Am I being reasonable to be upset over this?

[ardour]

Aside from the way she said TSM wasn't her type, I don't really see much wrong with the situation.  Her boyfriend of 4 years cheated on her and broke up with her.  Of course, she's going to have a "men are scum" rant.  Everyone does at some point.  That doesn't mean she honestly believes that, it's just a rant after a traumatic breakup.

Hell I've done it around guys before.  They understood that I was just ranting.

I'm sure you would give the same concession to a man doing this

...Instead, say, telling him to STOP BLAMING OTHERS! And that SHE DIDN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Aside from the way she said TSM wasn't her type, I don't really see much wrong with the situation.  Her boyfriend of 4 years cheated on her and broke up with her.  Of course, she's going to have a "men are scum" rant.  Everyone does at some point.  That doesn't mean she honestly believes that, it's just a rant after a traumatic breakup.

Hell I've done it around guys before.  They understood that I was just ranting.

I'm sure you would give the same concession to a man doing this

...Instead, say, telling him to STOP BLAMING OTHERS! And that SHE DIDN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

Um, I have had guys tell me things like that about women.  As a matter of fact, my ex just went on a little tirade about that thanks to the girlfriend that cheated on him and broke up with him...ironically enough, after 4 YEARS. 

And I have had guys tell me that I wasn't their type in a rude way.

I do believe I said she could have said it in a more tactful way and that he has a right to be pissed about it.  Maybe you missed that part. I simply said that he should TALK TO HER about it, instead of jumping to conclusions and throwing her out like all of you are suggesting.  People rant, I'm sure all of you have ranted about things and said things you didn't intend to say, so why doesn't she get the benefit of the doubt, like I'm sure all of you would expect? 

As I said before, I seriously doubt she meant it offensively, she was likely in the heat of the moment and blurted out some stupid ****.  NOT that that makes it right, but that doesn't mean you should just toss her out like yesterday's trash.

 

[SofiasMami]

Aside from the way she said TSM wasn't her type, I don't really see much wrong with the situation.  Her boyfriend of 4 years cheated on her and broke up with her.  Of course, she's going to have a "men are scum" rant.  Everyone does at some point.  That doesn't mean she honestly believes that, it's just a rant after a traumatic breakup.

Hell I've done it around guys before.  They understood that I was just ranting.

I'm sure you would give the same concession to a man doing this

...Instead, say, telling him to STOP BLAMING OTHERS! And that SHE DIDN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

Um, I have had guys tell me things like that about women.  As a matter of fact, my ex just went on a little tirade about that thanks to the girlfriend that cheated on him and broke up with him...ironically enough, after 4 YEARS. 

And I have had guys tell me that I wasn't their type in a rude way.

I do believe I said she could have said it in a more tactful way and that he has a right to be pissed about it.  Maybe you missed that part. I simply said that he should TALK TO HER about it, instead of jumping to conclusions and throwing her out like all of you are suggesting.  People rant, I'm sure all of you have ranted about things and said things you didn't intend to say, so why doesn't she get the benefit of the doubt, like I'm sure all of you would expect? 

As I said before, I seriously doubt she meant it offensively, she was likely in the heat of the moment and blurted out some stupid ****.  NOT that that makes it right, but that doesn't mean you should just toss her out like yesterday's trash.

Please. The OP is not about YOU or YOUR experiences, not to mention you don't know this woman or her intentions from Jack - it's about what happened to SolitaryMan - try to see something from another's perspective for once...sheesh. Your gaseous fulminations jumped the shark long ago.

 

[Paraiyar]

Aside from the way she said TSM wasn't her type, I don't really see much wrong with the situation.  Her boyfriend of 4 years cheated on her and broke up with her.  Of course, she's going to have a "men are scum" rant.  Everyone does at some point.  That doesn't mean she honestly believes that, it's just a rant after a traumatic breakup.

Hell I've done it around guys before.  They understood that I was just ranting.

I'm sure you would give the same concession to a man doing this

...Instead, say, telling him to STOP BLAMING OTHERS! And that SHE DIDN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

Um, I have had guys tell me things like that about women.  As a matter of fact, my ex just went on a little tirade about that thanks to the girlfriend that cheated on him and broke up with him...ironically enough, after 4 YEARS. 

And I have had guys tell me that I wasn't their type in a rude way.

I do believe I said she could have said it in a more tactful way and that he has a right to be pissed about it.  Maybe you missed that part. I simply said that he should TALK TO HER about it, instead of jumping to conclusions and throwing her out like all of you are suggesting.  People rant, I'm sure all of you have ranted about things and said things you didn't intend to say, so why doesn't she get the benefit of the doubt, like I'm sure all of you would expect? 

As I said before, I seriously doubt she meant it offensively, she was likely in the heat of the moment and blurted out some stupid ****.  NOT that that makes it right, but that doesn't mean you should just toss her out like yesterday's trash.

Please. The OP is not about YOU or YOUR experiences, not to mention you don't know this woman or her intentions from Jack - it's about what happened to SolitaryMan - try to see something from another's perspective for once...sheesh. Your gaseous fulminations jumped the shark long ago.

