Sidewinder
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- Joined
- Apr 25, 2021
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Here's some real 'TWILIGHT ZONE' action, though I'll need to give y'all a little background info first. My pop the submarine commander abandoned his family overseas when I was 10 years old... one day we were tossing a ball back & forth, the next day he was gone and I never saw him again. He went chasing after a younger woman, of course. Left in dire financial straits, we all starved out for months on end before making our way back to the States. Thus began a long & precarious journey fraught with heller grief & anger... I'm talking truckloads of the ****. Over the decades, I slowly processed what had happened, and those Zen Buddhist proverbs & principles really helped me to unload all of that grief and anger. Fast forward to the day I heard that my pop had died: I never felt less emotion in my life at someone's passing, all the tears had already been shed, all the anger expended. My mom followed my dad in death a year or so later, and that was the final chapter in their bitter and ugly separation & divorce. End of story? Well, not quite...
Last month, a brother of mine who may be dying from Lou Gehrig's Disease wrote to tell me that he had found an unopened birthday card from my dad, the card dating back to 2011. This brother was squaring away his affairs, going through his files and paperwork, you see... and he found this card which had somehow never been delivered to me. No big deal, we had too much going on back in those days, so I don't fault anyone for not forwarding the card. I asked my brother to send it on to me, and I found it in my mailbox this morning. Nice card of the ocean with a dolphin leaping from the water... not necessarily a birthday card, more like one of those cards one can buy for any occasion. I'd like to share the contents of this card with y'all, just to see what you think. Know that I DID send a harsh and angry letter to my pop at some point in my life, telling him to eat ****, **** off & die. So, now I see what he wrote ten years ago, the postmark dated on this very day, June 25, 2011. That was the first thing that reminded me of 'THE TWILIGHT ZONE'---here's what my pop wrote.
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Dear E___,
Happy Birthday, may there be many more. Across the years---and miles---I have always loved you. You are my son. That says it all. I pray for you---and your happiness. And I am always your father.
Love always, Dad
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I gotta be honest with y'all, when I read this I actually shed a tear or two... guess there were some left after all. When my dad was still with us overseas in Europe, he was the best dad any kid could ever want, but then he made this HUGE mistake by disregarding his marriage vows and his commitment to his family, all to go roaring off after some ****** home-wrecker. So much grief and so much anger---I don't even like to dwell on it, it practically killed me the first time around, ya know? Now I get this card a decade after it was mailed, to the very day, and I wonder whether he was just trying to square his conscience? A man growing old and facing death... well, hell, he might write ANYTHING. Of course, he didn't die until several years AFTER the card was mailed. When he never received an answer, he probably thought I was ignoring him, when in reality I never even knew he had sent a card. Had I known, I probably would've reconciled then and there, as I had already forgiven him despite the colossal ****-up of abandonment.
Part of me says that perhaps I'm a better man for having gone through this ******* decades-long ordeal... perhaps I'm now stronger as a result of it. It's the old Nietzschean line: "THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER." And had I NOT gone through this ordeal, maybe I never would've read poetry or studied Zen Buddhist philosophy, ya know? It's hard to say... I know there's plenty of grief in this world, I've seen my share and then some, but who's to say those hammer blows in 'The Forge of Life' don't actually make a person STRONGER? I was HARD AS ******* NAILS in the past, and I'd frequently unload on spoon-fed maggots whining about how tough life was in their rich families, pffffffft. Try it while DIRT-POOR, ********!!! But I digress... I see a lot of whining going on at this website, and I think to myself, "Like that grief and anger I carried around for so long, it's totally unnecessary." Quit whining about being ugly & unlovable, go bang a ******* hooker or put a bullet in your head, whatever it takes for others NOT to have to hear your ********.
I look back upon those wasted years of my life, when I was CONSUMED with grief and anger, and I look even further back upon those years spent as part of a whole and loving family, and it's a no-brainer: I'm gonna dwell on the good times, and **** the rest. When I think of my pop the submarine commander, I think of him as he was while he was still with us... a loving dad who showed us all how to be self-sufficient in the field. Every summer, between school terms overseas, we'd all pile into a VW Bus with a full-length roof rack and go touring & camping through another part of Europe. In those days (1968-1973), you could tour & camp for PEANUTS, literally spending a few lousy dollars per night on some primo campsite, situated on a river or lake with a castle towering above the landscape. Eleven of us crammed into a ****** VW Bus, all having the time of our lives, despite the cramped travel, occasional blown tires (and one blown motor), spells of bad weather, etc. Life was good, it was a ******* ADVENTURE, and you simply dealt with the bad days when they came along... no big deal.
