Am I a pedophile?

[swampconcept]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

 

[Sir Joseph]

Swampconcept, welcome to the forum here.  You've entered the arena with a new subject that will probably scare many away, but let me be the first to offer a Christian response that you'll probably not hear from others on this secular site.

As a guy, I can understand how an older man can find physical attraction to a teenage girl that has a maturing sexy body.  This can't be deemed grossly unnatural since girls were legally married for millenium as young teenagers throughout most of the world's societies.  The sexual attraction of a grown man to preteen children however, and especially to boys, is another matter that I don't understand.  Fortunately, you feel the moral depravity of this and have done well to control your actions.
  
I think we all deal with bad thoughts of one kind or another, and any good, maturing person works to suppress them and control his actions.  It's a lifelong battle for all of us who care about our character.  For the Christian though, we have a better understanding of the supernatural warfare that's inhabiting the world and affecting our lives.  We know that Satan and millions of other demons are fighting God by interacting with his creation and tempting each of us daily to choose darkness over light.  Thus, our internal thoughts and battles are not just worldly issues; they are spiritual battles that require spiritual help.
 
As a Christian, what you want is to change your mind so that destructive thoughts will be replaced with constructive thoughts.  The most effective way to do this is to spend more time and effort on knowing and loving God, and loving and caring for others. If you're not spending considerable time each day towards this, then your mind and heart remains exposed to the evils of this world and the abundant negative cultural values.

There are dozens of YouTube videos I found this morning that discuss the general issue of changing or shaping one's mind.  I'd suggest though that any self help or professional counselling be done by a Christian source that understands the spiritual battles we fight and the guidance that God has laid out for us in his word.  Here's a good sermon I hope will motivate you to fight the battle effectively.

 

[Finished]

I applaud you for NOT acting on your urges. I'm glad you realize how horrible it would be to act on it. Many people do not have enough control to that. It's definitely not worth the consequences of indulging. I also feel sorry for you because you cannot fulfill your sexual desires. I believe nearly all men are attracted to younger women. Soft smooth wrinkle free tight skin, shiny full hair, etc, etc, etc. Stick a man having erection problems in front of a 18 - 20 year old and his problems will vanish. But, they settle for reality. Your not a freak or all that rare. It's biological. We have evolved desires to bread with healthy humans in their prime. Your brain's idea of prime is just earlier then what society deems acceptable.

As far as treatment I think you are screwed. It's kind of like trying to turn a gay person straight. It doesn't really work. I believe intense physical psychotherapy, think, "A Clockwork Orange", might work. Every time you have thoughts of ...... you'll feel pain and discomfort. I love that movie BTW. But, it would probably F you up in other areas. The information I mostly found was drugging the patient to lower their testosterone. That might be an option if you feel you might begin to act on your desires. But, that'll turn you into a sexless person and weaken your body. I read that in prison the convicted pedophiles focus on group therapy. They all find out that they have similar thoughts and aren't alone. They learn how to shift their thinking when those thoughts come to the forefront. They also learn all the tricks to hide their desires. Religion seems to help others as mentioned above. Believing that our time here is insignificant can help. Believing in a higher power may give you strength. Live like Jesus here in order to have an eternity of love and happiness after we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal if you can believe it.

The best thing would be to find a very understanding partner. But, it would be extremely difficult to find a woman that would accept your desires. It would probably be best not to have children too. You should be upfront about that. However, if you can find a understanding partner that would really help. You two could role play. The problem is women hate the thought of being replaced by a younger woman since it happens so often. It makes them feel old and less of a woman. However, confident people in a very committed relationship will help each other with their problems no matter what they are. But, that is extremely rare nowadays. Out society has become all about "ME." 

The biggest problem is that our brains want what our brains want just like the hearts. It's not easy to reprogram them or take a magic pill to erase part of the code. I cannot get what I desire either. Many people can't. Maybe most of the people on this forum can't. Some women need lots of romance or sex is just a big blaaaaa. So, unfortunately your going to have to live with it. I think you should find ways to make it easier for you personally to live with because we are all individuals. What works for some won't work for others.

 

[Yeti1980]

First of all, congratulations on your bravery in speaking out about what's going on in your mind, even on here it must be pretty nerve wracking.

As has been said above, you are doing a good thing by not acting on your urges, and by being here talking about things it's obvious that you realise how bad that would be. That shows a level of decency and respect that deserves credit. Any action though would deserve completely the opposite, but it sounds like you know that.

This is very difficult territory, it's no wonder you are struggling. I can only encourage you to keep fighting and insist that you continue not to act on your urges under any circumstances.

Can I ask what it is that attracts you to children rather than adults? Are you attracted to the opposite sex or same? Are you also interested in adults?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Are you saying you feel no attraction to adult women whatsoever? If so, this is probably something you need to address in one way or another if you ever want to enter a healthy, consensual relationship. As long as you NEVER act on your feelings towards children, you won't get into any trouble with the law, but obviously this is a much bigger issue than that. I believe there is help out there, but for obvious reasons, it's going to be kept away from the "mainstream" of mental health services. Also, I'd be very careful talking about this publically, especially considering you have a picture of yourself on your profile.

