Am I a pedophile?

[Tracer]

Alcoholics/addicts often admit they have problems....just to shut people up and make it seem like they give a **** when in reality, they just say it to look better so they can go out and continue doing what they want.  Admitting it and saying "oh I was going to get help, but blah" is basically saying you won't.

Generalizing is never an explanation. And you can hardly compare alcoholics/addicts who are under influence of different substances with this situation. OP is still in control of his actions while alcoholics/addicts are not.

Regardless the reason, he won't. 

You don't know that. Again, generalizing is not the way.

Maybe it's because I have kids and I know several people who were abused in sexual ways as children, but no, sorry, if he really wants it to never happen, he would be more scared of NOT getting help than getting help.

I also have kids and I also know people abused as children. But, that is not the reason I will judge anyone in advance, especially if he claims he didn't hurt anyone.

He posted one post and never came back, so I don't even see why people keep bumping this thread.  And yeah, people lie on the internet all the damn time when it comes to **** like this.  For all you know, he has acted on it and is just ashamed to say so.  I state again, that if he really wanted nothing to ever happen, he would be more scared to NOT get help.

So, now he is a liar too? I'm really surprised someone like you is in the place like this for so long as I don't believe anyone here is interested in prejudice, generalization and condemnations. If you cannot even try to be supportive toward someone who openly wants to change, then please don't do any damage either. Even if he did something, you are not the authority to place judgments.

While pedophilia is indeed a terrible crime, the severity of the crime should not immediately condemn the person. OP claims he didn't do anything, and until proven there is no reason to believe otherwise. Nobody forced him to come here, and your attitude will definitely not help him to return to this discussion.

 

[funnylife33]

No you are not , You are a pervert

 

[Finished]

No you are not , You are a pervert

I'm curious, what would you do if you had thoughts like the OP? It's easy to say you would get help without too much thought. But, what if you did and it didn't work, which is typically the case? How would you think about yourself? 

I like women with some life experience. I like the way they look, the way they smell, and their feminine body language with a flip of the hair, a bat of their eyes, and or their hand gestures. It would be horrible if society dictated that it was disgusting to think that way and jail me if I ever acted on it. Not that long ago, a women was considered an adult women when she started having periods. Now, it's 18 years old in the US. But, many aren't mentally developed until their mid 20's. So should we change the legal age of consent to 21?

 

[funnylife33]

I don't how to make a big discussion about it and i am sure no one is perfect ,  but

That is plain wrong .

Have they not journeyed in the land and had hearts to reason with or ears to listen with? Therefore, it is not the sight(s) that go blind, but it is the hearts within the chests that go blind.

---

Dear scholars, As-Salaam `Alaykum. Would you please provide me with information about the refinement of the soul? Jazakum Allah khayran.

“Tazkiyat an-Nafs is the basis for development and improvement of the personality. It is a long, pro-active, and uphill task. It is not an easy esoteric rite or overnight formula. Misunderstanding of Tazkiyah manifests when people look for quick methods of becoming better. Some may visit graves of the righteous; some may repeat certain supplications for a given number of times. Yet others subject themselves to physical suffering in the hope that this will lead to spiritual purity. All of these are forms of escapism from facing the real challenges of Tazkiyah.

Tazkiyah is by Allah

Allah purifies whom He wants (4:49). All human effort at Tazkiyah should always be accompanied by supplication for Allah's intervention without which human effort will bear no fruit. On the other hand, it is wrong for a human to make no effort and passively expect Allah to intervene. Humans must play their role before expecting Allah's help.

Human Efforts Toward Tazkiyah

The human can do a lot to refine the soul (Nafs). The Qur'an talks about humans who purified themselves and about human efforts toward refinement (35:18). Humans have been described by the Qur'an as clean (19:19). Some human self-refinement, Tazkiyah, involves: correct and firm `Aqidah, fulfillment of acts of worship, avoiding the forbidden, generally being conscious of the Creator, and constant meditation about the creation. This is followed by personal development and improvement, which consist of a good character and behavior; assertiveness, and self-confidence. An individual may not succeed alone. Living in a righteous community surrounded by others is necessary to motivate and encourage refinement. Islam is a practical religion. Achievement of purity is through action. Good behavior, avoiding bad behavior, and being strong and assertive in making correct choices is the practical way to purity.

