Am I too picky?

[Arod86]

Im desperatly wanting to find me a girlfriend but I have not had much luck. ive tried using online dating sites and have gone on 3 dates so far, each with a different girl. but so far none of em has made it to a 2nd date and I dont even talk to any one of em anymore really after the first date. I dont know if this makes me look bad, but im just wanting to find someone attractive who is about the same size as me. im about 5'7 and 145lbs. im somewhat of a small built guy in pretty good physical shape with a athletic/muscled type body. all the girls ive been on dates with were alot bigger than me (in weight). it seems impossible to find someone with what im looking for who is single though. and i have given up on online dating sites cause they just kind of gave me a false hope of ever finding someone that i would be happy with.

so im just wondering if I have my standards set to high? I will admit, I dont consider myself "hot", you could say, and I dont expect to ever find a "hot" girl anyways. So does it make me look like im too picky with the kind of girl I want?

 

[Loser#1]

No..

Why date a girl you aren't attracted to. That said as I get older the pickings are much thinner. I think about the dimes I rolled through in highschool and college...you never think that will end. It ends, then what we have left are blown out hogs. I'd rather ******* than settle.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Im just throwing this out there...you can take it or leave it.

1, Try hitting up on what you consider to be hot chicks. Bascailly go for what you really want.
If you hit on chicks that's over wieght. sometimes they get very selfconsious about thier body.
They'll reject you first before they get rejected themselves.
Plus you're also sending out a vibe that you dont find these women sexy. So they dont feel
sexy and comfortiable around you. Why go out on dates and feel like **** about yourself???

2, are you still persuing them. You have keep on chasing to get on second, third,
or home base. Even after you hit a home run...if you want another home run..you still
gatta keep on swinging.

3, Do you just throw everything on the table...such as marriage and wanting babies?
Sometimes you gatta be a little bit myterious.
You know...a women will reveal a little bit of her body parts. it's seductive and sexy
Wham bamm thank you mam..isnt all that hot..

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Some people can't be picky. I've come to realize that the old song is right...

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

[video=youtube]

 

[Okiedokes]

You don't sound picky at all. You just haven't found your type of gal.

 

[Sci-Fi]

We all have types we are attracted to more than others. If you were picky you'd have listed more than just a similar body type. There would have been hair, eyes, complexion, ethnicity, race, religion, etc. That would be picky.

 

[Arod86]

really though, it is my fault why I am single. I have always been a really quiet, and most often times very shy and avoidant of most kinds of social situations. And that is led to having very low confidence and self esteem and constantly putting myself down and that has led to me digging a very deep hole for myself to climb out of if I ever want to make myself happy again. Im usually only at 2 places, at work or at home (and work feels like a 2nd home), and that is it enless I just HAVE to go to the store or somewheres else and I dont have a choice. I know the best answer for me is just to start going out places to start meeting more people, but its easier said than done for me atleast. its just like its a bad habit for never going out anywheres

 

[Walley]

what I have found is that women especially seem to like guys close to their height or taller. a girl that is a head taller than their boyfriend is an uncommon site.
I recall one day when my wife was watching Oprah, and Oprah made some comment about when her and a friend noticed that Oprahs boyfrend wore a jacket size MEDIUM!.
her eyes bugged out and she was basically saying that no woman wants a guy that wears a smaller size than she wears. to which I questioned my wife and asked> is that true? to which she quickly agreed lol.

now, I am not one to generalize people or claim that all women think this way, but I would think keeping that in mind may eliminate some of the taller or larger women that you may waste your time with.

btw, hot is in the eye of the beholder

 

[Loser#1]

Go to a bar w beautiful women.

Have 15 shots of vodka

tell each woman how beautiful she looks. One will bite, if they don't blame it on the alcohol.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I recall one day when my wife was watching Oprah, and Oprah made some comment about when her and a friend noticed that Oprahs boyfrend wore a jacket size MEDIUM!.

If Stedman Graham wears a "medium" I'll eat my socks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Chaka_Fattah_and_Stedman_Graham.jpg

 

[Walley]

well.. it was a few years ago...
but if Oprah said it then it must be true no?

;P


hehe.. made me google it now lol
it must not have been Stedman but a previous boyfriend
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1358066/Oprah-Winfreys-lover-claims-current-partner-Stedman-stole-away.html
it would seem that i have uncovered the true reason she dumped him!

 

[Arod86]

Go to a bar w beautiful women.

Have 15 shots of vodka

tell each woman how beautiful she looks. One will bite, if they don't blame it on the alcohol.

Im sure I would deffinatly find a girl that way, but only problem is that ive never been to a bar and I dont drink or smoke or any of that good stuff lol. maybe I should start though if thats what it takes?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

It is kind of normal for people to see having standards as picky. Most people like to guilt trip others by saying that having any kind of physical standards is picky. Truth is that it is not picky. It is part of the male condition. I say if females can reject a guy for being too short, something you have no control over. I can reject females for being too fat, something you can control.