 

[camplold428]

So first off I typed a lot on my phone and somehow it was deleted so this shows I care lol

Sorry for your loss sad to say I'm waiting for my dad to go because he's a miserable sob. I'm a pedophile as well but luckily I'm bi so I have a chance to meet someone my own age (or close enough) because like a typical **** I prefer somehow younger and my own opinion is this is more common than people want to acknowledge. I don't think talking to anyone besides a therapist will really help because it's so controversial. Far as therapy goes I think it's like trying to turn a gay man straight it's not going to happen you can't change who you are you just have to deal with it. Try not to be around kids and despite what some say looking is fine just don't be weird about it. Hard to avoid the little monkeys when everyone has one.

It's NEVER worth it to hurt a child to do so is only because of your (all of us) selfish reasons and their no excuse for it. Their is actually a support site:https://support.virped.org/forums/ucp.php just so we don't feel completely alone and just learn how to deal with this issue.

Good luck out there

 

[Myra]

Are you saying you feel no attraction to adult women whatsoever? If so, this is probably something you need to address in one way or another if you ever want to enter a healthy, consensual relationship.

Reminds me of conversion therapy for homosexuals (which doesn't work as we know).

 

[Naizo]

Are you saying you were attracted to 13-14 year olds, when you were 13-14? Because that's completely normal, and healthy.

I would think it's completely natural to still think those around the age when you first found what you were attracted to, are "attractive". Physically.

There's not a man on the planet who would look at an objectively beautiful 16 year old woman and say he wasn't attracted to her physically. He'd be lying through his ******* teeth. And honestly, it's so ******* scary to admit isn't it? You're afraid you'll be locked away forever, for what? Thinking someone is attractive? For being, well, a male, with the urges of a male? The persecution **** must be getting old if you have completely normal dudes afraid they're pedophiles. I mean seriously, **** this society. It's gotten to the point that if you're born a man, you may as well eat a bullet. It's hard wired to make you feel like you're the ******* scum of the Earth. I had a conversation with my dad about this that ended up with him telling me to quit ******* hating myself for being a man.

The difference is that they're mentally children, while you may not be. That's the important factor. Maturity. **** you understand, they don't. I was with an older woman for a bit. Started when I was 15/16, she was 25 or so. When I was 16? It was the coolest ******* thing on the planet. Now that I'm older, I realize how much it ****** me up. That was never someone who I could be with, healthily. Maybe if I were 30 and she were 40. But a teenager and an adult? Not healthy. There is literally nothing worthwhile that can ever come from a relationship like that. Not a god damn thing. Play on your own level. Still can't get her out of my head. No matter how much I zone the **** out, no matter the medication. Doesn't matter. I'm ******.

But if you're seeing -children- as attractive, and I mean children under the age of say, 15. For your own safety, keep it to yourself. I know, as a human being, we can't always help what we're wired as, but seriously. People will/may kill over that.

Personally, I like older women. But, I also like to be taken care of. Not that I'm a lazy sack of **** or anything, But I find it comforting. I don't look for a partner for excitement or sexual pleasure. I look for a partner, for home. Something I gave up on awhile ago.

All else fails, man. Focus on your own life. Do your best. Be good.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Okay, maybe it's because I have kids, but seriously...."keep it to yourself"? I'm sorry, but that's **** advice.
Yes, it's all well and good that you haven't done anything......yet. Haven't you people heard this all over the news? The serial killer "Oh, he would never do anything like that" The school shooter "Oh, I never thought I would actually do that" The suicidal person "I never thought I would really try it" etc etc. Do you really not see the pattern? All of those people say they would never act...until they do/did.

GET HELP. End of story. I'm sorry if I'm the bitch here, but I don't really care. You need help and you need to stay away from children.
And if you are too scared or whatever to reach out and get help, may I point out how many innocent kids you could hurt because you let your pride and selfishness get in the way.

 

[Naizo]

Of course get help. In no way is the **** okay. The dude himself clearly says it's not okay.

I was going under the impression he's talking about teenagers. There's not a ******* grown adult alive, man or woman, who hasn't found some teenager attractive. It's ******* natural, and you'd (not YOU) be a ******* liar, but as a society, we're better than that because we know how it can effect growth. You keep it to yourself. Especially if you're a dude. There's plenty of places 16 is the legal age of consent however. I was saying don't ******* hate yourself for having the natural sexual urges of a human being. But be man enough to control them.