Preliminaries of Tazkiyah

Good intentions: Tazkiyah is not accidental. It is a pro-active process. It must be based on the good and sincere intention to please Allah and draw near to Him. The process of Tazkiyah can not be sustained if done for other reasons.

Commitment: Tazkiyah can be a difficult process especially at the start. Some may try and think of giving up. Continuing commitment is needed to be able to travel all the way to the end of the process.

Being true: The person undertaking Tazkiyah must be true to self, to others and to Allah. True to self means understanding and accepting yourself as you are with all the negatives and positives such that the negatives can be suppressed while the positives can be enhanced. Being true to others is saying and acting according to the truth and never deceiving or giving the wrong impressions.

Earnest entreaty to Allah: Tazkiyah requires that a very strong desire and longing to turn to Allah and get closer to Him. This gives a sense of direction and a sense of purpose to the Tazkiyah efforts.

Tazkiyah at the Conceptual Level

Answering the call of Allah: The path of virtue is the straight path. Humans must stick to the straight path. Sticking to the straight path has a lot of virtues (41:30-32). Those who stick to the path of virtue are answering the call of Allah (8:24). The misguided ignore this call or turn away from it. They end up following the wrong paths that lead them to perdition.

Renouncing materialism (Zuhd): Zuhd means giving priority to the after life. Preferring the material world is severely condemned by the Qur’an. The Hereafter is better than the material world (3:14-15). Zuhd has been misunderstood by many down the centuries. It does not mean withdrawal from life and making no contribution to the building of a material civilization. Neither does it mean refusing to enjoy the bounties that Allah put on earth for the benefit of humans. Living like a hermit may not be the total or only meaning of Zuhd. Zuhd means belittling materialism and having a correct relation to material goods as things to be used by humans in the fulfillment of their duties to Allah and not as masters who control human behavior.

A person may own a lot of money and material goods but he knows that in front of Allah they are worth very little. He will not be intoxicated by nor worship material goods. He will have a higher scale of values that he refers to. His maximum pleasure will not be attained by material possessions. Zuhd also means not selling eternal values for the sake of temporary material advantage on earth; such a trade is indeed a losing trade. A human should live on earth as a stranger or a traveler in the knowledge that the life in the Hereafter is eternal and that all the time spent on earth should be used to prepare for the Hereafter.

Vigilance against Satan: Satan is an enemy of humans. A human who wants to stay pure must be vigilant against Satan's influence. Satan has limited influence over human action. He causes waswasah (Satanic whispers). He leads astray. Satan is never away from humans. Every human has a Satan around him or her. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in a very revealing metaphor said that Satan circulates in the human body as does the blood. Satan will always try to confuse humans. He, for example, will attempt to prevent the human from waking up in the morning to pray. The human is however not helpless against Satan. There are many simple actions that will chase Satan away and all of these are part of the process of Tazkiyah. The sound of Adhan makes the Satan run away. Reading thr Qur'an also chases away Satan. Thus a human who is regular in prayer and recites the Qur'an often as a guide to life will be vigilant against the machinations of Satan."

 

[Beth1025]

