I know this term is thrown around a lot these days but when I try to talk to my husband about anything that's bothering me he either diminishes it, acting as if the way I am feeling is not valid or changes the topic entirely. Everything gets brought back to him. If I'm upset about something, suddenly he's more upset. If I have a problem his problem is so much worse. If I share a story about myself or my past he immediately goes off on telling me about the various stories I've already heard a hundred times over about him. I have listened and engaged him in these stories for years yet when it comes time to talk about me or my life, the topic just winds up back to him, the center of the known universe.
If I compliment something he comes back with "thank you" he's trying to make it seem like a joke, but I know better. It is ALWAYS like this.... as if he is just not getting enough compliments. This wouldn't be an issue for me as I have no problem giving people credit or giving compliments but he is incessant in his need for admiration and there is no room for anyone or anything else to receive it. Not to mention I am seriously growing frustrated with him which doesn't exactly give someone much drive to want to compliment, when I give compliments they are sincere not just to fan someone's withering ego.
He will have the answer to absolutely anything regardless of whether he has any experience or knowledge, he is the defining expert on every possible thing no matter what the topic. If I challenge this with logic or even inquire further I am being negative. Any needs or preferences of mine mean nothing. I mean he can't even tell my why he "loves" me and loves throwing that word around but I know love doesn't feel this empty. I am a place holder so his parents can get off his back about the milestones they expect him to be achieving. He can't even acknowledge the mental issues I deal with daily, which are glaringly obvious and are worsened by the living situation and relationship with him, yet I'm supposed to read up on his many illnesses and devote my life to understanding him. Daily he complains about his various ailments yet refuses to do anything to address or deal with them, I suppose his "treatment plan" is just him whining indefinitely to me who has to endlessly offer support & understanding. Being with him has no doubt exasperated my own mental health issues, causing them to resurface from childhood like self harm and endless suicidal ideation. I have unfortunately had a few hospital trips and feel bad that the hospital staff had to stich me up, my husband only adds to this guilt and having no one to confide in leaves me feeling even worse.
When I first met him, the way he presented himself is literally the exact opposite of what he is in reality. I grew up in a tough situation and I am pretty sure this is the reason why I ended up in this relationship and why I allowed this obvious disconnect to continue for so long. Having zero support system certainly doesn't help and when you have little to no self value, someone wanting to spend all their time with you joined at the hip seems more flattering then what it should be perceived as... a warning sign.
He said he was independent and shared a similar issue with his family as I do.... NOPE, couldn't be more dependent on his family (which is fine had he just said this to begin with) He claimed he was positive yet I have never met a more negative person; if I compliment someone's art, it's nothing special to him, ever under any circumstance is it worth a compliment. If I compliment someone's house... his house is better and he'll point out all the flaws. Even his own best friend who sadly passed from suicide he can't muster a nice thing to say about him, ever. Even before he passed he was always bringing him down when I would compliment him about something. I am not flirty, I do not engage in flattering other people to get someone jealous so that can't be the reason. If this was his best friend, what was one thing he liked about him?
Yet when it comes time to look at himself in an objective light, that will NEVER happen. EVERYTHING IS AN ATTACK. If he knocks something over with his own extremities, it will always be someone else's fault. This is reality living with this person and bringing any of this to light simply makes me the problem and trying to deal with any of this essentially just drives me insane; taking me further out of my comfort zone into a world of mania, loneliness, doubt and hopelessness. Everything is black and white with him with no room for compromise; If I bring something up he will simply counter with something else, instead of dealing with the issue I have presented and then moving on to his or vice versa. He simply uses this tactic of misdirection to continue this miserable existence that is solely benefiting him, effectively dealing with nothing.
We are currently living underneath his parents, and when I say underneath I mean that; our whole lives revolve around these people who sit directly above us watching tv for 14 hrs a day. He has created this façade and refuses to let up on this so I am essentially living a lie perpetually around these people. There is no privacy anywhere in the entire house, they take up every ounce of space available and everything they do overlaps onto me and I have zero say in the matter. They text him multiple times a day, anything they need he drops everything to rush and do it for them, even if it's something they could easily do for themselves. At first I saw this as sweet, but now years in constantly being last on the list with no say at all, this too has kind of worn down on me.
We haven't been intimate since before the wedding which was about 6 years ago, and we only got married because his parents forced us into it. I had no say in any part of that wedding, for example I am claustrophobic and even though his mom is supposed to be a seamstress she refused to put a zipper in the head to toe dress she bought for me to wear for hrs at the reception. I was willing to buy my own but they adamantly refused. I had a panic attack every single time I had to try it on yet she refused to let me get the dress altered. The wedding itself also brought up a lot of issues for me personally and with my estranged family as at that time my Father had a bad heart attack and was recovering in the hospital. They essentially guilt tripped him and forced him to attend in a wheel chair and to be honest my Dad didn't even really want me to get married. So they constantly remind me that my Father didn't pay for this stupid wedding only they wanted and what's worse is they are now holding this over my head like a noose.
