Accommodation?

[AaronAgassi]

Yes

Come to think of it, I would like to quote entirely, to actually cut and past this very message (or your reply), into a Lonely Life message board post. Would that be okay?

Happy to help.

You can mention my user name. Maybe it will help me to overcome my fears. In that case it will be a win-win-situation.

I was not there accusing you! We where talking about theraputic malpractice to avoid, remember?

And thanks, I might take you up and make refference to our own provate conversation on the public Lonely Life forum.
But I do not forsee any need for me to give out your user name, unless and until you yourself do choose to respond and make yourself known.

Referring to your answer on my 'CBT'-message:
" .. and guide the target into the direction desired by the manipulator ...... the pressure of the manipulator is simply portrayed as compassion or helplessness or sweet reason or anything whatsoever else other than coercion on the part of the manipulator..."
Do you think I am doing this or do you believe I am sincere?

If you ever want to use this conversation in public, please be my guest. However, I won't start a discussion in public, at least not in the near future. Maybe I will respond to it, just maybe.

One need not oneself be resentful, quite the contrary, neverthless in playing into what nevertheless may amount to peer pressure.

What remains is any question of setting ones boundaries, which is important.

Now, I believe that I do go out of my way to accommodate others with honest problems that illicit my sympathies, even meeting them more than half way. Especially in the negotiation of reciprocal incomprehension and in cooperative miscommunication repair.

But I do not even see a negotiation here! Indeed the problem, quite frankly, is not of trying, but of not trying. You ask me to respond to their non response! And I find myself uncomfortable with all of that on my shoulders. I feel that I am being milked for sympathy towards the impossible timidity of people who are shunning me! -and whom I owe nothing...

Indeed, because of your own debilitating shyness, you cannot simply initiate whatever public discourse in whatever style as you might deem suitable. -An effort which, of course, I would strive to respond to supportively.

Indeed, I quite regret that this very conversation, at this very point, is not public.

If I cannot get feedback, then I make revisions and corrections only later when I can I edit my own copy with fresh eyes. But that will be slower going. Obviously, real conversation speeds up any learning curve. Indeed, someone else who, unlike myself, actually has found the Lonely Life forums extremely helpful, has nevertheless privately confided in me that with genuine conversation, it all would have gone ten times faster!

I see in all such guessing games, the most infuriating peer pressure. Otherwise, sans picayune taboo, interaction can be open and transparent.

I am sorry, that was never my intention. I was only thinking why people don't respond, and I was trying to help. In work I learned I had to take a few steps back from time to time so people would understand what we were trying to reach and why. It was hard for me, but I was grateful someone told me I was too demanding and often going too fast. I know it's not the same situation, but I was reminded of it nevertheless.

Question: how do you expect to engage people if you don't want to relent a little bit to them? Maybe YOU put too much pressure on them. Could that be a possibility?

I am simply interested in what drives you not wanting to accommodate a little. If you still insist on calling that peer pressure, well so be it.

Ah, the message that shook me so much ....

I really didn't understand your answer. Was I pressing you?

Are you? In any case, what you are reporting to me and asking me to accommodate, does seem to qualify as peer pressure.

After all, my difficulties struggling to engage others on the Lonely Life forums would seem less like ordinary and honest communications breakdown, than sheer mass timidity. And social demand to accommodate timidity might qualify as peer pressure,

???? !!

???

Hi,

I want to come back on something we didn't discuss further yesterday.

You asked:

Do you really believe that anyone who is intimidated by my current presentation, would ever stay the course in any serious exchange?

I answered:

As for your first question: yes I believe that will happen. It won't be the case for everyone, but some people, when they finally get the idea, will stay. Even other people will join.

Your reply:

I do not know how adequatly to express my distaste and misgivings. It just doesn't make sense!

My question:

Why?

I really want to know.

I just don't trust peer preasure.