I have a few questions. Do you hear voices inside your head telling you to do things that upset or disgust you? Do you see mental images of touching children and you're upset by them? I'm asking because OCD is a very misunderstood mental disorder. You don't hear the voices outside your head (like someone talking to you - that's like schizophrenia) but voices inside your head talking to you or disturbing images. OCD is NOT someone who cleans up a lot or needs to keep things in order (although an OCD cleaner might not leave their house for DAYS because they feel like their house is never clean enough (the cleaning literally takes over their lives - they won't even go out because they cannot stop cleaning for days on end), they will wake up in the middle of the night and start cleaning their already clean houses after spending the day cleaning their already clean houses. People who do this kind of OCD are OCD with compulsions. If you are hearing voices inside your head or seeing things in your mind, you are more likely a pure OCD (only about 2% of OCD are obsession only). The top 3 types of pure OCD are: am I gay? AM I A PEDOPHILE? And religious OCD (you're a Christian and your head literally won't stop cursing God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit), or constantly making you think you're sinning. It's a horrible disease. The WHO lists OCD in the top 3 worst mental illnesses to live with (schizophrenia being the first). It is a very misunderstood disease. Do you really want to touch children or is it your mind telling you you want to touch children and the idea actually scares and disgusts you? Counselors/therapists cannot help with OCD. You will need medication. Only two drs are allowed to diagnosed OCD - a medical doctor and a psychiatrist. I HIGHLY recommend a psychiatrist. Most medical doctors are not trained in this line of work. They are trained for physical body and maybe anxiety and depression. A good medical doctor won't even touch this and they too will refer you to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists understand mental illnesses and the mind. A good psychologist can tell if you probably suffer from OCD, but then they have to refer you to a psychiatrist for an actual diagnosis and medication (if they don't refer you, then run, they are not allowed to diagnose by law because they are not qualified and they cannot give medication). You can google OCD pedophile and see if any of it fits you but I will warn that it will tigger your thoughts even more. Look for a psychiatrist that also does psycho therapy, they are much better than a 10-15 minute here's your medicine. You'll get a better diagnosis and help with one who does therapy along with it.

 

[Beth1025]

I should also have noted, that one, OCD does start in childhood (like you mentioned). As far as getting help, if you work with a psychiatrist who works with OCD (and you should only work with one who has experience), then this is something they have heard before because it's one of the top 3 themes of a pure OCD, so no, they wouldn't think of reporting someone who has never acted on it and is getting help for a mental illness. A medical doctor, however, probably has not heard of this and might be frightened by what you say. Psychiatrists have heard it all.

 

[LonelyUser]

Why not just find someone who is " young looking", but of legal age? There are people who are naturally petite with childish personalities. It may not be easy to find them, but it's not impossible.
And once you find one, should consider seriously settling down with that person. If you have big appetites for multiple partners, that'll make your life even more difficult and complicated, regardless of whatever types you are attracted to.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Why not just find someone who is " young looking", but of legal age?  There are people who are naturally petite with childish personalities. 

You seriously think a person with strong paedophilic tendencies would be satisfied with someone who is of legal age, but young looking? I'd say it's pretty unlikely.

 

[LonelyUser]

I don't know. I was just suggesting. If it doesn't work, you might have to seek professional help. The last thing you want is breaking laws or hurting someone.
People have problems, alchohol, sex, drugs...etc. The important thing is to recognize the problem and seek professional help. I am sure it won't be easy, but life is not all about enjoyment.
I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Azariah]

Are you a pedophile??? When I was a kid in the Philippines I had an uncle who once fondled my cousins genitals right in front of the whole family and then he made me smell his hand. Gross but the point is no one there thought what he did was wrong, it's just fun for him at least. If he did that in America with full view of Americans they'd have him arrested and his life would be ruined.

I never thought my perception of pedophilia would change this way but I guess it has changed. I don't think anything is wrong with pedophilia unless you're forcing the kid to do something they don't want to do or if you're hurting them.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think anything is wrong with pedophilia unless you're forcing the kid to do something they don't want to do or if you're hurting them.

That's the whole point. Kids don't know.

 