I was hoping he was not meaning children, children. But if he means children, children, yes, absolutely, get help. And ALSO keep it to yourself, when it comes to ANYONE ELSE. My ex would gut you just for the idea of you being someone who would even look at a kid like that. For an example. Without mercy, without hesitation. She would kill a man. Despite, herself, having had a relationship with a teenager.
Personally I think 20 is too ******* young. I haven't met a 20 year old yet who isn't a ******* child, still, mentally. Yet they're having children left and right. Lmao. So IMO, 18 is FAR too young. For me, to date. But for other 18 year olds? It's fine.

Like I said. Be good. Don't do evil. It's really that ******* simple though. Hurting a -child- is, pure evil. Innocence and purity, they don't ******* last for any of us. So, leave kids alone.

Everyone on this planet is ****** up. Except kids. They are literally the only human beings, in my opinion, who are actually, truly innocent. The only thing that would make you a bad person, is hurting a kid. And you're not, yea? So you're not evil.

FYI: Anyone that clicked on this is probably on some sort of list now lmfao.

 

[Tracer]

I believe we all have twisted fantasies in our head. But, what's important is not to act on all of them (especially the bad ones). Don't lose control over yourself.

I actually remember a documentary on this subject and the treatment they used for convicted pedophiles. The focus of the treatment was to increase empathy towards children and to develop "guardian-like" relationship instead of the "predator" one. But, don't remember much more about it. Still, maybe you should investigate in this direction further.

 

[ardour]

Stick a man having erection problems in front of a 18 - 20 year old and his problems will vanish. 

Clearly he's talking about children here not 18-20 year old/late adolescents.

OP you've shown courage admitting to this.  You're not a monster since you acknowledge how wrong it would be to act on the impulses.  This is a psychological disorder and should be treated as such. Something probably went wrong during your young childhood leading you to develop sexual feelings for other children. Confide in  a psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction, otherwise this will stop you from having normal  relationships as an adult and leave you lonely for the rest of you life.

 

[Myra]

I believe we all have twisted fantasies in our head. But, what's important is not to act on all of them (especially the bad ones). Don't lose control over yourself.

I actually remember a documentary on this subject and the treatment they used for convicted pedophiles. The focus of the treatment was to increase empathy towards children and to develop "guardian-like" relationship instead of the "predator" one. But, don't remember much more about it. Still, maybe you should investigate in this direction further.

I believe pedophiles shouldn't have any type of relationship with a child and stay away from them. We need to accept that there are biological causes in the brain that cause sexual differences. Pedophilia isn't just a fetish someone acquired at some point. They can't help feeling that way and can't change it.

 

[Tracer]

I believe pedophiles shouldn't have any type of relationship with a child and stay away from them. We need to accept that there are biological causes in the brain that cause sexual differences. Pedophilia isn't just a fetish someone acquired at some point. They can't help feeling that way and can't change it.

I agree child's safety is no.1 priority and known pedophiles should never be given a second chance around children. But, in this case OP didn't crossed the line (hurt any child) nor having plans to do it. He openly admitted his problem and is obviously troubled by his thoughts, which indicates he still understands the difference between good and bad. And that is a very good sign he will stay on the right path. In fact, he reached out because he wants help, while most deviants don't have such traits and are usually psychopaths who don't care about anything else but their urges.

But, I don't agree they can't change the way they feel. Maybe not by themselves, but there are treatments out there (e.g. one I already mentioned before). And that is why these kind of individuals still have a chance.

 

[TheRealCallie]

He also admits that he won't get go get help, so I'm sorry, but that negates any "accomplishments" you guys think he has made.

 

[Tracer]

There is a difference between "he won't" (is not willing/interested) and "he won't" (actually, wants - but is afraid). He admitted he is afraid of being reported if going to psychiatrist. That doesn't mean he won't get help. Maybe he finds some support group and with them finally breaks that fear.

 

[ardour]

I was abused as a small child. The man deserves a painful death, but there's a difference between this and someone with a problem who can acknowledge it ("practicing" pedos typically never own up to the seriousness of their offending, and I'm assuming the OP hasn't looked at child pornography). The angry shout-downs only make it less likely that he'll seek help. There's zero evidence for pedophilia being biological.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Alcoholics/addicts often admit they have problems....just to shut people up and make it seem like they give a **** when in reality, they just say it to look better so they can go out and continue doing what they want. Admitting it and saying "oh I was going to get help, but blah" is basically saying you won't. Regardless the reason, he won't. Maybe it's because I have kids and I know several people who were abused in sexual ways as children, but no, sorry, if he really wants it to never happen, he would be more scared of NOT getting help than getting help.

 

[ardour]

I doubt the OP's motive in posting this is to fool random strangers on a anonymous forum who don't know him from Adam.

 

[TheRealCallie]

He posted one post and never came back, so I don't even see why people keep bumping this thread. And yeah, people lie on the internet all the damn time when it comes to **** like this. For all you know, he has acted on it and is just ashamed to say so. I state again, that if he really wanted nothing to ever happen, he would be more scared to NOT get help.