To all of you:

[Youtube]kv5mPHGOp5E[/youtube]

 

[SofiasMami]

Thanks, dad

 

[VanillaCreme]

Stop the bickering. Everyone's entitled to at least put out their opinion and thoughts on the situation, which is what the thread is about. If you don't agree with what someone says, ignore it instead of trying to bully your way into making others think the same.

 

[DarkSelene]

Is it reasonable to be pissed off about this? Or is that just a case of me being an unfair friend? It's not even like I *wanted* to date her, just I find it really demeaning to be compared to cruddy guys unfavourably and publically in front of friends as if I'm the one guy a girl would never date. I don't think I've actually ever felt so worthless before, I even felt tearful in my car heading home (as silly as that sounds).

I guess it just feels like "I will date anyone at all, literally anyone. But not you, because you're nothing to me." And I have no idea why she's been like that. Needless to say I turned down her recent social event and (ridiculously) I actually feel bad for doing so. No idea why.

It's perfectly reasonable to get pissed and hurt with how she reacted, it was impolite and careless. Doesn't matter the feelings she has for you, even if she wasn't your friend (and didn't give a ****) that would've been incredibly rude.
Being forgiving of a pissed off rant is needed if you want a friendship with anyone, everyone will have their moments of upsetting experiences and they'll look for whoever cares for them to listen - but being mistreated in the process is not suppose to happen, not with someone you call a friend.

If you value this friendship enough and you know this person is not usually this way, maybe a talk could do the trick. If you feel used often, I'd say get the **** out of that situation, most people don't deserve second chances. If, and I believe this might be a possible scenario, you find that there are deeper feelings, romantic feelings involved and that's why her partner choices hurt you so bad - stop to ponder where you are in this situation, where you want to go, why you want to be with her and then... have another, more serious talk.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Surely you can find someone better to spend your time with and who won't publicly mock you. Parsing the words she said won't change the fact that you felt humiliated around this person. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

This. Your friend doesn't appear to have tact and enough common sense. 
Personally, and this is just me, I don't have "men" rants to or in front of other men. 
Actually, I don't have "men in general" rants at all. I have ranted to friends about a specific man and how he treated me, etc. 
Even though it was probably just a rant, I'd keep some distance between myself and someone who lacked consideration to how her words might make any male within earshot feel. 
I'm with Kamya on this one also - don't *do* anything...just distance yourself.

 

[ardour]

Her behaviour, the getting back at her ex by slumming it with a string of guys part, sounds...unusual.

I'd be wary in this situation. You're an agreeable male friend she's not attracted to, therefore an easy target to vent at (and she will likely label you a Nice Guy if she gets the impression you fancy her). She doesn't sound like that great of a friend either.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Agreed with both above posters.

Also, "My ex was a dick so I'm going to bang a bunch of guys" is not really the thinking of a decent human being, regardless of gender.

 

[DarkSelene]

A little superficial knowledge of the situation to say that... There's a reason this dude has been friends with that lady for years.

 

[kamya]

A little superficial knowledge of the situation to say that... There's a reason this dude has been friends with that lady for years.

Dun matta da reason. Shet iz shet.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Thanks for all the input guys, I appreciate it

I've had this kind of profound revelation recently that a lot of my "friends" actually treat me like **** pretty regularly. I do an awful lot for other people and really don't get much back in return.

Not that friendships should be about expecting things back all the time, but I'd say my last 3-4 "close friends" have usually been people who, in hindsight, use me to get what they want and then mock me whenever they need a little ego trip.

So in keeping with the all new "Streetwise-Takes-No-Crap TSM" that I'm hoping to build up from now on, I'm giving this girl a rather wide berth until she starts to appreciate the kindness I've shown her for years. Similarly cutting my help to some other poisonous influences in my life too.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not sure what the streetwise TSM stuff is all about, but what I always say is that people only treat you how you allow them to. We can't control other people, but we can manage the way we let them treat us. And whether that's ignoring them or letting them know that we don't appreciate certain behaviors, we can at least tell people what's on our minds when it comes to how they treat us.

 

[Meaw]

Something about this tells me that Solitary will get over her (or be close to) - and somewhere around when that's over with, she'll have come to her senses, be back and be all like "Heyy, we had such great times. We never hang around anymore. Why can't we meet up? I miss you".
I might be wrong, but if it happens, it's better to not fall back into old heartaches. "Be strong, move on, another day will rise", as takida sings After all, as with all broken relationships, there was a reason the duality failed.
Also, that behaviour from a friend is not the nicest. :I

 

[Loneliest at Night]

I am a straight woman, but even I would have to say she was out of line, and if I were you, I would tell her how you feel and that you don't think you can continue being friends with someone who thinks so little of you. That's definitely how I would handle the situation if a male friend treated me the same way.

BTW why do you keep calling her a girl? If she is legally an adult, then you should call her a woman. Do you call men her age boys? It DOES matter what you call people, and calling grown women girls while not doing the same to grown men shows a clear lack of respect. It's condescending. The only reason most women don't complain when you call them girls is because they fear criticism for standing up for themselves. This is also why many women are more polite to a man than he deserves when he's aggressively hitting on her.