Anyway, I'm happy to have FINALLY received this belated birthday card, ten years late but still in time for my birthday on June 30th this year! WOOHOO!!! I believe I'll put pop's card on my bar and leave it there for awhile... take a shot or two of blue agave tequila (with lime and salt) as I ponder the whole situation. Ya know, for decades I was unaware that I actually had a half-brother and half-sister, in fact the gal died for some unknown health reason so I'll never get the chance to meet her. Dunno about the half-brother, I should ask my brother who sent the card for an email address. I wonder how my half-brother feels about the whole freakin' mess? It certainly wasn't HIS fault that my pop ran off with his mom... I should send a friendly email when I get around to it, and offer the hospitality of my home if this hand should ever make it out here to Arizona. I think he's living in England, but he might be in Bretagne (or Brittany), France. The card from my pop says Bretagne, among other details I'll have to look up on my computer. I'd kinda like to see where my pop spent his last years, if only on a map.
What's the moral of this story? I don't ******* know, I'm STILL trying to figure it out, lol. Some orphans never even know their parents, so I suppose I should be thankful that I had ten good years with my pop. Sure, all that subsequent grief & anger led to delinquency, criminal acts, heller ugly violence, etc., but ALL that ******** is in the PAST, 10-4? Somehow I managed to survive it, and now I'm going on 59 years of age, living a nice quiet life in the high desert of scenic southeastern Arizona. My parents have both been at rest for 5 or 6 years, and I harbor no ill will or animosity... in fact, I love and miss them both, and that's not an easy thing for me to say. With all the crazy and ******* fraudulent ******** going on in the world today, perhaps I should CHERISH the good memories associated with my mom & dad... it won't be that much longer before I join them in death. **** the bad memories, I'll just flush those down the cosmic *******, and GOOD ******* RIDDANCE, lol. Now, I believe I'll have a shot of that blue agave tequila, then look up this address where my pop spent his final years.
Y'ALL BE GOOD... AND YOU WHINERS QUIT YER BITCHIN', NOBODY EVER SAID THAT LIFE WOULD BE ******* FAIR, AYE? YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR SITUATION, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT... OR DIE TRYIN', INSTEAD OF PISSIN' & MOANIN' & CRYIN' IN YOUR BEER. THAT **** GETS ******* OLD... :club:
P.S. Here's a shot of the card my pop sent, showing the dolphin leaping from the water... View attachment 5
Last month, a brother of mine who may be dying from Lou Gehrig's Disease wrote to tell me that he had found an unopened birthday card from my dad, the card dating back to 2011. This brother was squaring away his affairs, going through his files and paperwork, you see... and he found this card which had somehow never been delivered to me. No big deal, we had too much going on back in those days, so I don't fault anyone for not forwarding the card. I asked my brother to send it on to me, and I found it in my mailbox this morning. Nice card of the ocean with a dolphin leaping from the water... not necessarily a birthday card, more like one of those cards one can buy for any occasion. I'd like to share the contents of this card with y'all, just to see what you think. Know that I DID send a harsh and angry letter to my pop at some point in my life, telling him to eat ****, **** off & die. So, now I see what he wrote ten years ago, the postmark dated on this very day, June 25, 2011. That was the first thing that reminded me of 'THE TWILIGHT ZONE'---here's what my pop wrote.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear E___,
Happy Birthday, may there be many more. Across the years---and miles---I have always loved you. You are my son. That says it all. I pray for you---and your happiness. And I am always your father.
Love always, Dad
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I gotta be honest with y'all, when I read this I actually shed a tear or two... guess there were some left after all. When my dad was still with us overseas in Europe, he was the best dad any kid could ever want, but then he made this HUGE mistake by disregarding his marriage vows and his commitment to his family, all to go roaring off after some ****** home-wrecker. So much grief and so much anger---I don't even like to dwell on it, it practically killed me the first time around, ya know? Now I get this card a decade after it was mailed, to the very day, and I wonder whether he was just trying to square his conscience? A man growing old and facing death... well, hell, he might write ANYTHING. Of course, he didn't die until several years AFTER the card was mailed. When he never received an answer, he probably thought I was ignoring him, when in reality I never even knew he had sent a card. Had I known, I probably would've reconciled then and there, as I had already forgiven him despite the colossal ****-up of abandonment.
