Ah, that deliciously deceptive cycle

[painter's radio]

You know the one. Where you're finally done with your depression, where you're sick of the sound and sight of your own whining. You eat green foods, drink less alcohol, shrug things off and wonder how or why on earth you used to cry every day, and can't even remember the last time you did. You are stronger, a different person who has learned from the past.

Then it hits you. The depressing songs make more sense. They sound much deeper.

-switches from 3rd person to 1st-

It's as if I have a mystical box in my basement, that I can fill with everything that makes me me. Feelings I guess. Fear, anger, jealousy, love, general give-a-****. Put them all in there and lock it up nice and tight so you can live in peace and achieve your goals.
Then suddenly I'm feeling such intense pressure on the soul inside my heart, listening to nothing but Placebo and drinking alone every night, needing. Needing love, hugs, compassion, and upon checking the basement-box, see the lock's been smashed off and these words are all over the floor being all slippery and uncatchable.

It really doesn't matter what anyone says or does. This will always happen. I could have the world and not be happy. Perhaps these cycles will fade out over time, and I'll be able to at least slip into one or the other side of things, I hope the positive side.

Sucks though.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well, you know if you are going in a cycle. You are clearly not actually fixing the issue. I find this happens when you are not being honest with yourself about what you want. Deep down you know exactly what you want. However, you pretty it up and make it look less selfish and shallow. Then you do not really fix the issue at hand. You just paint it until the paint chips off.