I have been wanting to move out with my husband for years and get our own place but he refuses, he claims that his parents say if we do this he will be cut out of the will and they will just go back to India. But living underneath them is literally unbearable for me now. I have nowhere to change in privacy, no space of my own.. anywhere. Can't put my clothes away... I can't do any of the things that used to make me happy like digital editing and doing photoshoots because there is only enough space for me to sit in a chair and watch Youtube. They occupy every corner of that house and I feel like a 16 yr old guest sleeping over, yet they conveniently put the house in mine and my husbands name even though I have no say in anything (btw the house is not even paid off either) All my friends were a problem so now I have no one, and the only person I can talk to is never supportive and always seems to adopt the devils advocate approach. Even when I am really hurt by something he will always manage to say something that will enflame my mental situation and then I am the one to blame for responding genuinely.
I am the only one working in the entire house, yet I am being scrutinized for not saving enough money. So his new plan is for me to save 100k so he can flip houses and continue to sit home playing video games and we will just live under his parents indefinitely. When I first met him he wasn't working either, he said it was because he was on house arrest for some dumb traffic offense but he would end up driving limo with his dad. Thing is nothing turned out as he said, he works a few hrs a month while I work 10 hr days to come back to a place were I can't even be comfortable. When he does end up working it always get's in the way of any plans we have so we never do anything, ever. No honeymoon, his parents went on vacation instead... and let's not talk about a vacay as I have never been on one in my life. When I mention that this is wearing down on me, he twists the narrative bringing up anything he can to avoid addressing anything I have been saying. And what I am asking for isn't even a lot, I know this. Wanting to have a life of your own when your a married women almost 40 yrs old is not too much to ask.
I am tired of groveling to his parents every time I have to pass them to use the bathroom, they have essentially crushed the life out of me for years now. Even after discussing with them my issues their advice was to come upstairs and spend more time with them as if I want that at all! I feel like they think they own me know, and that I essentially married them and now I am tasked with caring for these people who have done nothing but strip away my joy, comforts and freedom all while expecting me to be grateful for this. I don't even go to the bathroom to avoid seeing them, I rarely take showers to cut any cost that my presence may be incurring, everything about existing there is awkward and miserable for me. I am literally stuck now because this relationship has essentially cut me off from any connections I did have and that wasn't much so now I am forced to live this miserable life with this person who lied to me to get me stuck in this awful situation. Then when I try to voice my side I am aggressive and unrealistic. I honestly feel like a shell of the person I was, I have nothing in my life that offers me joy outside of my sweet little rabbits, which is another reason why I stay in this miserable situation to ensure they at least have a decent life.
And you want to hear something extra hilarious, these idiots want me to have a kid with their bum son who barely works and has zero interest in sexual activity, so they can have another little puppet to consume, in a house were I can't even go to the bathroom in privacy.
If I compliment something he comes back with "thank you" he's trying to make it seem like a joke, but I know better. It is ALWAYS like this.... as if he is just not getting enough compliments. This wouldn't be an issue for me as I have no problem giving people credit or giving compliments but he is incessant in his need for admiration and there is no room for anyone or anything else to receive it. Not to mention I am seriously growing frustrated with him which doesn't exactly give someone much drive to want to compliment, when I give compliments they are sincere not just to fan someone's withering ego.
He will have the answer to absolutely anything regardless of whether he has any experience or knowledge, he is the defining expert on every possible thing no matter what the topic. If I challenge this with logic or even inquire further I am being negative. Any needs or preferences of mine mean nothing. I mean he can't even tell my why he "loves" me and loves throwing that word around but I know love doesn't feel this empty. I am a place holder so his parents can get off his back about the milestones they expect him to be achieving. He can't even acknowledge the mental issues I deal with daily, which are glaringly obvious and are worsened by the living situation and relationship with him, yet I'm supposed to read up on his many illnesses and devote my life to understanding him. Daily he complains about his various ailments yet refuses to do anything to address or deal with them, I suppose his "treatment plan" is just him whining indefinitely to me who has to endlessly offer support & understanding. Being with him has no doubt exasperated my own mental health issues, causing them to resurface from childhood like self harm and endless suicidal ideation. I have unfortunately had a few hospital trips and feel bad that the hospital staff had to stich me up, my husband only adds to this guilt and having no one to confide in leaves me feeling even worse.
When I first met him, the way he presented himself is literally the exact opposite of what he is in reality. I grew up in a tough situation and I am pretty sure this is the reason why I ended up in this relationship and why I allowed this obvious disconnect to continue for so long. Having zero support system certainly doesn't help and when you have little to no self value, someone wanting to spend all their time with you joined at the hip seems more flattering then what it should be perceived as... a warning sign.
He said he was independent and shared a similar issue with his family as I do.... NOPE, couldn't be more dependent on his family (which is fine had he just said this to begin with) He claimed he was positive yet I have never met a more negative person; if I compliment someone's art, it's nothing special to him, ever under any circumstance is it worth a compliment. If I compliment someone's house... his house is better and he'll point out all the flaws. Even his own best friend who sadly passed from suicide he can't muster a nice thing to say about him, ever. Even before he passed he was always bringing him down when I would compliment him about something. I am not flirty, I do not engage in flattering other people to get someone jealous so that can't be the reason. If this was his best friend, what was one thing he liked about him?