[user 139760]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

ISpecifically want to address YOU, having barely glanced over the rest of the replies. Some of them are harsh ad hurtful, but I'm sure you expected so yourself...
I have very strong feelings about this. More so than many, but not all people here, because of my experiences. My continued presence on this site is a consequence of pedophilia, and it almost killed me. Literally. It will continue to have long lasting effects the rest of my life. Long story short, I have 2 daughters, now aged 18 and 13. But when they were 13 and 8, I had the dread to discover that not only were they physically abused, we learned, because of the foresight of one nurse out there I don't know, that my oldest daughter was pregnant 7 months from the man who abused her, fer father in law who had been dating my ex 6 years. Too late for abortion, she was forced to go through the very litteral living HELL of giving birth and putting the child for adoption, as that man and his family were trying to obtain rights to that child as if any of this was rational in any kind of way...
...following all this, to say I'm "normal" and not crazy feels like a constant lie. It's had an impact on EVERYTHING. It came this close, THIS close, to destroy the lives of two innocent young girls, now young women, as well as turning me into what I say sometimes is a bit more than a man...but a bit less than a human being. So listen, and ponder, what I tell you here, friend.
You're conscious that you have a problem. That's good. You're also consciously avoiding to act on it. Good also. But that isn't really the problem, is it? The fact that you even asked the question here, means that somewhere in there, you ARE struggling with this. Have thought about this. Have looked at a prepubescent girl and felt things. That you're somewhat hurting, and scared, and unsure of yourself. It's more concern and effort than others have had in the past. What I want to ask, what you should be asking yourself, is do you REALLY trust yourself enough to go 50+ years through life without giving in to your desires at least once? Do you really? Because I'm a pretty strong-minded individual, maybe on of the strongest you'll ever meet and I can honestly say there is not ONE thing I would entirely trust myself to live with without acting upon it for so long. You say you never will, but you don't really realise how much of a nearly-impossible task you're asking of yourself. Each and every human being on this planet deserves happiness and, if that happiness involves amoral or criminal acts, we end up rationalising them...and in your case, it's a real problem. It DESTROYS LIVES. It's not even remotely comparable to "I won't have sugar the rest of my life". Almost everyone who says that will cheat at some point, because it makes them feel good and everyone wants to feel good, it's human nature. But your feel good can cause long-lasting, irreperable damage to someone.

Consult. I don't know that any specialised help exists beyond a classical psychologist, maybe a sex therapist, but any psychologist is better than none. As much as you fear being scorned, or shunned, or reported, which wouldn't happen anyways because of patient confidentiality, I think you should be much, MUCH more afraid of yourself than anything else, at least, I would be if I was in your shoes. As I'm sitting home right now writting this, on a tuesday morning, I've been waking up ever day for the past five years barely sleeping and wanting to kill someone. Do you really think you can go through life without creating more of me?
I am not just asking you; I am BEGGING you, on my hands and knees, to seek out help for this problem. Before it's too late and you hurt someone even if you don't mean to. You have the wherewithall to recognise a deviant behavior, please have the wisdom to seek out help for this before you end up doing things you'll regret. If not for yourself, do it for the children. We have ZERO right to make them live with the consequences of our actions.
I used to think the phrase "I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy" was real overreated. Anything on my worst enemy, who cares. But...after living five years like this, I've had to rethink it and realise it;the kind of anger, pain, anguish and hurt I'm feeling right now and will probably feel until the day I die, is WAY too cruel to wish on my worst enemy. Please don't take the chance of maybe someday making someone go through what I'm going through, it's just, so, so evil my friend. You push the pain back, you pretend to be fine, but it hurts, it hurts SO bad and it never goes away...

I've spoken my piece. I hope you'll have the courage to agree.

 

[Azariah]

i think it's wrong for kids to have sex. i think everybody does. but what my uncle did to my cousin, i don't really know why anyone would wanna touch their grandson's genitals but i don't think he should go to prison for that. as long as kids don't feel violated and exploited, seems ok to me.

I first had a change of mind on the topic of pedophilia because i went on omegle and these kids said a stranger paid them ten dollars for a picture of their butts. i thought that was wrong and they should tell their parents but when i told them that they said they were pretty happy for getting ten bucks.

not really sure what do you guys think???

 

[4No1]

they said they were pretty happy for getting ten bucks.

not really sure what do you guys think???

If you see a happy baby playing with a knife or eating some pills/washing powder, what would you think?
Sure they are happy to get 10 bucks, they just don't understand in what game they play.

 

[4No1]

^
There was one case, a girl sent a picture to a stranger and then he blackmailed her and asked for videos and made her to hurt herself on that video. And there are more such cases just not all are known.
So it's not "just a picture".