NG, I have to admit I had no idea what salad tossing was. Fail

As for your personal take on things, wow...never feel guilty like that! If you were just taking a guy's virginity and then moving on or something I'd understand, but if a nice guy wants you in his life as his GF, I'd advise you to enjoy that and stop worrying that you're defiling him!

I know I'd certainly appreciate my own personal contaminant right now :\

Girls just confuse me so much. It's like even if they find me attractive or compatible with them, they don't ever make it clear enough for me to act on.

Even that girl I mentioned in my last giant thread is still looking at me, apparently checking out my muscles and so on...yet she almost intentionally ignores me half the time too.

I'll stop this post until I have something else to comment on, because I'm turning this thread into "Why are girls my age absolutely insane?" rather than what it should be on-topic about

 

[SophiaGrace]

We *are* insane though.

*takes her prozac*

 

[nerdygirl]

OH NOES!! You didn't know what tossing salad was. I managed to corrupt you without even trying! Good grief. That's adorable of you, and shameful of me. Sorry!

Eh, logically, I realize I should just be glad about the nice guys in my life, and that it's unlikely I will ruin some guy's life just by being around... but even as stoic as I generally am, I'm unconvinced that this is true. Most girls are quite a bit more emotional than I am, so they would have a harder time with this. The only way to defeat that sort of thinking is to somehow sweep a gal off of her feet... which is a difficult task when you're timid.

 

[xrchz]

The only way to defeat that sort of thinking is to somehow sweep a gal off of her feet... which is a difficult task when you're timid.

Why, do you know some specific actions that would accomplish that task (which would be difficult for a timid person)?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

The only way to defeat that sort of thinking is to somehow sweep a gal off of her feet... which is a difficult task when you're timid.

Whatever innocence of mine you destroyed was replaced by a slightly confused curiosity, so it's fine

Timid? Nah. Shy? Yes! I'm quiet, think before I speak and I'm not particularly assertive sometimes (easily the big thing I'm trying to improve on).

However, as I was chatting to someone in PM earlier, I'm not really that timid deep down. I've had the courage to actually fight people in the past, so I should be able to ask a girl out :shy:

The problem is more the total lack of clear signals I ever seem to get, so nothing's ever there to spur on that fiery part of me.

Either I or the ladies interested in me are doing it wrong™ or girls just generally aren't interested in me, because somehow I never know exactly when the feet-sweeping is justified. So I never do it

 

[ShybutHi]

Eh, logically, I realize I should just be glad about the nice guys in my life, and that it's unlikely I will ruin some guy's life just by being around... but even as stoic as I generally am, I'm unconvinced that this is true. Most girls are quite a bit more emotional than I am, so they would have a harder time with this. The only way to defeat that sort of thinking is to somehow sweep a gal off of her feet... which is a difficult task when you're timid.

I dont see why you would think that by being around a guy you like (and one who likes you to) would influence them badly unless you are going to purposely be a ***** to him. If you are not a very emotional person then that is a good thing (in my opinion). Emotional people seem to create drama rather often.
Everyone has a different past, you cant even be sure that a nice innocent looking guy who you are attracted to doesnt have some kind of strange past hidden away.

I think you should try not to think like that and just go for it if you like a guy. You seem like a nice person and I expect would only make someone happier, not broken.

Also yes when you are shy and inexperienced it really is hard to sweep a girl off her feet.

---

The only way to defeat that sort of thinking is to somehow sweep a gal off of her feet... which is a difficult task when you're timid.

Whatever innocence of mine you destroyed was replaced by a slightly confused curiosity, so it's fine

Timid? Nah. Shy? Yes! I'm quiet, think before I speak and I'm not particularly assertive sometimes (easily the big thing I'm trying to improve on).

However, as I was chatting to someone in PM earlier, I'm not really that timid deep down. I've had the courage to actually fight people in the past, so I should be able to ask a girl out :shy:

The problem is more the total lack of clear signals I ever seem to get, so nothing's ever there to spur on that fiery part of me.