Yet when it comes time to look at himself in an objective light, that will NEVER happen. EVERYTHING IS AN ATTACK. If he knocks something over with his own extremities, it will always be someone else's fault. This is reality living with this person and bringing any of this to light simply makes me the problem and trying to deal with any of this essentially just drives me insane; taking me further out of my comfort zone into a world of mania, loneliness, doubt and hopelessness. Everything is black and white with him with no room for compromise; If I bring something up he will simply counter with something else, instead of dealing with the issue I have presented and then moving on to his or vice versa. He simply uses this tactic of misdirection to continue this miserable existence that is solely benefiting him, effectively dealing with nothing.
We are currently living underneath his parents, and when I say underneath I mean that; our whole lives revolve around these people who sit directly above us watching tv for 14 hrs a day. He has created this façade and refuses to let up on this so I am essentially living a lie perpetually around these people. There is no privacy anywhere in the entire house, they take up every ounce of space available and everything they do overlaps onto me and I have zero say in the matter. They text him multiple times a day, anything they need he drops everything to rush and do it for them, even if it's something they could easily do for themselves. At first I saw this as sweet, but now years in constantly being last on the list with no say at all, this too has kind of worn down on me.
We haven't been intimate since before the wedding which was about 6 years ago, and we only got married because his parents forced us into it. I had no say in any part of that wedding, for example I am claustrophobic and even though his mom is supposed to be a seamstress she refused to put a zipper in the head to toe dress she bought for me to wear for hrs at the reception. I was willing to buy my own but they adamantly refused. I had a panic attack every single time I had to try it on yet she refused to let me get the dress altered. The wedding itself also brought up a lot of issues for me personally and with my estranged family as at that time my Father had a bad heart attack and was recovering in the hospital. They essentially guilt tripped him and forced him to attend in a wheel chair and to be honest my Dad didn't even really want me to get married. So they constantly remind me that my Father didn't pay for this stupid wedding only they wanted and what's worse is they are now holding this over my head like a noose.
I have been wanting to move out with my husband for years and get our own place but he refuses, he claims that his parents say if we do this he will be cut out of the will and they will just go back to India. But living underneath them is literally unbearable for me now. I have nowhere to change in privacy, no space of my own.. anywhere. Can't put my clothes away... I can't do any of the things that used to make me happy like digital editing and doing photoshoots because there is only enough space for me to sit in a chair and watch Youtube. They occupy every corner of that house and I feel like a 16 yr old guest sleeping over, yet they conveniently put the house in mine and my husbands name even though I have no say in anything (btw the house is not even paid off either) All my friends were a problem so now I have no one, and the only person I can talk to is never supportive and always seems to adopt the devils advocate approach. Even when I am really hurt by something he will always manage to say something that will enflame my mental situation and then I am the one to blame for responding genuinely.
I am the only one working in the entire house, yet I am being scrutinized for not saving enough money. So his new plan is for me to save 100k so he can flip houses and continue to sit home playing video games and we will just live under his parents indefinitely. When I first met him he wasn't working either, he said it was because he was on house arrest for some dumb traffic offense but he would end up driving limo with his dad. Thing is nothing turned out as he said, he works a few hrs a month while I work 10 hr days to come back to a place were I can't even be comfortable. When he does end up working it always get's in the way of any plans we have so we never do anything, ever. No honeymoon, his parents went on vacation instead... and let's not talk about a vacay as I have never been on one in my life. When I mention that this is wearing down on me, he twists the narrative bringing up anything he can to avoid addressing anything I have been saying. And what I am asking for isn't even a lot, I know this. Wanting to have a life of your own when your a married women almost 40 yrs old is not too much to ask.
I am tired of groveling to his parents every time I have to pass them to use the bathroom, they have essentially crushed the life out of me for years now. Even after discussing with them my issues their advice was to come upstairs and spend more time with them as if I want that at all! I feel like they think they own me know, and that I essentially married them and now I am tasked with caring for these people who have done nothing but strip away my joy, comforts and freedom all while expecting me to be grateful for this. I don't even go to the bathroom to avoid seeing them, I rarely take showers to cut any cost that my presence may be incurring, everything about existing there is awkward and miserable for me. I am literally stuck now because this relationship has essentially cut me off from any connections I did have and that wasn't much so now I am forced to live this miserable life with this person who lied to me to get me stuck in this awful situation. Then when I try to voice my side I am aggressive and unrealistic. I honestly feel like a shell of the person I was, I have nothing in my life that offers me joy outside of my sweet little rabbits, which is another reason why I stay in this miserable situation to ensure they at least have a decent life.
And you want to hear something extra hilarious, these idiots want me to have a kid with their bum son who barely works and has zero interest in sexual activity, so they can have another little puppet to consume, in a house were I can't even go to the bathroom in privacy.