Part of me says that perhaps I'm a better man for having gone through this ******* decades-long ordeal... perhaps I'm now stronger as a result of it. It's the old Nietzschean line: "THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER." And had I NOT gone through this ordeal, maybe I never would've read poetry or studied Zen Buddhist philosophy, ya know? It's hard to say... I know there's plenty of grief in this world, I've seen my share and then some, but who's to say those hammer blows in 'The Forge of Life' don't actually make a person STRONGER? I was HARD AS ******* NAILS in the past, and I'd frequently unload on spoon-fed maggots whining about how tough life was in their rich families, pffffffft. Try it while DIRT-POOR, ********!!! But I digress... I see a lot of whining going on at this website, and I think to myself, "Like that grief and anger I carried around for so long, it's totally unnecessary." Quit whining about being ugly & unlovable, go bang a ******* hooker or put a bullet in your head, whatever it takes for others NOT to have to hear your ********.
I look back upon those wasted years of my life, when I was CONSUMED with grief and anger, and I look even further back upon those years spent as part of a whole and loving family, and it's a no-brainer: I'm gonna dwell on the good times, and **** the rest. When I think of my pop the submarine commander, I think of him as he was while he was still with us... a loving dad who showed us all how to be self-sufficient in the field. Every summer, between school terms overseas, we'd all pile into a VW Bus with a full-length roof rack and go touring & camping through another part of Europe. In those days (1968-1973), you could tour & camp for PEANUTS, literally spending a few lousy dollars per night on some primo campsite, situated on a river or lake with a castle towering above the landscape. Eleven of us crammed into a ****** VW Bus, all having the time of our lives, despite the cramped travel, occasional blown tires (and one blown motor), spells of bad weather, etc. Life was good, it was a ******* ADVENTURE, and you simply dealt with the bad days when they came along... no big deal.
Anyway, I'm happy to have FINALLY received this belated birthday card, ten years late but still in time for my birthday on June 30th this year! WOOHOO!!! I believe I'll put pop's card on my bar and leave it there for awhile... take a shot or two of blue agave tequila (with lime and salt) as I ponder the whole situation. Ya know, for decades I was unaware that I actually had a half-brother and half-sister, in fact the gal died for some unknown health reason so I'll never get the chance to meet her. Dunno about the half-brother, I should ask my brother who sent the card for an email address. I wonder how my half-brother feels about the whole freakin' mess? It certainly wasn't HIS fault that my pop ran off with his mom... I should send a friendly email when I get around to it, and offer the hospitality of my home if this hand should ever make it out here to Arizona. I think he's living in England, but he might be in Bretagne (or Brittany), France. The card from my pop says Bretagne, among other details I'll have to look up on my computer. I'd kinda like to see where my pop spent his last years, if only on a map.
What's the moral of this story? I don't ******* know, I'm STILL trying to figure it out, lol. Some orphans never even know their parents, so I suppose I should be thankful that I had ten good years with my pop. Sure, all that subsequent grief & anger led to delinquency, criminal acts, heller ugly violence, etc., but ALL that ******** is in the PAST, 10-4? Somehow I managed to survive it, and now I'm going on 59 years of age, living a nice quiet life in the high desert of scenic southeastern Arizona. My parents have both been at rest for 5 or 6 years, and I harbor no ill will or animosity... in fact, I love and miss them both, and that's not an easy thing for me to say. With all the crazy and ******* fraudulent ******** going on in the world today, perhaps I should CHERISH the good memories associated with my mom & dad... it won't be that much longer before I join them in death. **** the bad memories, I'll just flush those down the cosmic *******, and GOOD ******* RIDDANCE, lol. Now, I believe I'll have a shot of that blue agave tequila, then look up this address where my pop spent his final years.
Y'ALL BE GOOD... AND YOU WHINERS QUIT YER BITCHIN', NOBODY EVER SAID THAT LIFE WOULD BE ******* FAIR, AYE? YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR SITUATION, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT... OR DIE TRYIN', INSTEAD OF PISSIN' & MOANIN' & CRYIN' IN YOUR BEER. THAT **** GETS ******* OLD... :club:
P.S. Here's a shot of the card my pop sent, showing the dolphin leaping from the water... View attachment 5