Either I or the ladies interested in me are doing it wrong™ or girls just generally aren't interested in me, because somehow I never know exactly when the feet-sweeping is justified. So I never do it

Lol, I am the same too. Shy, quiet and not that assertive but deep down have an aura of self confidence. I have also fought people in the past. I play guitar on stage so there must be some confidence down there somewhere. lol

I think like me you are probably terrible at knowing when a girl is giving signals? Most girls (if not all lol) dont give "clear" signals. Damn you women for being so confusing *shakes fist in air*.

Personally, and it probably seems a bit rediculous to some, I dont like to assume that a girl is giving me signals because of the inexperience of knowing what the signals are. I literally have no clue if a girl is interested, she could just be being nice for all I know... And she could probably jump on me and kiss me and i still wouldnt think it is interest. lol

If a girl was to actually say I like you in some way to me though then I would probably be incredibly surprised, look her in the eyes and smile, then go limp and fall over.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think like me you are probably terrible at knowing when a girl is giving signals? Most girls (if not all lol) dont give "clear" signals. Damn you women for being so confusing *shakes fist in air*.

Personally, and it probably seems a bit rediculous to some, I dont like to assume that a girl is giving me signals because of the inexperience of knowing what the signals are. I literally have no clue if a girl is interested, she could just be being nice for all I know... And she could probably jump on me and kiss me and i still wouldnt think it is interest. lol

If a girl was to actually say I like you in some way to me though then I would probably be incredibly surprised, look her in the eyes and smile, then go limp and fall over.

You hit the nail on the head, I'm exactly the same. I've even had girls sort of bump into me and stuff, and I still don't understand if they like me or not.

I don't get why it's so hard for a girl (if she does like me) to just come over and make it a little bit obvious, like just go out of her way to give me a really cute smile for a few days running or something.

Instead I get all these soft-eyed glances and things that could either mean a girl is nuts about me, or that she's not interested at all. In return, I tend to be equally "subtle" (IE so subtle you can't even tell I like the girl back!) and so nothing happens.

This is one reason I really want to just kiss someone or something, because once I understand what signals really are genuine it'll mean I'm far more confident about every aspect of my love life :s

If a girl really did suddenly show some CLEAR, INDISUPUTABLE interest in me, I'd have no qualms about taking the lead and getting a relationship going...

 

[nerdygirl]

What I fail to understand here is why not just ask the girl? You hate the mixed signals, you don't know if the smile is just friendly or more... ask. You say you're not timid, so just ask!

---

I dont see why you would think that by being around a guy you like (and one who likes you to) would influence them badly unless you are going to purposely be a ***** to him. If you are not a very emotional person then that is a good thing (in my opinion). Emotional people seem to create drama rather often.
Everyone has a different past, you cant even be sure that a nice innocent looking guy who you are attracted to doesnt have some kind of strange past hidden away.

I think you should try not to think like that and just go for it if you like a guy. You seem like a nice person and I expect would only make someone happier, not broken.

Introducing a chaotic life to one that is peaceful can, indeed be a negative influence. It's kind of a freezer to the frying pan thing.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm on a permanent dating hiatus, so encouraging me is pointless. I was mostly suggesting that I understand the reasoning for these girls' behavior.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

What I fail to understand here is why not just ask the girl? You hate the mixed signals, you don't know if the smile is just friendly or more... ask. You say you're not timid, so just ask!

Next time perhaps I shall. My chance to ask that particular lady has been and gone. She can look at me all she wants, but until she sorts out what's going on with her relationship status she won't be getting any Solitary lovin'.

And I won't be getting any lovin' full stop XD

 

[ShybutHi]

What I fail to understand here is why not just ask the girl? You hate the mixed signals, you don't know if the smile is just friendly or more... ask. You say you're not timid, so just ask!

That is pretty hard when you are a shy, quiet and inexperienced with women.
Maybe it is being scared of rejection or scared of going into a relationship with someone who may not share mutual interest. It is a hard one to put your finger on I think.

The problem with being a very analytical person is you over-analyse situations like that so much that it makes you reluctant to make any move because of the unsurity.
I mean any "normal" person would make a move if they wanted to right? Probably without much thought about it? I know alot of my more outgoing friends certainly would jump at the chance.

I think there is something really cute about a girl who is genuinely interested in a guy. Not sure why... maybe it is because most of the time it just seems to be the guy who shows interest and its almost like girls just go along with it alot of the time. lol

I think when a girl shows interest it is usually alot more authentic than when most guys do.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Maybe it is being scared of rejection or scared of going into a relationship with someone who may not share mutual interest. It is a hard one to put your finger on I think.