Do not sweat the small stuff. What is more important. That you have a fulfilling relationship, or just having a relationship?

 

[IgnoredOne]

I can reject females for being too fat, something you can control.

Why is it that you consistently call women 'females', out of curiousity? Its a bit odd and potentially offensive in the sense that its often treated to an animal connotation.

 

[Walley]

^^ hmm, i never heard of anyone complain about that
maybe some members of the opposite sex can ring in on it, but ive never been offended by them calling me a male. i have some female friends. I dont call them girl friends (because they arent my girlfriend)and I dont call them women friends. if i ever feel a need to express their gender I would refer to them as female friends.
women sound too old, girls sound to young, female fits them all! ;p

 

[ajdass1]

Well, you're obviously having doubts about rejecting girls based on their size just by making this post. Is the reason that you don't want a second date purely based on the weight? You have to wonder, is that off-putting enough to completely take them out of the running? I've been in the same situation too, with a girl I definitely felt attracted to, but I pushed it down because she was too fat... for me at the time, that was a deal-breaker. I've always regretted that, and if I'm honest I rejected her because I was caught up in society's standards of who is beautiful and who isn't (think about what you see in the media, on billboards, in magazines, youtube ads, everywhere, and about how fat people and particularly fat women are presented). I know one thing and it's that I wasn't being honest about my own feelings. And really, how much can you tell about a person from only one date?

At the end of the day, you know what you're getting if you keep going through them - being single even longer. And if you're desperately wanting to find a girlfriend but you've rejected three of them solely based on weight, not mentioning anything else about them - how desperate are you? And sure we could say 'you just haven't found the right person yet' - but you yourself brought up the weight issue and literally nothing else, out of all the things you could possibly be picky about. So maybe it would be a good idea to really think about your standards, where they're coming from and whether it's really worth upholding them.

 

[perfanoff]

I've went through and am going through enough addictions already to know that it is really another kind (food) addiction for over 90% of obese people. I know all about the whole feel-like-**** - dose - feel good cycle and it is no different psychologically than other addictions except the fact that there are some (few) obese people that cannot lose weight because their health will deteriorate if they lose weight.

Somewhere at about the 130 kg mark (or probably less than that) the obese person is effectively physically handicapped and cannot run, jump, or do many other kinds of physical activities. I would absolutely say that weight is a game-changing factor, and that it is more than a cosmetic factor like facial featurs, hairstyle, etc. THANKFULLY most people could lose weight.. and if they did, there would be enough "meat-on-the-bone" loving guys to go around for the ones who cannot.

 

[Arod86]

Well, you're obviously having doubts about rejecting girls based on their size just by making this post. Is the reason that you don't want a second date purely based on the weight? You have to wonder, is that off-putting enough to completely take them out of the running? I've been in the same situation too, with a girl I definitely felt attracted to, but I pushed it down because she was too fat... for me at the time, that was a deal-breaker. I've always regretted that, and if I'm honest I rejected her because I was caught up in society's standards of who is beautiful and who isn't (think about what you see in the media, on billboards, in magazines, youtube ads, everywhere, and about how fat people and particularly fat women are presented). I know one thing and it's that I wasn't being honest about my own feelings. And really, how much can you tell about a person from only one date?

At the end of the day, you know what you're getting if you keep going through them - being single even longer. And if you're desperately wanting to find a girlfriend but you've rejected three of them solely based on weight, not mentioning anything else about them - how desperate are you? And sure we could say 'you just haven't found the right person yet' - but you yourself brought up the weight issue and literally nothing else, out of all the things you could possibly be picky about. So maybe it would be a good idea to really think about your standards, where they're coming from and whether it's really worth upholding them.

hmmm.....you kinda got me on the spot here. I guess weight is not exactly the only issue I have. cause those girls that I talked to/went on the dates with, the first one we were just COMPLETELY opposite and the whole date seems really awkward, both me and her came to the conclusion. the second one had been married and divorced before, and this one I was on the fence about and wanted to go on a 2nd date with, but she turned me down because of some personal reasons she had. the last one had 2 kids and was divorced, but to me she didnt look anything like her pics she sent me and I just thought it would be best to not take it any further than a first date.

Honestly I want to find a girl that is alot like me, both physically and personality and lifestyle even maybe? Ive never been married, have very little relationship experience. im 25 (almost 26) and I just only lost my virginity at the beginning of this year with what I considered my first gf, but it only lasted about 3 weeks and she broke up with me for reasons I still dont know. I really felt like I was in love and those few weeks were the happiest I had ever been but she just played me for a ******* and dropped me like nothing. at my age most girls that I would be interested in are either in a relationship, married, or divorced and have kids, or just not looking for a relationship. I guess Im sounding really picky now since im saying I want someone thats alot like me in ways.