For me it's not so much the rejection fear as much as it is just I don't feel right asking if I don't know her well. It feels sort of impolite/presumptuous.

And if she's not communicating with me at that stage, I usually stay not knowing her well

The one time a girl really did show some genuine clear interest in me, fate decided to screw up my shot at making that become something...so meh :\

 

[ShybutHi]

For me it's not so much the rejection fear as much as it is just I don't feel right asking if I don't know her well. It feels sort of impolite/presumptuous.

And if she's not communicating with me at that stage, I usually stay not knowing her well

The one time a girl really did show some genuine clear interest in me, fate decided to screw up my shot at making that become something...so meh :\

Yeah, those were just examples of potential reasons. I also feel as if it is impolite or presumptuous aswell so I know exactly what you mean there.

 

[xrchz]

How do you show interest? I think it might be just as difficult for a girl who's not sure to do something too clear, because it would feel presumptuous. That's why I often have to remind myself to actually do something clear myself, anything that will at least force some kind of answer. Otherwise I end up scrutinising and overanalysing subtle hints that probably weren't even consciously made.

 

[oopsiedoop]

The important thing is to respond in kind. That's what's appropriate. Except if it offends your moral values.

 

[ShybutHi]

Introducing a chaotic life to one that is peaceful can, indeed be a negative influence. It's kind of a freezer to the frying pan thing.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm on a permanent dating hiatus, so encouraging me is pointless. I was mostly suggesting that I understand the reasoning for these girls' behavior.

Ah ok I see what you mean now, if that is a reason for some girls' behavior I think it is a shame because they and the person they are attracted to could be missing out on something good, it could be a positive influence on the person rather than negative.
I dont really see why you are lumping your attraction for "the sweet, innocent" type with people who dont have a busy lifestyle or are a bit of a loner. You can be sweet and innocent and lead a busy lifestyle still.
Besides that anyway, introducing a more busy lifestyle to someone who doesnt have one can also be a good thing, or if your life and personality is generally more extroverted compared to your partner. The saying opposites attract comes to mind aswell.

Giving my own life as an example... My week is generally really quite peaceful but on weekends (and sometimes week days) I gig with my band, usually in the evenings and get to travel around a bit.

Despite this I assure you I am probably one of the most shy and innocent people you would ever meet and despite being a musician, I am actually pretty much just a lonely geek... lol

---

How do you show interest? I think it might be just as difficult for a girl who's not sure to do something too clear, because it would feel presumptuous. That's why I often have to remind myself to actually do something clear myself, anything that will at least force some kind of answer. Otherwise I end up scrutinising and overanalysing subtle hints that probably weren't even consciously made.

Yeah good post you are right, its just the same for some girls too. Probably the best thing to do is to just not think about it and go for it, just see what happens. It is so hard when you are so used to being the one in the background and ALWAYS thinking about what you are doing before you act. It is like the complete opposite thing to do for someone like me with that mindset. It makes the whole relationship thing very hard indeed, and then you have the inexperience in the area to top it off.

 

[nerdygirl]

What I fail to understand here is why not just ask the girl? You hate the mixed signals, you don't know if the smile is just friendly or more... ask. You say you're not timid, so just ask!

That is pretty hard when you are a shy, quiet and inexperienced with women.
Maybe it is being scared of rejection or scared of going into a relationship with someone who may not share mutual interest. It is a hard one to put your finger on I think.

You can't say you're not timid, but that you're afraid of rejection, silly. Either you have the courage or you don't. I dunno. I realize there's a difference between being shy and being timid, but there's tons of overlap. I suppose I should have originally said "shy" or "timid about social interaction", but I rather thought it was implied based on the conversation. You can have the guts to go punch a wild lion in the nose, but still be timid about talking to people.

I've always wished I was shy. It's something people relate to rather well. When I say, "I'm just a quiet person" or "I don't like to talk," people always say, "It's okay to be shy," or, "Oh, you're shy." Then I feel obligated to explain that I'm not shy. I just freaking hate talking, and being around people too long just annoys me. People like it much more when you're too scared to talk to them than when you just don't want to!